Thursday, January 8, 2009

Myspace profile of the day

I was just thumbin through some random myspace profiles and came across this gem right here...

CLICK HERE

I think i've made it abundantly clear how i feel about 90% of white rappers, hell most rappers in general but this kid, well, he may just take the cake.

If you're lazy and choose not to click the link, here's some motivation for ya...

Taken directly from his "my photos" section on myspace...

Photobucket

Judging from that haircut alone one would have to assume he was from some podunk midwest state, i.e. Iowa, Kansas, etc. But no, he's a left coaster folks. I cant make this shit up. His name is "Mista C" and his grill stays shinin...

Photobucket

HAHA. Damn pimpin, youz cold on these hoes..

-Ollie the provider

Brendan Fraser: How is he still getting roles??

And he's not just getting roles, he's gettin' fuckin' blockbusters (OR what should be blockbusters, but because he's in them they are mediocre at best.)

And while I'm on the subject, why is every single role he's been in for the last 10 years been a fuckin' fantasy film or it's awful sequel??

Lets take a look at his catalog since 1999...

1. 1999 - The Mummy. TRASH! Check this video of his "comedic" timing.



Jesus...

2. Sinbad: Beyond the Veil of Mists. He's a god damn cartoon character.

Photobucket

3. Monkeybone. If anyone saw this bomb (you know i did) you know how fuckin awful this dude is in comedic roles. The last time he was funny was "Encino Man"..

Photobucket

4. The Mummy Returns. The powers that be decided the first adventure wasn't bad enough so they went ahead and made another one of these awful flicks.

Photobucket

5. Looney Tunes: Back in Action. Did he not learn from MJ??

Photobucket

6. Journey to the Center of the Earth. This was one of my favorite books as a kid, but honestly BF ruined it for me.

Photobucket

7. The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor. Jet Li is a fuckin bad ass but other than that more awful punchlines screamed by none other than Rick O'Connell a.k.a. Brendan Fraser.

Photobucket

8. InkHeart (yet to be released). From IMDB "A young girl discovers her father has an amazing talent to bring characters out of their books and must try to stop a freed villain from destroying them all, with the help of her father, her aunt, and a storybook's hero".

Photobucket

Obviously he's had some roles in between, but you can see where I'm going with this. Why is this guy, "That Guy" when it comes to casting a male lead in the fantasy book remake movies?? He is flat out awful and it seriously makes me want to watch "School Ties" again, you know the movie where he's a jew gettin beat down on the daily by all those tough guy ivy-leaguers?? HAHA. Not, I repeat NOT, for the racism, but strictly to see him gettin to' up.

Moral of the story?? This guy is an awful actor and I cant, for the life of me, figure out why he's still getting BIG roles.

P.S. It's been rumored that this fuck is going to show up in the live action version of G.I. Joe. Great, ruin one of the only things i was looking forward to this year.

-Oliver Wrist

Headline of the day

"Man seeks kidney in divorce"

The story from wwmt.com...

--------------------------------------------------------------

LONG ISLAND, New York (NEWSCHANNEL 3) - Divorces can get ugly, especially when you're not ready to let go.

"There is no deeper pain you can ever express than betrayal from someone who you loved and devoted your whole life to. And I saved her life," said Dr. Richard Batista.

Dr. Batista says his wife broke his heart. Now he wants her kidney.

Back in 2001 Batista's wife needed a kidney transplant. He turned out to be a match and ended up saving her life.

But now that there is trouble in paradise, he wants the kidney back.

Of course legally, since the kidney is in his wife's body, it now belongs to her.

Since he can't have it he's asking for over a million dollars in compensation.

-------------------------------------------------------------

OH MY GOD! That is so fuckin' icey. "she broke my heart, so I want my kidney. Peep the video of ol' boy lettin it be known...



This cat is a certified G. He's already a front runner for iciest of the year.

By the way, if you were wondering who won "iciest of the year 2008" it was this guy...



I never got around to formally giving out the awards, so I will be giving them out as I think of them in related posts.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

The Wire: 5 Seasons "Rap"ped up

Anyone who knows me will attest to the fact that I am a HUGE fan of The Wire. I think Marlo is one of the most sinister, fucking gangster characters ever created. EVER. Fuck Scarface... You want to know about drug kingpins? Look no further than Marlo Stanfield...

Anyways, for anyone who has never seen The Wire, Skillz (formerly Mad Skillz, but he aint mad no mo' LOL) went ahead and did a "Rap" up of all the key points from all 5 seasons. Have a look at that right now...



If you aren't familiar with Skillz' body of work, the dude has consistently dropped an end of the year wrap up every year for at least the last 5. Wanna recollect what popped off in 2008?? Have a look back courtesy of Skillz, your favorite rapper's Ghostwriter...



One of my favorites from back when he blessed this old mixtape I had (back before mixtape's were the "in" thing) he said some funny ass line about fools steppin to him that went somethin like " I suggest you grab your dick, walk in a circle and dont fuck around"... I shouldn't have to explain the cleverness of that line.

Anyways, props to Skillz, and UBER GANGSTER PROPS to Ed Burns and David Simon for creating, quite possibly, the greatest television show of all time.

-Ollie the new kingpin

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Things that kill me: revisited

I dont feel like this post got enough love when i posted it back in November, so, Im gonna repost it now. Why am I on such a hatrid mission today? I dont know. I must'a slept wrong or somethin.

This is going to be an ongoing rant/list of things/people that piss me off. I'll just start and keep going. I will include pictures when needed.


1. Joe Rogan.

Photobucket

2. Matching 6 colors on your shirt to 6 colors on your shoes and 6 colors on your hat (you know who you are).

Photobucket

3. The fact that they have made every comic book/cartoon into a movie except for the ones i care about. i.e. Thundercats and G.I. Joe. Seriously.

Photobucket

4. People who make one blog post a day and get 1,000 comments, but I work extra hard to drop (on average) 4 posts a day and only get 1 fuckin’ comment.

5. On the subject of bloggers, I hate that these fakers are getting’ paid.

6. People who make money doing what I do.

7. Kanye West thinkin’ he can sang. Hell Kanye West in general circa 2008 and his awful sunglass collection.

Photobucket

8. All white air force ones costing 85 bones.

Photobucket

9. Fat chicks with tongue rings.

Photobucket

10. K-swiss sneakers (especially in the all white variety).

11. Every person having their own clothing line. I just want to print shirts for advertisement.

12. 250 styles of L.A. Dodgers/Atlanta Braves New Eras and 6 styles of Chicago Cubs.

13. People who owe me money and don’t pay up.

14. Awful colorways of my favorite shoe styles.

Photobucket

15. Waking up at 6:30 on a Saturday.

16. People that throw snowballs.

17. Girls with no ass tryin’ to poke it out.

18. Girls that think coke skinny is sexy.

Photobucket

19. Falling down when im drunk and tearing my ACL.

20. 8 dollar beers.

21. Everyone on Earth owning at least 5 “tapout” shirts.

Photobucket

22. Any clothing company that still incorporates skulls into their designs.

Photobucket

23. Brass Knuckles as a staple of “streetwear” culture.

24. Streetwear being a culture.

25. Tattooed sleeves as a status symbol.

26. Spiked hair.

27. Having to shave.

28. People with 10,000+ friends on myspace.

29. People who think facebook is better than myspace, I cant even figure out how to use facebook.

30. Norv Turner. In fact, the entire San Diego Chargers management. BRING BACK MARTY!!!

Photobucket

31. Body odor. Worse than that the people who don’t realize they smell.

32. Jealousy.

33. Not being able to drink caffeine.

Photobucket

34. Anxiety. Social or other.

35. My chick never being on time.

36. People that smoke cigarettes to be part of the crowd.

37. Girls that wear spandex pants with ultra short dresses, that shit looks awful.

38. Paying for water.

Photobucket

39. People who tell me what I should write about on MY blog without solicitation.

40. Having to work.

41. People who are content with being worthless.

42. Ringtone rap.

Photobucket
(If you dont recognize these maggots they are the shop boyz and are responsible for that god awful joint "party like a rockstar" and are actually perpetrating approx 6 of the things on this list.)

43. People who don’t allow embedding of youtube videos.

44. Perez Hilton.

45. Faux Hawks.

46. Skinny jeans.

47. Flannel makin’ a comeback. That shit is for lumberjacks and pajamas. Period.

Photobucket

48. Akon.

Photobucket

49. T-Pain.

50. Joe Biden.

Photobucket

51. Bitches with 8 kids receiving welfare. Get a job and get fixed you dumb hoe!

52. Soulja Boy.

Photobucket

53. 1 in every 10 people being a rapper and thinking that is a viable source of income.

54. Britney Spears letting herself go. She basically started the thick white chick movement.

Photobucket

55. Fat girls that wear belly shirts.

Photobucket

56. Dumb ass loud bitches tryin to fight dudes.

57. My brother thinkin’ that he owns my turntables.

58. Not being able to slap bitches that deserve it.

59. Chicks that look dead.

Photobucket

60. People that post more than 2 bulletins a day on myspace.

61. Silver spoon little maggots who have never had to work a day in their life and drive around in BMW’s and own the entire LRG fall line, FUCK YOU.

62. Mac Dre fans circa 2006. You weren’t knockin’ that shit in ’98 don’t act like your up on game now.

63. The shit that gets accepted as art these days. My 4 year old nephew could paint that.

Photobucket

64. People who wear sunglasses at night.

65. Extra long “nightgown” white t’s.

Photobucket

66. Dirty white kicks.

67. Pregnant bitches thinking its cute to walk around in a bikini top.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

68. Being perpetually sick from the first of December til the middle of March.

69. Waiting in any sort of line for any amount of time for any particular service.

70. 30 degree weather.