NICKELPLATEDBAMA: new rule

Showing posts with label new rule. Show all posts

Friday, August 14, 2009

Do the World a Favor...

... and stop TyPiNg LiKe ThIs. iT iS tHe MoSt AnNoYiNg ThInG oN tHe PlAnEt aNd MaKeS YoU lOoK LiKe a DaMn FoOl.

I always wonder, because the above sentence took me literally a full minute to type, why would ANYONE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND go thru the hassle of typing out each letter to create that childlike imagery?

Is there some sort of program out there that automatically generates this type of bufoonery, or do you people literally sit there and press the shift button every other letter?

Fuck.

You belong on the:

I hate you.

-Ollie the Awful

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

New Rule: Organic Is Out:

I hate the word "organic".

I hate that people think they are superior to others for eating/drinking "organic".

I hate that an "organic" tomato costs more than a non-"organic" tomato.

I hate that people think that if they do what they should do, they are living an "organic" life.

I hate the idea of being "organic".

What does that even mean? Seriously? CLICK HERE for the Wikipedia definition.

I'll tell you what it means... Its a bunch of blow-hard naturalists and environmentalists filling up the common man's head with this "go green" mentality. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for the preservation of our planet, but I will not blindly follow these tree huggin leftist nut jobs off the cliff that they are so willfully pushing the collective heard of sheep known as the human race off of.

Someone has to take a stand. Let that man be me...

Fuck organic. And fuck the people who think that because they "live organically" they are somewhat better than me.

I'll tell you something I know for fact. I had never even heard of "organic" until I got involved in the drug trade. And to all those people who claim to taste the chemicals in the herb, Fuck you, you are full of shit. I have personally handed some extra chemed out tree to the snobbiest of pot snobs and told him it was "organic". He fired up, and without hesitation proceeded to tell me how great "organic" herb tastes.

Moral of the story... the "organic" mindset exists exclusively in your head. If you never heard the term, you would never have been concerned.

When I was a kid, I drank the same milk as I do now. Fuck you tryin to bump the price 2 dollars more a gallon because the shit is "organic". Last I checked we are in a recession.

In fact, I think the "organic" phenomenon is indirectly responsible for this down-trodden economy.

Not really, but you get the point.

I close with this, if you step to me to tell me something is good because it is organic, 1, if not both of the following 2 things is going to happen...

A) You will be laughed at and ridiculed.

B) You will be slapped, then laughed at, then ridiculed.

Fuck Organic, live savagely.

-Ollie the Conqueror

Thursday, October 30, 2008

New Rule

If you are under the age of 20 and claim to be a fan of KRS-ONE, you are a liar.

Why? you might ask... its simple, KRS is a staple in hip hop, and new jack backpackers think they need to have KRS in the catalog to keep them relevant and "up on hip hop knowledge". eh-uh, I aint havin it. 90% of you people heard of KRS-ONE from Sublime. Dont bullshit.

I am not a fan of KRS, never have been, never will be, even if that means my hip hop pass gets revoked. But seriously kids, stop foolin yourselves, its just not possible to be a KRS fan if you were born in '88.

I cant front, I own Criminal Minded on vinyl, on vinyl , not on my ipod, but thats strictly for nostalgic reasons and has nothing to do with being a fan of the music. I think KRS is the perpetual underground starving MC that gets credit for longevity but really lacks the essentials (see: grimey beats). Granted, KRS is a very socially relevant pro hip hop movement inspirational rapper, but that means completely NOTHING to me.

One positive for KRS though, i've seen him perform live and he really throws it down, one of the livest shows ive been to, but i just cant get down with the music.

So KRS, you get the gas face... and oh yeah, how wide is this fools nose? seriously?

haha, and did anyone else ever notice that KRS's "dreads" have been the same length for the past 5 or so years? Im sayin...

-Oliver Wrister your girls favorite Mister

First Time Here?

If this is your first time stopping by NickelPlatedBama, I would suggest getting a feel for the blog by going through the archives. There have been too many classic posts to count. If you disagree with an opinion here on the site, make it public. The writer of this blog suffers from a rare condition that allows him to feel absolutely zero remorse when attacking a person's character or, in most cases, lack there of. Please feel free to enjoy, hate, participate, tell a friend to tell 2 friends, but always, ALWAYS stop back here again tomorrow, as you never know what this looney bastard might say next...

Directly below this box you will find an interview with Oliver Wrist by Oliver Wrist that should serve as an FAQ. Anything else you want to know, Oliver will literally answer any and all questions you may have, so don't be shy, shoot an email to Oliver Wrist at: nickelplatedbamadotcom@gmail.com

Nickel Plated Bama: Who? What? When? Where? Why? and How?

Who writes NickelPlatedBama?

Oliver Wrist writes, edits, designs, takes photos, and publishes NickelPlatedBama personally Monday-Friday. Oliver Wrist is an alter ego that I created as a means of getting things off of my chest. Ollie is irrational and flagrant. Once boos are introduced, the hillarity ensues. Rather than feel bad, Oliver chooses to embrace his lunacy and use his shamelessness for a greater good. Oliver's travels and opinions are documented on an almost daily basis. I say almost daily because I don't work on weekends.

What is NickelPlatedBama? What is A Nickel Plated Bama?

Nickelplatedbama is a face-melting social commentary blog written from the perspective of a self absorbed asshole with no shame or morals to speak of. If you're into hip hop music, silky smooth breezys, absurdly opinionated witty banter and reading the rants of an anti-social, overly confident, self absorbed "writer" (for lack of a better word) please continue. NickelPlatedBama is a source for venting and bashing, hating and thrashing, shitting and blasting on everything from bad food to bad music and everything in between. I don't hate everything however. NickelPlatedBama and more importantly Oliver Wrist praise iconic figures such as the ever elusive white girl thickness, mid-'90's hip hop, fashion, graffiti, art, ice cold behavior, celebreality t.v., Chicago Cubs baseball, San Diego Chargers football, College Basketball, Early '90's WWF wrestling, laughing at other peoples misfortunes, and generally acting like a complete type-a sociopath.

Nickel Plated Bama is extra gutter street slang for a nickel (the precious metal) plated hand cannon. You know, a burner, a strap, a gat, a tre pound, a whistle, or for the uninitiated a gun.

When did NickelPlatedBama get started?

Oliver Wrist has been the other half of my split personality for years. It originally started as my DJ'ing name. My career as a DJ lasted only about as long as it took me to write this BIO. As it turns out, I am an awful DJ. Not because I play bad records, but because I butcher the scratches. My brother, Young Smalls, a.k.a. DJ Fuzzy Badfeet, has taken over the reigns and is now my own personal DJ. Although Smalls refuses to accept the things I have taught him since birth as doctrine, he still gets the Oliver Wrist stamp of approval as a purveyor of all things mixed well. He uses my turntables, my mixer, and my records to do his thug-thizzle, but he is a much better DJ than I could ever be, so I just give him enough shit to remain enthusiastic. Being that my foray into the DJ world went south, I decided to use writing as a tool to express myself creatively. Thus far it has proven somewhat successful. How do I know? Well, you're reading this aren't you?

Where did you come up with NickelPlatedBama?

I have spent so much of my valuable time force-feeding the readers of this blog my personal musical preferences (Read: mid-'90's new york hip hop, ign'ant pimp shit, '90's bay area movement, etc.) and blasting all these idiots that set themselves up for utter failure everytime they open their mouth, or press record on the video camera over the last few months, that I forgot to ever place the credit where the credit was due. Nickel Plated Bama is a reference to a line in a song from the 808 King himself (No not you Kanye). I'm talking about The RZA. a.k.a. Bobby Digital. a.k.a. Bobby Boulders. a.k.a. The Abbot. a.k.a. The head of the Wu-Tang dynasty. When I came up with the idea to start writing a blog, I wanted to name it something that most people wouldn't understand right out of the gate, creating a buzz as a result of the inherent curiousity of the average internet lurker. The result was a line from a Bobby Digital album where RZA says "my head is a like a Nickel Plated Bamma". I guess I should just go ahead and spell it out for you. Instead of using an obvious title such as "The Smoking Gun" (besides, it was already taken) for a blog name, I decided to get creative. So, with this blog title, I pay homage to one of my favorite, not only rappers, but creator of things, and still stay sharper than a sword with the usage of metaphor in describing the gun (my keyboard) i use to roast those i deem indesirable.

See above question titled "What is a Nickel Plated Bama".

Why?

Why not is a better question. I hate alot of shit. I want people to know that I hate aforementioned "shit". This was covered in the above section titled "Who writes Nickel Plated Bama".

How do you pronounce the "BAMA"?

It recently came to my attention while I was in the streets passing out stickers and shamelessly promoting this blog that alot of people were mispronouncing the "BAMA". I will make it very easy for you all.

Think Alabama. Don't think Obama. Are we clear now? I really hope so.

Disclaimer:

While most opinions on this site are based in fact, they are merely that, opinions. If you take this shit seriously OR anything that Oliver Wrist has to say personally, than it was definitely directed at you. If you are easily offended, read on, YOU are the target audience. And ladies, Oliver Wrist is the Asshole your mother warned you about. Oliver Wrist is extremely self absorbed and could not care less if your feelings get hurt. If you disagree with anything Oliver Wrist has to say, please make it public, so that Oliver Wrist may be able to roast you publicly.

Sincerely,

The Management

Nickelplatedbama 2008-2009