Man, Fresno...
Get in the k"no"w already. HAHAHA.
-Olls back with a vengeance.
Showing posts with label DAYUM. Show all posts
Showing posts with label DAYUM. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Monday, December 21, 2009
Female Guide to Dating: Chapter 4
I'm just gonna go ahead and say it, Yes, I know chapter 3 was soft, but for good reason. I was setting up for the dagger to the heart. After an extended weekend away from writing "the guide", i'm back and more spiteful than ever. I just hope that it translates well from my brain to the keyboard. Fuck an intro, let's get it started.
Chapter 4: Bitches aint shit.
Every man has "that" day. The day where an epiphany occurs and he no longer finds himself dwelling on past/present/future girl troubles and decideds instead to just go ahead and live in the moment. Girls don't have that option. At least not respectable girls with any morals or sense of self worth. Girls tend to believe that every guy they ever fucked, not only loved them, but in fact, still does. Sorry ladies, it just ain't like that. I said it before, but I will reiterate for the slow learners: guys only have the capacity to love 3-5 women in their lifetime, and chances are, if you were involved with him for any period less than 6 months, you weren't one of them. Sure, he still keeps a life line to you open, but you should understand that it's all part of a grand scheme. Let me put it out there in plain english for the uninitiated: Every guy knows that every girl he ever fucked, he can, and probably will (at some point), fuck again. So don't flatter yourself girls. Oh, he hit you up after not talking to you for 6 months? Sorry to burst your bubble, he just doesn't have any other options on the table, and you were the next girl in his cell phone's contact list. Don't think you're special, cause 9 times out of 10, you're not. But what about that 1/10 remainder... Hey, maybe you are the exception to the rule, but more often than not, you aren't, so just know that going in, and save yourself the embarassment later.
Next to jealousy, pride is the weakest of all emotions. It sounds stupid, but it's the absolute truth. And worse than pride, is female pride. No, I'm not talking about the feminist movement, I'm talking about that little corner of a girl's mind that henders her from saying the things she needs to say at any given moment, thus resulting in the one she wanted slipping away, and her, defaulting back to whatever was most comfortable, most recently. It's the way these hoes work. But ladies, with a little time and a few short lessons, you will see the error in your ways, stop being one of "those hoes", and get back on track. Obviously, some can't be saved, and if you think I'm talkin to/about you, I most certainly am. Stick with uncle Ollie, I would never lead you astray...
Look, I get it. I really do. Girls want to have the same options as the fellas. They want to be allowed to sleep around, they want the option to treat the other half like dirt, etc. etc... It ain't gonna happen. Double standards exist. Accept it. I know, I know, "it's unfair". Sorry. I didn't make the rules, I just accept them and write them down to help YOU out. Getting back to the point, I mean, honestly, we let you vote, isn't that enough? I mean, where does this madness end? No, you are not allowed to behave like a man. Be a fuckin lady, and accept your role in the game of life. Men have accepted their punishment, we have to walk around with a pair of balls all day long, that is why we are justified in all of our selfishness and unbecoming behavior. Do you have any idea how annoying balls can be? Of course not, you don't have them, so youre better suited to just take my word for it...
We know you have an opinion, but why don't you just shut the fuck up and keep it to yourself? Never, in the history of life, has a guy EVER said to a group of his homies, "you know guys, I really appreciate your opinions, but what I really need, is my girl's opinion". Never happened. Never will. Do you know why? Simple really, a girl's take on a situation will ALWAYS be construed as "off" for the simple fact that she is a female. And as we all know, the thought process of a female is completely out of sync from that of a male. Girls, do yourselves a favor and accept this as the pope's gospel. If your man is telling you that your opinion is of high concern to him, he's either gaming you, or he's a punk hoe. In either case, you are better off without him. Getting gamed by a dude will lead you to take drastic measures in future dealings with the fellas, and in all seriousness, will prolly scar you for life. On the flip side, if your man is a punk, then you are really getting the shit end of the stick. Bitch ass dudes are worse than the worst of psychotic females. The dude that expresses all of his feelings. The dude that isn't affraid to cry in front of you after knowing you for 10 days... Yeah, that guy, he will be the one slashing your tires 6 months from now. The one who stalks you for the next 10 years. The emotionally open, pose the greatest threat and are the ones to fear most. That goes for guys as well as girls. No guy wants the girl that throws it all on the line after a matter of days. That is risky business to say the least. Keep your concerns and opinions to yourself, and watch how much more he likes you...
Why is it that girl's are so satisfied making a dude miserable? I'm being dead up serious right now. Girls tend to be at their best, when their former/current significant other is at his worst. It's like women were placed on earth just to ruin a man's day. It could be anything from bitchin' to cheating, but the girl gets the most pleasure when the dude gets the most bent out of shape. Ladies, you wonder why dudes tend to be hesitant and reserved when dealing with you? I'm gonna go on record and tell you now... It's because every girl before you, and every girl after you, was/will be hell bent on making him miserable. Therefore, you should TRY, I say try because it is completely impossible for any girl to actually BE the exception to the rule... Ask him how his day was without expecting him to ask about yours. Give him a back rub without asking to have your feet touched. Cook him a meal, AND do the dishes. Be the provider that you were originally sent here to be. I swear man, the modern day woman just generally ain't shit. No more than 2 generations ago, it was perfectly acceptable for dude's to hit their chick anytime he deemed it neccesary. Nowadays, you got these hoes gettin out of pocket and tryin to go upside their dude's head in the club, in front of dozens of people. Where the fuck did that sense of entitlement come from? It damn sure wasn't your grandmother's way. I remember this one broad I knew told me that "guys don't want a girlfriend, they want a dog, they want someone they can treat like shit, who will just be there all the time"... You know what, she was damn right. Let's get it straight ladies, we tolerate you, so let's try to keep the lunacy and bitchin' to a minimum.
Alot of the female readers are prolly completely furious with me right now thinking "where does he get the nerve?"... Well, ladies, when the shoe fits, you gotta wear it. Drink it up, and take it for what it's worth. Whether you accept this as gospel, or just see the humor in what I write, you should know that it comes from a deep resentment for the female race that years of dealing with you wacky ass birds has created. So, hate if you want, but you should know, ultimately, you are to blame.
Thanks for your time. If you disagree, make it public, or forever hold your piece.
-Ollie the Gifted
Chapter 4: Bitches aint shit.
Every man has "that" day. The day where an epiphany occurs and he no longer finds himself dwelling on past/present/future girl troubles and decideds instead to just go ahead and live in the moment. Girls don't have that option. At least not respectable girls with any morals or sense of self worth. Girls tend to believe that every guy they ever fucked, not only loved them, but in fact, still does. Sorry ladies, it just ain't like that. I said it before, but I will reiterate for the slow learners: guys only have the capacity to love 3-5 women in their lifetime, and chances are, if you were involved with him for any period less than 6 months, you weren't one of them. Sure, he still keeps a life line to you open, but you should understand that it's all part of a grand scheme. Let me put it out there in plain english for the uninitiated: Every guy knows that every girl he ever fucked, he can, and probably will (at some point), fuck again. So don't flatter yourself girls. Oh, he hit you up after not talking to you for 6 months? Sorry to burst your bubble, he just doesn't have any other options on the table, and you were the next girl in his cell phone's contact list. Don't think you're special, cause 9 times out of 10, you're not. But what about that 1/10 remainder... Hey, maybe you are the exception to the rule, but more often than not, you aren't, so just know that going in, and save yourself the embarassment later.
Next to jealousy, pride is the weakest of all emotions. It sounds stupid, but it's the absolute truth. And worse than pride, is female pride. No, I'm not talking about the feminist movement, I'm talking about that little corner of a girl's mind that henders her from saying the things she needs to say at any given moment, thus resulting in the one she wanted slipping away, and her, defaulting back to whatever was most comfortable, most recently. It's the way these hoes work. But ladies, with a little time and a few short lessons, you will see the error in your ways, stop being one of "those hoes", and get back on track. Obviously, some can't be saved, and if you think I'm talkin to/about you, I most certainly am. Stick with uncle Ollie, I would never lead you astray...
Look, I get it. I really do. Girls want to have the same options as the fellas. They want to be allowed to sleep around, they want the option to treat the other half like dirt, etc. etc... It ain't gonna happen. Double standards exist. Accept it. I know, I know, "it's unfair". Sorry. I didn't make the rules, I just accept them and write them down to help YOU out. Getting back to the point, I mean, honestly, we let you vote, isn't that enough? I mean, where does this madness end? No, you are not allowed to behave like a man. Be a fuckin lady, and accept your role in the game of life. Men have accepted their punishment, we have to walk around with a pair of balls all day long, that is why we are justified in all of our selfishness and unbecoming behavior. Do you have any idea how annoying balls can be? Of course not, you don't have them, so youre better suited to just take my word for it...
We know you have an opinion, but why don't you just shut the fuck up and keep it to yourself? Never, in the history of life, has a guy EVER said to a group of his homies, "you know guys, I really appreciate your opinions, but what I really need, is my girl's opinion". Never happened. Never will. Do you know why? Simple really, a girl's take on a situation will ALWAYS be construed as "off" for the simple fact that she is a female. And as we all know, the thought process of a female is completely out of sync from that of a male. Girls, do yourselves a favor and accept this as the pope's gospel. If your man is telling you that your opinion is of high concern to him, he's either gaming you, or he's a punk hoe. In either case, you are better off without him. Getting gamed by a dude will lead you to take drastic measures in future dealings with the fellas, and in all seriousness, will prolly scar you for life. On the flip side, if your man is a punk, then you are really getting the shit end of the stick. Bitch ass dudes are worse than the worst of psychotic females. The dude that expresses all of his feelings. The dude that isn't affraid to cry in front of you after knowing you for 10 days... Yeah, that guy, he will be the one slashing your tires 6 months from now. The one who stalks you for the next 10 years. The emotionally open, pose the greatest threat and are the ones to fear most. That goes for guys as well as girls. No guy wants the girl that throws it all on the line after a matter of days. That is risky business to say the least. Keep your concerns and opinions to yourself, and watch how much more he likes you...
Why is it that girl's are so satisfied making a dude miserable? I'm being dead up serious right now. Girls tend to be at their best, when their former/current significant other is at his worst. It's like women were placed on earth just to ruin a man's day. It could be anything from bitchin' to cheating, but the girl gets the most pleasure when the dude gets the most bent out of shape. Ladies, you wonder why dudes tend to be hesitant and reserved when dealing with you? I'm gonna go on record and tell you now... It's because every girl before you, and every girl after you, was/will be hell bent on making him miserable. Therefore, you should TRY, I say try because it is completely impossible for any girl to actually BE the exception to the rule... Ask him how his day was without expecting him to ask about yours. Give him a back rub without asking to have your feet touched. Cook him a meal, AND do the dishes. Be the provider that you were originally sent here to be. I swear man, the modern day woman just generally ain't shit. No more than 2 generations ago, it was perfectly acceptable for dude's to hit their chick anytime he deemed it neccesary. Nowadays, you got these hoes gettin out of pocket and tryin to go upside their dude's head in the club, in front of dozens of people. Where the fuck did that sense of entitlement come from? It damn sure wasn't your grandmother's way. I remember this one broad I knew told me that "guys don't want a girlfriend, they want a dog, they want someone they can treat like shit, who will just be there all the time"... You know what, she was damn right. Let's get it straight ladies, we tolerate you, so let's try to keep the lunacy and bitchin' to a minimum.
Alot of the female readers are prolly completely furious with me right now thinking "where does he get the nerve?"... Well, ladies, when the shoe fits, you gotta wear it. Drink it up, and take it for what it's worth. Whether you accept this as gospel, or just see the humor in what I write, you should know that it comes from a deep resentment for the female race that years of dealing with you wacky ass birds has created. So, hate if you want, but you should know, ultimately, you are to blame.
Thanks for your time. If you disagree, make it public, or forever hold your piece.
-Ollie the Gifted
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Kelly Karloff is el Fuego
This chick is mostly known for her modeling career on Karmaloop.com, but I'm here to tell ya, she is straight fire.
That tail leaves a little to be desired, but what she's lackin out back, she more than makes up for up top...
And she's a freak. She will answer any and all questions sexually related on her weekly video series from Karmaloop TV.
Episode 1:
Episode 2:
Episode 3:
-Uncle Ollie
That tail leaves a little to be desired, but what she's lackin out back, she more than makes up for up top...
And she's a freak. She will answer any and all questions sexually related on her weekly video series from Karmaloop TV.
Episode 1:
Episode 2:
Episode 3:
-Uncle Ollie
Thursday, July 9, 2009
White People Ruin Everything
Remember this dumb ass bird from way back when??
Ok, everybody together now, tell us how you really feel...
Yep. That's it. We got her.
-Ollie
Ok, everybody together now, tell us how you really feel...
Yep. That's it. We got her.
-Ollie
Monday, June 8, 2009
Monday Morning News Break: WTF?
I caught this news story over on Bossip this morning and was bugged out. Peep the story:
"NEW YORK – A New York City woman says her father apparently lay dead for weeks in a minivan while police repeatedly left parking tickets on the vehicle.
Jennifer Morales of Manhattan told the Daily News on Thursday that she believes her father, George Morales, died of a heart attack.
Morales said she last heard from her dad in early May. She said she had contacted police, but police say they have no report on record.
A city marshal found the body of George Morales on Wednesday while trying to tow the minivan from beneath the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway overpass.
Parking tickets and dust covered the vehicle."
Alright, so seriously, you don't notice somebody layed out dead in the back seat? You don't smell death in the air? You don't think anything is wrong when you have written like 10 tickets to the same car in the same spot for over a week? You don't think to contact the station, call in the plates, check with missing persons, NOTHING? Seriously, NOTHING???!?
What I really want to know is if this bitch that just blindly issued these tickets is gettin the shaft for being so blatantly oblivious..
Damn son, some people...
"NEW YORK – A New York City woman says her father apparently lay dead for weeks in a minivan while police repeatedly left parking tickets on the vehicle.
Jennifer Morales of Manhattan told the Daily News on Thursday that she believes her father, George Morales, died of a heart attack.
Morales said she last heard from her dad in early May. She said she had contacted police, but police say they have no report on record.
A city marshal found the body of George Morales on Wednesday while trying to tow the minivan from beneath the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway overpass.
Parking tickets and dust covered the vehicle."
Alright, so seriously, you don't notice somebody layed out dead in the back seat? You don't smell death in the air? You don't think anything is wrong when you have written like 10 tickets to the same car in the same spot for over a week? You don't think to contact the station, call in the plates, check with missing persons, NOTHING? Seriously, NOTHING???!?
What I really want to know is if this bitch that just blindly issued these tickets is gettin the shaft for being so blatantly oblivious..
Damn son, some people...
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Whooty Who? Laura Dore is a Worker
I know what you're thinking, who? Let me learn ya...
BAM! She is showin it all right out the gate. You see that thin waste that Bruce Leroy jump kicks right into that unreal hip game. I mean god damn, whats that ratio? 24/36? Whew.
Thats a good start, but we need to take a peak at that backyard to see where she makes the money...
And there it is! Holy mother of all things holy, my girl is a hard, HARD worker.
Now that we've established homegirl's credentials, lets just jump head first into the rest of the gratuitous extra curiculur multi-angle photos...
That stomach is just... whew. Yeah, thats the word.
Great arch... but is there more??
That is without a doubt my favorite. I can't explain why, but the glasses are doin it for me. GOOD LAWD.
And one more for good measure...
I see you girl and I'm lovin' that "over the shoulder, peepin my own tail cause it's so crazy" gaze you're throwin at me.
And you know with a name like Laura Dore, you can run with the whole "white girl with a booty" idea.
The airbrushers did my girl some serious justice, but until I see proof otherwise, I am going to assume that she is ab-so-fuckin-lutely flawless.
-Uncle Ollie
BAM! She is showin it all right out the gate. You see that thin waste that Bruce Leroy jump kicks right into that unreal hip game. I mean god damn, whats that ratio? 24/36? Whew.
Thats a good start, but we need to take a peak at that backyard to see where she makes the money...
And there it is! Holy mother of all things holy, my girl is a hard, HARD worker.
Now that we've established homegirl's credentials, lets just jump head first into the rest of the gratuitous extra curiculur multi-angle photos...
That stomach is just... whew. Yeah, thats the word.
Great arch... but is there more??
That is without a doubt my favorite. I can't explain why, but the glasses are doin it for me. GOOD LAWD.
And one more for good measure...
I see you girl and I'm lovin' that "over the shoulder, peepin my own tail cause it's so crazy" gaze you're throwin at me.
And you know with a name like Laura Dore, you can run with the whole "white girl with a booty" idea.
The airbrushers did my girl some serious justice, but until I see proof otherwise, I am going to assume that she is ab-so-fuckin-lutely flawless.
-Uncle Ollie
Friday, February 13, 2009
Aubrey O'Day Does Playboy
The internet is going nuts over this broad doing playboy. You already know what I think right?
Big Fucking Deal. Aubrey O'Day has been well on her way to playboy for the last 2 years of so. Just look at the company she keeps...
Kimmy K is fierce, but she has done playboy, yes? YES. I never saw it, but I heard about it...
Jenna Jameson, the queen of porn? This bitch gets fucked for a living.
Then there were those "classy" shots from Complex Magazine a while back...
So this whole playboy thing was just the next logical step in a downward spiraling career. Face it Aubrey, Diddy turnt your ass out and now you're out here hoein for tracks, or at the very least relevancy. The 15 minutes is up, time to fade out.
For the record, I am not of the general consensus that this bitch is "trashy and ugly". I actually thinks she's kinda fly. I'm not real big on all the upgrades, but I loves me a dirty whore with low self esteem and daddy issues. They are the easiest prey... HAHA.
Anyways, heres the Playboy cover and one of the photos from the shoot:
For the rest of the NSFW photos in all their glory hit up WWTDD.COM. Somehow this guy already has the nudies.
Big Fucking Deal. Aubrey O'Day has been well on her way to playboy for the last 2 years of so. Just look at the company she keeps...
Kimmy K is fierce, but she has done playboy, yes? YES. I never saw it, but I heard about it...
Jenna Jameson, the queen of porn? This bitch gets fucked for a living.
Then there were those "classy" shots from Complex Magazine a while back...
So this whole playboy thing was just the next logical step in a downward spiraling career. Face it Aubrey, Diddy turnt your ass out and now you're out here hoein for tracks, or at the very least relevancy. The 15 minutes is up, time to fade out.
For the record, I am not of the general consensus that this bitch is "trashy and ugly". I actually thinks she's kinda fly. I'm not real big on all the upgrades, but I loves me a dirty whore with low self esteem and daddy issues. They are the easiest prey... HAHA.
Anyways, heres the Playboy cover and one of the photos from the shoot:
For the rest of the NSFW photos in all their glory hit up WWTDD.COM. Somehow this guy already has the nudies.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Myspace Propaganda V. 1.0
Thumbin around myspace, as i do everyday, I came across a page for "E-Man's Angels Entertainment". Normally I would just link you to the page, but, this profile is set to private. Me being the pervert that I am, I went through the hassle of friend requesting and alladat just to get the loyal readers some solid material for the afternoon.
Let me just explain, this site is not slangin strippers, they are slangin booty. These bitches are straight up prostitutes, and I couldnt be happier about finding them. Peep one of the 50 flyers from the page:
Let me explain that flyer to the white readers...
"For only $1,500 you get 3 silky headed hoes, 2 bottles of thug passion, some chicken, and some extra funky cuttin in a hotel room".
Great. My interests are peaked.
So I went ahead and clicked on the "view more pics" section tryin to locate some extra thick booty shots, and I stumbled across this banger right here:
That is straight ashy honey. Peep the way they went ahead and hit ol' girl off with the booty oil rub down, but didn't even bother with the legs, back, knee-pits, or elbows. HAHAHA. That shit is straight raw. You know the photographer was just yellin "bend over, we still gotta get shaquana and 'dem in heyah 'fo they photo shoot". Riiiiiight, cause this photo right here was all business.
Just know, if they weren't based in Atlanta I would have called 'em up just to give 'em shit. Why? Cause Ollie's a cold hearted savage with zero morals.
This is another flyer that was posted in a bulletin on my page. It's from the guys at WAR42, which is basically the filming team for the graffiti crew TKO. Now I have met several of the dudes from TKO and let me just say this, these cats are seriously RUTHLESS. Peep the flyer:
Bring: Craigslist Hookers, Coke, Crack and Cab Fare. HAHAHAHA.
The only text in the bulletin read "These guys aren't kidding about the Crack and Cab Fare".
Savagery at its finest from the goons at TKO. P.S. Cupcake Vandal, if, for any reason, you ever read this, holler at a peeeimp.
-Ollie the Cold-Hearted
Let me just explain, this site is not slangin strippers, they are slangin booty. These bitches are straight up prostitutes, and I couldnt be happier about finding them. Peep one of the 50 flyers from the page:
Let me explain that flyer to the white readers...
"For only $1,500 you get 3 silky headed hoes, 2 bottles of thug passion, some chicken, and some extra funky cuttin in a hotel room".
Great. My interests are peaked.
So I went ahead and clicked on the "view more pics" section tryin to locate some extra thick booty shots, and I stumbled across this banger right here:
That is straight ashy honey. Peep the way they went ahead and hit ol' girl off with the booty oil rub down, but didn't even bother with the legs, back, knee-pits, or elbows. HAHAHA. That shit is straight raw. You know the photographer was just yellin "bend over, we still gotta get shaquana and 'dem in heyah 'fo they photo shoot". Riiiiiight, cause this photo right here was all business.
Just know, if they weren't based in Atlanta I would have called 'em up just to give 'em shit. Why? Cause Ollie's a cold hearted savage with zero morals.
This is another flyer that was posted in a bulletin on my page. It's from the guys at WAR42, which is basically the filming team for the graffiti crew TKO. Now I have met several of the dudes from TKO and let me just say this, these cats are seriously RUTHLESS. Peep the flyer:
Bring: Craigslist Hookers, Coke, Crack and Cab Fare. HAHAHAHA.
The only text in the bulletin read "These guys aren't kidding about the Crack and Cab Fare".
Savagery at its finest from the goons at TKO. P.S. Cupcake Vandal, if, for any reason, you ever read this, holler at a peeeimp.
-Ollie the Cold-Hearted
Throwback Thursday: O.C. - My World
You awwwwreeady know what it is. Another Thursday, another classic. I had to dig down deep in the mental rolodex to remember this heater. It's a little later than my usual throwbacks as it is dated 1997, but nonetheless a certified knocker off of O.C.'s classic album "Jewelz". New York 1993-1998 > Any other period in hip hop history. PERIOD.
One of my favorite lines from the song "your shit? i'm bored wit' it"... No lie O.C. thats how I feel about 85% of rap music dated 2000 or newer. Turn the shit up and get familiar with another one of Primo's (DJ Premier for you guppies) finest deliveries to date.
One of my favorite lines from the song "your shit? i'm bored wit' it"... No lie O.C. thats how I feel about 85% of rap music dated 2000 or newer. Turn the shit up and get familiar with another one of Primo's (DJ Premier for you guppies) finest deliveries to date.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
I absolutely love the internet
Growing up my favorite shows were always "America's Funniest Home Videos" and every other knock-off that ensued as a result of the success of the aforementioned televison show. The internet, however, has made these shows completely obsolete. It doesnt bother me so much because AFV never showed the overtly racist, perverted, cat-ass behavoir, big girl's dancin type-a shit. No, they kept it quite wholesome in fact. At best, you were going to catch a homie takin a shot to the nutbag, or a big girl fallin off a motorcycle. Gone now are the days of waiting for the new episode of AFV on sunday night, in its place?? TIVO, DVR, Youtube, Failblog, and the like. Enough nostalgia though, onto the video they say!!
Found this on youtube yesterday. My initial reaction was... big girls in the alley part 2?? Incidentally, if you missed that post you can check it out RIGHT HERE..
Upon further inspection, this is a whole new trio of big girls cuttin some rug to the new club banger "Shake it to the Ground". Boy, let me tell ya, these girls are workin hard. Play the video again, turn up the volume and listen closely to ol' girl in the white... You hear that panting goin on? HAHAHAHA. The choreography is great, the timing is off by .75 seconds which is the equivalent to "big girl delay". You gotta account for that extra weight to get swangin'.
Moral of the story? I love these big girls, i love the way they move, and apparently so does this cat:
Literally LOL at the DJ screamin on the mic in the background. "WORK! WORK! WORK! WORK! WORK! WORK! WORK! WORK!" HAHAHAHAHA. The best part though?? Homie damn near fainting after he puts ol' girl down. WHEW!
**Side Note** Got the second video from the boys at Us Versus Them. Be sure to read their blog, the boys over there are pretty funny.
-Ollie "the king size" Lover
Found this on youtube yesterday. My initial reaction was... big girls in the alley part 2?? Incidentally, if you missed that post you can check it out RIGHT HERE..
Upon further inspection, this is a whole new trio of big girls cuttin some rug to the new club banger "Shake it to the Ground". Boy, let me tell ya, these girls are workin hard. Play the video again, turn up the volume and listen closely to ol' girl in the white... You hear that panting goin on? HAHAHAHA. The choreography is great, the timing is off by .75 seconds which is the equivalent to "big girl delay". You gotta account for that extra weight to get swangin'.
Moral of the story? I love these big girls, i love the way they move, and apparently so does this cat:
Literally LOL at the DJ screamin on the mic in the background. "WORK! WORK! WORK! WORK! WORK! WORK! WORK! WORK!" HAHAHAHAHA. The best part though?? Homie damn near fainting after he puts ol' girl down. WHEW!
**Side Note** Got the second video from the boys at Us Versus Them. Be sure to read their blog, the boys over there are pretty funny.
-Ollie "the king size" Lover
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Throwback Thursday: Broken Language
When i do the Throwback Thursday posts, i tend to be a bit more abrasive with my musical tastes. I miss mid 90's hip hop. I miss the days when cats were ign'ant for the sake of the music, as compared to modern era rappers who are just ignorant. Let me clarify that... In the mid 90's, it wasn't fashionable to be dumb, in fact it was somewhat frowned upon. Think about it, 1993-1996 marked the releases of some of hip hop's most coveted and classic albums of all time. Illmatic? check. Reasonable Doubt? check. Ready to die? check. Dah Shinin'? check. 36 Chambers (literally my 2nd favorite album of all time)? Check. The list goes on and on. So, when a cat got on the mic and started spittin verses that displayed shear goonery over simple bass knocks and ridiculously gritty snares it was a rare, albeit extremely well recieved and welcomed stray from the norm.
Lets compare what i just said, to today's current trends in hip hop. You either have:
A) 4 bar verses with 16 bar hooks teachin cats how to do the next big dance (I cant even front, im gonna learn to surf this weekend LOL)
B) Stripped down beats that become nothing more than an off-the-wall sample with a high hat accompanied by A.P. (advanced placement) english, Kurt Vonnegut references that 90% of your target audience doesnt even grasp (Yeah I'm talkin to you Aesop Rock) yet continues to nod their head in hopes of being accepted by the backpackin' underground. Or, to put it a more simple way, White Kid Rap.
Or finally you get C) overly produced, auto-tuned, broken heart faggotry from the likes of Kanye West, who, up until about 8 months ago, was slated as the greatest rapper in the game, at least in my opinion, which we all know is bulletproof.
Youre now prolly askin' yourselves where im going with this rant, and thats good, at least i got you thinkin for a change. Today I am bringin some serious heat from 1996. This joint was prolly my man Smoothe Da' Hustler's biggest hit, but it was still CRAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY slept on.
Enough with the lecture Professor Wrist, give us the music!!!!!
With pleasure, I now proudly introduce you to Smoothe Da Hustler ft. Trigger Da Gambler - Broken Language.
(Pause for reaction) Please hold your applause. But Ollie, this song is so DOPE. I know, believe me, I know. I dont even have to tell you whats so good about it. Pull your razor blades out yer mouths, throw on your Polo rugby's and Timberlands and feel the grime invade your soul.
Dear hip hop, Please come back to us.
P.S. you know you dont have to ask, but the answer is Yes, I do own this on vinyl and will be blessing you all with the Throwback Thursday mixtape, due out sometime in Spring 2009. Reserve your advance copy now in the comment section.
-Ollie the Scholar takin you new jacks back to basics
Lets compare what i just said, to today's current trends in hip hop. You either have:
A) 4 bar verses with 16 bar hooks teachin cats how to do the next big dance (I cant even front, im gonna learn to surf this weekend LOL)
B) Stripped down beats that become nothing more than an off-the-wall sample with a high hat accompanied by A.P. (advanced placement) english, Kurt Vonnegut references that 90% of your target audience doesnt even grasp (Yeah I'm talkin to you Aesop Rock) yet continues to nod their head in hopes of being accepted by the backpackin' underground. Or, to put it a more simple way, White Kid Rap.
Or finally you get C) overly produced, auto-tuned, broken heart faggotry from the likes of Kanye West, who, up until about 8 months ago, was slated as the greatest rapper in the game, at least in my opinion, which we all know is bulletproof.
Youre now prolly askin' yourselves where im going with this rant, and thats good, at least i got you thinkin for a change. Today I am bringin some serious heat from 1996. This joint was prolly my man Smoothe Da' Hustler's biggest hit, but it was still CRAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY slept on.
Enough with the lecture Professor Wrist, give us the music!!!!!
With pleasure, I now proudly introduce you to Smoothe Da Hustler ft. Trigger Da Gambler - Broken Language.
(Pause for reaction) Please hold your applause. But Ollie, this song is so DOPE. I know, believe me, I know. I dont even have to tell you whats so good about it. Pull your razor blades out yer mouths, throw on your Polo rugby's and Timberlands and feel the grime invade your soul.
Dear hip hop, Please come back to us.
P.S. you know you dont have to ask, but the answer is Yes, I do own this on vinyl and will be blessing you all with the Throwback Thursday mixtape, due out sometime in Spring 2009. Reserve your advance copy now in the comment section.
-Ollie the Scholar takin you new jacks back to basics
Monday, December 8, 2008
There is such a thing as bad thickness:
Case and Point: Angel Lola Luv. Weve all seen her in several rap videos. Homegirl's got some serious backyard and a great chest plate sittin on dubs.
The evidence:
im likin' what i see, fake or not, them joints is sittin right. Homegirl is better known for her unreal backyard:
Thats a whole lotta back... Ive always been a fan of young Angel too. That is, until i stumbled onto this photo and damn near gagged:
YUCK!! do you see whats going on here? The waist to ass to thigh to calf ratio is alllllll wrong. Good lord, just have a look at how skinny her legs are. That is absolutely terrible. Home girl needs to go back to the doctor that filled that tail up with silicone and have him/her shoot some juice up in them thighs and calves. I just cant stop staring at that picture, and for all the wrong reasons. Those are the definition of chicken legs and that shit is alarmingly disturbing. Besides, im a firm believer that ol' girl is only about a christmas dinner away from turning it into this:
Whew, now thats just wrong. Can we please save this post with a picture of what a backyard is supposed to look like??
And the obligatory bikini joint...
Now you see that? Thats the triple threat. The hook and arch, the thigh, and the calf perfectly compliment eachother. Ladies take head.
-Ollie
The evidence:
im likin' what i see, fake or not, them joints is sittin right. Homegirl is better known for her unreal backyard:
Thats a whole lotta back... Ive always been a fan of young Angel too. That is, until i stumbled onto this photo and damn near gagged:
YUCK!! do you see whats going on here? The waist to ass to thigh to calf ratio is alllllll wrong. Good lord, just have a look at how skinny her legs are. That is absolutely terrible. Home girl needs to go back to the doctor that filled that tail up with silicone and have him/her shoot some juice up in them thighs and calves. I just cant stop staring at that picture, and for all the wrong reasons. Those are the definition of chicken legs and that shit is alarmingly disturbing. Besides, im a firm believer that ol' girl is only about a christmas dinner away from turning it into this:
Whew, now thats just wrong. Can we please save this post with a picture of what a backyard is supposed to look like??
And the obligatory bikini joint...
Now you see that? Thats the triple threat. The hook and arch, the thigh, and the calf perfectly compliment eachother. Ladies take head.
-Ollie
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Mike Tyson is still that dude!
It is well known and documented here at the BAMA that i have a unquenchable thirst for wild ass ice cold behavior. The harder you go on your hoe (Ike Turner) or the rest of the world for that matter, the more i'm going to like you and respect you. Thats not to say i condone beating up on your girlfriend and whathaveyou, but i do get a serious kick out of the pimperish behavior some of my favorite people display (see: Dolemite).
Now with that said, Mike Tyson is one of my all time favorites. He is just flat out uncontrollable. His handlers and managers cant even keep him in line. This man is literally the only person on this earth that doesnt have to do a single thing for the rest of his life to secure his place in my hall of fame, and keep his street cred in tact. He is as ice cold as they come.
Remember when Iron Mike was the baddest man on the planet and looked like this:
Then he went ahead and got the face tat and gold teef to certify his level of hoodness:
Well now my man Mike is lookin like this:
But don't for one second think that keeps Mike from choppin down the best of the C-grade white girls out there that are willin to give some cut to a convicted rapist.
the evidence?
exhibit A:
Exhibit B:
Exhibit C:
Apparently ol' Mike likes to get his swirl on with these white devil bitches. Oh well, I aint mad at Mike for that.
Anyways, moving on to the reason for this post
"Former heavyweight champion Mike Tyson has found himself back in news headlines, this time for impatiently ramming his vehicle into the visitor’s gate of a private community in Las Vegas on Thanksgiving morning. According to local ABC news affiliates KTNV, the retired boxer pulled his late-model black Escalade up to the southern part of Valley at Monarch Estates at around 7:45 a.m. Thursday. “He went to the visitor’s gate, but instead of driving through the gate when it opened, he veered off and hit the closed resident’s gate,” said Action News reporter Rikki Cheese. “Tyson reportedly backed up and ripped the gate down. Metro was called, and Tyson got a ticket.” Las Vegas Police were called to investigate and gave him a breathalyzer test, which he passed. They then dismissed the entire incident as an accident and Tyson escaped with a fine before being allowed inside of the gated community to visit his friend, as reported by Eurweb.com."
The Iron Man took a page from the Ollie playbook rite chea. I hate to wait too. Fuck a gate holdin me back. LOL at the fact that he allegedly rammed the gate more than once. The best part of this whole story? They called it an accident, wrote him a ticket, and let him proceed into the gated community to visit his peoples. Damn son, Iron Mike is seriously wild.
Just for good measure, i found a video on youtube of a collection of Mike Tyson's best (or worst) quotes from the last 20 years.
"I wish you had children so i could kick 'em in the fuckin head and i could stomp on their testicles". Whoa Mike.
-Ollie the tyrant
Now with that said, Mike Tyson is one of my all time favorites. He is just flat out uncontrollable. His handlers and managers cant even keep him in line. This man is literally the only person on this earth that doesnt have to do a single thing for the rest of his life to secure his place in my hall of fame, and keep his street cred in tact. He is as ice cold as they come.
Remember when Iron Mike was the baddest man on the planet and looked like this:
Then he went ahead and got the face tat and gold teef to certify his level of hoodness:
Well now my man Mike is lookin like this:
But don't for one second think that keeps Mike from choppin down the best of the C-grade white girls out there that are willin to give some cut to a convicted rapist.
the evidence?
exhibit A:
Exhibit B:
Exhibit C:
Apparently ol' Mike likes to get his swirl on with these white devil bitches. Oh well, I aint mad at Mike for that.
Anyways, moving on to the reason for this post
"Former heavyweight champion Mike Tyson has found himself back in news headlines, this time for impatiently ramming his vehicle into the visitor’s gate of a private community in Las Vegas on Thanksgiving morning. According to local ABC news affiliates KTNV, the retired boxer pulled his late-model black Escalade up to the southern part of Valley at Monarch Estates at around 7:45 a.m. Thursday. “He went to the visitor’s gate, but instead of driving through the gate when it opened, he veered off and hit the closed resident’s gate,” said Action News reporter Rikki Cheese. “Tyson reportedly backed up and ripped the gate down. Metro was called, and Tyson got a ticket.” Las Vegas Police were called to investigate and gave him a breathalyzer test, which he passed. They then dismissed the entire incident as an accident and Tyson escaped with a fine before being allowed inside of the gated community to visit his friend, as reported by Eurweb.com."
The Iron Man took a page from the Ollie playbook rite chea. I hate to wait too. Fuck a gate holdin me back. LOL at the fact that he allegedly rammed the gate more than once. The best part of this whole story? They called it an accident, wrote him a ticket, and let him proceed into the gated community to visit his peoples. Damn son, Iron Mike is seriously wild.
Just for good measure, i found a video on youtube of a collection of Mike Tyson's best (or worst) quotes from the last 20 years.
"I wish you had children so i could kick 'em in the fuckin head and i could stomp on their testicles". Whoa Mike.
-Ollie the tyrant
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
It's so cold in the "D"
Damn son, i swear i've seen some ign'ant shit in my life, but this is quite possibly the worst rap song ive ever heard in my entire life. You know what that means though, if its the worst song ever, the video is going to be the best ever...
Allow me to introduce you (if you havent already gotten down) to T-Baby. I wont even bother setting this up anymore, just press play and prepare yourself for the shear ignorance of this video.
Yeah, go ahead and run that back for a second viewing, cause if youre anything like me, you were in such shock during the first take that you didnt have a chance to process everything that was going on here. Take your time, I'll wait................
HAHAHA!! Ready? Oh my lord. Start to finish this is the worst video for quite possibly the worst song ever made. I originally thought it was a freesyle cause i saw this video first:
LOL at the crew of the radio show singin' along and encouraging this tone-deaf bitch to keep singing. On a side note, is it just me or does she have a striking resemblance to Soulja Girl (crazy bitch on the bus).. Need a refresher? CLICK HERE
Getting back to the subject, you can imagine my surprise when i found out that not only was this song written by T-Baby, but she actually put together a video for it. I am so happy that someone took the time out of their day to decipher what she was saying and put it in lyric form on the video...
"Its so cold in the "D", how the fuck do we post a make peace?" HAHA! For all you non ebonics speakin folks (a.k.a. white folks) she is not refering to the temperature when shes says its so cold in the "D". She's talkin bout how heartless these muhfuckas on her block are.
Did you catch the scene where they were pourin out a lil liqua for the homies thats gone? "All we did was just kick it and shit". HAHA. There are so many gems goin on here I cant decide which part is the best (or would that be worst?)... I caught myself staring at the other girls in the video who were doing everything in their power to keep from laughing. You wanna know the worst part though?? This video has gotten like a million + hits on youtube and T-Baby is a legitimate internet celebrity these days.
Back to how awful the song is. Aside from the fact that ol' girl is basically illiterate, did anybody else catch the fact that there is no format to this song whatsoever? It started out with the hook, went to like a 14 bar verse where 8 of the lines finished with "and shit", another hook, then like another 18 bars that cuts to the hook before the last line even finishes. Genius!! T-Baby is single handedly changin the game back from "ringtone rap" to the tales of "harsch realities in the skreets".
Thank you T-Baby.
-Ollie keeps it so cold in the "V"
Allow me to introduce you (if you havent already gotten down) to T-Baby. I wont even bother setting this up anymore, just press play and prepare yourself for the shear ignorance of this video.
Yeah, go ahead and run that back for a second viewing, cause if youre anything like me, you were in such shock during the first take that you didnt have a chance to process everything that was going on here. Take your time, I'll wait................
HAHAHA!! Ready? Oh my lord. Start to finish this is the worst video for quite possibly the worst song ever made. I originally thought it was a freesyle cause i saw this video first:
LOL at the crew of the radio show singin' along and encouraging this tone-deaf bitch to keep singing. On a side note, is it just me or does she have a striking resemblance to Soulja Girl (crazy bitch on the bus).. Need a refresher? CLICK HERE
Getting back to the subject, you can imagine my surprise when i found out that not only was this song written by T-Baby, but she actually put together a video for it. I am so happy that someone took the time out of their day to decipher what she was saying and put it in lyric form on the video...
"Its so cold in the "D", how the fuck do we post a make peace?" HAHA! For all you non ebonics speakin folks (a.k.a. white folks) she is not refering to the temperature when shes says its so cold in the "D". She's talkin bout how heartless these muhfuckas on her block are.
Did you catch the scene where they were pourin out a lil liqua for the homies thats gone? "All we did was just kick it and shit". HAHA. There are so many gems goin on here I cant decide which part is the best (or would that be worst?)... I caught myself staring at the other girls in the video who were doing everything in their power to keep from laughing. You wanna know the worst part though?? This video has gotten like a million + hits on youtube and T-Baby is a legitimate internet celebrity these days.
Back to how awful the song is. Aside from the fact that ol' girl is basically illiterate, did anybody else catch the fact that there is no format to this song whatsoever? It started out with the hook, went to like a 14 bar verse where 8 of the lines finished with "and shit", another hook, then like another 18 bars that cuts to the hook before the last line even finishes. Genius!! T-Baby is single handedly changin the game back from "ringtone rap" to the tales of "harsch realities in the skreets".
Thank you T-Baby.
-Ollie keeps it so cold in the "V"
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
WEAKend Wrapup (Football rant)
Where do I even begin?
I guess my best bet is to just jump head first into the bed shitting that took place on Saturday. Im not going to mince words here. 8, yes thats right 8 of the top 25 ranked teams took L's this weekend. Of those 8 top 25 teams to get beat, 4 of them got beat by unranked opponents. Lets get right into it...
Instead of breaking down the games like i normally would, i decided to go a different route today. I'm going to match up the cheerleaders (head to head) from each school to decide who should have won based solely on the looks of their respective cheering sections.
Lets get down to business:
#23 Miami (FL) Hurricanes: 23
Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets: 41
Miami:
Im just not seein anything here to get excited about. The girls are very average. If this was my cheering squad i prolly wouldn't be bustin my ass for a W either. Second right however does look to have a little hook goin on, and that thigh looks right...
Georgia Tech:
I wasn't very successful in my quest to find Georgia Tech cheerleader photos... I imagine I know the reason why, this crazy eyed broad showed up pretty regularly during every search. So, if she's their baddest bitch, I cant believe this squad ever wins a game. I dont know how Georgia was able to whoop ass on Miami the way they did, but i know it has nothing to do with how (not) hot their cheerleaders are.
#2 Texas Tech Red Raiders: 21
#5 Oklahoma Sooners: 65
Texas Tech:
God damn son, this squad is really bringin some heat... I'm gonna go out on a limb and say these girls rival USC for the best lookin cheerleaders in the nation. In all fairness, the second photo is of the 2004 swim team, but who really cares, it just goes to illustrate my point of how bad this school and their girls are. Im lookin, and can't find one bad lookin hoe. How in the fizzuck does Texas Tech ever lose a game?
Oklahoma:
OK, so these girls dont rival Texas Tech in the slightest, but I aint mad at em. Smooth stomachs, cute faces, nice smiles, etc.. but there is a severe lack of thickness going on here. I see now how the boys at Oklahoma were able to put up 65 points against Texas Tech... they were scopin the other teams cheerleaders!!
#14 BYU: 24
#7 Utah: 48
BYU:
Lots of blondes. Thats standard for Utah based schools, they're all mormon. So, while they're all moderately to great looking, i'd say that approx. 65% of these birds are either married or engaged, and that, as we all know, brings a chicks hotness down several notches.
Utah:
yuck. These chicks are bringin' ZERO heat to the cheerleading game, but somehow Utah is undefeated and ranked #6 in the nation. If their cheerleaders are any indication of the talent they have faced, Utah is gonna get to' up when they go against a real football team (see: S.E.C.).
#15 Michigan State: 18
#8 Penn State: 49
Michigan State:
Ok, the girls are cute, and i'd say they earned more than 18 points from the #15 ranked team in the nation. But, thats just me.
#8 Penn State:
Whoa! This is the #8 team in the nation? Every girl on the right end is just homely. The looks of these broads did not warrant 49 points. There's a couple of cuties but the majority of the team is pretty rough (and thats putting it politely). Memo to Penn State, if you want to be the #8 team in the nation, this group of girls had better damn well be your D-squad.
Mississippi: 31
#18 LSU: 13
Mississippi:
These are just some random Ole Miss hoes cause finding a good team photo of the cheerleaders proved quite difficult. But, if these girls are any indication (except for 2nd left, those eyes are talkin to a player for some strange reason) the Mississippi cheerleaders would be the C-squad for Texas Tech or USC.
LSU:
This squad is called "the golden girls", and i think i know why. Every one of these tricks looks like she is 30+, and i cant for the life og me figure out if that is because of all the makeup these hoes is rockin or those god-awful hair-do's. The really tall bird with the glasses in the back row is kinda killin it for me. Bottom right however has what looks to be the start of a realllll nice thigh, hook, and arch game. See that front crease, thats tellin you everything you need to know. Overall, id say that LSU should have definitely whooped Mississippi ass.
#20 Pittsburgh: 21
#19 Cincinnati: 28
Pittsburgh:
WHOA!! At first i thought this picture was a joke, so i did a secondary search and BAM! got the same results. The combined weight of these 9 girls is more than the total weight of the entire "golden girls" (LSU) squad combined. OK, thats a stretch, but the point is made, if this is the kind of talent your bringin' to the table, its a miracle your football team has won a game.
Cincinnati:
This is a wild ass bunch, and I hate everything about this photo. The crooked visors (that shit is SOO fuckin corny), the halter tops, the red slacks, the looks on these hoes faces, and that dance routine they are doing looks like it was just awful as well. With all that said, the ugliest chick in this group is badder than the baddest bird from the pitt squad, so there's really no question how Cincinnati pulled out this W.
NC (North Carolina) State: 41
#22 North Carolina: 10
NC State:
These girls are breaking one of the cardinal rules of this blog... NO DIRTY WHITE KICKS!!! Look at this shit, everyone of these hoes' kicks are straight filthy (sorry, the photo is a little small) Gag. That shit makes me sick. I swear on urrrrythang i love, if Beyonce strolled up on me and said "Yo Ollie, you got the juice now, come hit this" and i looked down to see kicks like these (pick any of the girls in the above photo) i'd have to pass. STRAIGHT UP!
...Ok, thats a lie lol, but dont think you can get away with filthy kicks around me. Take some bleach and a toothbrush to those muhfuckas and get right!
North Carolina:
What an ugly group of girls. Except for second left, these girls should be playin men's lacrosse and cheerleading for Pittsburgh's heavyweights. Even though the NC State hoes are rockin filthy ass kicks, they are leaps and bounds above these bitches. Man, have a look at far right... high waisted skirt? check. Teeth like Barraca from street fighter? check. Lazy eye? check. Dude, this chick is prolly the biggest hoe on that campus too. You know how the ugly chicks give up way more ass than the bad bitches.
Florida State: 37
#25 Maryland: 3
Florida State:
Not bad, definitely doing some things right, but then you get to these birds who aren't even cheerleaders, they're just fans!!!
Is there any wonder how Florida State destroyed Maryland? Side note, the chick in the cowboy hat has some nekkid photos floatin around the web from a playboy shoot. Her name is Jenn Sterger (don't say i never gave you anything).
Maryland:
Yeah, id be standin around pissed off too if i looked like this and had to go up against Sterger and co.
Honorable mention to the girls from Arizona State University and UCLA for bringin that white girl thickness to the mainstream...
ASU:
Damn, even the skinny chick (second from my right) has a nice little hook and arch game.
UCLA:
That thigh work is the stuff of legends. Thanks for keepin it tight baby.
In other football news, The Tennessee Titans got handed their first L by the mighty Bretts, ahem, Jets. The Chargers lose again thanks to awful play calling from that jerk-off Norv Turner. **Side Note** the Chargers have now lost 4 games this season while being tied or having the lead with less than 24 seconds left in the game. EXTRA LARGE STEP YO GAME UP to the Chargers Defense. Good god fellas, we could easily be 8-3 and runnin the AFC west, instead we are in second place, and in danger of falling to 3rd behind an up and coming Raiders squad. Man I'm Sick...
A couple more of Jenn Sterger and Co. to bring me back from the edge...
Normally i dont praise the non thick white chick, cause ass will ALWAYS take precedent over titties, but theres somethin about the look in this girls eyes...
Or is it that enhanced chest plate?? I'ont know.
-Ollie the Don King of blogging
I guess my best bet is to just jump head first into the bed shitting that took place on Saturday. Im not going to mince words here. 8, yes thats right 8 of the top 25 ranked teams took L's this weekend. Of those 8 top 25 teams to get beat, 4 of them got beat by unranked opponents. Lets get right into it...
Instead of breaking down the games like i normally would, i decided to go a different route today. I'm going to match up the cheerleaders (head to head) from each school to decide who should have won based solely on the looks of their respective cheering sections.
Lets get down to business:
#23 Miami (FL) Hurricanes: 23
Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets: 41
Miami:
Im just not seein anything here to get excited about. The girls are very average. If this was my cheering squad i prolly wouldn't be bustin my ass for a W either. Second right however does look to have a little hook goin on, and that thigh looks right...
Georgia Tech:
I wasn't very successful in my quest to find Georgia Tech cheerleader photos... I imagine I know the reason why, this crazy eyed broad showed up pretty regularly during every search. So, if she's their baddest bitch, I cant believe this squad ever wins a game. I dont know how Georgia was able to whoop ass on Miami the way they did, but i know it has nothing to do with how (not) hot their cheerleaders are.
#2 Texas Tech Red Raiders: 21
#5 Oklahoma Sooners: 65
Texas Tech:
God damn son, this squad is really bringin some heat... I'm gonna go out on a limb and say these girls rival USC for the best lookin cheerleaders in the nation. In all fairness, the second photo is of the 2004 swim team, but who really cares, it just goes to illustrate my point of how bad this school and their girls are. Im lookin, and can't find one bad lookin hoe. How in the fizzuck does Texas Tech ever lose a game?
Oklahoma:
OK, so these girls dont rival Texas Tech in the slightest, but I aint mad at em. Smooth stomachs, cute faces, nice smiles, etc.. but there is a severe lack of thickness going on here. I see now how the boys at Oklahoma were able to put up 65 points against Texas Tech... they were scopin the other teams cheerleaders!!
#14 BYU: 24
#7 Utah: 48
BYU:
Lots of blondes. Thats standard for Utah based schools, they're all mormon. So, while they're all moderately to great looking, i'd say that approx. 65% of these birds are either married or engaged, and that, as we all know, brings a chicks hotness down several notches.
Utah:
yuck. These chicks are bringin' ZERO heat to the cheerleading game, but somehow Utah is undefeated and ranked #6 in the nation. If their cheerleaders are any indication of the talent they have faced, Utah is gonna get to' up when they go against a real football team (see: S.E.C.).
#15 Michigan State: 18
#8 Penn State: 49
Michigan State:
Ok, the girls are cute, and i'd say they earned more than 18 points from the #15 ranked team in the nation. But, thats just me.
#8 Penn State:
Whoa! This is the #8 team in the nation? Every girl on the right end is just homely. The looks of these broads did not warrant 49 points. There's a couple of cuties but the majority of the team is pretty rough (and thats putting it politely). Memo to Penn State, if you want to be the #8 team in the nation, this group of girls had better damn well be your D-squad.
Mississippi: 31
#18 LSU: 13
Mississippi:
These are just some random Ole Miss hoes cause finding a good team photo of the cheerleaders proved quite difficult. But, if these girls are any indication (except for 2nd left, those eyes are talkin to a player for some strange reason) the Mississippi cheerleaders would be the C-squad for Texas Tech or USC.
LSU:
This squad is called "the golden girls", and i think i know why. Every one of these tricks looks like she is 30+, and i cant for the life og me figure out if that is because of all the makeup these hoes is rockin or those god-awful hair-do's. The really tall bird with the glasses in the back row is kinda killin it for me. Bottom right however has what looks to be the start of a realllll nice thigh, hook, and arch game. See that front crease, thats tellin you everything you need to know. Overall, id say that LSU should have definitely whooped Mississippi ass.
#20 Pittsburgh: 21
#19 Cincinnati: 28
Pittsburgh:
WHOA!! At first i thought this picture was a joke, so i did a secondary search and BAM! got the same results. The combined weight of these 9 girls is more than the total weight of the entire "golden girls" (LSU) squad combined. OK, thats a stretch, but the point is made, if this is the kind of talent your bringin' to the table, its a miracle your football team has won a game.
Cincinnati:
This is a wild ass bunch, and I hate everything about this photo. The crooked visors (that shit is SOO fuckin corny), the halter tops, the red slacks, the looks on these hoes faces, and that dance routine they are doing looks like it was just awful as well. With all that said, the ugliest chick in this group is badder than the baddest bird from the pitt squad, so there's really no question how Cincinnati pulled out this W.
NC (North Carolina) State: 41
#22 North Carolina: 10
NC State:
These girls are breaking one of the cardinal rules of this blog... NO DIRTY WHITE KICKS!!! Look at this shit, everyone of these hoes' kicks are straight filthy (sorry, the photo is a little small) Gag. That shit makes me sick. I swear on urrrrythang i love, if Beyonce strolled up on me and said "Yo Ollie, you got the juice now, come hit this" and i looked down to see kicks like these (pick any of the girls in the above photo) i'd have to pass. STRAIGHT UP!
...Ok, thats a lie lol, but dont think you can get away with filthy kicks around me. Take some bleach and a toothbrush to those muhfuckas and get right!
North Carolina:
What an ugly group of girls. Except for second left, these girls should be playin men's lacrosse and cheerleading for Pittsburgh's heavyweights. Even though the NC State hoes are rockin filthy ass kicks, they are leaps and bounds above these bitches. Man, have a look at far right... high waisted skirt? check. Teeth like Barraca from street fighter? check. Lazy eye? check. Dude, this chick is prolly the biggest hoe on that campus too. You know how the ugly chicks give up way more ass than the bad bitches.
Florida State: 37
#25 Maryland: 3
Florida State:
Not bad, definitely doing some things right, but then you get to these birds who aren't even cheerleaders, they're just fans!!!
Is there any wonder how Florida State destroyed Maryland? Side note, the chick in the cowboy hat has some nekkid photos floatin around the web from a playboy shoot. Her name is Jenn Sterger (don't say i never gave you anything).
Maryland:
Yeah, id be standin around pissed off too if i looked like this and had to go up against Sterger and co.
Honorable mention to the girls from Arizona State University and UCLA for bringin that white girl thickness to the mainstream...
ASU:
Damn, even the skinny chick (second from my right) has a nice little hook and arch game.
UCLA:
That thigh work is the stuff of legends. Thanks for keepin it tight baby.
In other football news, The Tennessee Titans got handed their first L by the mighty Bretts, ahem, Jets. The Chargers lose again thanks to awful play calling from that jerk-off Norv Turner. **Side Note** the Chargers have now lost 4 games this season while being tied or having the lead with less than 24 seconds left in the game. EXTRA LARGE STEP YO GAME UP to the Chargers Defense. Good god fellas, we could easily be 8-3 and runnin the AFC west, instead we are in second place, and in danger of falling to 3rd behind an up and coming Raiders squad. Man I'm Sick...
A couple more of Jenn Sterger and Co. to bring me back from the edge...
Normally i dont praise the non thick white chick, cause ass will ALWAYS take precedent over titties, but theres somethin about the look in this girls eyes...
Or is it that enhanced chest plate?? I'ont know.
-Ollie the Don King of blogging
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