Anonymous Haters: SHOTS FIRED!!

Or somethin' dumb ass corny like that...

Isn't the internet grand? You get to peep game on all the girls you used to scam on in high school, you get to keep in touch with your 3rd cousin named Brutus, your mom is your friend on facebook keepin tabs on what you're up to, but most importantly, you get to be a complete fuckin idiot behind the privacy of your keyboard...

I swear on all things I find holy, (read: thick white women, Chicago Cubs baseball, '94-'01 hip hop; with some exceptions, Lilith Fair jokes in real time and a good ol' fashioned ass whoopin).. Wait, where was I at?

Oh yeah, fuckin... Nothin better than wakin up in the morning and deciding to go take a look at your favorite blogger's favorite blog (read: this one) and deciding that because I haven't posted in 2 months that I somehow fell off and forgot how to make a grown man look stupid in front of his girl... AHNNNNT. Stop that bullshit right chyeah.. I took some time off, but no god damnit, NO, I did not quit, or give up or stop thinking the things i think and doing the things I do, I just decided that my time is more valuable to me than it is to you... (that shit rhymed completely on accident but it was hot...)

..Oh yeah, real hot fire (Dylan, Dylan, Dylan) for those that missed that joke, you suck at life anyways so just continue being barely average while I continue to be barely average. See what I did there? That was some Diplomat double usage type shit that just pushed your wig back 2 sizes.

Back to the things that matter (read: my opinions):

1. Save for maybe Terrence Thornton, Hip Hop past 2003 sucks. Yes I said it, and I'll stand right the fuck by it and guard it with my life... Yes, I listened to your boy Khalifa, not impressed. Yes, I youtubed the fuck right outta the current champ of mixtape rappers J.Cole, brrrapp. But because I feel contractually obligated I will hold it down for hometown hero Fashawn, cause he does his thing, in a new type-a-way and he's a real young cat too. Oh and RESPECT to my man MAKESHIFT, cause he does a lot more than just make raps, he makes songs and composes albums. And while i'm on it, Piff Herrera does the damn thing too.. So there. I guess I can contradict myself if I feel like it, I mean shit, it's my party right? Try to rain on my parade cupcake see if I give half a shit...

2. Saying FAIL is the biggest, for lack of a better word, FAIL, a person can do in life. On my unborn child, if I hear you say FAIL out loud to me, I will make your girlfriend cry. Understood? If any adverbs such as Epic, Ultra, Super, etc. are used,
I will add in a 5 point palm exploding heart technique punch courtesy of Pai Mei.

3. This shit is kinda old, but damnit if I won't speak on it. Nothin' pissed me off more in the last few months than you jerk offs tryna tell me that because the Earth's rotation moved off it's normal pivot (paraphrased, click the link if you somehow missed that bullshit) that I somehow am no longer a Leo... The fuck? Are a person's idiosyncrasies all of a sudden changed because 16,000 years of the lunar cycle have passed? I'm no longer a stubborn fuckin' prick with an ego the size of Texas because the Earth's tilt slipped .25mm? That was just stupid. People are who they are, not because of the planets alignment, but because of how they were raised... now maybe it was the mixture of Leo/Scorpio that made me the miserable piece of shit that I am today, or maybe it was heartbreaks early in life that made me such a cynic, maybe it was my selection of friends in elementary school that made me feel so superior to everyone, maybe... But what I do know as an absolute certainty is this: It wasn't Earth's alignment with the North Star that made me love early 90's bay area rap music, the Wu-Tang Clan, and the feel of a woman's breast (pause), it was the people around me. Now I guess for you hyperactive astrological believer's (side bar: I sure hope i'm not attracting these type of people here) I suppose you could make the argument that it was in fact the Earth's alignment with the stars at the particular time I was born that made me choose the friends I choose, etc. etc. that ultimately led me to this point right here... to that I say... Go fuck yourself. That's just dumb. And more to the point, wouldn't that ultimately lead back to my point that my sign is my sign is my sign is my sign?? Wow, my brain is scrambled eggs right now. I wrote that and am lost, if you somehow navigated thru that than Kudos to you.

4. I am more than likely better than you at more things than I care to list. But the thing that matters most is that I am most likely better than you at life. Jesus that was so unnecessary to say and maybe one of the dumbest things I've ever written. But, this is my blog and I'll critique if I want to.

5. The Ancient Aliens theory is the most interesting stuff available to the world right now, and anyone dumb enough to discredit this theory due strictly to their religious beliefs is dumber than a progressive commercial.

6. Dudes with tongue rings are homosexual, no if's, and's, or but's.

I think that's enough for now.

Oh yeah, R.I.P. Elizabeth Taylor, you were really somethin' in your day.

Love,

Ollie da Don.

Another One Bites the Dust

R.I.P. Brittany Murphy.

I don't care to speculate, so I'll say I know for certain that she died from a heart attack as a result of her heroin addiction. It sucks.

-Olls

Michael Jackson, Haunting From the Grave

Yo, peep this wild shit. Maybe it's just shadows, but nonetheless, it's "thrilling"...



-Olls

R.I.P. Billy Mays

Peace to Ignored Prayers for the flick.

-Ollser

Yo, On Some Real Shit...

Michael Michael Michael you my nigggggaaaaahhhhhh...



Ron Artest, you a fool for this one.

-Ollie

I'm Bored

The only thing anyone in the world seems to care about is the death of Michael Jackson.

I know I said I wouldn't be discussing it anymore but some new stuff has come to light.

People are commiting suicide over this "tragedy". Seriously. TMZ or some other stupid website reported that there have been at least 12 confirmed deaths by suicide since the king of pop bit the dust.

What the hell people?

Also, there is supposed to be an open casket viewing of the body, OPEN TO THE PUBLIC on Friday July 3rd, 2009.

At least I got that going for me.

-Olls

Michael Jackson Died:

My man Bill (what up Bill?), loyal BAMA reader #9 (I think) out in Colorado hit me with an e-mail stating his disappointment with the lack of content concerning the tragic death of Michael Jackson...

In all seriousness, I had planned on just moving forward and letting the rest of the world pine over this "loss" and never saying a word about it.

However, since I was specifically asked for my take on the situation, here are my sentiments regarding the untimely death of Michael Jackson:

First of all, death sucks. No matter who has died, someone is hurt by their passing. As a result, I will try and sugar coat this to spare feelings for the time being.

Suffice it to say that I was shocked. With Farrah Fawcett dying just hours before M.J. it didn't seem real to me.

With all of that said, I don't really care that Michael Jackson is dead.

I didn't look up to him.

He wasn't a big influence on my life.

Sure, he gave us mad classics in his day, but in all honestly "his day" was well before I was old enough to care about what was/wasn't classic.

By the time I was old enough to concern myself with Michael Jackson, the only tangible things for me to associate with him were his wild ass antics:





***Side Note*** My homie Sherman that lives down south once told me about how he went to Neverland Ranch as a school field trip. Now I'm not saying Sherman got touched, but he is definitely a wierd cat and took the loss of MJ harder than the rest of us. HAHA.



So for me to sit here and say that I am going to miss him, or that I am saddened by his death in any way would be a lie.

I mean, in reality, I don't care becuase I'm a heartless bastard, but more importantly I don't care because it does not effect me personally AT ALL.

Everything good Michael had to offer us musically had already been recorded and released, so the loss of him as an "artist" is unrealistic. The cold truth of the matter is that he was an old man, past his prime, and the stigma of his legal battles would outshine him for the rest of his career.

Furthermore, I want to discuss the general public's reactions to this death.

There seems to be two accepted responses to the death of Michael Jackson.

1. "Fuck him. He was a child molesting sociopath and will be burning in hell."

OR...

2. "Michael was a huge influence on my life. The most important person ever. I don't know how I am going to live without Michael being alive."

Wah-Wah-Waaaaahhhh.

Both of those opinions are stupid and contrived.

#1. FACT: MJ never touched you or anyone you know. He was never convicted. Shit, in all seriousness, he honestly didn't see anything wrong with letting a child sleep in his bed. Now, that may be creepy, but it isn't technically illegal. I wouldn't let my kids sleep with MJ, but that doesn't mean I want him to burn in hell. He was a victim of circumstance. Dude had ZERO childhood. His father was an abusive lunatic. He seriously thought there was nothing wrong with hangin out with a chimpanzee and playing house/doctor with children. Dude was unstable to say the least, but I am not completely convinced that he was the monster that the extremists make him out to be. Don't get it twisted, I am not condoning ANY of Michael's escapades, just saying, for the sake of argument, maybe he wasn't as bad as people made him out to be.

#2. All these "Michael was such an inspiration in my life..." bullshitters. FUCK YOU.

To anyone under the age of say, I'ontknow, 25 (and thats being generous), that says Michael was the reason you were in show business and that you wouldn't be here without him and alladat bullshit, SHUT...THE...FUCK...UP. No one cares. Seriously.

And the white people. Punk rockers. folk singers. etc...



(Yeah I'm talking to/about you John Mayer. You fucking dork.)

you just sound dumb. MJ didn't do anything for you personally. He didn't care if you were alive or dead. Why the fuck do you feel so special or entitled?

What it all boils down to is this:

If you didn't know M.J. personally, you shouldn't be grieving his death. It makes you look like a dick.

Let's let the man die and remember the cool things he gave to us:

The moonwalk was fucking awesome and groudbreaking in it's day:



and these L.A. Gear's were the business. I bet they are fetching a pretty penny on ebay right now.



That is all I have to say regarding this topic and am now closing the vault. I hope that is sufficient.

-Ollie the Heartless

Farrah Fawcett Died Today

So let's do the right thing and just check out her ill rack from the playboy hey-day.

NSFW HERE.

R.I.P.

-Uncle Ollie

Gangster's Paradise

I saw this and just had to post it:



I don't really remember what website I jacked the photo from and honestly don't care.

I am blown away.

That's an ice cold casket right there dog.

-Ollie

Bea Arthur Passes Away

Saturday April 25, 2009 marked a sad day in the world of comedy. Actress/comedian Bea Arthur passed away at the ripe old age of 86 from cancer.

The world will remember her dry wit and sarcasm. She was great. I still watch "The Golden Girls" from time to time and I'm not ashamed to admit it.

CLICK HERE to see Bea Arthur naked. C'mon I know you want to.

R.I.P. ol' girl.

-Ollie

The Greatest Rapper Of All Time Died On March 9th?

I don't neccessarily agree with the general concensus that Biggie was the greatest rapper of all time, but he definitely did his thing. It was 12 years ago today that Biggie Smalls, a.k.a. The Notorious B.I.G., a.k.a. The Black Frank White, a.k.a. Big Poppa, etc. was gunned down in cold blood.

To this day, the murder remains unsolved. This little fact always urked me a little. Biggie and Tupac were both murdered within a year of each other and both murders are still open investigations.

Conspiracy? I am a big conspiracy buff. And I've watched the documentaries about both of these cats' murders. I'll say this: personally I can see where people would get the idea that these homicides remain unsolved for reasons other than a lack of evidence. These are two crimes that will never be solved because the people behind the curtains pullin' the strings don't want them to be solved.

Whatever it is, R.I.P. Biggie Smalls. May 21, 1972 – March 9, 1997.



-Ollie

The Search Is Over:

For those that still rely on the BAMA for their news intake, you probably haven’t heard about this. A brief recap:

Several Football players, including Marquis Cooper (formerly of the Raiders), Corey Smith (current free agent), and William Bleakley (South Florida standout) were out on a fishing boat off the coast of Florida over the weekend when their boat capsized due to hazardous weather conditions. Another football player, whose name I forgot was found sometime later clinging to the engine bay of the capsized boat. The rest of the bodies have not been found.

Here’s to hoping that football players, Marquis Cooper, Corey Smith, and William Bleakley (all pictured below) have somehow managed to find the fictional island from LOST and are still awaiting the rescue boats.

Unfortunately, the sad truth of the matter is that these 3 fellas have been considered dead and the search for them has officially been called off.
I can’t speak on the loss to professional sports considering I’ve never heard of any of these cats, but on a personal level, condolences to the families of the men lost at sea.







Just to lighten the mood a little, I thought brothas were afraid of the water, and more importantly the ocean?

R.I.P.

-Ollie

Throwback Thursday: Rocket Science

This post is particularly close to me for several reasons.

First of all, the photo that you will see in the video is the cover of the MHZ "Table Scraps" album. The photo was taken by our late friend Justin Zuk, but the illest part about it is that Zuk just took a picture of his table. The way it sat the day of the "photo shoot". Yeah, for the "hip hop" heads out there you will notice the "Twist" bottle on the table. Who's TWIST? Legendary graffiti writer out of the bay. His bottles now fetch a pretty penny on EBAY. R.I.P. Z.

Second, I'm pretty sure the homie Sam from FTKconstruction.com, got the credit for the layout and design.

Third, it was executive produced by their then manager Bobby Naugle. This guy gave me one of my favorite mixtapes to date back in like '96-'97. The aptly titled "For The Kids" joint.

Finally, one of the most surreal "hip hop" moments in my life came while I was maxin out with Bobby, Copywrite (first emcee on the track), and Cage (of Eminem beef, "Agent Orange" fame). The four of us were coolin in a hotel room down in L.A. listening to Cage tell us how all he needed was a Just Blaze beat and his single would be bigger than Eminem's. At that time, Eminem was going out of his way to diss Cage at least once an album, it was a fairly big deal. Anyways, so we just finished eating Fat Burger when out of nowhere "Role Model" (one of the singles off of The Slim Shady L.P.) came on. I just look up to notice Cage straight heated. In the song, Eminem says:

"...Ran on stage and sprayed Cage with Agent orange then wiped my ass with his page in source..."

This triggered a series of events that ultimately lead to me and Bobby rollin out.

Anyways, back to the story, Copywrite is an extremely cool cat outside of the studio, but when he is destroying "you" on a track, he is one of the meanest muhfucka's on the planet. And I love it. Enjoy...



"I've seen tighter (w)rappers on a candy bar"...

-Ollie

Aint no future in yo' frontin

And MC Breed knew it. The Flint, Michigan native passed away over the weekend due to Kidney failure. Breed was a legend early in the game.He hit the folks with one of the most identifiable beats in hip hop history.

MC Breed - Aint no future in yo' frontin'



MC Breed ft. Tupac - Gotta get mine



MC Breed - Just Kickin' It



R.I.P. Big homie.

-Oliver Wrist