Agenda Tradeshow August 2010

Here is a photo recap from my recent excursion to Agenda's fall show.

Fuck Krew:



Free beers! Oh, no only for buyers. Wack. Youre going to deny beers to the writer of the most influential blog on the web? Well, fuck your skinny jeans and long hair cornballs. Krew used to be that ish, now they have fallen off. Not a good look...

The Grenade crew: Kass, Dingo, Vito, and others...



Dante Ross and Felix Arguelles (spelling?)



Dante Ross is my favorite white boy for real, and Felix has been a staple in skateboarding for decades. Unfortunately for Felix, he's now pushin that Famous Stars and Straps stuff a little too hard for my tastes... but hey, to each their own. It surely doesn't take away from his contributions to the world of skateboarding tho.. And what can you say about Dante? This dude used to be the road manager for Eric B. and Rakim. He managed Ol' Dirty Bastard for cryin outloud.. This dude is so fuckin' hip hop.. See video below from theberrics.com series "hip hop history 101"...



Cute little birdie at the Agenda booth, she was cool enough to watch my backpack for me. I see you Monica. She didnt want me to take her picture, so obviously I did...



Drama in the building..



Side note, the Young & Reckless brand is run by nothing but 40+ men with bad haircuts... Here is my best attempt to get some evidence of these old bastards..



Is that a wave cut? Jeezussss homie not a good look.

My feelings on Young & Reckless go like this.. I think Drama is pretty funny on the fantasy factory stuff, I think he had a good idea for his branding, and with Rob Dyrdek's help, this company should be HUGE, unfortunately, the designs are stale and boring, the management are a bunch of old dudes tryin to stay hip and relevant, and overall this brand is just lacking. Add to that the fact that Drama's "manager" is a tool belt, and the shit just doesn't get my stamp of approval. Sorry Drama, but youre still my boy..

Snoop made an appearance:



HAHA... So the story goes like this.. I got incredibly drunk early in the day. Like, I started on the sauce around 10 am, drank solid thru 4:30 or so, and went back to the homie's crib with a genius plan... I'm gonna take a quick nap, and recharge the batteries then hit the club hard.. Unfortunately I woke up more drained than when I went to sleep, and barely had it in me to go to the after party. But I did indeed go, unfortunately I missed the Warren G. performance, but such is life. I'd like to take a second to give a shout out to Panda from partywithpanda.com for takin a shitload of flicks that I missed when I left a bit early that night. If you didnt get what you were lookin for, check out his site, he did a great photo essay, or whatever you want to call it..

On to the Black Bull chop house for the evening's festivities..







This homie was AGGRESSIVE with his pursuit of chicks, it was no joke...



























-Oliver Wrist

My Favorite Kid Ever:

How pumped is he right now?

I've seen these pics, as I'm sure the rest of you have and homegirl is straight up AVERAGE at best. If she wasn't a "celebrity", no one would even be trippin. Seen alot of girls naked in my time, and trust in your boy, she ain't even top 20.

With all that said, my little asian homie is officially NPB icicle status. Keep grindin'...

-Olls

You Can't be Serious

The worst fucking guy since Joe Rogan is now getting paid appearance fees to show up and host parties?

This is some sort of cruel prank. Has to be. John Gosselin sucks so much dick...

-Ollie the Hateful

Michael Jackson Died:

My man Bill (what up Bill?), loyal BAMA reader #9 (I think) out in Colorado hit me with an e-mail stating his disappointment with the lack of content concerning the tragic death of Michael Jackson...

In all seriousness, I had planned on just moving forward and letting the rest of the world pine over this "loss" and never saying a word about it.

However, since I was specifically asked for my take on the situation, here are my sentiments regarding the untimely death of Michael Jackson:

First of all, death sucks. No matter who has died, someone is hurt by their passing. As a result, I will try and sugar coat this to spare feelings for the time being.

Suffice it to say that I was shocked. With Farrah Fawcett dying just hours before M.J. it didn't seem real to me.

With all of that said, I don't really care that Michael Jackson is dead.

I didn't look up to him.

He wasn't a big influence on my life.

Sure, he gave us mad classics in his day, but in all honestly "his day" was well before I was old enough to care about what was/wasn't classic.

By the time I was old enough to concern myself with Michael Jackson, the only tangible things for me to associate with him were his wild ass antics:





***Side Note*** My homie Sherman that lives down south once told me about how he went to Neverland Ranch as a school field trip. Now I'm not saying Sherman got touched, but he is definitely a wierd cat and took the loss of MJ harder than the rest of us. HAHA.



So for me to sit here and say that I am going to miss him, or that I am saddened by his death in any way would be a lie.

I mean, in reality, I don't care becuase I'm a heartless bastard, but more importantly I don't care because it does not effect me personally AT ALL.

Everything good Michael had to offer us musically had already been recorded and released, so the loss of him as an "artist" is unrealistic. The cold truth of the matter is that he was an old man, past his prime, and the stigma of his legal battles would outshine him for the rest of his career.

Furthermore, I want to discuss the general public's reactions to this death.

There seems to be two accepted responses to the death of Michael Jackson.

1. "Fuck him. He was a child molesting sociopath and will be burning in hell."

OR...

2. "Michael was a huge influence on my life. The most important person ever. I don't know how I am going to live without Michael being alive."

Wah-Wah-Waaaaahhhh.

Both of those opinions are stupid and contrived.

#1. FACT: MJ never touched you or anyone you know. He was never convicted. Shit, in all seriousness, he honestly didn't see anything wrong with letting a child sleep in his bed. Now, that may be creepy, but it isn't technically illegal. I wouldn't let my kids sleep with MJ, but that doesn't mean I want him to burn in hell. He was a victim of circumstance. Dude had ZERO childhood. His father was an abusive lunatic. He seriously thought there was nothing wrong with hangin out with a chimpanzee and playing house/doctor with children. Dude was unstable to say the least, but I am not completely convinced that he was the monster that the extremists make him out to be. Don't get it twisted, I am not condoning ANY of Michael's escapades, just saying, for the sake of argument, maybe he wasn't as bad as people made him out to be.

#2. All these "Michael was such an inspiration in my life..." bullshitters. FUCK YOU.

To anyone under the age of say, I'ontknow, 25 (and thats being generous), that says Michael was the reason you were in show business and that you wouldn't be here without him and alladat bullshit, SHUT...THE...FUCK...UP. No one cares. Seriously.

And the white people. Punk rockers. folk singers. etc...



(Yeah I'm talking to/about you John Mayer. You fucking dork.)

you just sound dumb. MJ didn't do anything for you personally. He didn't care if you were alive or dead. Why the fuck do you feel so special or entitled?

What it all boils down to is this:

If you didn't know M.J. personally, you shouldn't be grieving his death. It makes you look like a dick.

Let's let the man die and remember the cool things he gave to us:

The moonwalk was fucking awesome and groudbreaking in it's day:



and these L.A. Gear's were the business. I bet they are fetching a pretty penny on ebay right now.



That is all I have to say regarding this topic and am now closing the vault. I hope that is sufficient.

-Ollie the Heartless

Perz Hilton vs. Will.I.am: Who Gives A Shit?

Aight so, I am sure by now that all 7 of the readers of this blog (I think we lost Kristen to the small pox or something) have heard about this story being spun in the media concerning Perez Hilton getting lumped up by Will.I.Am's tour manager.

A quick breakdown of the scenario plays like this:

This fat, obnoxious tub-o-lard:



called this "leader of the macho movement" a fucking faggot:



The nerve of some people... HAHA.

I mean, for real tho, will.i.am has never been accused of being the most masculine of men, but nonetheless, if Perez Hilton, the self proclaimed "Queen of all media" (barf) calls you a "fucking faggot", you literally have no choice but to lump his skull up with zero regard for the consequences.

So after will.i.am's manager stepped up and delivered the ass whoopin to end all ass whoopin's...



Wait... Seriously? The scratch under your eye is the aftermath of that severe smackdown homeboy allegedly layed on your candy ass Perez?

GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE SON!!!

I have had worse paper cuts than that...

Of course the only logical solution to this fisticuffs you were involved in is to make a series of videos and release them to the internets for all the world to see and begin to take sides...

This is a good little sum-up video of both participants going at it. The original Perez video was 12 minutes of his blubbery ass crying like a little girl with a scraped knee. Yo, gay or not, you are a grown man son. Act your age and gender fareal.



I was gigglin hard at will.i.am in that video tho. Homie is straight laughing at being called a "fag" but quite possible the gayest cat in Hollywood.

I want to get serious for a second here though.

The general consensus seems to be that "the situation should have never became violent".

FUCK THAT. Straight up.

I aint no thug, but you better believe somebody gets that sideways with me they aren't walking away that easy. One little scratch under his eye would only be the start. I'm talkin BEAT_DOWN.

Moral of the story? will.i.am disappointed me by not going harder. I hate Perez Hilton and given the chance I would beat 7 shades of shit out of him.

Go hard!!

-Olls

Leighton Meester Sex Tape

Yes, you read that right. But who is Leighton Meester?



Leighton Meester is the sexy little tomcat from the t.v. show "Gossip Girl".

Interestingly enough, I don't watch Gossip girl. I mean, I watch every other teenage angst ridden, 30 year olds playing high school kids, bullshit drama on television but the one with this hot little piece is the one I've been missing.

Peep the tail game (is there a tail game?)...



The rumors about the tape are that there isnt really any balls deep penetration happening here but she is naked a good chunk of the time (with lots of T&A) and then there is several minutes of a footjob?

What is my man thinking? You got one of the hottest little numbers on the market parading around naked for you in all her young glory and you want her to rub her feet on your dick and balls?

Are you kidding me dude?

Here's the "cover" for the tape that homie is shopping around...



We'll just have to wait til the tape hits the streets to know if that dress up there is an optical illusion of tail.

Trust in your good Uncle Ollie, when the tape hits the web, you will have the links.

-Uncle Ollie the Faithful

Repost: Am I the only one who sees the resemblance?

So normally i stray away from goin at other bloggers, especially ones that get like a million hits a day, but i couldnt help but notice this and thought i'd throw it out there to see if anyone else is seein' it...



I mean seriously, Perez Hilton and Harry Henderson look like brothers dog. Need more proof??



peep those doggies homie he "could catch a salmon swimmin upstream with those eagles claws"...

-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAlllover

Spencer Pratt: The Rapper

By now you have all heard that Spencer Pratt has decided to run with his fame and parlay it into a rap career, and if you haven't then Fuck You.

Here's the video of this goon doin his thug-thizzle:



What a creepy flesh colored beard.

I gotta give it up to my man tho, he sticks to the script and stays controversial. He knows what keeps his name in the media and he runs with it.

Well played Spence.

-Ollie

Angelina Jolie's Hotness Is All In Your Head:

Yeah I said it, now what you gon' do?

As I promised yesterday, I have every intention of debunking Angelina Jolie's hot factor. I am not one of those people who just accept things. The whole world has been brainwashed into believing that Ms. Jolie is the hottest chick on the planet. I just don't see it. I never really have.

I know what you're thinking, "Ollie, you're crazy dude, she's blazin hot", and I would expect nothing less from the male readers of this blog because you have been programmed to "believe the hype".

Let's get right down to the reasoning behind this blasphemous statement that Angelina Jolie is not hot.

Exhibit A: It's all surgically enhanced.



You see that shit? Back before the world ever knew who she was, she was like a 5 at best. But thanks to the help of plastic surgery (in more than one area) she has become this global sensation.

I've been on record on more than one occasion denouncing the use of plastic surgery to create a girl's hotness. It's cheating. I can't look at her the same after seeing that before and after photo. I really hope I've ruined her for you as well...

Exhibit B: Pale skin.



I don't know about ya'll, but vampires don't do it for me. This bitches skin tone is "kleenex". I can't get the image of her playing the role of "Gia" and being a fucking heroin junkie out of my mind. She just played the part a little too well if you ask me. I'm pretty sure she has been on methodone or some derivitive of heroin since that movie came out back in like '96, which would explain...

Exhibit C: She's too skinny.



YUCK!! I mean would you look at those chicken legs? You really trying to tell me that those stems are sexy? Really? You're out of your god damned mind. I couldn't find a good recent picture of her lanky ass arms but I assume they look something like those straight out of a comic book skeletor arms Madonna's old ass has been sportin as of late...



Plus her face is hella boney. About 8 years ago, I'll admit that Angelina's face was on point. But ever since she started practicing Kabalah or whatever the fuck religion is cool these days she is just lookin' haggard.



Exhibit D: Her tattoos suck.




I know everyone thinks her tattoos are dope because she had the witchdoctor from some South African tribe ink her up with a hammer and a wooden spear, but that shit don't impress me. In fact, all it does is make your tattoos look like shit and makes you look like even more of a dick. "Oh I had this done in the alps after a 3 day peyote binge"... FUCK OFF you dumb cunt. You still suck.

Exhibit E: Her movies suck.



Enough said.

Honorable mention: Wanted, Gone in 60 Seconds, Beowulf, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, etc. I could go on and on.

Exhibit F: Billy Bob Thornton.



Billy Bob Thornton put his dick inside of her. She wore a vile of his blood around her neck and had his name tattooed on her arm. If that doesn't tell you how far off the reservation this bird is, I don't know what will. Perhaps...

Exhibit G: She has 19 adopted children.



Ok maybe not, but she's damn near got a baseball team. She adopts them from all over the world too. I mean, she couldn't just focus on one region so as to keep a common element amongst the children?? Nope, I want one from Taiwan, one from Guatemala, one from Africa, one from Germany, and then I'm gonna cook up a couple of twins of my own just to show you little foreigners how little you mean to me. These kids are just accessories. I'm not even being cold hearted, it's flat out true.

Which brings me to my final piece of evidence,

Exhibit H: Her holier than thou attitude.



The above picture has nothing to do with this particular point, but it makes her look reeeeeaaaalllly bad, so I included it. This bitch thinks she's the business cause she adopted a few kids and parades them around for her own selfish needs. These children obviously have better lives now, but lets face it, she has to be the biggest pain in the ass ever. She's got more money than God, but dresses the kids in rags to show them that money isn't important while she stunts around town with her 30 million dollar blood diamond on her finger. Which incidentally is the only reason the African kid got adopted. She felt bad about her Sierra Leone diamond so she adopted the kid who mined it and figured it was even. Fucking cunt.

In all seriousness, Angelina Jolie is a fraud. From her looks right down to her faux humanitarianism. She's ugly on the inside and it bleeds right through her see through skin (cause it's so pale, get it?).

In her defense, her J's are on point and the lip game is fierce. See, I'm a fair dude, I give credit when it is due. But overall though, I am convinced that Angelina Jolie is a self serving bitch that has mind control powers. I mean, she made Brad Pitt wife it. That's fuckin Brad Pitt, the guy could literally have any woman on earth. It blows me away.

I'm done hatin for now.

-Ollie the Cold Hearted