Hold The Fuckin' Phone: Shyne is Out?!?!

This day has seriously been on my mind for years now. The release of Jamal Barrow a.k.a. Shyne Po of the once infamous, now debunkt Bad Boy family. Oh you didn't hear? Combat Jack put the people up on what was really poppin' behind the scenes at Bad Boy over on his blog, Daily-Math.com. The Reader's Digest version goes like this... Diddy tried to strongarm Interscope records, frontin' like he was still top billin' for the heavy loot cakes, Interscope responded with, what now looks to me, like a straight hostile takeover and sat Diddy's punk ass down with the quickness. Bad Boy headquarters is now officially closed down, and Bad Boy records as a label, as a movement, as the epicenter for some of the most classic hip hop tracks ever created, will now be manned from a corner office at Interscope records, withOUT Diddy pullin the strings.

Wait... Seriously? Bad Boy with no Diddy? I'm gonna go on record now and say that Bad Boy will never officially release another GOLD album for the rest of it's existence. The wheels have fallen off. The dynasty is finished. Like so many before it (read: Roc-A-Fella, Death Row, Loud, etc.), Bad Boy has gone the way of the Buffalo. Has the last great piece of Hip Hop history fallen at our feet? The signs of Armageddon are real people. Let's read thru Nostradomus' works and cross reference the words Diddy/Bad Boy/End of Times, I'm sure Science can figure out a way to Blame Puff for ending the world. I mean, he did end Shyne's life...

Or did he...?

I'm not sure if it is neccessary or not to give the back story as to what happened that cold New York City night that ended with Shyne takin' the hit for the squad (like a true soldier), but I have to assume that all the minions and followers are not quite "up on shit".

The story that I believe most, (again, no one but J.Lo, Puff, Shyne, and a few other select individuals truly know what popped), is that Puff got yoked, decided to flex his bitchassness and pop a few shots at some cats to impress J.Lo, then threw the gun in Shyne's lap and said: "Do you want your record to come out? Take the heat".

Shyne, at this time was still a 21 year old goon straight out of the gutters of NY's mean streets, thuggin is in his blood, and at this time in the world of hip hop, what Puff said, was gospel.

Fast forward 3+ months, Shyne is facing 10 years for attempted murder, amongst other things. The verdict is read. Guilty.



The man who was supposed to bring Bad Boy back to the spot they so desperately sought after the loss of Biggie, is now takin' that trip up North for what, on paper, was reading as 10 full years.

Shyne goes up, and Diddy does as he promised and releases Shyne's first solo album to critical acclaim.

Pause... Some posts require some background music, and this, my dear friends, is one of them.



Press play before you move any further.

Shyne is the definition of Bad Boy. At the time of his arrest, Shyne had quite literally been, quote, unquote, "fuckin with" Puff for no more than a few months, but still sacked up and took the heat for Diddy's bitch ass to prove himself worthy of the throne that Biggie had left vacant some 2 years prior.

I'm gonna say this now and stand by it 'til the day I die, Shyne had the potential to be, excuse me for this, "That Nigga". I mean for real, for real. Shyne had it.

So now Shyne is hemmed up, troopin the bid like a loyal soldier.

The paparazzi caught Puff after the sentencing and asked him how he felt about the verdict...



Me too Puff, me fucking too.

This was all in 2000. In the years to follow, Shyne would remain silent behind the walls, never speakin out about the night in question, never givin up Puff and fingering him (no homo) as the man responsible, and how does Puff repay that debt?



naddagoodlook Puff...



The legacy that once housed the likes of Craig Mack, Black Rob, Notorious B.I.Fuckin G., The Lox, Junior Mafia, Lil Kim, etc. is now home to wack ass bullshit artists and cat-like motherfuckers like Que?

Oh hell nah Puff. Biggie is rollin in his grave every time Making The Band hits the airwaves.

Oh, and let's not forget the fact that Puff actually turned this hoe out:



(Quietly, on the low, yes I would.)

Where was I?

Oh right... Diddy is out here doin the Harlem Shuffle and building an empire all on the back and shoulders of Shyne's word as a man. It's the code of the street, it's the world I live in, "Snitches get Stitches", and Shyne never snitched. Not a word.



Let's just say, Shyne is out, and EVERY record label in the world better be offering up MILLIONS to my man.

I also firmly believe that Puffy needs to catch that realll ass whoopin' immediately. You can't pay back 10 years of someone's life, but you damn well better be comin correct with those "thanks for not snitchin" checks. I mean, I know Puff goes hard and strong arms these featherweight new-jack Making the Band types, but let me see you try that shit with Shyne Po. I'd give anything in the world to be in the building first time Shyne locks eyes with Diddy.

Don't think for one second that Shyne's rap game slacked at all, HELL NAH. If anything, my man is sharper than ever, I mean, bein locked up for 10 years with nothing but hatred in your heart and a brain full of thoughts, a man is bound and destined to produce one of the greatest albums Hip Hop has ever heard. Be checkin for that new Shyne album, whenever it drops.

Big ups to Shyne for being one of the last real soldiers in this bitch-ass infested world of hip hop.

Chuuurch.

-Ollie da Don

My Prayers Have Been Answered

"The Lawwwwd is good and he knows what I want"...

Big shouts to the boys over at Us Versus Them for gettin the drop on this before I could get my grubby little hands on it.

What am I talkin' about? You're just dyin' right now aren't ya?



Hoopz ya'll, I'm talkin bout Hoopz.

Word hit the streets (internet) a little over 48 hours ago that there is in fact a "Hoopz" SEX TAPE signed, sealed, and waiting to be delivered to the loyal crowd of sinfully degenerate perverts out there.

My man holdin' the keys to said tape is an expert in marketing as well. Peep the screen caps he released to the web as an appetizer.









Man oh man. first Cassie, then Rihanna, and now my all time favorite reality star Hoopz?

Thank you. Whoever you are that is responsible for bringin me this never ending supply of celebrity nip and tail, THANK YOU.

-Uncle Ollie

Hot Gossip: Ray J's The Father!

I have really been slackin in my celebreality t.v. consumption ever since LOST was introduced into my life. So now, when I miss the show, I just catch the recap on VH1's blog. I hope everyone understands how these shows work and realize that they are minimum 6 months behind when they air on t.v.

Remember this crazy lookin hoe "Danger" with the tattoo on her face?



She is now saying some wild shit over on VH1 Blog about being pregnant and Ray J is the pops.

If you choose not to click the link, the basic rundown goes like this...

She claims that Ray J started puttin in work the first week of the show and continued to hit all the way through her close to 2 month-long stay. She claims that she had no other sexual contact outside of Ray J in that time cause she was "locked up in the mansion".

Bottom line, I think your boy Ray J slipped up. I imagine it is a requirement for all girls to be tested for STD's, pregnancy, etc. before being cast on the show, but I feel like it should definitely be required that these triflin' ass hoes be force fed birth control everyday by the shows producers to protect the celebrity from some chick tryin to catch one and be set for life.

Seriously though, this chick could have taken the pool of nut off her stomach and squeezed it back off in her if she was really tryin to get pregnant. I mean, havin a kid by Ray J that was conceived while filming a reality show about finding love, then catchin the diss when you get the axe (as I imagine he didn't pick her) isn't going to bode well for your childs pschy later in life.

Whatever the case, Ray J got caught slippin and now my man is gonna be known more for his child support bills to the woman with the tattooed face than his illustrious film career co-starring Kimmy K and her ridiculously thick self.

Naddagoodlook Ray J.

-Ollie

Another Month, Another God Awful Reality Show

This time around VH1 has tapped none other than Mr. "Sexy Can I, caught a mic check from Kimmy K, Brandy's lil' brother" Ray-J's bitch ass to act, errrr star in the newest of the "of love" celebreality show. YES!!!

Before I get into the guaranteed trainwreck of a show this is going to be, let me just say this:

I do know that I let the faithful down by not giving the weekly update on "Real Chance of Love". My reason's were simple though, the broads that I thought were going to make for the best T.V. caught the axe on night one, and I knew from jump that Real's bitch ass was gonna pick a white girl, and Chance was gonna ice out whatever hoes he had in the stable. Chance knows how to work reality t.v. And while I didnt report on the sheer goonery that was "Real Chance of Love" you should know that I watched 90% of the episodes and just wasn't excited about it. AT ALL. While I'm on the subject, I dont like the "Rock of Love" series either, and I am 100% convinced that Bret Michael's hair is a wig yo!

Anyways, can we get back to whats important here. The Hoes.

Up first we have "Atomic Bomb"..



First thoughts? She looks like she's got a little yellow streak runnin through. The chest is aight, we don't see an angle 2 (backshot), prolly gonna take the "quiet type" role. She should last about 4-7 episodes if she gets through the first night.

Next is "Cashmere"



Where in the hell do they come up with these names? I must remind the viewers of VH1 the ONLY REASON Flav named the hoes is 'cause his wild ass couldnt remember the broads names. Now I'm assuming here, but shouldn't Ray-J be able to remember these tricks names? anyways. Cashmere. The eyes are sayin somethin, but I'm not sure what that is. She's got the obligatory fake J's, but I'm lookin passed that to the leg/thigh work. She is lookin mighty slim in the thigh game, which leads me to believe that the tail piece just isn't there. And we all know Ray-J is a, shall we say, ass man.

Caviar:



Ol' girl right here looks like a model, but I'm thinkin she's a bit on the tall side, and Ray-J is a straight up midget. Don't think it will work, too bad, she looks pretty silky, but still lackin in the thickness department.

Chardonnay:



First of all, how you gonna name the darkest hoe in the joint chardonnay? Thats a white wine. I think "Merlot" or "Cabernet" would have been a bit more fitting. Second, how the fuck did this DUDE get past the screening test? That is obviously a post-op tranny, hoe looks like "Ms. Jay" from America's Next Top Model. HAHA.

Cocktail:



She's got a cute face, but there is a HUGE problem. Do you see all the slack in those jeans? I hope, for her sake, that is just a bad angle, but I have a sneaking suspicion that ol' girl might just be workin with the "negative ass" as dubbed by the homies over at UVT.

Danger:



The name says it all here. Peep the Tattoo on ol' girl's face and tell me she's comin home to momma. I feel like she's gonna make it a long way on the show cause I get the feeling Ray-J wants to get some cut-up with this one. Call me crazy...

Feisty:



Hoe looks like your typical "Tapout" "UFC" fight gear, ring girl. Peep the fake J's, lack of a tail piece, cooked in the oven leather skin, bleached teeth, Arizona State University "I've been fucked 20,000 times" but I'm not a slut punk ass hoe type'a vibe this bish is portrayin. The funny thing is, I think she'll go far because Ray-J likes the light skinded breezys.

Genuine:



She'll make it for about 3 episodes so as to avoid alienating the "big girl" population. There's just no way Ray-J is going from Kimmy K to Heavy G. Just ain't hat'nin. Clear?

Hot Cocoa:



These pants are just turrible. The hair is bad. I can't get with that mole. She looks extra tall. She gets an "E" for effort for pokin out that hip and tryin to show a player some thickness, but you can tell she is packin' ZERO heat. NEXT!

Lil Hood:



WHAT????!!?! Yeah, the whitest bitch out da burbs gets dubbed "Lil' Hood". OHMAHFUCKINGOD. There isn't even any novelty to the name. She looks like she looks horrible naked. Plus her face looks ALOT like "Sweet D" from "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (**Side note** if you aren't watching that show, you should kill yourself.) I am not a fan of the bottle of bleach blonde. I need a girl that is somewhat natural... Oh what a set up...

Naturalle:



NOPE. She is ugandan dark. Won't last long. Plus she looks like she's wild in the streets, fareal. Did anyone notice how long her fingers are? YUCK. On a positive note, the tittays look like they are sittin on dubs. Can't be mad at that.

Stacks:



OH Hell Nah! Dis Bish looks like Tichina Arnold (you remember Pam from "Martin!" right?). Super horse grill. 80's dress with the awful bra. Bad hair. Ultimately my vote for second to catch the boot.

Stilts:



Props to shawwwty for that extra aggressive hip pivot and chest poke. She's doin errrrythang she can to look right in this photo. The problem is, nothin' looks right. Ok, I get it, you paid for them dubs and you want everyone to know it. But that wig piece? OH LAWD. Thats like the "EMO T-BOZ". HAHA. At first glance, her right thigh looks like it is settin up for some thickness, but then you try to scope the backyard and instantly catch the crease in the jeans. Listen, anytime there is a crease in the jeans when you are that angled out, you know the tail piece is severely lacking. For some reason, I get the feeling she's hangin around a while, even though she is prolly 6'2" or so.

Last but not least, Unique:



Damn, this girl is swirled up like I have never seen before. That hair is pretty wild, but it works for her. Real cute smile. The clothes are doing her no justice makin her look all swollen like that, but the thighs don't lie. She definitely needs to get some dubs, but she's got that "Free" from "106th and Park" thing goin on. I aint mad at that.

Overall, I'm pretty jazzed for the new "of love" show VH1 has put together for us. If they were smart though, they would give "Midget Mac" his own show. Now that fool was icey. "You awwwwwready know!".

-For the love of Ollie