NICKELPLATEDBAMA: sports touts

Showing posts with label sports touts. Show all posts

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

It's Down To The Conference Finals:

And still, I am not all that intrigued by the NBA playoffs. Granted, these playoffs have shaped up to be a bit more compelling than previous years, but nonetheless, the wrong teams are winning.

I think it is fair to assume that 90% of the world (the other 10% are Nuggets or Magic fans) wants to see a Lebron James vs. Kobe Bryant final. I know I do. So with the Cavs currently down 3-1 in their showdown with the Magic, and the Lakers knotted up at 2-2 against the Nuggets, the world is starting to worry about not getting what they want.

Here is a brief recap of the Cleveland/Orlando series in picture form...

Lebron, you need to be doing alot more of this...

and alot less of this...

Meanwhile, this guy...

has been doing nothing but this...

and the rest of the Cavaliers squad has been gettin served by a cat that looks like this...

HAHA. Flat out unacceptable. All I can say about this series is that Cleveland's running over of those weak ass 7/8 seeds in the first 2 rounds proves one thing...

Man, that shit is classic. Pure. Raw. Emotion.

Now to the Lakers/Nuggets series. I can't figure this shit out. Trying to bet this series has been nothing but pain for me, so I am going to take a different route to find out who ultimately will be the winner of this series.

Lets take it to the stars of their respective teams and their wives.

First up we have power couple (barf) Carmelo Anthony and Lala Vasquez (of MTV fame?).

Why does Carmelo insist on wearing those god awful bucket caps?

I can't front, Carmelo has been a straight up beast in these playoffs and continually taken it to Kobe every chance he gets.

Those bucket caps are really quite faggy, so several points get deducted right out the gate for wardrobe choices.

Now we get to young 'Melo's piece, the lovely miss LaLa...

Silky smooth skin tone. Chest plate on blast. That "good" hair. Thicker than a snicker, and then you get to the tail piece and it's just.. "eh"...

you see what I'm sayin...

Carmelo gets redemption tho because rumor has it that he was gettin some side cut with one the BAMA's current favorites, ms. Meagan Good.

Go 'head girl...

Everyone knows Kobe's wife is a rider. She took the hit when Kobe caught that rape charge, and she looks good for a mother of 2(?)...

lets see the summertime 2 piece...

I aint mad at that Vanessa.

I think Kobe wins the battle of the wives, but unfortunately I found this photo:

and we asked Lebron what he thought:

Yeah, my sentiments exactly.

Now I know I called the Lakers to win the Western Conference and I'm gonna stick with 'em, but just know that I won't be surprised in the slightest if these Nuggets pull it off.

-Ollie the analyst

Sunday, April 12, 2009

The King Has Returned

It's been a long, LONG weekend.

All apologies for the lack of posts. In all honesty, i've enjoyed the layoff.

Got some great new stuff for the boys and girls tomorrow.

It's hot in the valley. The master's is gonna be won by some nobody.

Cubs tonight at 5:00 against the arch rival Brewers.

The Cavs put the severe ass slappin on the Celtics, and I have severe mixed emotions about the situation.

On one hand, I love to see the Celtics lose. On the other hand, I bet the Celtics +8.5 and, well... you know the rest.

My gambling habit has taken over my life and I'm a wreck. I need to find a new means of turning a profit because this is just not working out.

The norco refill came in today, so I'll be a happy camper for the next 10-12 days.

-Ollie

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

The Tournament Is Finally Over:

All congratulations due and payable to my little cousin, "The Bracketologist" for dominating the first annual NickelPlatedBama March Madness Bracket Challenge (it's a working title). What can I say? The kid's got game and handled bitness with several upsets that no one else saw coming. Big ups Kris. Keep it funky. You'll be getting your shirt very soon.

Big ups to Knowledge from the ANATOMY BLOG for holding it down and coming in second, just 30 points behind the winner.

Drama the Koofie Smacker from Code2Ave.com came correct and held down the 3 spot coming in 100 points behind the winner.

I never mentioned whether or not there would be prizes for second and third place.

2nd place will get one week of praise here on the BAMA and will have their blog linked to, no less than 20 times.

3rd place will get a hand written letter that says "better luck next time" (haha) and a handfull of NPB stickers. Drama, hit me an email with your address (nickelplatedbama@gmail.com).

Thank you everyone who participated.

Code2Ave.com

UVTblog.com (US versus Them)

ANATOMY BLOG

eatmecalifornia.com

B the Heat Spitta

To those who were out of the tournament before the elite 8 (like myself) better luck next year.

Maybe now I can finally stop losing so much money betting against North Carolina.

While I'm at it I would like to address the absolutely AWFUL play on both sides of the ball by Michigan State.

I just want to point out a few key points that basically ensured UNC's domination over Michigan State.

1. Michigan State had more turnovers than field goals made.

2. When a team is down 20+ points, one would imagine the sense of urgency to play defense would kick in sometime before the last 4 minutes left in the game. I was completely blown away at how lazy and inefficient Michigan State played last night.

3. I still hate Tyler Hansbrough more than any other college player in the history of the sport, but, on this site, credit is given when it is due. Psycho T put in work. He flopped/flailed/and morphed his body into ridiculous contortionist positions to make every shot look deserving of sportscenter's top 10 plays, when in reality all he did was make a copule of layups.

4. Michigan State was flat out matched and got outplayed. Congrats to UNC, Ty Lawson in particular. Dude is a beast, and a definite first rounder in this years NBA draft. As for Tyler Hansbrough, he will go down as one of the best NCAA basketball players of all time, unfortuantely for him, he doesn't stand a chance in the NBA. It's just the sad truth of the matter.

The NBA playoffs kick off next week. I got alot of work to do to unfuck myself for all of those bets against UNC.

-Ollie the Defeated

First Time Here?

If this is your first time stopping by NickelPlatedBama, I would suggest getting a feel for the blog by going through the archives. There have been too many classic posts to count. If you disagree with an opinion here on the site, make it public. The writer of this blog suffers from a rare condition that allows him to feel absolutely zero remorse when attacking a person's character or, in most cases, lack there of. Please feel free to enjoy, hate, participate, tell a friend to tell 2 friends, but always, ALWAYS stop back here again tomorrow, as you never know what this looney bastard might say next...

Directly below this box you will find an interview with Oliver Wrist by Oliver Wrist that should serve as an FAQ. Anything else you want to know, Oliver will literally answer any and all questions you may have, so don't be shy, shoot an email to Oliver Wrist at: nickelplatedbamadotcom@gmail.com

Nickel Plated Bama: Who? What? When? Where? Why? and How?

Who writes NickelPlatedBama?

Oliver Wrist writes, edits, designs, takes photos, and publishes NickelPlatedBama personally Monday-Friday. Oliver Wrist is an alter ego that I created as a means of getting things off of my chest. Ollie is irrational and flagrant. Once boos are introduced, the hillarity ensues. Rather than feel bad, Oliver chooses to embrace his lunacy and use his shamelessness for a greater good. Oliver's travels and opinions are documented on an almost daily basis. I say almost daily because I don't work on weekends.

What is NickelPlatedBama? What is A Nickel Plated Bama?

Nickelplatedbama is a face-melting social commentary blog written from the perspective of a self absorbed asshole with no shame or morals to speak of. If you're into hip hop music, silky smooth breezys, absurdly opinionated witty banter and reading the rants of an anti-social, overly confident, self absorbed "writer" (for lack of a better word) please continue. NickelPlatedBama is a source for venting and bashing, hating and thrashing, shitting and blasting on everything from bad food to bad music and everything in between. I don't hate everything however. NickelPlatedBama and more importantly Oliver Wrist praise iconic figures such as the ever elusive white girl thickness, mid-'90's hip hop, fashion, graffiti, art, ice cold behavior, celebreality t.v., Chicago Cubs baseball, San Diego Chargers football, College Basketball, Early '90's WWF wrestling, laughing at other peoples misfortunes, and generally acting like a complete type-a sociopath.

Nickel Plated Bama is extra gutter street slang for a nickel (the precious metal) plated hand cannon. You know, a burner, a strap, a gat, a tre pound, a whistle, or for the uninitiated a gun.

When did NickelPlatedBama get started?

Oliver Wrist has been the other half of my split personality for years. It originally started as my DJ'ing name. My career as a DJ lasted only about as long as it took me to write this BIO. As it turns out, I am an awful DJ. Not because I play bad records, but because I butcher the scratches. My brother, Young Smalls, a.k.a. DJ Fuzzy Badfeet, has taken over the reigns and is now my own personal DJ. Although Smalls refuses to accept the things I have taught him since birth as doctrine, he still gets the Oliver Wrist stamp of approval as a purveyor of all things mixed well. He uses my turntables, my mixer, and my records to do his thug-thizzle, but he is a much better DJ than I could ever be, so I just give him enough shit to remain enthusiastic. Being that my foray into the DJ world went south, I decided to use writing as a tool to express myself creatively. Thus far it has proven somewhat successful. How do I know? Well, you're reading this aren't you?

Where did you come up with NickelPlatedBama?

I have spent so much of my valuable time force-feeding the readers of this blog my personal musical preferences (Read: mid-'90's new york hip hop, ign'ant pimp shit, '90's bay area movement, etc.) and blasting all these idiots that set themselves up for utter failure everytime they open their mouth, or press record on the video camera over the last few months, that I forgot to ever place the credit where the credit was due. Nickel Plated Bama is a reference to a line in a song from the 808 King himself (No not you Kanye). I'm talking about The RZA. a.k.a. Bobby Digital. a.k.a. Bobby Boulders. a.k.a. The Abbot. a.k.a. The head of the Wu-Tang dynasty. When I came up with the idea to start writing a blog, I wanted to name it something that most people wouldn't understand right out of the gate, creating a buzz as a result of the inherent curiousity of the average internet lurker. The result was a line from a Bobby Digital album where RZA says "my head is a like a Nickel Plated Bamma". I guess I should just go ahead and spell it out for you. Instead of using an obvious title such as "The Smoking Gun" (besides, it was already taken) for a blog name, I decided to get creative. So, with this blog title, I pay homage to one of my favorite, not only rappers, but creator of things, and still stay sharper than a sword with the usage of metaphor in describing the gun (my keyboard) i use to roast those i deem indesirable.

See above question titled "What is a Nickel Plated Bama".

Why?

Why not is a better question. I hate alot of shit. I want people to know that I hate aforementioned "shit". This was covered in the above section titled "Who writes Nickel Plated Bama".

How do you pronounce the "BAMA"?

It recently came to my attention while I was in the streets passing out stickers and shamelessly promoting this blog that alot of people were mispronouncing the "BAMA". I will make it very easy for you all.

Think Alabama. Don't think Obama. Are we clear now? I really hope so.

Disclaimer:

While most opinions on this site are based in fact, they are merely that, opinions. If you take this shit seriously OR anything that Oliver Wrist has to say personally, than it was definitely directed at you. If you are easily offended, read on, YOU are the target audience. And ladies, Oliver Wrist is the Asshole your mother warned you about. Oliver Wrist is extremely self absorbed and could not care less if your feelings get hurt. If you disagree with anything Oliver Wrist has to say, please make it public, so that Oliver Wrist may be able to roast you publicly.

Sincerely,

The Management

Nickelplatedbama 2008-2009