NICKELPLATEDBAMA

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Yes, I Do Realize The Blog Sucks Lately

Look, the sad truth of the matter is that I haven't really been putting in much of an effort to bring the people the heat they are used to from this blog.

I don't have an excuse, all I can say is, I'm lazy and haven't cared much.

On the other hand, I have been trying to build the new site, create a new layout, get everything set up to move over to wordpress for hosting and redirecting the URL so the readers can just type nickelplatedbama.com rather than .blogspot.com or .wordpress.com.

I am working hard, but hardly working all at the same time.

Some good news though:

I got word from Makeshift today that the "No Doze" mixtape should be in mp3 format by the weekend, meaning it will be available for download through this site sometime next week (fingers crossed).

And just because you people have been so loyal, here is a video of pregnant teenagers dancing...

Fucking white people...

Shout to Ignored Prayers for being one of the best blogs on the net.

-Olls

Another Night Of Drunkeness

"(818): Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
(714): Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
(818): Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it"

Quotes courtesy of my new favorite website textsfromlastnight.com.

The basic concept behind this site?

People post their random drunk text messages anonymously for the world to read. This is going to be bigger than cigarettes.

Peep some more gems:

"(281): ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
(214): Your grandmother is in heaven weeping."

"(416): Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!"

"(901): Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks "

This site is great. I could quote shit all day. Moral of the story, go check it out.

-Ollie

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

My Prayers Have Been Answered

"The Lawwwwd is good and he knows what I want"...

Big shouts to the boys over at Us Versus Them for gettin the drop on this before I could get my grubby little hands on it.

What am I talkin' about? You're just dyin' right now aren't ya?

Hoopz ya'll, I'm talkin bout Hoopz.

Word hit the streets (internet) a little over 48 hours ago that there is in fact a "Hoopz" SEX TAPE signed, sealed, and waiting to be delivered to the loyal crowd of sinfully degenerate perverts out there.

My man holdin' the keys to said tape is an expert in marketing as well. Peep the screen caps he released to the web as an appetizer.

Man oh man. first Cassie, then Rihanna, and now my all time favorite reality star Hoopz?

Thank you. Whoever you are that is responsible for bringin me this never ending supply of celebrity nip and tail, THANK YOU.

-Uncle Ollie

A Little Mind Fucking

Stole this from The Gluttony

Mind boggle.

-Ollie

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Saved By The Bell x Soulja Boy

Now that I've got you all caught up with why I've been missing in action, I found this AMAZING video over at College Humor and it's way more than awesome, it's fuckinbadass...

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Would I lie to you? Didn't I tell you all how great that was going to be? Props to whoever made that video and reminded me of how super officially bad my girl Lisa Turtle is/was. I did a Throwback Thursday on Lark Voorhies months ago, but right now seems like as good a time as any to remind the world of what my girl Lark is/was bringin' to the table.

Short hair, long hair it don't matter. She's bringin' the fire.

Word life.

-Ollie

First Time Here?

If this is your first time stopping by NickelPlatedBama, I would suggest getting a feel for the blog by going through the archives. There have been too many classic posts to count. If you disagree with an opinion here on the site, make it public. The writer of this blog suffers from a rare condition that allows him to feel absolutely zero remorse when attacking a person's character or, in most cases, lack there of. Please feel free to enjoy, hate, participate, tell a friend to tell 2 friends, but always, ALWAYS stop back here again tomorrow, as you never know what this looney bastard might say next...

Directly below this box you will find an interview with Oliver Wrist by Oliver Wrist that should serve as an FAQ. Anything else you want to know, Oliver will literally answer any and all questions you may have, so don't be shy, shoot an email to Oliver Wrist at: nickelplatedbamadotcom@gmail.com

Nickel Plated Bama: Who? What? When? Where? Why? and How?

Who writes NickelPlatedBama?

Oliver Wrist writes, edits, designs, takes photos, and publishes NickelPlatedBama personally Monday-Friday. Oliver Wrist is an alter ego that I created as a means of getting things off of my chest. Ollie is irrational and flagrant. Once boos are introduced, the hillarity ensues. Rather than feel bad, Oliver chooses to embrace his lunacy and use his shamelessness for a greater good. Oliver's travels and opinions are documented on an almost daily basis. I say almost daily because I don't work on weekends.

What is NickelPlatedBama? What is A Nickel Plated Bama?

Nickelplatedbama is a face-melting social commentary blog written from the perspective of a self absorbed asshole with no shame or morals to speak of. If you're into hip hop music, silky smooth breezys, absurdly opinionated witty banter and reading the rants of an anti-social, overly confident, self absorbed "writer" (for lack of a better word) please continue. NickelPlatedBama is a source for venting and bashing, hating and thrashing, shitting and blasting on everything from bad food to bad music and everything in between. I don't hate everything however. NickelPlatedBama and more importantly Oliver Wrist praise iconic figures such as the ever elusive white girl thickness, mid-'90's hip hop, fashion, graffiti, art, ice cold behavior, celebreality t.v., Chicago Cubs baseball, San Diego Chargers football, College Basketball, Early '90's WWF wrestling, laughing at other peoples misfortunes, and generally acting like a complete type-a sociopath.

Nickel Plated Bama is extra gutter street slang for a nickel (the precious metal) plated hand cannon. You know, a burner, a strap, a gat, a tre pound, a whistle, or for the uninitiated a gun.

When did NickelPlatedBama get started?

Oliver Wrist has been the other half of my split personality for years. It originally started as my DJ'ing name. My career as a DJ lasted only about as long as it took me to write this BIO. As it turns out, I am an awful DJ. Not because I play bad records, but because I butcher the scratches. My brother, Young Smalls, a.k.a. DJ Fuzzy Badfeet, has taken over the reigns and is now my own personal DJ. Although Smalls refuses to accept the things I have taught him since birth as doctrine, he still gets the Oliver Wrist stamp of approval as a purveyor of all things mixed well. He uses my turntables, my mixer, and my records to do his thug-thizzle, but he is a much better DJ than I could ever be, so I just give him enough shit to remain enthusiastic. Being that my foray into the DJ world went south, I decided to use writing as a tool to express myself creatively. Thus far it has proven somewhat successful. How do I know? Well, you're reading this aren't you?

Where did you come up with NickelPlatedBama?

I have spent so much of my valuable time force-feeding the readers of this blog my personal musical preferences (Read: mid-'90's new york hip hop, ign'ant pimp shit, '90's bay area movement, etc.) and blasting all these idiots that set themselves up for utter failure everytime they open their mouth, or press record on the video camera over the last few months, that I forgot to ever place the credit where the credit was due. Nickel Plated Bama is a reference to a line in a song from the 808 King himself (No not you Kanye). I'm talking about The RZA. a.k.a. Bobby Digital. a.k.a. Bobby Boulders. a.k.a. The Abbot. a.k.a. The head of the Wu-Tang dynasty. When I came up with the idea to start writing a blog, I wanted to name it something that most people wouldn't understand right out of the gate, creating a buzz as a result of the inherent curiousity of the average internet lurker. The result was a line from a Bobby Digital album where RZA says "my head is a like a Nickel Plated Bamma". I guess I should just go ahead and spell it out for you. Instead of using an obvious title such as "The Smoking Gun" (besides, it was already taken) for a blog name, I decided to get creative. So, with this blog title, I pay homage to one of my favorite, not only rappers, but creator of things, and still stay sharper than a sword with the usage of metaphor in describing the gun (my keyboard) i use to roast those i deem indesirable.

See above question titled "What is a Nickel Plated Bama".

Why?

Why not is a better question. I hate alot of shit. I want people to know that I hate aforementioned "shit". This was covered in the above section titled "Who writes Nickel Plated Bama".

How do you pronounce the "BAMA"?

It recently came to my attention while I was in the streets passing out stickers and shamelessly promoting this blog that alot of people were mispronouncing the "BAMA". I will make it very easy for you all.

Think Alabama. Don't think Obama. Are we clear now? I really hope so.

Disclaimer:

While most opinions on this site are based in fact, they are merely that, opinions. If you take this shit seriously OR anything that Oliver Wrist has to say personally, than it was definitely directed at you. If you are easily offended, read on, YOU are the target audience. And ladies, Oliver Wrist is the Asshole your mother warned you about. Oliver Wrist is extremely self absorbed and could not care less if your feelings get hurt. If you disagree with anything Oliver Wrist has to say, please make it public, so that Oliver Wrist may be able to roast you publicly.

Sincerely,

The Management

Nickelplatedbama 2008-2009