Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Somewhere... Deep Down in my Heart...

I...... still... Love.. YOU!

Holy Guacamole that was the best fake cry in the history of television..

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Fuckin White People...

...They fuckin ruin everything.

Who the, what the, sheeeeeeeeeeeeeit, i'ontknow man. This is just way too creepy. Was that on star search? How did the pedophile ass dad dressed as Jesus get passed security screening?... And yes, if you were wondering she/he (I seriously can't call it) "ain't gonna pee pee his/her bed tonight"... Also, Where is the mother? I count like 9 children and a dad, where is mom dukes to stop this nonsense? My good lord, I love the internet for all the wrong reasons...

Anonymous Haters: SHOTS FIRED!!

Or somethin' dumb ass corny like that...

Isn't the internet grand? You get to peep game on all the girls you used to scam on in high school, you get to keep in touch with your 3rd cousin named Brutus, your mom is your friend on facebook keepin tabs on what you're up to, but most importantly, you get to be a complete fuckin idiot behind the privacy of your keyboard...

I swear on all things I find holy, (read: thick white women, Chicago Cubs baseball, '94-'01 hip hop; with some exceptions, Lilith Fair jokes in real time and a good ol' fashioned ass whoopin).. Wait, where was I at?

Oh yeah, fuckin... Nothin better than wakin up in the morning and deciding to go take a look at your favorite blogger's favorite blog (read: this one) and deciding that because I haven't posted in 2 months that I somehow fell off and forgot how to make a grown man look stupid in front of his girl... AHNNNNT. Stop that bullshit right chyeah.. I took some time off, but no god damnit, NO, I did not quit, or give up or stop thinking the things i think and doing the things I do, I just decided that my time is more valuable to me than it is to you... (that shit rhymed completely on accident but it was hot...)

..Oh yeah, real hot fire (Dylan, Dylan, Dylan) for those that missed that joke, you suck at life anyways so just continue being barely average while I continue to be barely average. See what I did there? That was some Diplomat double usage type shit that just pushed your wig back 2 sizes.

Back to the things that matter (read: my opinions):

1. Save for maybe Terrence Thornton, Hip Hop past 2003 sucks. Yes I said it, and I'll stand right the fuck by it and guard it with my life... Yes, I listened to your boy Khalifa, not impressed. Yes, I youtubed the fuck right outta the current champ of mixtape rappers J.Cole, brrrapp. But because I feel contractually obligated I will hold it down for hometown hero Fashawn, cause he does his thing, in a new type-a-way and he's a real young cat too. Oh and RESPECT to my man MAKESHIFT, cause he does a lot more than just make raps, he makes songs and composes albums. And while i'm on it, Piff Herrera does the damn thing too.. So there. I guess I can contradict myself if I feel like it, I mean shit, it's my party right? Try to rain on my parade cupcake see if I give half a shit...

2. Saying FAIL is the biggest, for lack of a better word, FAIL, a person can do in life. On my unborn child, if I hear you say FAIL out loud to me, I will make your girlfriend cry. Understood? If any adverbs such as Epic, Ultra, Super, etc. are used,
I will add in a 5 point palm exploding heart technique punch courtesy of Pai Mei.

3. This shit is kinda old, but damnit if I won't speak on it. Nothin' pissed me off more in the last few months than you jerk offs tryna tell me that because the Earth's rotation moved off it's normal pivot (paraphrased, click the link if you somehow missed that bullshit) that I somehow am no longer a Leo... The fuck? Are a person's idiosyncrasies all of a sudden changed because 16,000 years of the lunar cycle have passed? I'm no longer a stubborn fuckin' prick with an ego the size of Texas because the Earth's tilt slipped .25mm? That was just stupid. People are who they are, not because of the planets alignment, but because of how they were raised... now maybe it was the mixture of Leo/Scorpio that made me the miserable piece of shit that I am today, or maybe it was heartbreaks early in life that made me such a cynic, maybe it was my selection of friends in elementary school that made me feel so superior to everyone, maybe... But what I do know as an absolute certainty is this: It wasn't Earth's alignment with the North Star that made me love early 90's bay area rap music, the Wu-Tang Clan, and the feel of a woman's breast (pause), it was the people around me. Now I guess for you hyperactive astrological believer's (side bar: I sure hope i'm not attracting these type of people here) I suppose you could make the argument that it was in fact the Earth's alignment with the stars at the particular time I was born that made me choose the friends I choose, etc. etc. that ultimately led me to this point right here... to that I say... Go fuck yourself. That's just dumb. And more to the point, wouldn't that ultimately lead back to my point that my sign is my sign is my sign is my sign?? Wow, my brain is scrambled eggs right now. I wrote that and am lost, if you somehow navigated thru that than Kudos to you.

4. I am more than likely better than you at more things than I care to list. But the thing that matters most is that I am most likely better than you at life. Jesus that was so unnecessary to say and maybe one of the dumbest things I've ever written. But, this is my blog and I'll critique if I want to.

5. The Ancient Aliens theory is the most interesting stuff available to the world right now, and anyone dumb enough to discredit this theory due strictly to their religious beliefs is dumber than a progressive commercial.

6. Dudes with tongue rings are homosexual, no if's, and's, or but's.

I think that's enough for now.

Oh yeah, R.I.P. Elizabeth Taylor, you were really somethin' in your day.


Ollie da Don.

Friday, January 7, 2011

2011: One Step Closer to the Grave

Look, I've been a bit on the lazy side for the last year or so, and haven't really been pouring my ice cold heart carved out of stone into this blog like I did for you all in 2009. I guess I could apologize but really, it was a neccessary break. I mean, I just kind of came to terms with the fact that if I didn't have something original to post, then why bother? Anyone who reads my blog, most likely checks out the other blogs in my blogroll, so with that in mind I came to the conclusion that if I saw a funny video somewhere else, no sense in taking said video and posting it to this site. Gotta keep the content new and flavorful, not stale and borrowed. That being said, put on your blue blockers now, cause I am revamped and have every intention of melting everyone's face off on a daily basis like I once did so well...

Fuckin go time...

So, whats new in the world of Ollie da Don? Same lack of interest in hip hop, same general sense of entitlement, same general lack of respect for authority, and generally the same misoginistic asshole you've all come to love to hate.


Onto some new shit... Jersey Shore (which I so carelessly left out of my blog for 2 full seasons, for only god knows what reason) is back for season 3 and back at the Jersey Shore, where it all started. I got on this bus late into the second season, and to date, have yet to watch the first season but what I can tell you is that "the situation" is an ice cold ike turner type of player that goes hard on these hoes like it's his job. I mean straight up, if you aint gettin with the givin up the skins, your ass can bounce type of nonsense. That shit kills me how hard he goes on them hoes. Pauly D, he's a semi funny cat, but its all pretty clear that these dudes are, or rather should be, taking their cues from the sitch, cause my man right there aint playin no games. Oh, you ain't DTF, get to steppin and quit tryna get famous of the sitch's shine. One episode in to season 3 and I'm hooked...


Over the past year or so I've become a real history channel buff. I swear on Ollie himself, I think I may have found religion thru that channel. No jokes. I cannot get enough of the Ancient Alien theory. These guys, however wacked out of their heads they may be, are making a believer out of me. The shit is real interesting, and I suggest you all take some time out of your busy Thursday nights (who am I kidding, we all know you aint doin shit) and watch this program. It's interesting to say the least...

Apparently there have been some new leads found and are now being explored by detectives regarding the death of both the most over rated rapper in history (Tupac), and quite possibly the greatest rapper of all time (Biggie) respectfully. Not that we didn't all already know that Suge Knight was responsible for both deaths, but now it seems a former LAPD detective is looking into solving these cases independently. I like this idea. I really want to know what really happened... This shit is almost as infamous as the assassination of JFK, or the loss of Jimmy Hoffa.

My boy brought up an interesting topic on fb today regarding the slow decaying and utter pitiful collapse of good hip hop music circa 2002 and prior. The pride people took in crafting solid tunes, the lack of dance steps as lyrics, and the raw emotion cats were puttin out there for the lackluster masses to sink their teeth in to. I miss the days of waiting for an album to drop, having to decide which one I was gonna spend the allowance on this week. I miss cassettes. Shit, I miss cd's. I still have my stacks of wax (thats records to you youngins) and the bottom line here is simple, if I dont own it on wax, I prolly aint checkin for it now. Which ultimately means that I havent purchased any NEW discs, records, itunes, mp3s, etc. in close to 8 years now. Not to say that I havent made purchases, but nothing that dates later than 2004, maybe 2005. Call me a cynic, tell me I'm crazy, but I just miss the days when hip hop made you feel something other than changin the station.

Lil Wayne is a martian. He's nonsensical. His time is done. Stick the proverbial fork in him.

Wiggers. This shit is still really happenin in the midwest. E-thuggin, bandana wearin, pelle pelle jersey havin,lugz "birdman edition" ownin ass white kids from nebraska with their dime store jewelery are still lurkin in my world. The thought alone brings me close to suicide.

Just consider this a freestyle, because there is obviously no legitimate point to where i was going with anything. I just needed to get the rust out of the knuckles and crack away at the ol' keyboard.

Thanks for tunin in, see ya'll way more often in 2011, thats a promise. And by promise I mean, when I think about writing something, I might do it, rather than just let it blend into my natural state of normality.

LSVE rules the world.