Monday, March 26, 2012

Action Bronson: Stamp of Approval

I know I've been gone a while, but don't let that lead you to think that I've been sleepin' on what's really hood... Speakin' of hood, I need to direct your attention to my dude Action Bronson who is really doin things...

Anyone who knows me, knows 2 things as the absolute gospel of pope truth about me... #1. I am a self loathing asshole w/ a silver tongue and a knack for general "notgivafuckness" and #2. I very rarely will even listen to, let alone give a stamp of approval to, ANYONE in the hip hop game that wasn't doin' the damn thing prior to, let's say........... 2004, give or take a year... Save for a few very select individuals, my personal opinion is that hip hop has done nothing but go downhill since right around 2004... New jack rappers, auto-tuned bullshit, and an overall lack of talent have been ABUNDANT since I gave up on hip hop music. Thus the reason "Throwback Thursday's" came about. Hip hop music has been vital to my upbringing. It groomed me into the man I am today. So I hold the torch, with the sincerest conviction for those that really knew what it took to craft quality music back when quality music was being put out, and more importantly, back when it mattered... Nowadays, in order to be successful in the hip hop world all you need to do is write a hook teaching me how to do some bootsy ass dance, or flood the airwaves with "songs" about lovin' a woman (cough..DRAKE..cough). Long gone are the days of grimey high hats, hard snares, and diggin' for old jazz records to find samples to produce a beat... The internet has made making beats and recording tracks easier than scoopin' your mom dukes for a one night stand after 2 appletini's at happy hour, which has led to a shameless oversaturation of garbage rap music gettin passed onto the people as quality hip hop music. WRONG. The shit is soft. Hip hop is too nice these days. FUCK that. I want cocaine raps, I want diss tracks, I want "I want to kill you" music.

BUT, I did say above "save for a few very select individuals"... Enter my man Action Bronson. He is the perfect mix of ghostface killah (Wu-Tang) with a sprinkle of Ill Bill of Non-Phixion fame. My man AB is bringin' back that good ol' fashioned agressive delivery/gritty beats/grimey persona that blend so well together you can't help but nod your head and want to punch people in the face. Long live hip hop music...

And one more for the road...

-Ollie da Don

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Damn Son, like... Where you been Ollie??

Hey, hello, how are ya? to all my loyal subjects both; young and old, skinny and fat, male and female alike... It has been an ungodly amount of time since I last posted on the world's most self interested and insanely sexist blog... Now I know you all want to know where I've been, and what the hell could have causes such a monumental fall off such as this, but trust in one thing if you've never trusted in me about anything else at all (yeah right, you take my words as gospel): I am coming back. HARD. With a serious vengeance. I have a newly recharged battery, and I am going to be melting faces and blowing minds like never before... I am working out some small little details with domain issues, and blogger publishing malfunctions, but do believe that young Ollie da Don will be back in full force by Monday March 26th, at the absolute LATEST. (But if I was you, I'd check back every day until then, you never know when I might sneak a post up) You can take that statement to the bank... In the meantime, do yourselves a favor and make your way over to the newly formed:

Instagram: nickelplatedbama

Twitter: @OliverWrist

Facebook: Oliver Wrist

Facebook Fan Page: via Oliver Wrist facebook you can find the link to the nickelplatedbama fan page: Nickel Plated Bama


I will come back later to make all of the above links clickable hyperlinks for all you lazy bastards that won't do the work for yourselves...

And whatever you do, if you really want to see this page up and rollin again, go join all the new pages if you arent already members for some dumb ass reason...

Ollie loves the kids (and sometimes even you idiots)...

-Sir Oliver Wrist

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Somewhere... Deep Down in my Heart...

I...... still... Love.. YOU!

Holy Guacamole that was the best fake cry in the history of television..

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Fuckin White People...

...They fuckin ruin everything.

Who the, what the, sheeeeeeeeeeeeeit, i'ontknow man. This is just way too creepy. Was that on star search? How did the pedophile ass dad dressed as Jesus get passed security screening?... And yes, if you were wondering she/he (I seriously can't call it) "ain't gonna pee pee his/her bed tonight"... Also, Where is the mother? I count like 9 children and a dad, where is mom dukes to stop this nonsense? My good lord, I love the internet for all the wrong reasons...

Anonymous Haters: SHOTS FIRED!!

Or somethin' dumb ass corny like that...

Isn't the internet grand? You get to peep game on all the girls you used to scam on in high school, you get to keep in touch with your 3rd cousin named Brutus, your mom is your friend on facebook keepin tabs on what you're up to, but most importantly, you get to be a complete fuckin idiot behind the privacy of your keyboard...

I swear on all things I find holy, (read: thick white women, Chicago Cubs baseball, '94-'01 hip hop; with some exceptions, Lilith Fair jokes in real time and a good ol' fashioned ass whoopin).. Wait, where was I at?

Oh yeah, fuckin... Nothin better than wakin up in the morning and deciding to go take a look at your favorite blogger's favorite blog (read: this one) and deciding that because I haven't posted in 2 months that I somehow fell off and forgot how to make a grown man look stupid in front of his girl... AHNNNNT. Stop that bullshit right chyeah.. I took some time off, but no god damnit, NO, I did not quit, or give up or stop thinking the things i think and doing the things I do, I just decided that my time is more valuable to me than it is to you... (that shit rhymed completely on accident but it was hot...)

..Oh yeah, real hot fire (Dylan, Dylan, Dylan) for those that missed that joke, you suck at life anyways so just continue being barely average while I continue to be barely average. See what I did there? That was some Diplomat double usage type shit that just pushed your wig back 2 sizes.

Back to the things that matter (read: my opinions):

1. Save for maybe Terrence Thornton, Hip Hop past 2003 sucks. Yes I said it, and I'll stand right the fuck by it and guard it with my life... Yes, I listened to your boy Khalifa, not impressed. Yes, I youtubed the fuck right outta the current champ of mixtape rappers J.Cole, brrrapp. But because I feel contractually obligated I will hold it down for hometown hero Fashawn, cause he does his thing, in a new type-a-way and he's a real young cat too. Oh and RESPECT to my man MAKESHIFT, cause he does a lot more than just make raps, he makes songs and composes albums. And while i'm on it, Piff Herrera does the damn thing too.. So there. I guess I can contradict myself if I feel like it, I mean shit, it's my party right? Try to rain on my parade cupcake see if I give half a shit...

2. Saying FAIL is the biggest, for lack of a better word, FAIL, a person can do in life. On my unborn child, if I hear you say FAIL out loud to me, I will make your girlfriend cry. Understood? If any adverbs such as Epic, Ultra, Super, etc. are used,
I will add in a 5 point palm exploding heart technique punch courtesy of Pai Mei.

3. This shit is kinda old, but damnit if I won't speak on it. Nothin' pissed me off more in the last few months than you jerk offs tryna tell me that because the Earth's rotation moved off it's normal pivot (paraphrased, click the link if you somehow missed that bullshit) that I somehow am no longer a Leo... The fuck? Are a person's idiosyncrasies all of a sudden changed because 16,000 years of the lunar cycle have passed? I'm no longer a stubborn fuckin' prick with an ego the size of Texas because the Earth's tilt slipped .25mm? That was just stupid. People are who they are, not because of the planets alignment, but because of how they were raised... now maybe it was the mixture of Leo/Scorpio that made me the miserable piece of shit that I am today, or maybe it was heartbreaks early in life that made me such a cynic, maybe it was my selection of friends in elementary school that made me feel so superior to everyone, maybe... But what I do know as an absolute certainty is this: It wasn't Earth's alignment with the North Star that made me love early 90's bay area rap music, the Wu-Tang Clan, and the feel of a woman's breast (pause), it was the people around me. Now I guess for you hyperactive astrological believer's (side bar: I sure hope i'm not attracting these type of people here) I suppose you could make the argument that it was in fact the Earth's alignment with the stars at the particular time I was born that made me choose the friends I choose, etc. etc. that ultimately led me to this point right here... to that I say... Go fuck yourself. That's just dumb. And more to the point, wouldn't that ultimately lead back to my point that my sign is my sign is my sign is my sign?? Wow, my brain is scrambled eggs right now. I wrote that and am lost, if you somehow navigated thru that than Kudos to you.

4. I am more than likely better than you at more things than I care to list. But the thing that matters most is that I am most likely better than you at life. Jesus that was so unnecessary to say and maybe one of the dumbest things I've ever written. But, this is my blog and I'll critique if I want to.

5. The Ancient Aliens theory is the most interesting stuff available to the world right now, and anyone dumb enough to discredit this theory due strictly to their religious beliefs is dumber than a progressive commercial.

6. Dudes with tongue rings are homosexual, no if's, and's, or but's.

I think that's enough for now.

Oh yeah, R.I.P. Elizabeth Taylor, you were really somethin' in your day.


Ollie da Don.