Somewhere... Deep Down in my Heart...

I...... still... Love.. YOU!



Holy Guacamole that was the best fake cry in the history of television..

Yankees Win!!!

Big fuckin deal. Let the bandwagon riding "I've always been a fan" bitchassness begin. Seriously, how are the Yankees not gonna win? Wasn't like 75% of their roster on the AL all-star team this year? The fuck outta here dude. It was set in stone. I don't like to buy into baseball conspiracy (it's too great of a game), but the Yankees win the World Series, at home in the NEW 80 bazillion dollar replica of former Yankee stadium, first year it's operational? Seems fishy. Farildo. Yankees had this shit wrapped up in Philly more than once, but dump the game(s) to take it home, stretch the series for them commercial dollars, and lock it in AT HOME.

Think about it. How much loot is lost when a series is a 4 game sweep? That air time during the world series doesn't come cheap, and Fox knows this. Especially when you got 2 East Coast teams dueling for the championship. So when the series goes 6, Fox is cleaning up.

For the record, I watched a total of 35 minutes of playoff/world series baseball this year. As soon as the Cubbies mailed it in right around August, baseball lost it's flavor with the quickness. I mean, seriously, all this means to me is that I have to burn yet another cubbies hat and add another year to the neverending story that is "the lovable losers from Chi-town".

Just cause it makes me laugh, I'm gonna run this joint again...



I will not front on A-Rod's ability to change a game with the glove OR the bat at any given time, but my man really needs to tighten up that belt and quit exhibiting so many feminine qualities.

Highlights in your wig piece? Check.

Eyes closed in extasy while a grown ass Asian DUDE is caressing your bare chest? CHIZECK!

Why does this photo exist? I mean really, in what situation did A-Rod's manager/agent/wife/someone who cares allow this to happen? Why is this acceptable behavior? And more importantly, why is this the only photo from the photoshoot? What happened to the rest of the series? What lines were crossed?

Nevermind. Don't answer that.

-O-Rod

I'm Going to Harvard

Traditionally, Harvard has been known as the upper tier temple of higher learning. Whether it be law, medical, etc. Harvard has had the game in a yoke for a minute. Sorry Brock and Lake at Us versus Them, I know ya'll are big Duke fans and everything... but yo, back to the point..

Other than academics, Harvard is straight pussy. I mean in every single other facet of life. A safe haven for middle and upper class white yuppies to go get a degree to hang on their wall and never use, because daddy's money will hold 'em over 'til he eventually kicks the proverbial bucket and that nice little inheritance kicks in.

You know I'm only half serious of course, generalizing an entire establishment such as Harvard as a collection of self entitled rich suburban kids is just ridiculous, because of this announcement that just came off the line...

Harvard is now offering a new course based exclusively on HBO’s hit T.V. show “The Wire”.

Yeah I said it. Click that link to get schooled up.

So obviously I have put in my bid to be accepted to Harvard based solely on my knowledge of "The Wire".

Cat's don't know... Let me learn ya. The Wire is without a doubt, the most gangster television show in the history of TV. Yes, better than "The Sopranos", even better than "Sons of Anarchy" (and that hurts me to say cause that show is truly BFA and better than anything else on right now).

Let's catch up a bit...



Now, moving on, Harvard (yes that Harvard) voted via a panel of teachers, students, elites, etc. and gave the green light to use this show as a means to educate students on the rough state of urban society. As Profesor William J. Wilson said:

"I do not hesitate to say that it has done more to enhance our understanding of the challenges of urban life and the problems of urban inequality, more than any other media event or scholarly publication," Wilson told the audience before poking fun at himself, "including studies by social scientitsts."

Now I have a few questions:

1. Will there be character breakdowns and debates as to who was the hardest of hard out there in those Baltimore streets?

Let's examine the characters:

First up we got Avon Barksdale...



I mean, what is there to say about this cat? Avon ruled with an iron fist, stackin loot taller than Manut Bull and still had the stones to body fools himself.

Next, we got Omar...



Yo, for real, this cat was so hard that the dope-spot stash houses would just throw the g-packs from 2 floors up out of fear that he would kill everyone. Oh, and did I mention he had this much street cred while being a blatant homosexual? You gotta respect that..

Now we come to Marlo Stanfield...



No words, Im'ma let this video do the talkin...



"My NAME WAS IN THE STREETS!!?"

Man, Marlo was easily the most ice cold, heartless, kill his momma for $2 dollars type a cat, quietly, the little young'n Michael was the hardest out.



First body before he could drive? CHECK. Took out Snoop? CHECK. Stepped to Marlo? CHIZECK.

matter of fact, lets run some clips...



Now I know that whole bit about "never was one of us" might throw some folks but just know, Michael intended it to be that way. Playin it separate, askin questions, makin himself look soft, all that did was make his game that much tighter.

I give up. I can't call it. I have even forgotten the rest of my questions relating to this shit cause i'm stuck on youtube watchin clip after clip of The Wire.

Get you some.

-Ollie Stanfield

Hollywood part 1

True dat.



Fuck the Joker, look at the cut on homeboy's head!



"You got any tips for me?" Get a real job.



Hand stitched.



Polar Bear Club. Face melters.





So I went to a punk rock show... Fuck you.



jailbait.



my dude right here.



What up tho... Told you I'd put you up.



The new age Zach De la Rocha.



This place was trill.



Moshpits. Really? Were still doin that?



This kid was hyped the fuck up. I remember him being the only one dancin around. reminded me of that scene in "Nick and Norah's Infinite playlist" where the little asian kid is all hype on the dance floor dolo breakdancin for that band "R U Randy" or whatever. Don't judge me. I'm a sucker for teen angst..



yeaaaaahhhh...



New fam.



Over it.



I'm about 90% sure these girls never went into the show. Just col' lampin...



This picture speaks volumes.



cool goat Anthrax guy.



If you got a beard, you're cool with me.



Thicky thickerson stage right. That was an accidental photo, but then i noticed that ol' girl was workin with some thighs but i couldn't flip it in time to peep the tail... Next time, I won't miss.



Life.





Iceberg... I think that's what he told me his name was. Peep stage left tho, homegirl's arm is livin large.



Just creeped on these cats mashin the streets with what i presume to be stolen carved pumpkins. They thought I was paparazzi, Told 'em to kick back, I was on the same team.



They put me on as an honorary star for my visit. You know what it is.



Cool cats. I tried to convince em I could bust a kickflip first try. Yeah right. By this point I had to have crushed 12 heinekens...



Walked into this bar for a piss. The bathroom was down 2 flights of stairs, when i came back up, my man was doin a serious MJ impression.



One for the money.



Quietly, this bird was kinda fly.

The rest of the pictures are cued up and loading into photobucket. If I get the inspiration to do so, I'll hit you off with another set of flicks this afternoon.

As for the rest of the night, Went to the divest bar we could find, vodka tonics and jager?? Fuck. Rolled out as the boys from Polar Bear Club were rollin in. Homie gave me the "where you goin" look, but I ain't no groupie, so we were out.

Part 2 later.

"Came Right Back Like I Forgot My Keys"

And with that, just know that yes, I am back and badder than ever, but NO, I don't have anything of any substance to hit the folks with today.

I went to Agenda Thursday-Friday. I fagged it tho, and left my camera in my clothes backpack instead on my "backpacker backpack", so I literally only got like 8 photos, all of which were of this wack ass live painting exhibit by a bunch of nobodies and the street artist known as "BigFoot". Cooooooool.

I'm getting ahead of myself.

Thursday morning wake up, a bit on the hungover side because I figured, why not get hammed the night before a long ass drive thru traffic in L.A.

Traffic: 1 Ollie: 0

I finally get on the road around 10:05 a.m. on Thursday, next stop: Huntington Beach.

I was jammin', makin great time, no one fuckin' up my mission until BLLLLAAAAMMMM!, Hello Grapevine. (for the non-California based readers, the Grapevine is basically the only way to get from central cali to southern cali without EXTREME detours). 11:45 All of a sudden, everybody locks up the breaks and I get pinched between a literal wall of big rigs. Don't ask me why I was in the truck lane, I think I was trying to make a power move and outflank a large line-up of idiots pacing the traffic in lane 3.

When I finally get clear of the wall of big rigs, I look up to see 4 lanes of traffic backed up for as far as I could see. Literally, a solid 5-7 miles of no one moving. AT ALL.

Cut to 1:45 p.m. I have moved no more than 3 miles in the last 2 hours. The drugs are wearing off and my patience is running thin. I'm even more pissed that the camera has enough juice to take like 6 flicks before it is going to die. I conserve.

Next to me, I see this wild old black lady puffin' tuff on a "big ol bomber" (that's what my ultra hip uncle calls joints). great. No photo op.

The source for this clusterfuck? Some double axled truck turned over and rolled a few times and ended up laid out, completely flat, stretching across the entire width of the freeway.

After I got thru that jam, everything opened up and I was movin well until right around Culver City when the powers that be opened up a flood gate of new vehicles who all decided to get on the same freeway, at the same time, at the same on-ramp.

Drugs are in the trunk, I have lost all patience.

3:20 I finally pull up to the regency Hyatt (host of Agenda) and spend the next 30 minutes looking for parking, until I get a text informing me that I can park at Big Lots! and take the shuttle.

I go into Agenda, camera dies. Meet up with the homie Trav of MSK fame (that's legendary graffiti crew MSK for you legal living souls out there). Trav informs me that I missed all the good stuff at the show the night before when he passed out drunk in the lobby during the party. AWESOME. Just what I wanted to hear.

I go to the bar. $7.00 for a corona?? Are you fucking kidding me?? I'll take 3. thanks for nothing you anal raping son of a bitch (no homo).

Stumble around the show for about an hour and a half, catch a good little buzz, bitch about not having a working camera, start bumming cigarettes (which I gave up almost a full year ago) until finally I find the homie T on the phone, who informs me that he is not coming.

This shit just gets better by the minute...

Pt. 2 Tomorrow. I'm too pissed to continue with this shit today.

I will also put together some photos from other various bloggers that were in attendance down at Agenda as well.

What up REEZ. Thanks again.

-Olls

Some People's Children...

I thought that since I am preparing for my departure to Huntington Beach for Agenda and don't have much time to write, I would hit the peoples with some classic "ugly people" photos from my personal collection. I am more than sure that most, if not all, of these photos have definitely been seen by the readers, but FUCK IT, they make me laugh and this is my blog so complain to someone who cares.



















You see how giving I am? I could have kept this for myself and posted each one individually on days when I didn't have anything to blog about, but instead I give it to my peoples. All 9 of you (Welcome back Kristen)...

-Olls

Yo, On Some Real Shit...

Michael Michael Michael you my nigggggaaaaahhhhhh...



Ron Artest, you a fool for this one.

-Ollie

Michael Jackson Died:

My man Bill (what up Bill?), loyal BAMA reader #9 (I think) out in Colorado hit me with an e-mail stating his disappointment with the lack of content concerning the tragic death of Michael Jackson...

In all seriousness, I had planned on just moving forward and letting the rest of the world pine over this "loss" and never saying a word about it.

However, since I was specifically asked for my take on the situation, here are my sentiments regarding the untimely death of Michael Jackson:

First of all, death sucks. No matter who has died, someone is hurt by their passing. As a result, I will try and sugar coat this to spare feelings for the time being.

Suffice it to say that I was shocked. With Farrah Fawcett dying just hours before M.J. it didn't seem real to me.

With all of that said, I don't really care that Michael Jackson is dead.

I didn't look up to him.

He wasn't a big influence on my life.

Sure, he gave us mad classics in his day, but in all honestly "his day" was well before I was old enough to care about what was/wasn't classic.

By the time I was old enough to concern myself with Michael Jackson, the only tangible things for me to associate with him were his wild ass antics:





***Side Note*** My homie Sherman that lives down south once told me about how he went to Neverland Ranch as a school field trip. Now I'm not saying Sherman got touched, but he is definitely a wierd cat and took the loss of MJ harder than the rest of us. HAHA.



So for me to sit here and say that I am going to miss him, or that I am saddened by his death in any way would be a lie.

I mean, in reality, I don't care becuase I'm a heartless bastard, but more importantly I don't care because it does not effect me personally AT ALL.

Everything good Michael had to offer us musically had already been recorded and released, so the loss of him as an "artist" is unrealistic. The cold truth of the matter is that he was an old man, past his prime, and the stigma of his legal battles would outshine him for the rest of his career.

Furthermore, I want to discuss the general public's reactions to this death.

There seems to be two accepted responses to the death of Michael Jackson.

1. "Fuck him. He was a child molesting sociopath and will be burning in hell."

OR...

2. "Michael was a huge influence on my life. The most important person ever. I don't know how I am going to live without Michael being alive."

Wah-Wah-Waaaaahhhh.

Both of those opinions are stupid and contrived.

#1. FACT: MJ never touched you or anyone you know. He was never convicted. Shit, in all seriousness, he honestly didn't see anything wrong with letting a child sleep in his bed. Now, that may be creepy, but it isn't technically illegal. I wouldn't let my kids sleep with MJ, but that doesn't mean I want him to burn in hell. He was a victim of circumstance. Dude had ZERO childhood. His father was an abusive lunatic. He seriously thought there was nothing wrong with hangin out with a chimpanzee and playing house/doctor with children. Dude was unstable to say the least, but I am not completely convinced that he was the monster that the extremists make him out to be. Don't get it twisted, I am not condoning ANY of Michael's escapades, just saying, for the sake of argument, maybe he wasn't as bad as people made him out to be.

#2. All these "Michael was such an inspiration in my life..." bullshitters. FUCK YOU.

To anyone under the age of say, I'ontknow, 25 (and thats being generous), that says Michael was the reason you were in show business and that you wouldn't be here without him and alladat bullshit, SHUT...THE...FUCK...UP. No one cares. Seriously.

And the white people. Punk rockers. folk singers. etc...



(Yeah I'm talking to/about you John Mayer. You fucking dork.)

you just sound dumb. MJ didn't do anything for you personally. He didn't care if you were alive or dead. Why the fuck do you feel so special or entitled?

What it all boils down to is this:

If you didn't know M.J. personally, you shouldn't be grieving his death. It makes you look like a dick.

Let's let the man die and remember the cool things he gave to us:

The moonwalk was fucking awesome and groudbreaking in it's day:



and these L.A. Gear's were the business. I bet they are fetching a pretty penny on ebay right now.



That is all I have to say regarding this topic and am now closing the vault. I hope that is sufficient.

-Ollie the Heartless