Monday, June 29, 2009

Michael Jackson Died:


My man Bill (what up Bill?), loyal BAMA reader #9 (I think) out in Colorado hit me with an e-mail stating his disappointment with the lack of content concerning the tragic death of Michael Jackson...

In all seriousness, I had planned on just moving forward and letting the rest of the world pine over this "loss" and never saying a word about it.

However, since I was specifically asked for my take on the situation, here are my sentiments regarding the untimely death of Michael Jackson:

First of all, death sucks. No matter who has died, someone is hurt by their passing. As a result, I will try and sugar coat this to spare feelings for the time being.

Suffice it to say that I was shocked. With Farrah Fawcett dying just hours before M.J. it didn't seem real to me.

With all of that said, I don't really care that Michael Jackson is dead.

I didn't look up to him.

He wasn't a big influence on my life.

Sure, he gave us mad classics in his day, but in all honestly "his day" was well before I was old enough to care about what was/wasn't classic.

By the time I was old enough to concern myself with Michael Jackson, the only tangible things for me to associate with him were his wild ass antics:



***Side Note*** My homie Sherman that lives down south once told me about how he went to Neverland Ranch as a school field trip. Now I'm not saying Sherman got touched, but he is definitely a wierd cat and took the loss of MJ harder than the rest of us. HAHA.


So for me to sit here and say that I am going to miss him, or that I am saddened by his death in any way would be a lie.

I mean, in reality, I don't care becuase I'm a heartless bastard, but more importantly I don't care because it does not effect me personally AT ALL.

Everything good Michael had to offer us musically had already been recorded and released, so the loss of him as an "artist" is unrealistic. The cold truth of the matter is that he was an old man, past his prime, and the stigma of his legal battles would outshine him for the rest of his career.

Furthermore, I want to discuss the general public's reactions to this death.

There seems to be two accepted responses to the death of Michael Jackson.

1. "Fuck him. He was a child molesting sociopath and will be burning in hell."


2. "Michael was a huge influence on my life. The most important person ever. I don't know how I am going to live without Michael being alive."


Both of those opinions are stupid and contrived.

#1. FACT: MJ never touched you or anyone you know. He was never convicted. Shit, in all seriousness, he honestly didn't see anything wrong with letting a child sleep in his bed. Now, that may be creepy, but it isn't technically illegal. I wouldn't let my kids sleep with MJ, but that doesn't mean I want him to burn in hell. He was a victim of circumstance. Dude had ZERO childhood. His father was an abusive lunatic. He seriously thought there was nothing wrong with hangin out with a chimpanzee and playing house/doctor with children. Dude was unstable to say the least, but I am not completely convinced that he was the monster that the extremists make him out to be. Don't get it twisted, I am not condoning ANY of Michael's escapades, just saying, for the sake of argument, maybe he wasn't as bad as people made him out to be.

#2. All these "Michael was such an inspiration in my life..." bullshitters. FUCK YOU.

To anyone under the age of say, I'ontknow, 25 (and thats being generous), that says Michael was the reason you were in show business and that you wouldn't be here without him and alladat bullshit, SHUT...THE...FUCK...UP. No one cares. Seriously.

And the white people. Punk rockers. folk singers. etc...


(Yeah I'm talking to/about you John Mayer. You fucking dork.)

you just sound dumb. MJ didn't do anything for you personally. He didn't care if you were alive or dead. Why the fuck do you feel so special or entitled?

What it all boils down to is this:

If you didn't know M.J. personally, you shouldn't be grieving his death. It makes you look like a dick.

Let's let the man die and remember the cool things he gave to us:

The moonwalk was fucking awesome and groudbreaking in it's day:

and these L.A. Gear's were the business. I bet they are fetching a pretty penny on ebay right now.


That is all I have to say regarding this topic and am now closing the vault. I hope that is sufficient.

-Ollie the Heartless

Friday, June 26, 2009

New Look

Slowly making the changes for the new look and layout of the blog.

It looks like shit right now, but we will get it together.

What do you think of the new header aside from the fact that it doesn't quite fit properly?

Hit me with a comment.


Thursday, June 25, 2009

Farrah Fawcett Died Today

So let's do the right thing and just check out her ill rack from the playboy hey-day.



-Uncle Ollie



Madonna's daughter has a humongous eyebrow.

Thats all.



The Burger King "7 Incher"


This new ad campaign for BK has the world at odds because of it's inherent suggestive adult nature.

Big Fucking Deal.

It's not even that cool.


Megan Fox is a Man??

Of course!

Every hot chick on the planet gets hit with that stigma at least once when they are at their peak.

Remember Ciara? She was supposedly a man.

Lady Gaga? While she may not be hot, or even attractive in the face at all, you can be damn sure she has that fat ass REMEMBER??

Anyways, back to the point. Some idiot from some no name, god-awful News Source is claiming that Megan Fox was born a man.

The story goes on to say, and I quote:

"Megan Fox was born Mitchell Reed Fox in Rockwood, Tennessee. From an early age, Mitchell showed an interest in both performing and women’s clothing. When having a preacher lay hands on him did not ‘cure’ him of these interests, his parents simply put him on the pageant circuit.
By the age of 13, Mitchell had already started a career as a female child performer called ‘Megan Fox’. Making her debut on an Olsen Twins straight-to-video release, the twins have kept his secret all this time.
As a sweet 16 present, Fox’s parents offered him sexual reassignment surgery, which, given their child’s career, they’d hoped to write off as a business expense. Unfortunately laws prohibit such surgery to be done to minors."


This is worse than most National Enquirer stories I have ever heard of.

Am I really supposed to believe that this:


is anything less than top 3 hottest women on the globe right now? (Spots one and two are reserved for TBC and Kate Beckinsale respectively.)

What a bullshit fabricated story, but it gave me a reason to put up some Megon Fox flicks (that I have actually never done in the history of this blog) so thanks!

A few more to help cool the burn...





Even tho there is no real tail to speak of, I still appreciate the effort.

-Uncle Ollie

Perz Hilton vs. Who Gives A Shit?

Aight so, I am sure by now that all 7 of the readers of this blog (I think we lost Kristen to the small pox or something) have heard about this story being spun in the media concerning Perez Hilton getting lumped up by Will.I.Am's tour manager.

A quick breakdown of the scenario plays like this:

This fat, obnoxious tub-o-lard:


called this "leader of the macho movement" a fucking faggot:


The nerve of some people... HAHA.

I mean, for real tho, has never been accused of being the most masculine of men, but nonetheless, if Perez Hilton, the self proclaimed "Queen of all media" (barf) calls you a "fucking faggot", you literally have no choice but to lump his skull up with zero regard for the consequences.

So after's manager stepped up and delivered the ass whoopin to end all ass whoopin's...


Wait... Seriously? The scratch under your eye is the aftermath of that severe smackdown homeboy allegedly layed on your candy ass Perez?


I have had worse paper cuts than that...

Of course the only logical solution to this fisticuffs you were involved in is to make a series of videos and release them to the internets for all the world to see and begin to take sides...

This is a good little sum-up video of both participants going at it. The original Perez video was 12 minutes of his blubbery ass crying like a little girl with a scraped knee. Yo, gay or not, you are a grown man son. Act your age and gender fareal.

I was gigglin hard at in that video tho. Homie is straight laughing at being called a "fag" but quite possible the gayest cat in Hollywood.

I want to get serious for a second here though.

The general consensus seems to be that "the situation should have never became violent".

FUCK THAT. Straight up.

I aint no thug, but you better believe somebody gets that sideways with me they aren't walking away that easy. One little scratch under his eye would only be the start. I'm talkin BEAT_DOWN.

Moral of the story? disappointed me by not going harder. I hate Perez Hilton and given the chance I would beat 7 shades of shit out of him.

Go hard!!


Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Fuck Me Running...

The cold hard fact of the matter is this:


Mix that with the fact that I actually had to do real work at the office today and you can begin to see why there were no updates on the blog today.

Never fear. I got a whole stack of shit to write about tomorrow and I promise to do just that.

5 new posts tomorrow or my name isn't Oliver Wrist.


Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Dear Makeshift:

Why are you so much better than everyone else??


Thanks for supportin' fam. Big ups to Larelle too!

For those of you brain dead goons that have yet to download the best mixtape of 2009, quit trickin' and treat yo'self!



20 tracks of pure fire. No filler. Quit bullshittin'.

Download “No Doze” Here For Free!!

Yeah Bitch I said FREE!!!

Check the NickelPlatedBama shout out on "Dying Breed"...

After you get familiar, go find Makeshift on Myspace, add him as a friend, and tell him how grateful you are that he is single handedly saving hip hop music and giving it to you ingrates for free.

What can you expect at a Makeshift show??

I mean, seriously, what are you waiting for??

P.S. I'll see you and Larelle at AGENDA. We gon' get it slappin'... HA.

-Ollie the Hip Hop Scholar

Monday, June 22, 2009

Copywrite Is Back

Copywrite is not a fan of Asher Roth. I am a fan of Copywrite. It's fairly obvious to the masses how I feel about Asher Roth.

Dude is caca.

Just for clarification, that's a follow up to the original Asher Roth diss...

Thank you Copy. Thank you.


Leighton Meester Sex Tape

Yes, you read that right. But who is Leighton Meester?


Leighton Meester is the sexy little tomcat from the t.v. show "Gossip Girl".

Interestingly enough, I don't watch Gossip girl. I mean, I watch every other teenage angst ridden, 30 year olds playing high school kids, bullshit drama on television but the one with this hot little piece is the one I've been missing.

Peep the tail game (is there a tail game?)...


The rumors about the tape are that there isnt really any balls deep penetration happening here but she is naked a good chunk of the time (with lots of T&A) and then there is several minutes of a footjob?

What is my man thinking? You got one of the hottest little numbers on the market parading around naked for you in all her young glory and you want her to rub her feet on your dick and balls?

Are you kidding me dude?

Here's the "cover" for the tape that homie is shopping around...


We'll just have to wait til the tape hits the streets to know if that dress up there is an optical illusion of tail.

Trust in your good Uncle Ollie, when the tape hits the web, you will have the links.

-Uncle Ollie the Faithful

Fred Works Out

Damn son. TBC was bullshittin on youtube on Saturday morning and found this video.

Holy smokes. The view count on this video is over 1.2 million in 3 days.

I don't know what the fuck the world sees in this kid but damn if he isn't winning in the views department.

Some of his other videos have over 6 million views.

Really humbles me. I mean, here I am writing this amazing blog, giving the world every bit of news they could EVER possibly need and my total views doesnt touch single hour's worth of hits for this little maggot Fred.

Bitter hatred. Fred must die.

-Sourpuss Ollie

Thursday, June 18, 2009

One Question: Why??

You tell me cause I sure as hell can't call it.

What fetish is this? It has to be some good ol' boys down south that want to see heavy set middle aged woman thrashin hoopties...

Who knew?


The Kids Reactions

I have watched this video 37 times now. That ramp is crazy sturdy!!


Roll Ya Neck

To quote the very first comment on WorldStarHipHop:

"This the gayest dance on earth"...

couldn't have said it better myself.

Quit dancin' and start thuggin...


Wednesday, June 17, 2009

New FTK Logo

Caught this over on the FTK Construction blog.

Design credit: Sam Hansen. owner. operator. scholar. FTK.


Great concept Sam.


Impromptu Photo Shoot

Last friday I was sittin' at the office staring out the window when I spotted this:


Let's zoom in for a closer look:


In honor of Reez at I asked myself "Dead or Asleep". In fact, I sent the photos over to Reez to be featured on the site but he didn't post 'em or get back to me so, snooze ya lose, now I'm gonna throw em up here. I digress...

Apparently, the fire department and some concerned citizens decided to ask themselves the same question as they approached homegirl to find out if she was still alive...


After approx. 10 minutes of kicking and nudging her, they finally got some signs of life as ol' girl stirred herself:


The firemen left:


So she went back to sleep:


Classic. I love my job for reasons like this. Working downtown I get to see all kinds of wild ass people doing wild ass shit in the streets.


Friday, June 12, 2009

Unexpected Tail: Kate Beckinsale??

One of the Bamettes hipped me to this the other day. I never gave this chick a second look. I mean, she's fly, but she wasn't packin heat where it counted. Or was she??


That thigh game is ferocious, but is there a tail back there??


You're damn right there's a tail. Is she the new Jessica Biel?


I can't go that far yet. What I can say is this: I have spent an unreasonable amount of time reviewing these photos and I seriously can't seem to find a single thing wrong with Kate Beckinsale. She is as close to flawless as I can find.

Let's review:

Pretty face? Decent chest plate?


Check. Check. Fierce thighs? Smooth stomach?


Check. Check. Tail?


Chiggity Check. Hot euro accent?

Yep. Look out Nelly Furtado, Kate Beckinsale is coming for that #1 spot.

-Uncle Ollie

Repost: Am I the only one who sees the resemblance?

So normally i stray away from goin at other bloggers, especially ones that get like a million hits a day, but i couldnt help but notice this and thought i'd throw it out there to see if anyone else is seein' it...


I mean seriously, Perez Hilton and Harry Henderson look like brothers dog. Need more proof??


peep those doggies homie he "could catch a salmon swimmin upstream with those eagles claws"...



Damn, homey got so played out. He's straight sleepin son.

P.S. did you hear all those bones break? My God.


Thursday, June 11, 2009

Danny Devito is a Menace

Am I the only person that watches "Always Sunny in Philadelphia"? I must be. Every time I mention it to someone there like "what the fuck are you talking about"?

I have to explain how genius Danny Devito's character is. As it turns out, it's not an act. This guy is the real deal mess he portrays on t.v.

Drinking beer at 8:00 a.m.? CHECK.

It's hard to make Charlie Day and Rob McElhenny uncomfortable, but Danny pulls it off flawlessly live on television.

Sir Devito just moved up 3 spots on my favorite people in the world list.


Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Britney's Titties Rule

I don't care what anybody says, I have been waiting to see these tits hangin out since I was like 16 years old.

Apparently, some time back in 2007 Britney had the great idea to shoot the music video for some bullshit ass song called "Gimme More" topless.

Great decision. Somebody got some stills from the video and posted em up for the world to see and enjoy. My gift to you...






Now that my friends is a public service.

I also want to mention this while I am discussing Britney. Crazy or not, I still got love for her. EVERYONE in the world that says she aint bad is lying or is gay.

Ask the UVT boys, Britney started the thick white chick movement and damnit if she isn't slowly (but surely) bringin it back.



Go 'head girl, we ain't mad at 'cha.

-Uncle Ollie

Monday, June 8, 2009

Ninjas Killed My Family:


Yes, this photo is like 8 years old, I realize that. Yes, it was funny back then, but NO, that is not the reason I am posting it.

I was peeping The Arab Parrot this morning (as I typically do on Mondays) when I saw this:


I know what you're thinking: "That's the same guy"!

And I do believe you are correct.

The Parrot is in NYC and happened to catch a follow up of the "ninjas killed my family" guy and his new street hustle without even knowing it.

Man, this guy is a marketing genius. He's got fucking websites on his cardboard now.

I need to contact this dude and get some BAMA stickers on his signs. Maybe then I could get the reader count up from 6-8 to 11 or 12. HAHA.

I am straight blown away that my man is still hustling this hard in the streets on NYC.


The Verdict on Drake:

Let me start by saying that I STILL watch the television show Degrassi, so when I heard that little wheelchair Jimmy Brooks was the hottest thing buzzin on the net, you can imagine my skepticism.


All I wanted was to know that this cat Drake was all hype. I wanted him to be mediocre at best with a buzz because of his ties to Young Money and Lil Weezy.

I mean, anyone with any common sense would assume that just because this kid:


updated his look to this:


it doesnt mean that he is worth a shit right?

I mean seriously, NO FUCKING WAY is "Jimmy Brooks" that muufucka out here.

There is no way possible right? RIGHT?

Wrong. I heard this...


...and I am convinced. This kid has something. I don't know if it is Drake that is ghostwriting for Weezy or vice-versa, but I do know that something is fishy here. These cats are far too similar in delivery, flow, wordplay etc. to not be writing for one another.

I am not going to co-sign Drake entirely, but if this kid's album is even half as good as the streets (internet) are claiming, the kid has a bright future.

Here's the drawback on Drake tho...

He has absolutely ZERO street cred and as we all know, the hip hop industry is completely fueled by a rapper's ties to the streets.

Young Drake here is straight out the mean streets of the Toronto suburbs. He has been swimming in white girls since he was like 12 at Degrassi High School. He got shot on the show by the biggest dork ever cast on television...

(Fuckin Rick the girlfriend beater and high school shooter) LOL...

So I'm sayin this and moving on, as long as Drake stays in his lane and continues being a good rapper/singer and stays out of the trafficing of the white girl (no Degrassi) I think he'll be fine.

He's got a bright future from where I'm sittin'.