Friday, January 30, 2009

Sign Me Up!

Are you fucking kidding me?

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Imagine the summers at the lake you would have with this... the amount of tail? Dude, this shit is a bigger pussy magnet than a porsche, ferrari, or party barge.


Finally A Rapper I Can Get Behind...

NO HOMO! (haha)

Finally, someone says (in rhyme form) what alot of us have been screamin for the past year.

Termanology - Tight Pants Are For Girls

Extra aggressive. I like it. I mean, the dude is only like 6 bars in when he delivers this gem:

"So strap on your timbaland boots and thug it out/ and all you batti boys shut yo' bloodclot mouths..."

Yep, this is the official anti tight sag swag to combat the blatantly homosexual tendencies of your favorite rapper's favorite rapper. Yep, thats another shot at Weezy (two in one day Ollie?? You're god-damned right)...

The most potent line on this banger?

Not even part of the verse... its a shout at the end of the track...

"fuckin faggots... stay out your sistah's closets"..

Term got that extra burn. Get it right for 2009 folks, tight sag is over.

-Ollie the demoralizer

Lil Wayne Is A Gangster?

And here I thought he was just a rapper that moved millions of kilo's of cocaine...

This is a clip from the interview he did with Katie Couric for the grammy's...

Watch CBS Videos Online

Did you catch that line?? "I'm a gangster, and gangsters don't ask questions..."

Really? But gangsters definitely do interviews with the whitest bird on the planet... And gangsters definitely drink their weight in cough syrup daily... and gangsters definitely wear skinny jeans, and gangsters MOST DEFINITELY sing rock songs through a auto-tuned vocoder...

Get the fuck outta here Weezy. Look, I am a fan of "The Carter 1/2" and wasn't completely mad at the "The Carter 3" but Weezy has taken off on the gayship with Kanye and lets just call this "rock/pop-hop" movement officially a wrap and get back to that real gutter shit...

While I'm venting, can we please address the amount of bullshit "my president is black" type-a joints flooding the internets. I've said it before, but I will definitely reitterate my point:


Straight up. I could care less what Young Jeezy The Snowman (snow being a metaphor for cocaine and all) has to say about the current state of American politics.

I'm serious as a heart-attack here people. Jeezy is dumb yo. Real dumb. This cat is takin shots at Bill Fucking O'reilly's credibilty in the political world? Are you serious??

I am not always a believer in Bill's politics, but the man does his homework.

We get it Jeezy, you're a more conscious rapper now. I mean, "YOUR" president is black... You can't keep floodin the streets with that snow under "YOUR" new administration.

Don't get it twisted, I am all for people speaking their opinions freely, God knows I do, but Jeezy is ruining his own credibilty.

Dallas Penn (internets celebrities blogger) kinda hit this point in a recent post.

You cannot be speaking on the president being black and how much of a step forward that is, and then regressing black culture in the very next line telling me about how your "diamonds are still blue" and your "money's still green".

In case you forgot, "YOUR" president is facing the worst recession/depression since the days of Hoover.

Think about it homie, it makes a good hook, but illustrates just how unconscious you rappers are when it "all falls down".

Speak on it.

-Ollie the Revolutionary

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Myspace Of The Day:

I think its pretty well known that I am a serious pervert. So with that in mind please don't read to deep into why i was there, just know that I was.

I was shamelessly adding famous people to my myspace friends list today when it hit me... Who has more time to spend surfing blogs then perverted middle age men? And where is the best source to find these perverted middle aged men on myspace?? YES!! You guessed it, on young porn star's myspace pages.

So I'm checkin out Bree Olson's myspace (who is extra bad by the way):


and I scroll down to the comments section of her page. Not sure why, but I always, always read comments on peoples myspace pages. The nature of curiousity i suppose.

Anyways, I see this quote right here (taken directly, no changes made):

"Bree Olson
Thanks for adding me and you tail you a lote that you very sexy eyes i wish i wake up them every you thanks for adding me..

At first I assumed that John was middle-eastern or chinese, or at least mildly retarded, so i went ahead and investigated a little further...


As of right now, John has not accepted my friend request so I havent had a chance to see any other photos beside his default. But from the looks of that haircut and those ultra thick coke bottle rims, I assume homie is heavily disturbed.

It just goes to show why myspace is so much better than facebook. There is no elitism on myspace. Anyone can be friends with anyone. And that my loyal subjects (all 8 of you) is something I can get behind (no homo). Keep fighting the good fight Tom. And to you Mark Zuckerberg, don't think because you gave me back my friend requesting priviledges that you are off the list. You are still getting slapped on site.

And because the backshot is now required by NPB law:


Enjoy perverts. Incidentally, if you are anything like most people, you are probably wondering what this PYT (pretty young thang) is workin with in the sack. CLICK HERE for a sneak peek. And yes, that is the first time in the history of the BAMA that I linked to a known porn site. Things are really lookin up.


ASR/AGENDA San Diego 2009 Days 3 and 4:

If you missed them, be sure to read DAY ONE and DAY TWO.

Saturday morning:

The weather was much nicer:


Got up and loaded all the photos to the comp, uploaded the videos, jacked all of Sam's music files and chewed up a bunch of vicodin. Sam slept all day, and when we finally got out of the hotel, both of the shows were over. Never had a chance to get my print from Zerofriends. Oh well, I have since talked to Sean, and everything is on the square.

We were both a little hungover, so we hit Fuddrucker's again. Decided it was time to get it crackin, and started hittin the 'tron. Before we left the hotel room, I had consumed a 6 pack of Rolling Rock, and 3-5 shots of Patron. Feelin good.

Were walkin down the street and I start catchin gems left and right:


Can you say scraper??


Just another Saturday night in the streets...


Not only does this cat look like the guy who played "buffalo bob" in the "Joe Dirt" movie, but he was also sweating an INSANE amount. Peep the ring of sweat under those beads. And that hat? Damn homey. just damn.


These birds were posin for a picture for a different camera, but ol' girl on the far left is still staring at me. She asked me what the photo was for, I gave her a sticker and said "check the site, mine will come out better, I'm a professional". She giggled and smiled. Ollie, still a mack.


Fantasia?? HAHA. nah. The bad kind of thickness.

We roamed the streets, talked shit, ate dinner, got drunk, went to sleep.

Sunday Morning:

I got up early again and decided to hit the streets solo. Took some photos:


View from the corner across from the hotel.


No bloodclot batti bwoys.


The meter maids in San Diego ride around on Segways. What recession? I asked her how she felt about the segway and she told me "it backs itself into my shins alot". Interesting.


Street vendor with the vintage children's jump off. Didn't have my size though.


This bird had the dope backyard. Couldn't catch up to her to ask how many lunges/squats she does a day.




Nope, just a filthy porno store. I bought a couple new pieces.


Mick Jagger X Chicago Cubs X Oliver Wrist finger around eye. If that doesn't make sense, good. I hate when cats use the "item X item" description of two brands working together. Basically, I'm not sure if the computer is doing justice to this photo or not, but this was a painting of Mick Jagger. I snapped the photo and my reflection left it looking like Mick is wearing a cubs cap, and my finger is wrapped around his eye.

Thats the basic idea of what popped in San Diego. The economy being in the shits definitely showed as the shows weren't nearly as big as they have been in the past. Hopefully I can come up with enough money, and time off work, and passes into Magic to be able to get out to vegas for another streetwear massacre.

Peace to Sam for driving, and the badge, and the patron, and everything else.

Peace to TBC (the ball and chain/girlfriend) for being dope and not sweatin me for being a jack-ass.

Peace to anybody who was cool.

Fuck You to Mason and the goons from cardboard robot, your ideas are tired and the quality is wiggity wack.

OH YEAH!!!!!

Be sure to listen to alot more Draftklick. These cats are wild as fuck and extra mainy like Kevin Delaney. Peep DRAFTKLICK HERE.

-Ollie the traveler

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Ass So Fat

That you can see it from the front!!

The ass cleavage in this photo is extra aggressive. and I love it.


The truth of the situation is simple enough. If you can see the tail piece through the thighs, ol' girl is packin some heat. The thighs look right, and even though her head looks like a dirty tennis ball, she is really pretty.

Doesn't homegirl kinda look like Vanessa Minnillo??


Those J's are sittin on dubs and lookin' right too by the way. Man, Nick Lachey is a freak of nature you know that?

Lets take a stroll down memory lane... Remember when Jessica looked like this and was a virgin??


This cat Nick Lachey wifed it, beat those skins, realized how stupid she was and cut with a gang of her money, and now he gets to lay the pipe to Vanessa Minnillo. This guy is a straight up K-Fed. I always wondered how he (Nick Lachey) never got shit on for being a no talent hack that wifed up a pop-star and broke her for her papers the way K-Fed does. Oh well, Nick Lachey made the best decision of his life/career x-in out Jessica, cause ol' girl is on swole patrol and literally one chicken dinner away from obesity:


You see that jelly roll foldin up in her arm-pit? I guarandamtee Jessica is pushin the extra agressive muffin top as well, but those high-waisted jump-offs are keepin it locked up tight.

Big ups to my man Nick Lachey. Who know you were an ice cold pimp that could predict the future??

Ollie did thats who.

-Allofher backfat

Do You Urinate When You Cough or Sneeze?

If you remember in day one of the ASR/AGENDA trip I talked about that sign I saw that asked the question from the title.

This is a message I got in my inbox on myspace. The writer of said message wished to remain anonymous. It is written exactly as I received it.

"so what if i wake up every morning and read your blog before i have a coffee. thats dedication. but you see i usually do pee and little when i cough or sneeze. especially sneeze. the problem is dont pee when i should i always wait for the last minute before theres an explosion in my body then i go. i just figure if i have full bladder it can get me out of most sticky situations. all i have to do is pee my pants."

HAHA. Pure dedication. Feel free to take a guess as to who wrote this.

-Ollie the Kingpin

This Economy Crisis Is No Joke:

Headline from


"Los Angeles Man Kills his wife, 5 children, then himself:

Los Angeles Police Deputy Chief Kenneth Garner said that the tragic killing in a suburb of Los Angeles occurred after the man cracked under the pressure of the credit crunch: "He was despondent, clearly, over his job situation... This was a financial and job-related issue that led to the slayings."

The father was identified as 40-year-old Ervin Lupoe. He and his wife both worked as medical technicians at the Kaiser Permanente West Los Angeles Medical Centre."


This shit is straight tragic man. Fuck this downward spiral the country is facing. California is gettin hit hard. California's unemployment rate is at 9.3% almost double what it was this time last year. That gives California the 3rd worst unemployment rate, only behind Michigan and Rhode Island which are at 10.3% and 10% respecfully.

Scary stuff.



Apparently Ervin Lupoe faxed over a letter to local authorities informing them of his plan to wax his wife, children and himself. He blames Kaiser Permanente Medical Center for the loss of he and his wife's jobs. In the letter, he explains in detail that he and his wife discussed killing themselves, and decided they didnt want their kids growing up in someone elses hands. The credit crunch became overwhelming and homie decided to call it quits rather than live another stressful day. DAMN HOMIE!

-Ollie Still Thankfully Employed

Self Help/Motivation

HAHAHA. The end is straight up money. "Hooray for you!!!"

I seriously gotta know who the people are that come up with these ideas, I mean, how did that sales pitch meeting go?

"We've got a great idea.."

"What is it?"

"Well, were going to take a ridiculously generic voice and have it tell you how great you are over and over again. Then were going to mix that over a continual applause track."

"Genius, let's get right to it"

"But wait, there's more..."

"What could you possibly have to improve this amazing and original idea?"

"Puzzle pieces as necklaces..."

"Speechless. Straight to production!"

The commercial is almost as bad as the actual product. That shit is incredibly low-budget. I get the feeling that dude in the commercial really wants to kill himself/someone but he needed the money so he took the gig.


ASR/AGENDA San Diego 2009 Day Two

If you missed day one, Scroll down to the post directly below.

Friday Morning:

Something alot of people don't know about me: I cannot sleep. I wake up early as fuck on Friday morning, take a hand full of vicodin, wash my ass, get dipped, and then wait around for Sam to get out of bed. You see, at any other time I would have just went without him, but I had to have him to get my badge at ASR.

Its pretty overcast outside. (View from our room):


We mob down to ASR. I, for some dumb ass fucking reason have my camera in my backpack and not around my neck and miss a ton of photo ops in route to the show. No big deal though. We check in, get our badges, mash through the convention center and head over to the Hard Rock for a drink.

1 Samuel Adams and 1 Jack 'N Coke. $18 motherfucking dollars. Don't these cats know I'm ballin on a budget? Fuck it, lets go to AGENDA.

Once we get inside AGENDA, this is when the photo snaps, and the ridiculing really began.

ArtsProjekt by Andy Howell. Unfinished panel.


Never got a chance to see the finished product by the way. If anyone has photos of the finished artsprojekt panel, shoot an e-mail to

Andy Howell is a legend. To get acquainted with his artwork, stories, and skateboarding history, you should read his book, “Art, Skateboarding, and Life” by Andy Howell. Homie is a BEAST, and he loves Ollie.

Cruised around and snapped some photos of uninspired, blatant commercial rip-offs being passed off as "designs".


Oh, a reference to pac-man. how (un)original.


Is that a Tecate can? Oh, so you just took the beer can and changed the words on it? I hadn't ever seen that before. Could you have used a dirtier screen? That shit is going to wash off the first time it sees the laundry.


Oh, I get it. You Run Shit. But trust me, the cat that was peddling this gear looks more like he runs from shit.

CARDBOARD ROBOT. Ok, so I mentioned it before I left that I had set up a meeting to talk with the cats at Carboard Robot and that Ryan and Rob were super cool with me over e-mail. Wellllll, I showed up to their booth, without ever having seen the gear these cats are peddling, and, well, this is what they were working with...



How (un)inspired. Anyways, so I was supposed to do an interview with Ryan... here's how it went:

Ollie: "Yo, is Ryan or Rob around?"

Fuckin Burn-out hipster: "Who's askin?"

Ollie: "Oliver Wrist, I write NickelPlatedBama"

Fuckin burn-out hipster: "Oh Oliver Wrist, yeah, I saw your e-mail, get the fuck outta here. (chuckles)"

Ollie: (rage in my eyes) "what the fuck?"

Fuckin burn-out hipster: "i'm just kiddin, maaaaaaan. Ryan's outside, I'm Mason, i'm basically like the boss..."

Ollie: "Good for you, what about Rob, is he around?"

Mason (previously fuckin burn-out hipster): "nope, talk to john right there."

Ollie: "cool. guy."

John looks like this and is lightweight cool:


Ollie: "where/when did the line start?"

John: "oh blah blah, this, that, Mason, designer, gargle on Mason's nuts, blah, blah, slurp"

Ryan walks up, looks like this:


I think to myself, "self, what the fuck have you gotten into, there cant be a bigger collection of fuckheads in the entire city of San Diego..."

In Ryan's defense, he was super cool, very easy going, answered questions honestly, and didn't try to come off like he was too big for my "little blog".

I finish up the interview and the fuckin burn out hipster Mason wants to "walk and talk". I tell him I got shit to do, he just wants to know what I'm going to write.

I tell him "well, its a satire blog"...

"but you're not gonna clown us right? fuck it, i don't care, do whatever you want"

Ollie: "Oh I will... thanks 'BRRRRRROOOO'.."

Ollie, Out.

Moral of the story, Ryan from Cardboard Robot needs a new job. The shit these guys are peddling is straight TRASH, Mason is a fuckin faggot, John was cool, but still a little "cool guy, i run a line, jock me" type, and Ryan was just an overall mellow dude. Somebody hook him up with a decent line to work with, he'll get shit done.

After that catastrophe i stepped to the ZEROFRIENDS booth. This is a collective of artist’s works printed to t-shirts headlined by Alex Pardee. This cat is a fucking bad ass...


Peace to Reez at for the above photo. My original didn't take well, too much flash. That is a canvas Alex painted the first day of Agenda. Bummer that I missed it.

Unfortunately, Alex wasn't there. I talked to Sean instead though, and this cat was straight up cool. Some wild shit too, apparently homie had set up the local "Zumies" in Visalia (my home turf, what now) and knew the homie Johnny who manages the place. We talked a bit, he gave me first dibs on the prints he brought down for sale, and I cut.

Lots of other bullshit goin on, I was over it, so we hopped in the limo and mashed it to ASR. I needed to drink, so I got up in the beer garden and started pounding beers. Apparently so did this bird:


cause she was gettin extra wild. Before this picture was taken, she walked by me and I said “hey, have a sticker”. She says “stick it on me”. I oblige and stick it directly over her exposed nipple. She says “I hope you’re prepared for a lawsuit, that’s assault…” I laugh and casually walk away. This bird runs in a circle around the piƱata den, and comes back to say “I was just kidding.” I said “well put these stickers over your nipples and let me take a photo…” She says she can’t pull her J’s out in public, so I settled for the above joint. Trust in this, if I wasn’t in a faithful relationship with TBC, I would have pursued a photo shoot back at the telly. . Peep a couple videos I shot of her hi-jinx…

I call this one: wild ass hoe does cartwheel in mini-skirt:

Then she beat the shit out of a pinata:

Nipple slip:


This broad really needed attention. Badly.

After that fiasco, I walked around and snapped some random photos...

Who has more fun? The Blondes?


Or the brunettes?


I’m a brunette guy myself, and the stomach pieces on these birds were oh so silky smooth.

Cool Mustache:



Or maybe your shirt screams "I NEED ATTENTION". haha. This dude asked me if I was a cop. LOL.

Kareem Campbell in the building:


Casey from "The Captain and Casey Show" fame. If you look closely on the left, that's Jerone Wilson. He was mad cause I asked Casey for a photo and not him.


If this is on his head/neck I can't imagine whats under his shirt:


Neat Hat:



Look closely in the left corner, NPB reppin over the taillight:


The head muhfucka in charge over at L.R.G. (yellow jacket) One of the coolest cats i've ever met. Big ups to Robert!


This homie was extra smoove in his turtle neck:


On our way back to the room, hella saucy from a day's worth of drinking, I decide it would be a good idea to buy some boos. Remember earlier when I said they don't sell drank after 10:00 p.m. I tell the store clerk to give me a bottle of Patron, realize I don't have any scratch, so I tell Sam to pay for it. He was drunk, so he was like Fuck It. We get back to the room and Sam passes out at like 8:30. I call in an order to Fuddrucker's (that was directly next door to the hotel we were staying at), and ordered an ungodly amount of food. In honor of Reez at


Get your glutt on!

I passed out around 11:00. called it a night.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

ASR/AGENDA San Diego 2009 Day One

I have been putting this off since Sunday. Why? Because I have alot of photos, but not nearly enough to document the entire event. Fuck it. Here goes. The story will be broken down into sections. Unfortunately, the first section will have limited photos. Don't skip though, the story itself is pretty good.

***EDITOR'S NOTE: If the photos are cut off, just double click on them to open in a new window for full effect, I uploaded them in a "large" format and this blog layout does not support that size. Unfortunately for you all, I am lazy, so you can just click if you want the full photo.***

Thursday afternoon:

The homie Sam FTK Construction picks me up from Smalls' house and we hit the open road, lookin for adventure. HAHA. Gay. Anyways, I haven't spent any significant amount of time with Sam in prolly like 6 years due to a small misunderstanding that neither of us seemed to care enough about to address until now. Water under the bridge as they say. After some catchin up and bullshittin' I realize I've had to piss for like over an hour. I tell Sam to pull over sometime soon. He takes this literally and pulls off on the first exit we come to. Downtown ECHO PARK. The Hood. Great. We drive under the overpass and realize it is strictly industrial. Turn around, wait for a train to pass, and finally find a McDonald's. This place is unfriendly to say the least. So hood in fact, I opted to leave the camera in the car, so as to avoid snapping any photos of folks against their will thus putting Sam and I in a less than promising situation. I piss, slap some stickers up, and were off. Nothing too important happens, the rest of the drive, until I see this sign:

(Insert Photo Here) Yeah, I couldn't catch the flick cause we passed the sign doing 80. It wasn't the picture on the sign that mattered anyway, its what the sign said.

"Do you urinate when you cough or sneeze? 1 in 3 women suffers from this..." HAHAHAHA. What the FUCK? Seriously...

We get to San Diego, drive up and down Broadway lookin for our hotel. Valet Park (not cause were that bossy, but because it was the only option). Check in, head up to our room, get unpacked, get changed, get dipped and head out. (Shout out to TBC for the hook on the hotel room. $39.00 a night on peak weekend rates muhfuckas). 2 blocks from the telly I catch this guy:


He asks me for a tip... So I tell him "You should prolly shave your arm pits too".

After walking the wrong direction like 8 blocks, we turn around and head back the right way towards the Hard Rock Hotel to meet up with the cats from ORISUE.

**Side Note** If you're not familiar with Orisue Clothing and what they are bringin to the table, slap yoself. These cats got a mean cut and sew game, and are actually tryin to push the boundaries of fashion. Fuck Streetwear, these dudes are bringin Heatwear!

At the Hard Rock, I get introduced to Travis. A younger member of the Orisue staff who can't get into the bars yet, so he' havin a party in a suite upstairs. Head up, meet a couple of cats, see the amount of underage tail, I look at Sam, he looks at me, we give "the nod" and call it a wrap.

Big shout to Travis for havin us come thru though, and to be completely honest I would have loved to have kicked it and harrassed those little birdies all night if there would have been some boos around.

Fuck it. We mash out to go grab some drinks and get told at the 7-eleven that "there are no alcoholic beverages sold downtown after 10:00 p.m.". ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING? Scribble this into your mental notebook as it will come back up again later.

It's now approx. midnight and we havent eaten shit all day.

We got a hot dog. Its called "the deep south". It is really good.


**Hebrew National. Mustard. Cheddar Cheese. Cole Slaw.**

The hot dog wasn't enough so we caught a slice of pizza and called it a wrap.

Day 2 of the trip tomorrow. For the record, I have the story typed up but I have to resize all of the images because it sucks to have to click every photo to view it. First thing Wednesday morning.

-Ollie the Traveler