Somewhere... Deep Down in my Heart...

I...... still... Love.. YOU!



Holy Guacamole that was the best fake cry in the history of television..

Damn: No Shame in the Streetwear Game These Days

Above is the knock off, out right bite of an otherwise great concept piece by TITS brand... Slowly but surely becoming one of my favorite clothing lines. Their work is super clean, and emcompasses one of my 3 favorite things in this world... TITS. (If you're wondering, my 2 other favorite things in this world are ME and ASSES.)

And the original piece by TITS...



Some cats are just shameless when it comes to taking someone's ideas and making them their own. If you want to blatantly jack someone's ideas, at least credit the source... Thats all I'm sayin...

Check out TITS by clickin the red and support a solid line.

-Olls

No Racism

Teach em young?

Fucking White People...

I'm taking the rest of the week off. Enjoy the holidays you gluttonous fucks.

-Ollie

Yankees Win!!!

Big fuckin deal. Let the bandwagon riding "I've always been a fan" bitchassness begin. Seriously, how are the Yankees not gonna win? Wasn't like 75% of their roster on the AL all-star team this year? The fuck outta here dude. It was set in stone. I don't like to buy into baseball conspiracy (it's too great of a game), but the Yankees win the World Series, at home in the NEW 80 bazillion dollar replica of former Yankee stadium, first year it's operational? Seems fishy. Farildo. Yankees had this shit wrapped up in Philly more than once, but dump the game(s) to take it home, stretch the series for them commercial dollars, and lock it in AT HOME.

Think about it. How much loot is lost when a series is a 4 game sweep? That air time during the world series doesn't come cheap, and Fox knows this. Especially when you got 2 East Coast teams dueling for the championship. So when the series goes 6, Fox is cleaning up.

For the record, I watched a total of 35 minutes of playoff/world series baseball this year. As soon as the Cubbies mailed it in right around August, baseball lost it's flavor with the quickness. I mean, seriously, all this means to me is that I have to burn yet another cubbies hat and add another year to the neverending story that is "the lovable losers from Chi-town".

Just cause it makes me laugh, I'm gonna run this joint again...



I will not front on A-Rod's ability to change a game with the glove OR the bat at any given time, but my man really needs to tighten up that belt and quit exhibiting so many feminine qualities.

Highlights in your wig piece? Check.

Eyes closed in extasy while a grown ass Asian DUDE is caressing your bare chest? CHIZECK!

Why does this photo exist? I mean really, in what situation did A-Rod's manager/agent/wife/someone who cares allow this to happen? Why is this acceptable behavior? And more importantly, why is this the only photo from the photoshoot? What happened to the rest of the series? What lines were crossed?

Nevermind. Don't answer that.

-O-Rod

Juno in Five Years?

Ha.

And just for kicks, cause I got it cued up, check out this awesome .gif I stumbled onto months ago and forgot until today...



-Olls

Some People's Children...

I thought that since I am preparing for my departure to Huntington Beach for Agenda and don't have much time to write, I would hit the peoples with some classic "ugly people" photos from my personal collection. I am more than sure that most, if not all, of these photos have definitely been seen by the readers, but FUCK IT, they make me laugh and this is my blog so complain to someone who cares.



















You see how giving I am? I could have kept this for myself and posted each one individually on days when I didn't have anything to blog about, but instead I give it to my peoples. All 9 of you (Welcome back Kristen)...

-Olls

Yikes

Madonna's daughter has a humongous eyebrow.

Thats all.

LOLOLOLOL.

-OLLS

One Question: Why??

You tell me cause I sure as hell can't call it.

What fetish is this? It has to be some good ol' boys down south that want to see heavy set middle aged woman thrashin hoopties...

Who knew?

-Olls

Monday Morning News Break: WTF?

I caught this news story over on Bossip this morning and was bugged out. Peep the story:



"NEW YORK – A New York City woman says her father apparently lay dead for weeks in a minivan while police repeatedly left parking tickets on the vehicle.

Jennifer Morales of Manhattan told the Daily News on Thursday that she believes her father, George Morales, died of a heart attack.

Morales said she last heard from her dad in early May. She said she had contacted police, but police say they have no report on record.

A city marshal found the body of George Morales on Wednesday while trying to tow the minivan from beneath the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway overpass.

Parking tickets and dust covered the vehicle."

Alright, so seriously, you don't notice somebody layed out dead in the back seat? You don't smell death in the air? You don't think anything is wrong when you have written like 10 tickets to the same car in the same spot for over a week? You don't think to contact the station, call in the plates, check with missing persons, NOTHING? Seriously, NOTHING???!?

What I really want to know is if this bitch that just blindly issued these tickets is gettin the shaft for being so blatantly oblivious..

Damn son, some people...

Spencer Pratt: The Rapper

By now you have all heard that Spencer Pratt has decided to run with his fame and parlay it into a rap career, and if you haven't then Fuck You.

Here's the video of this goon doin his thug-thizzle:



What a creepy flesh colored beard.

I gotta give it up to my man tho, he sticks to the script and stays controversial. He knows what keeps his name in the media and he runs with it.

Well played Spence.

-Ollie

American Idol Recap:

So last night was the season finale of American Idol season 8 and I honestly couldn't give a fuck less. A few highlights of the show:

1. Bikini Girl Showed up with fake tits to extend her 15 minutes of fame. Not to be outdone, Kara Diogurdia (however the fuck you spell it) gave the world a little flash...





Nice smooth stomach goin on right there Kara, I ain't mad atcha.



New joints (tits) look aight, she looks alot thicker now too as compared to then...



I can't call it.

2. Bo Bice looks like he should be an extra on fuckin Twilight or True Blood or any other vampire spin off bullshit show/movie. (Side Note: I actually liked Twilight, does that make me Gee Aye Why?)



I really dislike that guy. I mean, REALLY fuckin' hate him.

3. This isn't a highlight, but the Spencer Pratt with dark hair guy, a.k.a. Kris Allen won the season...



"Hi, I am literally the plainest contestant this show has ever seen."

The general consensus seems to be that Adam Lambert should have won if you judge on pure talent, but as everyone knows, American Idol cannot get behind (no homo) an openly gay individual such as Adam. I mean, peep some evidence of this dudes cat ass behavior...



Dude looks like Posh Spice. Straight up. Anyways, with photos like that floating around the web, there was no way American Idol was crowning this dude as an "American Idol". That is just way too liberal for the conservative network.

Damn yo, I need to bounce back after that Rocky Horror Picture Show...



While "Bikini Girl" may not be my particular brand, at least she's got tits and a vagina (I assume).

Can't wait for next season (yes, the sarcasm is there and it's REAL).

-Awful Ollie the Hater

Ying Yang Twins Translated:

I caught this little gem over on Warming Glow and I gotta tell you, while it is a bit longer than the average video posted on here(running at a little over 7 minutes), it is worth every second.



HAHAHAHA!

Dude, So many things to point out.

1. The translation's are pure comedy. You can tell that Mr. Wonka (the translator if you didn't get to the end of the video) grows more and more annoyed throughout the video. I think it culminates around the 4:30 mark when he hits the viewers with this gem in reference to the "gator fur" on display...

"The Gator's thick white fur protects it in the winter". LOL.

2. "The Sea Room"? That shit blew me away. They have 3 fucking fish in that tank. 3!! How ghetto does that shit look with the cords just hangin all over the damn place? And how 'bout those paintings? They look like they were purchased from a street vendor in Long Beach on a 3 for $20 special.

3. How broke are these cats? Seriously? At the 3:40 mark, peep that extra official 26" t.v. and the Target "red light clearance" special ghetto blaster.

4. And the whips. Let's ask Lieutenant Worf how he feels about these scrapers...



Are these cats really pumped on the 2003, stepside, extended cab, canary yellow Chevy on Pep Boys' clearance blowout aluminum 19" rims? I know cats in high school that have harder whips.

5. How hard up were the producers of MTV for a celebrity crib to run in this episode? I mean shit, was Corbin Bernsen (of "Major League" fame) all booked up? I would have rather seen a cribs episode on Bill Bellamy...

6. This just goes to show how you can take the homie out the dirty ghetto, but you can't take the dirty ghetto out the homie...

7. Is it just me or does Kaine(?) have a striking resemblance to Mac Dre?




HAHA.

P.S. What ever happened to the Ying Yang Twins?

Crunk is dead. Thank you Hyphy movement. R.I.P. Mr. Furly.

-Ollie the hater

I Don't Work Weekends, But This Couldn't Wait:

Caught this shit on Bossip.com this morning...

The skinny jeans revolution is taking over today's urban youth. They have even created a new dance to go along with their awful fashion decisions. This ridiculous cross between the running man, jewish dippin, and an upright version of the worm is pure comedy... Peep the instructional video below...



Now that you've got the basics, watch these kids get wild at the local Burger King on (what I assume is) Fairfax in L.A.



Wow.

-Ollie

It's Friday, Let's Have A Laugh

Horrible C-walk. Great yard sale (when all his shit goes flying). Whoever dubbed that track over the video picked an awful song. I want to punch that idiot. How fast was that treadmill going to shoot homie AGAINST THE WALL like that? I think it was on purpose, but nonetheless, awesome slam.

Hubert Davis: Bad Prediction

Georgetown is gonna be like a 2 or 3 seed in the fuckin' N.I.T. Good call Hubie!

For the record, Hubert Davis bugs the shit out of me. The guy is without a doubt, ESPN's most boring analyst. I've seen more emotion and facial expressions from the statue of liberty. He is so monotone it makes me cringe.

Did anyone catch that ridiculous 6 overtime Syracuse win last night? If you're a betting man (or woman, I'm fair) take West Virginia and lay the 6.5 points. Syracuse will be running on rubber legs and should be happy to score 50 points tonight. West Virgina is riding the high of that 14 point ass whoopin they threw on Pittsburgh last night. This game should be a cake walk.

Selection Sunday is 2 days away. Once we get all the teams and the seeding, I will be building several brackets and sharing with the BAMA nation. If you think you can beat me, I will give you a free t-shirt.

-Ollie

I'm Sick

yo, checkin in but nothing to speak on cause I cant think with this midget's scissor lock vice grip on my head. a.k.a. this sinus infection.

See you tomorrow.

-Ollie

Angelina Jolie's Hotness Is All In Your Head:

Yeah I said it, now what you gon' do?

As I promised yesterday, I have every intention of debunking Angelina Jolie's hot factor. I am not one of those people who just accept things. The whole world has been brainwashed into believing that Ms. Jolie is the hottest chick on the planet. I just don't see it. I never really have.

I know what you're thinking, "Ollie, you're crazy dude, she's blazin hot", and I would expect nothing less from the male readers of this blog because you have been programmed to "believe the hype".

Let's get right down to the reasoning behind this blasphemous statement that Angelina Jolie is not hot.

Exhibit A: It's all surgically enhanced.



You see that shit? Back before the world ever knew who she was, she was like a 5 at best. But thanks to the help of plastic surgery (in more than one area) she has become this global sensation.

I've been on record on more than one occasion denouncing the use of plastic surgery to create a girl's hotness. It's cheating. I can't look at her the same after seeing that before and after photo. I really hope I've ruined her for you as well...

Exhibit B: Pale skin.



I don't know about ya'll, but vampires don't do it for me. This bitches skin tone is "kleenex". I can't get the image of her playing the role of "Gia" and being a fucking heroin junkie out of my mind. She just played the part a little too well if you ask me. I'm pretty sure she has been on methodone or some derivitive of heroin since that movie came out back in like '96, which would explain...

Exhibit C: She's too skinny.



YUCK!! I mean would you look at those chicken legs? You really trying to tell me that those stems are sexy? Really? You're out of your god damned mind. I couldn't find a good recent picture of her lanky ass arms but I assume they look something like those straight out of a comic book skeletor arms Madonna's old ass has been sportin as of late...



Plus her face is hella boney. About 8 years ago, I'll admit that Angelina's face was on point. But ever since she started practicing Kabalah or whatever the fuck religion is cool these days she is just lookin' haggard.



Exhibit D: Her tattoos suck.




I know everyone thinks her tattoos are dope because she had the witchdoctor from some South African tribe ink her up with a hammer and a wooden spear, but that shit don't impress me. In fact, all it does is make your tattoos look like shit and makes you look like even more of a dick. "Oh I had this done in the alps after a 3 day peyote binge"... FUCK OFF you dumb cunt. You still suck.

Exhibit E: Her movies suck.



Enough said.

Honorable mention: Wanted, Gone in 60 Seconds, Beowulf, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, etc. I could go on and on.

Exhibit F: Billy Bob Thornton.



Billy Bob Thornton put his dick inside of her. She wore a vile of his blood around her neck and had his name tattooed on her arm. If that doesn't tell you how far off the reservation this bird is, I don't know what will. Perhaps...

Exhibit G: She has 19 adopted children.



Ok maybe not, but she's damn near got a baseball team. She adopts them from all over the world too. I mean, she couldn't just focus on one region so as to keep a common element amongst the children?? Nope, I want one from Taiwan, one from Guatemala, one from Africa, one from Germany, and then I'm gonna cook up a couple of twins of my own just to show you little foreigners how little you mean to me. These kids are just accessories. I'm not even being cold hearted, it's flat out true.

Which brings me to my final piece of evidence,

Exhibit H: Her holier than thou attitude.



The above picture has nothing to do with this particular point, but it makes her look reeeeeaaaalllly bad, so I included it. This bitch thinks she's the business cause she adopted a few kids and parades them around for her own selfish needs. These children obviously have better lives now, but lets face it, she has to be the biggest pain in the ass ever. She's got more money than God, but dresses the kids in rags to show them that money isn't important while she stunts around town with her 30 million dollar blood diamond on her finger. Which incidentally is the only reason the African kid got adopted. She felt bad about her Sierra Leone diamond so she adopted the kid who mined it and figured it was even. Fucking cunt.

In all seriousness, Angelina Jolie is a fraud. From her looks right down to her faux humanitarianism. She's ugly on the inside and it bleeds right through her see through skin (cause it's so pale, get it?).

In her defense, her J's are on point and the lip game is fierce. See, I'm a fair dude, I give credit when it is due. But overall though, I am convinced that Angelina Jolie is a self serving bitch that has mind control powers. I mean, she made Brad Pitt wife it. That's fuckin Brad Pitt, the guy could literally have any woman on earth. It blows me away.

I'm done hatin for now.

-Ollie the Cold Hearted

Hot Gossip: Ray J's The Father!

I have really been slackin in my celebreality t.v. consumption ever since LOST was introduced into my life. So now, when I miss the show, I just catch the recap on VH1's blog. I hope everyone understands how these shows work and realize that they are minimum 6 months behind when they air on t.v.

Remember this crazy lookin hoe "Danger" with the tattoo on her face?



She is now saying some wild shit over on VH1 Blog about being pregnant and Ray J is the pops.

If you choose not to click the link, the basic rundown goes like this...

She claims that Ray J started puttin in work the first week of the show and continued to hit all the way through her close to 2 month-long stay. She claims that she had no other sexual contact outside of Ray J in that time cause she was "locked up in the mansion".

Bottom line, I think your boy Ray J slipped up. I imagine it is a requirement for all girls to be tested for STD's, pregnancy, etc. before being cast on the show, but I feel like it should definitely be required that these triflin' ass hoes be force fed birth control everyday by the shows producers to protect the celebrity from some chick tryin to catch one and be set for life.

Seriously though, this chick could have taken the pool of nut off her stomach and squeezed it back off in her if she was really tryin to get pregnant. I mean, havin a kid by Ray J that was conceived while filming a reality show about finding love, then catchin the diss when you get the axe (as I imagine he didn't pick her) isn't going to bode well for your childs pschy later in life.

Whatever the case, Ray J got caught slippin and now my man is gonna be known more for his child support bills to the woman with the tattooed face than his illustrious film career co-starring Kimmy K and her ridiculously thick self.

Naddagoodlook Ray J.

-Ollie

Michael Phelps: Drugs Dont Make You Any Cooler

The internets have been buzzing with controversy since this photo of Michael Phelps doin' work on a bong surfaced over the weekend...



Big Fucking Deal. The guy won 8 medals for this country, I'd say he's entitled to a little R&R from time to time.

I'm not gonna go to much into this because basically every other blog in the world is going ape-shit about it. What I will say is this, Michael Phelps is a turbo dork. I mean, right up there with Mark Zuckerberg and staff. Have you ever seen this fools oaphish ass face?

Fuck Michael Phelps. He means nothing to me. If he wants to roast some trees, let the kid be. In the grand scheme of things, this kid is a nobody. I can't name one child that looks up to this nerd as a role model. Lets get it straight, he is a 20 somethin year old kid with 8 gold medals, a little bit of fame (seriously, if you saw him in the streets would you recognize him? I doubt it), a stripper girlfriend, and a healthy curiousity for drug consumption. I'm more concerned with the photos of this fools snaggle-toothed grill that get published regularly that allow people to think that having a busted ass tooth game is acceptable. Its not, just for the record.

Go do some blow and act like a man Phelps.

-Ollie the Kingpin