NICKELPLATEDBAMA: "The best there is, the best there was, the best there ever will be"

Friday, September 26, 2008

"The best there is, the best there was, the best there ever will be"

Ok, so to say i was a wrestling fan in the early 90's is a complete and total understatement. I was reallllllllly into this shit. I went to like 10 different events over the course of my 4-5 year run with the WWF, not, mind you, NOT the WWE (Fuck is that about??)
With that said, I want to take a minute to let all you muhfucka's know what time it is, so go on with that ol' ultimate warrior, Hulk Hogan is the best bullshit...

How can you front on the guy who coined the phrase "the best there is, the best there was, the best there ever will be"... I mean farildo, look at those glasses, that pink and black spandex joint, and the greatest finishing move ever, THE SHARPSHOOTER. Dood was bout it, no question, no flexin, but when his brother threw down a triple lindy (see Rodney Dangerfield in "Back To School") and plummeted to his death, Bret got tah steppin' quick. Bret, this sport thanks you for allowing your legions of fans to watch you fall off the face of the Earth and do as so many have done before you, Stay Broke!! I loved this cat when i was a kid, but when i got a little older i realized that while Bret was easily the best wrassler, he couldnt even fuck with mah dude the ravishing one, when it came to character.
Ravishing Rick Rude was the iceyist pimp to ever set foot in the squared circle. I mean, say that name outloud, the alliteration, the gangster ass twang, the hip swervin pimperish shit this muhfucka got away with just blew me away.

I seem to remember this other cat that came on the scene years after ricky rude had bailed out to no doubt go home and get his ike turner (see: the definition of pimpin) on.. His name was Val Venus a.k.a. The Big Valbowski. This dude was just flat terrible, tryin to bite off a piece of the elements that made up the ravishing one, 2 rules, no snitchin', and no bitin'.
Tell em what you think ike...

"Beeeeyyyyyiiiiiitttttttccccchhhh, get off dick and get on your own".

Don't let me forget about my man Ric Flair. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! When it comes to pimpin this fool is no slouch either, check the boa, that icey ass coat, and the leather skin, dudes face looks like a catcher's mit from 1936 (prolly around the time he was born) cause you know mah main man ricky is pushin 70, but still layin that pimp slap on a suckas chest (those that know, know my man aint no slouch) so you know this fool goes hard on his hoes, and i guarandamntee hes got a flock... hit em with that ice grill ric..

Give me back wrasslin when that shit wasnt strictly a soap opera, back in my day, they used to really get on a muhfucka for gettin outta line...

Respek (Ali G voice)

-Allofher Wrist

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First Time Here?

If this is your first time stopping by NickelPlatedBama, I would suggest getting a feel for the blog by going through the archives. There have been too many classic posts to count. If you disagree with an opinion here on the site, make it public. The writer of this blog suffers from a rare condition that allows him to feel absolutely zero remorse when attacking a person's character or, in most cases, lack there of. Please feel free to enjoy, hate, participate, tell a friend to tell 2 friends, but always, ALWAYS stop back here again tomorrow, as you never know what this looney bastard might say next...

Directly below this box you will find an interview with Oliver Wrist by Oliver Wrist that should serve as an FAQ. Anything else you want to know, Oliver will literally answer any and all questions you may have, so don't be shy, shoot an email to Oliver Wrist at: nickelplatedbamadotcom@gmail.com

Nickel Plated Bama: Who? What? When? Where? Why? and How?

Who writes NickelPlatedBama?

Oliver Wrist writes, edits, designs, takes photos, and publishes NickelPlatedBama personally Monday-Friday. Oliver Wrist is an alter ego that I created as a means of getting things off of my chest. Ollie is irrational and flagrant. Once boos are introduced, the hillarity ensues. Rather than feel bad, Oliver chooses to embrace his lunacy and use his shamelessness for a greater good. Oliver's travels and opinions are documented on an almost daily basis. I say almost daily because I don't work on weekends.

What is NickelPlatedBama? What is A Nickel Plated Bama?

Nickelplatedbama is a face-melting social commentary blog written from the perspective of a self absorbed asshole with no shame or morals to speak of. If you're into hip hop music, silky smooth breezys, absurdly opinionated witty banter and reading the rants of an anti-social, overly confident, self absorbed "writer" (for lack of a better word) please continue. NickelPlatedBama is a source for venting and bashing, hating and thrashing, shitting and blasting on everything from bad food to bad music and everything in between. I don't hate everything however. NickelPlatedBama and more importantly Oliver Wrist praise iconic figures such as the ever elusive white girl thickness, mid-'90's hip hop, fashion, graffiti, art, ice cold behavior, celebreality t.v., Chicago Cubs baseball, San Diego Chargers football, College Basketball, Early '90's WWF wrestling, laughing at other peoples misfortunes, and generally acting like a complete type-a sociopath.

Nickel Plated Bama is extra gutter street slang for a nickel (the precious metal) plated hand cannon. You know, a burner, a strap, a gat, a tre pound, a whistle, or for the uninitiated a gun.

When did NickelPlatedBama get started?

Oliver Wrist has been the other half of my split personality for years. It originally started as my DJ'ing name. My career as a DJ lasted only about as long as it took me to write this BIO. As it turns out, I am an awful DJ. Not because I play bad records, but because I butcher the scratches. My brother, Young Smalls, a.k.a. DJ Fuzzy Badfeet, has taken over the reigns and is now my own personal DJ. Although Smalls refuses to accept the things I have taught him since birth as doctrine, he still gets the Oliver Wrist stamp of approval as a purveyor of all things mixed well. He uses my turntables, my mixer, and my records to do his thug-thizzle, but he is a much better DJ than I could ever be, so I just give him enough shit to remain enthusiastic. Being that my foray into the DJ world went south, I decided to use writing as a tool to express myself creatively. Thus far it has proven somewhat successful. How do I know? Well, you're reading this aren't you?

Where did you come up with NickelPlatedBama?

I have spent so much of my valuable time force-feeding the readers of this blog my personal musical preferences (Read: mid-'90's new york hip hop, ign'ant pimp shit, '90's bay area movement, etc.) and blasting all these idiots that set themselves up for utter failure everytime they open their mouth, or press record on the video camera over the last few months, that I forgot to ever place the credit where the credit was due. Nickel Plated Bama is a reference to a line in a song from the 808 King himself (No not you Kanye). I'm talking about The RZA. a.k.a. Bobby Digital. a.k.a. Bobby Boulders. a.k.a. The Abbot. a.k.a. The head of the Wu-Tang dynasty. When I came up with the idea to start writing a blog, I wanted to name it something that most people wouldn't understand right out of the gate, creating a buzz as a result of the inherent curiousity of the average internet lurker. The result was a line from a Bobby Digital album where RZA says "my head is a like a Nickel Plated Bamma". I guess I should just go ahead and spell it out for you. Instead of using an obvious title such as "The Smoking Gun" (besides, it was already taken) for a blog name, I decided to get creative. So, with this blog title, I pay homage to one of my favorite, not only rappers, but creator of things, and still stay sharper than a sword with the usage of metaphor in describing the gun (my keyboard) i use to roast those i deem indesirable.

See above question titled "What is a Nickel Plated Bama".

Why?

Why not is a better question. I hate alot of shit. I want people to know that I hate aforementioned "shit". This was covered in the above section titled "Who writes Nickel Plated Bama".

How do you pronounce the "BAMA"?

It recently came to my attention while I was in the streets passing out stickers and shamelessly promoting this blog that alot of people were mispronouncing the "BAMA". I will make it very easy for you all.

Think Alabama. Don't think Obama. Are we clear now? I really hope so.

Disclaimer:

While most opinions on this site are based in fact, they are merely that, opinions. If you take this shit seriously OR anything that Oliver Wrist has to say personally, than it was definitely directed at you. If you are easily offended, read on, YOU are the target audience. And ladies, Oliver Wrist is the Asshole your mother warned you about. Oliver Wrist is extremely self absorbed and could not care less if your feelings get hurt. If you disagree with anything Oliver Wrist has to say, please make it public, so that Oliver Wrist may be able to roast you publicly.

Sincerely,

The Management

Nickelplatedbama 2008-2009

Friday, September 26, 2008

"The best there is, the best there was, the best there ever will be"

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