Quote courtesy of young Smalls the world class traveler/little big brother.
It's been way too long coming, but the world was ready an waiting, so Cam and Jimmy did what any money hungry entrepreneurial hood rich players would do... They bit the bullet and squashed the beef. (No Homo). I couldn't be happier about this. Dipset is back and more swagged (read: i hate that word) up than ever.
For real, and I aint bullshittin', Smalls can vouch for this, along with anyone else that has been in a vehicle with me in the last 6 months... I am listening to nothing but emo'd out scream pop punk metal garbage. Why? Because hip hop has sucked so bad in the last couple of years, save for a few select artists that are fam, and keep close to your boy's heartstrings (pause)... But, With the return of dipset and the bragadocious over the top ignorance that we've all become accustomed to, coupled with outlandish samples and percussion courtesy of Arab Muzik, I can officially say I am excited to listen to hip hop music again..
P.S. The Clipse are still the end all be all of cocaine raps, but Dipset will forever keep a spot close to my chest muscle..
-Ollie the Ruler
P.S.S. Am I super late to this? and did Max B. actually get life over that murder wrap? man, hip hop has been so stale i havent even cared to stay in the loop as of late.
Showing posts with label ign'ant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ign'ant. Show all posts
Monday, July 12, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Real Nigga to Real Nigga
"Don't be affraid to grab a titty, slap a ass cheek, whateva.. just do what you feel"
Whew, this might be the best video I've come across in a minute. Big ups to IP for posting it a couple weeks back...
Yeah, it's close to 7 minutes long, but worth every second. If you dont feel like watching 7 minutes of this hood ass cat speakin on these hoes, just jump to about the 3:30 mark and listen until about 4:30, if that doesn't inspire you to watch the whole video, check your pulse nukkuh, cause you dead..
Step yo pimp game up!!
-Ollie da Don
Whew, this might be the best video I've come across in a minute. Big ups to IP for posting it a couple weeks back...
Yeah, it's close to 7 minutes long, but worth every second. If you dont feel like watching 7 minutes of this hood ass cat speakin on these hoes, just jump to about the 3:30 mark and listen until about 4:30, if that doesn't inspire you to watch the whole video, check your pulse nukkuh, cause you dead..
Step yo pimp game up!!
-Ollie da Don
Thursday, December 3, 2009
NPB presents: Oliver Wrist's Female Guide to Dating pt. 2
Despite the solid response to Chapter 1 of the Female Guide to Dating, there were obviously some naysayers and critics. Fortunately for me, and the rest of the readers of this blog, criticism only fuels my fire and reinforces my absurd opinions on the matter of dating, and the general lunacy that dwells deep within the caverns of the female mind.
For today's chapter, I want to delve into the world of obligations...
Chapter 2. Being a Girlfriend is a Full Time Job:
Ladies, it's better if you know now, rather than waiting til the eventual collapse of your relationship, that being a girlfriend is a full-time job, whereas for a man, it is more of an "as-needed" scenario. I understand how sexist this may come across, but if you are going to secure your position as his "bottom bitch" (that is a term of endearment for most), learn this lesson early and often and put it to good use.
Let him be the man in the relationship. What does that entail exactly? Simple. He picks the restaurant. He pays for the meal. Trust in this, there is nothing worse than offering to split the check with a man. It serves as a tremendous blow to his ego, which is a most definite no-no. Your job as a girlfrined consists of many things, but somewhere near the top of that list is the law written on the back of Moses' stones (ten commandments): Thou shalt stroke thy man's ego. The stroking of the ego comes in many forms, ranging from sitting in the corner quietly while he conducts his business, all the way to defending his drunken outbursts at your family's holiday dinner. It is important to know that if he does choose to fight your father, you always take his (your man's) side. Father's love their daughters out of obligation, men love their women by choice. Or because they chose to settle because it didn't seem like anything else better would be coming along. Besides that, embedded deep within the man's DNA lies a special chromosome that allows fist fights to turn into friendships immediately following the carnage. So, after the fight, 7 times out of 10 the man will get up, shake father's hand, and be done with it. If, in the off chance this doesn't happen, ladies should already have the car running and a middle finger ready to show their father as soon as the fight is over. Also, no matter the outcome, ALWAYS tell him how much he kicked your dad's ass.
Double standards exist. It's a fact. Take for instance the fact that men are (or should be) allowed to scope out any little birdy they see. Women, on the other hand, are welcome to check out the fellas, just so long as it is in the privacy of your own quarters or whilst hangin out with that group of friends that your man hates. It's a pretty common statistic that 60% of your friends are not going to like the man you have chosen. Why? Jealousy really. Simple and plain. So if it requires you burning a few bridges with aquaintances from yesteryear, Fuck 'Em, you got your man and thats all you need anyway. Conversely, the guy will never be giving up his friends, so it's best you just learn to live with them.
Sticking with the double standard theme for a second, I want to discuss oral pleasure. For a man, getting a blowjob is a god given right. In all seriousness, men would not even bother to put up with a woman's psychosis if it wasn't so difficult to find someone to blow us regularly. Sure there are prostitutes, but why waste perfectly good, hard earned beer money on a hoe, when you got a perfectly suitable (hopefully after reading this novel) girlfriend at home just waiting to polish you off? However, recieving and giving are 2 completely different things. And I know that the old adage reads "tis better to give than recieve", but that is pure horseshit. When it comes to oral, it is always better to recieve than give. That's the reason that the ratio of his pleasure to yours should read somewhere along the lines of 10:1. He gets 10 blowjobs to every one time he goes down. Unless of course ladies, you hit the jackpot and found a guy who actually enjoys crawling around and fumbling between your legs, in which case, you don't really need to be reading this guide so you are more than welcome to just X this screen right now.
While we are on the subject of ego inflation and sexual favors, I feel it is important to point out the fact that female orgasms are, by nature, much more difficult to achieve than male orgasms. We know this. You know this. So, in order to keep that man you are so desperately trying to please happy, always, ALWAYS, fake your arrival if he failed to fulfill his duties. There is nothing worse than the man having to ask if you finished, if he even bothers to care at all.
Bossy women get forgotten and left with the quickness. Sure, there are a select group of fellas out there who are desperately seeking a woman who controls everything. They are (un)affectionately known as "in the closet" homosexuals, and more often than not, will turn out to be a ladies best friend. Men hate that guy. Your gay friends bother us. Most times it's not a matter of homophobia, more a matter of wanting to slap that guy back into his role as a man. We don't understand the desire to be gay. Men, in general, are self absorbed pigs. Why would we want to co-habitate with another man, especially one displaying feminine qualities and general cat ass behavior on a regular basis.
Moving on. Ladies, it is important to dress appropriately at all times. Sweats are unattractive and completely unstimulating. We don't care if you're menstrating. In fact, we enjoy that one week a month. Why? Simple, it means blowjobs every night as compared to actually having to do any sort of strenuous activity and have sex. Think of it as a weekend. If the relationship is a job (which it is), the week of the period is our vacation from it. So, during the courtship, and 10 years into the relationship, you should be treating every day like you are going to the Oscars. Put on that dress. Fix your hair. Do your makeup. All of these things go hand in hand with a man's sexual appetite. On the flip side of that coin, if we choose to wear our sweats to your grandmother's 90th birthday party, just know that we have a good reason for it. I'm sure you're wondering what that reason is, but just keep that question locked away in your brain. No sense in starting a fight on the way to Grandma's b-day party right? RIGHT. Now you're learning.
Keep it tight. No, I'm not talking about your kegel excercises. I'm talking about the stomach, hips, thighs, and tailpiece. Hit those squats. Do those lunges. Crunch those abs. A man's worst fear is the girl getting comfortable in the relationship and letting herself go. Hittin' the gym regularly shows your man that you are dedicated to keepin that body lookin fit, and that is a great quality to display.
I seem to be noticing a trend over the last 3-5 years of these half gay roid heads puttin in 12 hours a day at the gym and rockin that spray tan as a means to attract ladies. Those guys are pussy. Real men wear beards and keep a beer belly. Yes, I know, I just lumped myself into the category of "real men", but hey, "if the shoe fits?" right... Back to the muscle heads. The overly worked out vanity muscles and veins bulging out of his forearms is compensation for lack of personality, a small member, or both. So, for the girls who think that the muscle head roid freak is their type, it's time to stop reading here. If you really want one of those guys, all you gotta do is let him buy your drinks, you'll be roofied by drink #3 and most likely wake up pregnant 2 days later. Congrat-u-fuckin-lations.
Do the laundry. I know this sounds soooo "1950", but it's the truth. Fact: men do not enjoy doing laundry, but we sure as hell like to come home and find the laundry washed and folded and ready for wear. So you're home sick, if you expect me to bring you soup, you better use that sick day wisely by gettin that pile of laundry that has been accumulating on his floor washed and pressed. Trust me, when a girl does the laundry, it's a big turn on.
On the subject of housework, every woman should know how to cook AT LEAST 2 solid meals. I'm not talkin about whippin up some mac'n'cheese. I mean a meal. Lasagna. Tacos. Etc. Something that requires some effort. Don't stop there, learn how to make the side dishes too. Do you remember when you were a kid and mom had dinner ready for dad precisely at 5:30 as he walked in the door from his long day of work at the factory? Neither do I. But I do remember this statistic, somewhere between 40-50% of ALL marriages end in divorce. My hypothesis on this matter is simple, the bitch couldnt cook. HA.
I think that about sums up chapter 2 for now. Back with the next installment as soon as I get the time to write it.
-Ollie the Scholar
For today's chapter, I want to delve into the world of obligations...
Chapter 2. Being a Girlfriend is a Full Time Job:
Ladies, it's better if you know now, rather than waiting til the eventual collapse of your relationship, that being a girlfriend is a full-time job, whereas for a man, it is more of an "as-needed" scenario. I understand how sexist this may come across, but if you are going to secure your position as his "bottom bitch" (that is a term of endearment for most), learn this lesson early and often and put it to good use.
Let him be the man in the relationship. What does that entail exactly? Simple. He picks the restaurant. He pays for the meal. Trust in this, there is nothing worse than offering to split the check with a man. It serves as a tremendous blow to his ego, which is a most definite no-no. Your job as a girlfrined consists of many things, but somewhere near the top of that list is the law written on the back of Moses' stones (ten commandments): Thou shalt stroke thy man's ego. The stroking of the ego comes in many forms, ranging from sitting in the corner quietly while he conducts his business, all the way to defending his drunken outbursts at your family's holiday dinner. It is important to know that if he does choose to fight your father, you always take his (your man's) side. Father's love their daughters out of obligation, men love their women by choice. Or because they chose to settle because it didn't seem like anything else better would be coming along. Besides that, embedded deep within the man's DNA lies a special chromosome that allows fist fights to turn into friendships immediately following the carnage. So, after the fight, 7 times out of 10 the man will get up, shake father's hand, and be done with it. If, in the off chance this doesn't happen, ladies should already have the car running and a middle finger ready to show their father as soon as the fight is over. Also, no matter the outcome, ALWAYS tell him how much he kicked your dad's ass.
Double standards exist. It's a fact. Take for instance the fact that men are (or should be) allowed to scope out any little birdy they see. Women, on the other hand, are welcome to check out the fellas, just so long as it is in the privacy of your own quarters or whilst hangin out with that group of friends that your man hates. It's a pretty common statistic that 60% of your friends are not going to like the man you have chosen. Why? Jealousy really. Simple and plain. So if it requires you burning a few bridges with aquaintances from yesteryear, Fuck 'Em, you got your man and thats all you need anyway. Conversely, the guy will never be giving up his friends, so it's best you just learn to live with them.
Sticking with the double standard theme for a second, I want to discuss oral pleasure. For a man, getting a blowjob is a god given right. In all seriousness, men would not even bother to put up with a woman's psychosis if it wasn't so difficult to find someone to blow us regularly. Sure there are prostitutes, but why waste perfectly good, hard earned beer money on a hoe, when you got a perfectly suitable (hopefully after reading this novel) girlfriend at home just waiting to polish you off? However, recieving and giving are 2 completely different things. And I know that the old adage reads "tis better to give than recieve", but that is pure horseshit. When it comes to oral, it is always better to recieve than give. That's the reason that the ratio of his pleasure to yours should read somewhere along the lines of 10:1. He gets 10 blowjobs to every one time he goes down. Unless of course ladies, you hit the jackpot and found a guy who actually enjoys crawling around and fumbling between your legs, in which case, you don't really need to be reading this guide so you are more than welcome to just X this screen right now.
While we are on the subject of ego inflation and sexual favors, I feel it is important to point out the fact that female orgasms are, by nature, much more difficult to achieve than male orgasms. We know this. You know this. So, in order to keep that man you are so desperately trying to please happy, always, ALWAYS, fake your arrival if he failed to fulfill his duties. There is nothing worse than the man having to ask if you finished, if he even bothers to care at all.
Bossy women get forgotten and left with the quickness. Sure, there are a select group of fellas out there who are desperately seeking a woman who controls everything. They are (un)affectionately known as "in the closet" homosexuals, and more often than not, will turn out to be a ladies best friend. Men hate that guy. Your gay friends bother us. Most times it's not a matter of homophobia, more a matter of wanting to slap that guy back into his role as a man. We don't understand the desire to be gay. Men, in general, are self absorbed pigs. Why would we want to co-habitate with another man, especially one displaying feminine qualities and general cat ass behavior on a regular basis.
Moving on. Ladies, it is important to dress appropriately at all times. Sweats are unattractive and completely unstimulating. We don't care if you're menstrating. In fact, we enjoy that one week a month. Why? Simple, it means blowjobs every night as compared to actually having to do any sort of strenuous activity and have sex. Think of it as a weekend. If the relationship is a job (which it is), the week of the period is our vacation from it. So, during the courtship, and 10 years into the relationship, you should be treating every day like you are going to the Oscars. Put on that dress. Fix your hair. Do your makeup. All of these things go hand in hand with a man's sexual appetite. On the flip side of that coin, if we choose to wear our sweats to your grandmother's 90th birthday party, just know that we have a good reason for it. I'm sure you're wondering what that reason is, but just keep that question locked away in your brain. No sense in starting a fight on the way to Grandma's b-day party right? RIGHT. Now you're learning.
Keep it tight. No, I'm not talking about your kegel excercises. I'm talking about the stomach, hips, thighs, and tailpiece. Hit those squats. Do those lunges. Crunch those abs. A man's worst fear is the girl getting comfortable in the relationship and letting herself go. Hittin' the gym regularly shows your man that you are dedicated to keepin that body lookin fit, and that is a great quality to display.
I seem to be noticing a trend over the last 3-5 years of these half gay roid heads puttin in 12 hours a day at the gym and rockin that spray tan as a means to attract ladies. Those guys are pussy. Real men wear beards and keep a beer belly. Yes, I know, I just lumped myself into the category of "real men", but hey, "if the shoe fits?" right... Back to the muscle heads. The overly worked out vanity muscles and veins bulging out of his forearms is compensation for lack of personality, a small member, or both. So, for the girls who think that the muscle head roid freak is their type, it's time to stop reading here. If you really want one of those guys, all you gotta do is let him buy your drinks, you'll be roofied by drink #3 and most likely wake up pregnant 2 days later. Congrat-u-fuckin-lations.
Do the laundry. I know this sounds soooo "1950", but it's the truth. Fact: men do not enjoy doing laundry, but we sure as hell like to come home and find the laundry washed and folded and ready for wear. So you're home sick, if you expect me to bring you soup, you better use that sick day wisely by gettin that pile of laundry that has been accumulating on his floor washed and pressed. Trust me, when a girl does the laundry, it's a big turn on.
On the subject of housework, every woman should know how to cook AT LEAST 2 solid meals. I'm not talkin about whippin up some mac'n'cheese. I mean a meal. Lasagna. Tacos. Etc. Something that requires some effort. Don't stop there, learn how to make the side dishes too. Do you remember when you were a kid and mom had dinner ready for dad precisely at 5:30 as he walked in the door from his long day of work at the factory? Neither do I. But I do remember this statistic, somewhere between 40-50% of ALL marriages end in divorce. My hypothesis on this matter is simple, the bitch couldnt cook. HA.
I think that about sums up chapter 2 for now. Back with the next installment as soon as I get the time to write it.
-Ollie the Scholar
Friday, August 14, 2009
Do the World a Favor...
... and stop TyPiNg LiKe ThIs. iT iS tHe MoSt AnNoYiNg ThInG oN tHe PlAnEt aNd MaKeS YoU lOoK LiKe a DaMn FoOl.
I always wonder, because the above sentence took me literally a full minute to type, why would ANYONE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND go thru the hassle of typing out each letter to create that childlike imagery?
Is there some sort of program out there that automatically generates this type of bufoonery, or do you people literally sit there and press the shift button every other letter?
Fuck.
You belong on the:
I hate you.
-Ollie the Awful
I always wonder, because the above sentence took me literally a full minute to type, why would ANYONE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND go thru the hassle of typing out each letter to create that childlike imagery?
Is there some sort of program out there that automatically generates this type of bufoonery, or do you people literally sit there and press the shift button every other letter?
Fuck.
You belong on the:
I hate you.
-Ollie the Awful
Big Hardcore Mean Azz Wyte Boi
Meet Young Cohod.
I recently got a friend request from your boi on myspace and I am quite literally blown away by this cat.
From Young Cohod’s "about me" section:
"I GREW UP IN HALEYVILLE ALABAMA LIVED HERE MOST OF MY LIFE. JUST A SOUTHERN ARTIST ON DA MOVE BOUNCING TO DA NEW GROVE IF YOU FEEL ME LET ME KNOW IF YOU DON'T I WILL HELP PUT U IN THE HOLE, WIT DA REST OF THEM HATERS!!!!!!!!!!"
Yep. That's the real deal right there. I do appreciate that he sites my main man Haystack as one of his biggest influences. If you aren't familiar with the greatness that is Haystack, let Ollie learn ya:
Yessir! Haystack turned his wedding video into a music video for his "hit single" "Bonnie & Clyde".
Enough about Haystack, back to Young Cohod. I can't find any embed or html codes to put his music up directly so do yourself a favor and go peep his Myspace Page RIGHT HERE. This kid is the definition of Hillbilly, country as all hell, inbred white-boy rap. It is so bad it almost feels like it's supposed to be comedy. I mean, this shit is just pure trash.
Do your thing Young Cohod, and please, for the love of all things holy, don't ever stop makin' these hits and "puttin these haters in a hole".
Ign'ant..
-Ollie the Scholar
I recently got a friend request from your boi on myspace and I am quite literally blown away by this cat.
From Young Cohod’s "about me" section:
"I GREW UP IN HALEYVILLE ALABAMA LIVED HERE MOST OF MY LIFE. JUST A SOUTHERN ARTIST ON DA MOVE BOUNCING TO DA NEW GROVE IF YOU FEEL ME LET ME KNOW IF YOU DON'T I WILL HELP PUT U IN THE HOLE, WIT DA REST OF THEM HATERS!!!!!!!!!!"
Yep. That's the real deal right there. I do appreciate that he sites my main man Haystack as one of his biggest influences. If you aren't familiar with the greatness that is Haystack, let Ollie learn ya:
Yessir! Haystack turned his wedding video into a music video for his "hit single" "Bonnie & Clyde".
Enough about Haystack, back to Young Cohod. I can't find any embed or html codes to put his music up directly so do yourself a favor and go peep his Myspace Page RIGHT HERE. This kid is the definition of Hillbilly, country as all hell, inbred white-boy rap. It is so bad it almost feels like it's supposed to be comedy. I mean, this shit is just pure trash.
Do your thing Young Cohod, and please, for the love of all things holy, don't ever stop makin' these hits and "puttin these haters in a hole".
Ign'ant..
-Ollie the Scholar
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Major Lazer = Pure Savage
If you skipped over that just to get my commentary, go back. You need to watch. There is nothing I can say to explain the magic in this video. Seriously. What the hell was the point?
I'll tell you this, those girls are walkin a very fine line between thick and fat. I definitely wouldn't kick any of 'em outta bed, but I'll be damned if I ever let a chicken jump on my shit like that. Man, that shit was off the hook slice!!!
-Olls
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Some People's Children...
I thought that since I am preparing for my departure to Huntington Beach for Agenda and don't have much time to write, I would hit the peoples with some classic "ugly people" photos from my personal collection. I am more than sure that most, if not all, of these photos have definitely been seen by the readers, but FUCK IT, they make me laugh and this is my blog so complain to someone who cares.
You see how giving I am? I could have kept this for myself and posted each one individually on days when I didn't have anything to blog about, but instead I give it to my peoples. All 9 of you (Welcome back Kristen)...
-Olls
You see how giving I am? I could have kept this for myself and posted each one individually on days when I didn't have anything to blog about, but instead I give it to my peoples. All 9 of you (Welcome back Kristen)...
-Olls
Monday, July 13, 2009
Things That Kill Me pt. 3
Before I get into round 3 of my shit list, I want to give the newer readers a chance to recap the classics.
Part 1 Click Here
Part 1 Click Here
Now, on with the show.
Things that kill me pt. 3:
1. Eek-A-Mouse
I dislike 90% of reggae in general, but this cat really gets on my nerves. I think Eek A Mouse may have been the first reggae I was ever subjected to and could very well be the reason I hate the shit so much. Seriously, listen to that and tell me it doesn't make you want to dive head first into an empty swimming pool.
2. Soul Patches/Ridiculously thin beard trim jobs
Facial hair of this magnitude screams one thing and one thing only: "Hi, I'm a DICK." Fuck you with your razor sharp pencil thin lines and agressive flavor savor. What flavor is it exactly that you are saving? Your boyfriend's ass juice? Get the fuck outta here.
3. Feminists
I don't get it. Women's sufferage took place decades ago but you dumb hoes think your changin the world? You're makin' the women that actually worked for your right to vote look bad by being so aggressively dumb. Just for the record Ashley Judd, No, that is not what a feminist looks like. A feminist looks more like this:
and goes by the name of Chaz. How funny is it tho that half the would be feminist nazi bull dykes out there would rather have dicks. How's that for irony.
4. Female Child Actors
God I hate you.
5. Audience participation.
Listen motherfucker, I paid alot of money to get into this place and I'll be damned if you are going to force me to sing your song for you. More importantly, if you really want to piss me off, try to put me on the spot. Just try it. Yeah I'm talking to you clown at the local fair. Don't heckle me jerk-off. When I walk by, leave me the fuck alone. If I wanted to spend 9 dollars to throw a softball, I would approach you. You think by saying some outlandish comment about my chick you are going to goad me into playing along? WRONG. You are punching your own ticket for catch a beat down. Fuck you. Same goes for you Busta Rhymes. I dont want to put my hands where your eyes could see. I want you to perform.
6. Men with pony tails.
Why?
7. Every one on Earth being a poker expert after watching the W.S.O.P.
Fuck you. You don't know shit. Those free online poker tournaments you enter and take 10th place in mean dick. You have no fucking clue what real poker is but you ramble aimlessly about your "pot odds" when you make awful calls and catch cards. Do you really think people believe you when you sell that story? FUCK OFF.
8. My Friends.
Thats right. For the most part, I hate all of you. You are all just as selfish and miserable as me and you bring me no joy.
I love you guys.
9. Deflating an air mattress.
You can never get all the air out and fit that fucker back in the box. GOD DAMNIT that is frustrating.
10. Assholes that are too cool to dress up for halloween.
But you still want to come to the "costume is mandatory" festivities. You are not clever. You are not cool. You are a dick and everyone hates you.
11. Talking on the phone to old people and/or anyone else under the age of 19.
I love you grandma, but we have nothing in common and nothing to discuss. Same goes for anyone outside of my age range. I cannot relate to anything you have to say so let's not waste eachother's time.
12. Condoms.
Nothing ruins a moment like unwrapping one of these numbing devices.
13. Patent leather shoes.
Yep. You look like a DICK.
14. Denim Shorts.
Especially the above the knee classics sported by your favorite male over 40 construction worker with a pony tail and an relentless affinity for all things Megadeth.
15. Biting my tongue.
Self explanatory
16. Restaurants charging extra for cheese on a hamburger.
FUCK YOU. You are already charging me 9 dollars for a slab of grade D beef and then have the nerve to ask for 1.50 for a slice of cheese? Oh man. I could kill somebody.
Last (for now) but certainly not least...
17. Trying to take my jacket off while I'm in the car stopped at a red light.
I hate playing beat the clock cause you know damn well that you aren't going to win. The faster you try to go, the more tangled you get, the more pissed you are and the less amount of time you have to actually get that awful thing off. Worse than that is knowing you shouldn't have ever put that stupid jacket on in the first place. It's summer, sure it was a bit chilly outside but you're in a car you have no need for a jacket but you put it on anyways. You are an idiot and everyone is staring at you and giggling while you struggle.
That is all for now. As always, more as they come to me.
Part 1 Click Here
Part 1 Click Here
Now, on with the show.
Things that kill me pt. 3:
1. Eek-A-Mouse
I dislike 90% of reggae in general, but this cat really gets on my nerves. I think Eek A Mouse may have been the first reggae I was ever subjected to and could very well be the reason I hate the shit so much. Seriously, listen to that and tell me it doesn't make you want to dive head first into an empty swimming pool.
2. Soul Patches/Ridiculously thin beard trim jobs
Facial hair of this magnitude screams one thing and one thing only: "Hi, I'm a DICK." Fuck you with your razor sharp pencil thin lines and agressive flavor savor. What flavor is it exactly that you are saving? Your boyfriend's ass juice? Get the fuck outta here.
3. Feminists
I don't get it. Women's sufferage took place decades ago but you dumb hoes think your changin the world? You're makin' the women that actually worked for your right to vote look bad by being so aggressively dumb. Just for the record Ashley Judd, No, that is not what a feminist looks like. A feminist looks more like this:
and goes by the name of Chaz. How funny is it tho that half the would be feminist nazi bull dykes out there would rather have dicks. How's that for irony.
4. Female Child Actors
God I hate you.
5. Audience participation.
Listen motherfucker, I paid alot of money to get into this place and I'll be damned if you are going to force me to sing your song for you. More importantly, if you really want to piss me off, try to put me on the spot. Just try it. Yeah I'm talking to you clown at the local fair. Don't heckle me jerk-off. When I walk by, leave me the fuck alone. If I wanted to spend 9 dollars to throw a softball, I would approach you. You think by saying some outlandish comment about my chick you are going to goad me into playing along? WRONG. You are punching your own ticket for catch a beat down. Fuck you. Same goes for you Busta Rhymes. I dont want to put my hands where your eyes could see. I want you to perform.
6. Men with pony tails.
Why?
7. Every one on Earth being a poker expert after watching the W.S.O.P.
Fuck you. You don't know shit. Those free online poker tournaments you enter and take 10th place in mean dick. You have no fucking clue what real poker is but you ramble aimlessly about your "pot odds" when you make awful calls and catch cards. Do you really think people believe you when you sell that story? FUCK OFF.
8. My Friends.
Thats right. For the most part, I hate all of you. You are all just as selfish and miserable as me and you bring me no joy.
I love you guys.
9. Deflating an air mattress.
You can never get all the air out and fit that fucker back in the box. GOD DAMNIT that is frustrating.
10. Assholes that are too cool to dress up for halloween.
But you still want to come to the "costume is mandatory" festivities. You are not clever. You are not cool. You are a dick and everyone hates you.
11. Talking on the phone to old people and/or anyone else under the age of 19.
I love you grandma, but we have nothing in common and nothing to discuss. Same goes for anyone outside of my age range. I cannot relate to anything you have to say so let's not waste eachother's time.
12. Condoms.
Nothing ruins a moment like unwrapping one of these numbing devices.
13. Patent leather shoes.
Yep. You look like a DICK.
14. Denim Shorts.
Especially the above the knee classics sported by your favorite male over 40 construction worker with a pony tail and an relentless affinity for all things Megadeth.
15. Biting my tongue.
Self explanatory
16. Restaurants charging extra for cheese on a hamburger.
FUCK YOU. You are already charging me 9 dollars for a slab of grade D beef and then have the nerve to ask for 1.50 for a slice of cheese? Oh man. I could kill somebody.
Last (for now) but certainly not least...
17. Trying to take my jacket off while I'm in the car stopped at a red light.
I hate playing beat the clock cause you know damn well that you aren't going to win. The faster you try to go, the more tangled you get, the more pissed you are and the less amount of time you have to actually get that awful thing off. Worse than that is knowing you shouldn't have ever put that stupid jacket on in the first place. It's summer, sure it was a bit chilly outside but you're in a car you have no need for a jacket but you put it on anyways. You are an idiot and everyone is staring at you and giggling while you struggle.
That is all for now. As always, more as they come to me.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Danny Devito is a Menace
Am I the only person that watches "Always Sunny in Philadelphia"? I must be. Every time I mention it to someone there like "what the fuck are you talking about"?
I have to explain how genius Danny Devito's character is. As it turns out, it's not an act. This guy is the real deal mess he portrays on t.v.
Drinking beer at 8:00 a.m.? CHECK.
It's hard to make Charlie Day and Rob McElhenny uncomfortable, but Danny pulls it off flawlessly live on television.
Sir Devito just moved up 3 spots on my favorite people in the world list.
-Olls
I have to explain how genius Danny Devito's character is. As it turns out, it's not an act. This guy is the real deal mess he portrays on t.v.
Drinking beer at 8:00 a.m.? CHECK.
It's hard to make Charlie Day and Rob McElhenny uncomfortable, but Danny pulls it off flawlessly live on television.
Sir Devito just moved up 3 spots on my favorite people in the world list.
-Olls
Monday, June 8, 2009
Ninjas Killed My Family:
Yes, this photo is like 8 years old, I realize that. Yes, it was funny back then, but NO, that is not the reason I am posting it.
I was peeping The Arab Parrot this morning (as I typically do on Mondays) when I saw this:
I know what you're thinking: "That's the same guy"!
And I do believe you are correct.
The Parrot is in NYC and happened to catch a follow up of the "ninjas killed my family" guy and his new street hustle without even knowing it.
Man, this guy is a marketing genius. He's got fucking websites on his cardboard now.
I need to contact this dude and get some BAMA stickers on his signs. Maybe then I could get the reader count up from 6-8 to 11 or 12. HAHA.
I am straight blown away that my man is still hustling this hard in the streets on NYC.
-Ollie
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Craigslist To Remove Erotic Services
This is a terrible shame. You can read the whole story HERE, but a brief summary goes a little somethin' like this:
The erotic personal services section of craigslist.org has collapsed under the pressure of the "ultra conservative life ruining anti-gay fuckin' loons" on the far right and decided to no longer allow for online solicitation of prostitutes.
well Shit. Where else am I supposed to find such beauties as these:
Her information can be found HERE.
OR how about this bruiser HERE...
Or my personal favorite:
MY NAME IS AMY, I AM A SUPER SEXY LATINA /WHITE MIXED, I STAND 5'9 210 LBS 44DD BREAST.
Man, I am really going to miss browsing the erotic personals (strictly for material, never for business). HAHA.
Everyone remembers this gem right??
Product of craigslist.org.
What a shame. R.I.P. online prostitution. Well, not exactly, you can always fuck with THIS GUY if you're in the Florida, Georgia, Dirty South area. Peep the talent he's workin with...
Risky business right there. A hooker with a gun? (wiping my brow) Whew!
E-Mann is reallllly pimpin' right there. Keep your game tight Peeimp.
-Uncle Ollie da Don
The erotic personal services section of craigslist.org has collapsed under the pressure of the "ultra conservative life ruining anti-gay fuckin' loons" on the far right and decided to no longer allow for online solicitation of prostitutes.
well Shit. Where else am I supposed to find such beauties as these:
Her information can be found HERE.
OR how about this bruiser HERE...
Or my personal favorite:
MY NAME IS AMY, I AM A SUPER SEXY LATINA /WHITE MIXED, I STAND 5'9 210 LBS 44DD BREAST.
Man, I am really going to miss browsing the erotic personals (strictly for material, never for business). HAHA.
Everyone remembers this gem right??
Product of craigslist.org.
What a shame. R.I.P. online prostitution. Well, not exactly, you can always fuck with THIS GUY if you're in the Florida, Georgia, Dirty South area. Peep the talent he's workin with...
Risky business right there. A hooker with a gun? (wiping my brow) Whew!
E-Mann is reallllly pimpin' right there. Keep your game tight Peeimp.
-Uncle Ollie da Don
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Throwback Thursday: Celly Cel - It's Goin' Down
Bettin' 5 dollars a game on Madden '95 on Sega. Whew. WATCH:
"Hit the gas, smoked 'em up, smashed off I'm outtie, bendin' corners laughin cause I left they car cloudy".
ICE COLD.
Celly Cel was with the shit in '95. I swear this fool's heart is a freezer.
This shit got remixed more times than "I got 5 on it" by The Luniz. HAHA.
-Uncle Ollie will learn ya
"Hit the gas, smoked 'em up, smashed off I'm outtie, bendin' corners laughin cause I left they car cloudy".
ICE COLD.
Celly Cel was with the shit in '95. I swear this fool's heart is a freezer.
This shit got remixed more times than "I got 5 on it" by The Luniz. HAHA.
-Uncle Ollie will learn ya
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Gangster's Paradise
I saw this and just had to post it:
I don't really remember what website I jacked the photo from and honestly don't care.
I am blown away.
That's an ice cold casket right there dog.
-Ollie
I don't really remember what website I jacked the photo from and honestly don't care.
I am blown away.
That's an ice cold casket right there dog.
-Ollie
Monday, May 4, 2009
Tell Your Mom To Quit Pagin' Me!
That's a down ass bitch rite chea.
I can only imagine how haggard her face is judging by the chest plate. I assume it goes without saying, but "YES, I would". Why? Well, that's a bold fuckin' statement right there tattooed on her titties so I would have no option but to take shorty to court and get the scoop. ya dig??
Shouts to h8torade.com for the scoop on this ridiculous photo.
Short and mean today.
-Ollie
Monday, April 27, 2009
Do The "Mr. Hit Dat Hoe"
Oh boy. This is that joint right now. The song that inspired the dance.
"Mr. Hit That Hoe".
Fuck Jerkin son, do the "Mr. Hit Dat Hoe"...
"SWWWWWWAGGGGGED UP". Man, these cats right here are with that shit.
The "Ricky Bobby"? check.
The "Bobby B"? check.
How hood is this video tho for real? The trucks rollin through. Straight rope tow cable. Then there is the '96 Dodge Ram all chromed out (you thought i missed that) mashin' through.
Hood livin' at it's finest.
What's up with homie in the blue polo joint tho? He can't gig so he just stands in the back mean muggin'? Haaaa.
And your boy with the Cowboys joint... How bout that Kanye West shag cut?
Mr. Hit Dat Hoe. I should have thought of that alias a looooooong time ago.
-Ollie
Monday, April 20, 2009
Four Twenty: Another Excuse To Do Nothing
For the squares of the world that aren't familiar with the significance of the date 4/20, it's supposedly a reference to the penal code for a smokeout in progress, or what I like to call "Stoner bashin' time".
In reality, it's just another excuse for the potheads of the world to get stewy blazed and loaf around for a while.
As you may have guessed by now, I do not partake in the use of the herbals personally, which prolly comes as a shock to anyone who doesn't know me personally because I am so fitting of the profile. The harsch reality of the situation is simple, I can't smoke. I have a mental block that causes severe heartburn and panic attacks that make me feel like I am having a heart attack.
It's a pretty big deal to most of my homies when I do decide to indulge (which is a very, VERY rare occurence). I mean, people really go all out to get me involved in a sesh, because when I get to laughing, there is no stopping me. I'm a jolly sonofabitch of that tree.
My feelings on reefer are pretty simple. Smoking trees does not cause violence. It is not a gateway drug. It is completely recreational. In fact, I think that everyone should smoke (except for me of course, for the reasons stated above).
In fact, my only real issue with the cheebah is that it makes it ok to be doing nothing. I always used this example when explaining my feelings on this particular subject:
A couple of dudes could be sitting around on the floor indian style staring blankly into space, no t.v., no dialogue, no nothing, and the only justification they would need is "hey, at least were stoned". haha.
So to all my friends out there that partake in the delights of the greenery, get yourself a nice satchel of this:
put that shit in your pipe...
and smoke it...
Jah bless. haaaa.
-Ollie the Kingpin
In reality, it's just another excuse for the potheads of the world to get stewy blazed and loaf around for a while.
As you may have guessed by now, I do not partake in the use of the herbals personally, which prolly comes as a shock to anyone who doesn't know me personally because I am so fitting of the profile. The harsch reality of the situation is simple, I can't smoke. I have a mental block that causes severe heartburn and panic attacks that make me feel like I am having a heart attack.
It's a pretty big deal to most of my homies when I do decide to indulge (which is a very, VERY rare occurence). I mean, people really go all out to get me involved in a sesh, because when I get to laughing, there is no stopping me. I'm a jolly sonofabitch of that tree.
My feelings on reefer are pretty simple. Smoking trees does not cause violence. It is not a gateway drug. It is completely recreational. In fact, I think that everyone should smoke (except for me of course, for the reasons stated above).
In fact, my only real issue with the cheebah is that it makes it ok to be doing nothing. I always used this example when explaining my feelings on this particular subject:
A couple of dudes could be sitting around on the floor indian style staring blankly into space, no t.v., no dialogue, no nothing, and the only justification they would need is "hey, at least were stoned". haha.
So to all my friends out there that partake in the delights of the greenery, get yourself a nice satchel of this:
put that shit in your pipe...
and smoke it...
Jah bless. haaaa.
-Ollie the Kingpin
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Draft Klick - Get On Draft Video
My initial reaction?? Wow. Scoob Blue is a fucking pervert yo. Straight up. HAHA. Is that milk dripping all over his body?? Your god damn right it is. You don't think Scoob is a pervert?? Well, let me learn ya...
I think that picture explains it all... HAHA. You know it's all love Scoob.
As for my man Shamrock, (Sam from FTKconstruction.com) mega uber gangster props on that human pores animation. That shit is hype.
When we asked Sam how he felt about his dance maneuvers, his only response was...
"Fucking White People". We are coining this as THE phrase for 2009.
I have a few more gems from the Draft Klick show back in February, what better time than now to post em up...
Meet Peaches:
That's Steve Macmen's grandmother and she is one helluva lady.
Yo Mac, how do you feel about the BAMA??
Is that a good thing??
Good, I thought so.
Moral of the story??
Draft Klick is with the shit. They make straight drug induced, party anthems. And that, my friends, is something I can get behind (no homo).
-Ollie
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Throwback Thursday: J-Zone - Bum Bitch Ballad
My man Zone, straight heater off the "Pimps Don't Pay Taxes" album from 2002.
"Wait a minute, you're talkin' 'bout my sister"... "50 cent juice drinkin BITCH!!"
I loves me some ign'ant behavior, and Zone defines that shit.
-Ollie
"Wait a minute, you're talkin' 'bout my sister"... "50 cent juice drinkin BITCH!!"
I loves me some ign'ant behavior, and Zone defines that shit.
-Ollie
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Ying Yang Twins Translated:
I caught this little gem over on Warming Glow and I gotta tell you, while it is a bit longer than the average video posted on here(running at a little over 7 minutes), it is worth every second.
HAHAHAHA!
Dude, So many things to point out.
1. The translation's are pure comedy. You can tell that Mr. Wonka (the translator if you didn't get to the end of the video) grows more and more annoyed throughout the video. I think it culminates around the 4:30 mark when he hits the viewers with this gem in reference to the "gator fur" on display...
"The Gator's thick white fur protects it in the winter". LOL.
2. "The Sea Room"? That shit blew me away. They have 3 fucking fish in that tank. 3!! How ghetto does that shit look with the cords just hangin all over the damn place? And how 'bout those paintings? They look like they were purchased from a street vendor in Long Beach on a 3 for $20 special.
3. How broke are these cats? Seriously? At the 3:40 mark, peep that extra official 26" t.v. and the Target "red light clearance" special ghetto blaster.
4. And the whips. Let's ask Lieutenant Worf how he feels about these scrapers...
Are these cats really pumped on the 2003, stepside, extended cab, canary yellow Chevy on Pep Boys' clearance blowout aluminum 19" rims? I know cats in high school that have harder whips.
5. How hard up were the producers of MTV for a celebrity crib to run in this episode? I mean shit, was Corbin Bernsen (of "Major League" fame) all booked up? I would have rather seen a cribs episode on Bill Bellamy...
6. This just goes to show how you can take the homie out the dirty ghetto, but you can't take the dirty ghetto out the homie...
7. Is it just me or does Kaine(?) have a striking resemblance to Mac Dre?
HAHA.
P.S. What ever happened to the Ying Yang Twins?
Crunk is dead. Thank you Hyphy movement. R.I.P. Mr. Furly.
-Ollie the hater
HAHAHAHA!
Dude, So many things to point out.
1. The translation's are pure comedy. You can tell that Mr. Wonka (the translator if you didn't get to the end of the video) grows more and more annoyed throughout the video. I think it culminates around the 4:30 mark when he hits the viewers with this gem in reference to the "gator fur" on display...
"The Gator's thick white fur protects it in the winter". LOL.
2. "The Sea Room"? That shit blew me away. They have 3 fucking fish in that tank. 3!! How ghetto does that shit look with the cords just hangin all over the damn place? And how 'bout those paintings? They look like they were purchased from a street vendor in Long Beach on a 3 for $20 special.
3. How broke are these cats? Seriously? At the 3:40 mark, peep that extra official 26" t.v. and the Target "red light clearance" special ghetto blaster.
4. And the whips. Let's ask Lieutenant Worf how he feels about these scrapers...
Are these cats really pumped on the 2003, stepside, extended cab, canary yellow Chevy on Pep Boys' clearance blowout aluminum 19" rims? I know cats in high school that have harder whips.
5. How hard up were the producers of MTV for a celebrity crib to run in this episode? I mean shit, was Corbin Bernsen (of "Major League" fame) all booked up? I would have rather seen a cribs episode on Bill Bellamy...
6. This just goes to show how you can take the homie out the dirty ghetto, but you can't take the dirty ghetto out the homie...
7. Is it just me or does Kaine(?) have a striking resemblance to Mac Dre?
HAHA.
P.S. What ever happened to the Ying Yang Twins?
Crunk is dead. Thank you Hyphy movement. R.I.P. Mr. Furly.
-Ollie the hater
Sunday, March 22, 2009
I Don't Work Weekends, But This Couldn't Wait:
Caught this shit on Bossip.com this morning...
The skinny jeans revolution is taking over today's urban youth. They have even created a new dance to go along with their awful fashion decisions. This ridiculous cross between the running man, jewish dippin, and an upright version of the worm is pure comedy... Peep the instructional video below...
Now that you've got the basics, watch these kids get wild at the local Burger King on (what I assume is) Fairfax in L.A.
Wow.
-Ollie
The skinny jeans revolution is taking over today's urban youth. They have even created a new dance to go along with their awful fashion decisions. This ridiculous cross between the running man, jewish dippin, and an upright version of the worm is pure comedy... Peep the instructional video below...
Now that you've got the basics, watch these kids get wild at the local Burger King on (what I assume is) Fairfax in L.A.
Wow.
-Ollie
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