Why in the Fuck is T.I. still getting movie roles? More importantly, How is this dude sharing the same on-screen time as Stringer Bell? With a muhfuckin' british accent? Stringer Bell for president, for real. I swear, I damn near, wait, scratch that, I did tear up when they waxed Stringer on The Wire. I mean, dude was cold, calculated, pure business and grime, with no emotions whatsoever... but ultimately, The boss has got to remain the boss, and Stringer had to go. He will go down as my third favorite character from the Wire, behind Michael. and Marlo Stanfield. Which brings me to my point, didn't mean to run off a recap of why The Wire was so dope (read: IT WAS THE GREATEST CRIME SAGA EVER) but how is it that this skinny lil dude right here:
gets more street credit in a suit than this muhfucka right here:
Wait, you might be wondering where this is all coming from. I promise I have a point. This new movie is coming out. It's called Takers, and here's the trailer:
I'm gonna see it. Call me easily entertained, but give me Paul Walker, Stringer Bell (Idris Elba, but will always be Stringer in my mind) in a british accent, and mr. "whoop that trick" himself C.Breezy and Imma watch it. Sprinkle in some Hayden Christensen (I know, he's awful, but Im nostalgic and I loved Star Wars despite how terrible it was) and a plot about a bank heist with the female lead being Zoe Saldana, you've got a hot ticket...
That is until you cast T.I. as the villain. I mean, really dog? who is Jamie Hector's (Marlo Stanfield) agent? This dude needs more work. I want him on the screen all the time. I have a role saved for him when and if I do ever finish writing my masterpiece (read: he plays Oliver Wrist, as Marlo Stanfield, never breaking character ever, haha)... I mean really tho, was there ever any harder bosses' talk than this:
"My name was in the STREETS?!?!"
ICE-FUCKING-COLD.
Man I miss The Wire, somebody needs to get it together and write this show another 5 seasons. I need to stop here, otherwise I'll go all damn day.
Yeah I know Stringer is british, he just does the "not british" role so well that when he goes back to the accent, its like he's discovered a whole new role and an untapped market as the master of british brothas or some wild shit. I'ont'know mayne. Just, you be cool like how you be cool, aight? I aint seent you and you aint seen me? aight.. WATER.
I've seen these pics, as I'm sure the rest of you have and homegirl is straight up AVERAGE at best. If she wasn't a "celebrity", no one would even be trippin. Seen alot of girls naked in my time, and trust in your boy, she ain't even top 20.
With all that said, my little asian homie is officially NPB icicle status. Keep grindin'...
You take some random video footage of a girl pissin' in the streets and an old man kickin her hard as fuck in the ass, and loop that shit to come up with this awesome little rectangle of joy.
And peace to that old man son, that kick and grill was icier than Ike Turner and Bobby Brown put together.
My man Bill (what up Bill?), loyal BAMA reader #9 (I think) out in Colorado hit me with an e-mail stating his disappointment with the lack of content concerning the tragic death of Michael Jackson...
In all seriousness, I had planned on just moving forward and letting the rest of the world pine over this "loss" and never saying a word about it.
However, since I was specifically asked for my take on the situation, here are my sentiments regarding the untimely death of Michael Jackson:
First of all, death sucks. No matter who has died, someone is hurt by their passing. As a result, I will try and sugar coat this to spare feelings for the time being.
Suffice it to say that I was shocked. With Farrah Fawcett dying just hours before M.J. it didn't seem real to me.
With all of that said, I don't really care that Michael Jackson is dead.
I didn't look up to him.
He wasn't a big influence on my life.
Sure, he gave us mad classics in his day, but in all honestly "his day" was well before I was old enough to care about what was/wasn't classic.
By the time I was old enough to concern myself with Michael Jackson, the only tangible things for me to associate with him were his wild ass antics:
***Side Note*** My homie Sherman that lives down south once told me about how he went to Neverland Ranch as a school field trip. Now I'm not saying Sherman got touched, but he is definitely a wierd cat and took the loss of MJ harder than the rest of us. HAHA.
So for me to sit here and say that I am going to miss him, or that I am saddened by his death in any way would be a lie.
I mean, in reality, I don't care becuase I'm a heartless bastard, but more importantly I don't care because it does not effect me personally AT ALL.
Everything good Michael had to offer us musically had already been recorded and released, so the loss of him as an "artist" is unrealistic. The cold truth of the matter is that he was an old man, past his prime, and the stigma of his legal battles would outshine him for the rest of his career.
Furthermore, I want to discuss the general public's reactions to this death.
There seems to be two accepted responses to the death of Michael Jackson.
1. "Fuck him. He was a child molesting sociopath and will be burning in hell."
OR...
2. "Michael was a huge influence on my life. The most important person ever. I don't know how I am going to live without Michael being alive."
Wah-Wah-Waaaaahhhh.
Both of those opinions are stupid and contrived.
#1. FACT: MJ never touched you or anyone you know. He was never convicted. Shit, in all seriousness, he honestly didn't see anything wrong with letting a child sleep in his bed. Now, that may be creepy, but it isn't technically illegal. I wouldn't let my kids sleep with MJ, but that doesn't mean I want him to burn in hell. He was a victim of circumstance. Dude had ZERO childhood. His father was an abusive lunatic. He seriously thought there was nothing wrong with hangin out with a chimpanzee and playing house/doctor with children. Dude was unstable to say the least, but I am not completely convinced that he was the monster that the extremists make him out to be. Don't get it twisted, I am not condoning ANY of Michael's escapades, just saying, for the sake of argument, maybe he wasn't as bad as people made him out to be.
#2. All these "Michael was such an inspiration in my life..." bullshitters. FUCK YOU.
To anyone under the age of say, I'ontknow, 25 (and thats being generous), that says Michael was the reason you were in show business and that you wouldn't be here without him and alladat bullshit, SHUT...THE...FUCK...UP. No one cares. Seriously.
And the white people. Punk rockers. folk singers. etc...
(Yeah I'm talking to/about you John Mayer. You fucking dork.)
you just sound dumb. MJ didn't do anything for you personally. He didn't care if you were alive or dead. Why the fuck do you feel so special or entitled?
What it all boils down to is this:
If you didn't know M.J. personally, you shouldn't be grieving his death. It makes you look like a dick.
Let's let the man die and remember the cool things he gave to us:
The moonwalk was fucking awesome and groudbreaking in it's day:
and these L.A. Gear's were the business. I bet they are fetching a pretty penny on ebay right now.
That is all I have to say regarding this topic and am now closing the vault. I hope that is sufficient.
I've been noticing this since the beginning of the playoffs but never really decided to mention it until now.
I have come to the conclusion that:
A. Chris Webber does not like Kenny Smith.
B. Chris Webber would put the O.G. official ass whoopin on ol' Ken-dog.
Peep some video evidence of CWebb's thoroughness right here...
Every time Cwebb hits him with the "c'mon man" you can see it in Kenny's eyes. Kenny doesn't know what my man Webber's gonna do. Is he fittin' to ack-a-fool, or is he gonna keep his composure for the sake of television? Cwebb is the wild card. HAHA.
The boys at Us Versus Them get credit for the photo, but here is the patended Chris Webber, "C'mon man" look...
.
I think Kenny Smith knows that Cwebb is a street cat on some Steve Harvey "don't let the suit fool you, i'm from the projects" type shit. I mean, Cwebb spent MAD years in the bay area gettin hyphy with the likes of Yukmouth and the Luniz.
And while this may very well be the most cat-ass smile I have ever seen, you can still see a glimmer of that crazy eye that Cwebb stays showin cats.
While I'm on the subject Chris Webber and Kenny Smith, what the fuck is up with that new telestrator bullshit toy TNT's got him (Kenny Smith) playin' with. That shit is wack. Biggest waste of time in the history of televised sports analysis.
I just spent 20 minutes lookin' for video of that stupid machine he's using and came up completely dry. If anyone finds it, give me a shout. nickelplatedbama@gmail.com.
Bottom line: Chris Webber is from the "Charles Barkley, hold no punches, kick 'em when they're down" school of philosophy and I can get behind that (no homo).
These photos recently hit the blogosphere via TMZ and, well...
Is Tupac still roamin' the streets incognito? The thing that's gettin' me is that no one else in the room is buggin' out on Tupac just kickin' it at the bar when he has been dead for like 13 years.
I was clickin around the internets and stumbled over to one of my many sources for celebrity rumors and gossip. It's not what the tabloids were saying today that bothered me, it was the list of the top 10 celebrity searches on their site...
#10 Miley Cyrus
Every Pedophiles nightmare (i.e. tall, awkward, and most likely already broken in). I can see the tweeny boppers goin' ape shit for this little twit, but grown ass motherfuckers that are logging onto celebuzz.com are searching for Miley Cyrus? As the great uncle that I am, I have literally sat through hours of this mind numbing torture that Disney has been subjecting our youth to for the last several years. I just don't see what all the fuss is about. She talks like a dude. She overacts everything. She has HUGE feet. She can't sing. She DEFINITELY can't dance, but somehow the youth of America is still hysterical over Miley Cyrus.
Fuck Miley Cyrus.
#9 Megan Fox
I get it. She's hot. But this dumb trick is/was dating fucking Brian Austin Green. Yeah, that guy. From Beverly Hills 90210? Yep. How fuckin' "awesome" is this chick if she lets the likes of B.A.G. hit? (I tried to ignore it, but I have to speak on it. The guy's initials spell bag. That lends itself to far too many jokes.) All bullshitting aside, she is one of Hollywood's hottest chicks right now. The tattoo's, the attitude, the J's, errrrrrythang. She's got it. How the fuck is she #9? You wanna know who is above her on the most searched celebrity list?
#8 Suri Cruise
HAHAHAHA. Yes. That ugly little offspring of Satan and Katie Holmes. I'm not gonna go in on Suri anymore than that because she is going to have a really fucked up life with Tom Cruise playin daddy and forcing that scientology bullshit on her. What I want to address is why the fuck people are searching the web for Suri Cruise? The little snot is not even 2 years old and is more downloaded that Megan FUCKING Fox?
(Pulls out finger gun, points at head, pulls trigger)
#7 Taylor Lautner
Wait WHO???
Exactly. Some little twirp villian from Twilight. I'm so fucking glad I didn't see that shitbag movie. He is the top result returned when you type "worst fucking hair ever" into google search.
#6 Kendra Wilkinson
First off, big ups to Kendra for keepin it extra funky in that L.T. jersey. But that's where the praise stops. Now normally I like slutty girls with daddy issues, that drink too much and constantly seek approval by taking off all of their clothes. Kendra though, this bitch looks like a horse. Turrble skin. Awful hair/weave. BIG ASS TEETH that look like piano keys. Shes just wack, straight up. Hugh gives this tramp the boot and it looks like the world is finally rid of her and her stupid bullshit, but E! shits on all my hopes and dreams and gives this horse face her OWN spin off from the girls next door. GOOD LAWD!
#5 Kristen Stewart
A.K.A. Fuckin' Permastoned. I honestly don't give half of a rat's dick about whether or not this girl smokes tree. However, the rest of the world obviously does therefore you can't see a picture where she doesn't have her eyes slammed. I think it's a front. I think this bitch has a slight case of downs syndrome and uses the "pothead" card as a pass. Real "stoners" for lack of a better word, don't broadcast to the world that they are high all the time. they don't need the attention. Bitch, we get it, you're "hip". Fuck You.
#4 Britney Spears
Too bad Britney hasn't looked like that since I graduated high school. By the way, there's a video floating around on youtube (that I don't care enough to find) of Britney saying something like "Oh my god, my whole pussy is hanging out" during one of her recent performances. Soooo, tell us something we don't know Britney. You literally have the ugliest pussy of all time. Bar none.
#3 Chris Brown
Mr. Ike Turner Jr. This cat is taking his fashion cues from Kanye/Pharrel circa 2004. Someone needs to tell your boy that terrorist scarves, pink BAPE hoodies, and 3/4 cocked backwards fitteds are fuckin OUT. (no Kenny Powers. If you don't get that joke, FUCK YOU.) The ass whoopin's aside, this dude is just plain awful. I haven't liked a single thing he has put out since the beginning of his illustrious career. Oh whats that you say? He's only 19 and hasn't done shit for music? You're right. Guess what? Fuck Chris Brown.
#2 Rihanna
Remember when I called this shit a little over a month ago? Chris Brown and Rihanna's careers were gonna reach all new heights? Let that be a lesson to you young ladies tryin to break into pop music. Just get out of pocket with your man, let him lump your head and split your lip and watch those record sales sky rocket. Oh yeah, Fuck Rihanna and her stupid music.
#1 Robert Pattinson
Remember when this kid was cedric Diggory in the Harry Potter flicks? Now he's a fuckin heartthrob supposedly fuckin #9 Megan Fox? Are you kidding me. Ladies of the BAMA, please weigh in on this. Is this cat good looking? He literally looks like #5 Kristen Stewart's retarded stunt double.
In closing, Fuck celebrities. That is, until I become one, at which time you can all be thankful for ever having the chance to buy me a drink.
Speaking of which, anyone interested in buying me some beers? I'm broke.
I don't neccessarily agree with the general concensus that Biggie was the greatest rapper of all time, but he definitely did his thing. It was 12 years ago today that Biggie Smalls, a.k.a. The Notorious B.I.G., a.k.a. The Black Frank White, a.k.a. Big Poppa, etc. was gunned down in cold blood.
To this day, the murder remains unsolved. This little fact always urked me a little. Biggie and Tupac were both murdered within a year of each other and both murders are still open investigations.
Conspiracy? I am a big conspiracy buff. And I've watched the documentaries about both of these cats' murders. I'll say this: personally I can see where people would get the idea that these homicides remain unsolved for reasons other than a lack of evidence. These are two crimes that will never be solved because the people behind the curtains pullin' the strings don't want them to be solved.
Whatever it is, R.I.P. Biggie Smalls. May 21, 1972 – March 9, 1997.
What I thought was the flu, ended up ultimately being food poisoning. How do I know? Well, lets just say that I could shit thru a straw without touching the sides. LIQUID FURY. It was BAD. I don't wish this sickness on my most bitter enemy.
On the bright side of things, I got 2 days off from punchin' the clock for the man, watched a ridiculous amount of T.V. including season 3 of Arrested Development (one of my favorite shows of all time).
Extra large shout outs to Jonny D. and Royal, my boys from Michigan, avid readers of the BAMA, and 2 of the first people to link me in their blogroll for stayin so low key while quietly building one of the better "joint venture" blogs on the net. Check em out here: www.code2ave.wordpress.com and be on the lookout for guest spots from Ollie every once in a while, unless they deem me worthy and invite to write with 'em full time. In the off chance that they decide they want my cynical rants to flood their site, don't worry, I will still be crushing peoples spirits here on The BAMA, every week day until I run out of shit to be mad about. Which I can't see happening anytime in the next 10 or so years.
Other things that happened over the weekend...
Got lots of stickers passed out on friday night. Saw some good friends that I haven't seen in what seems like years. I hadn't realized how many people were reading the blog until I got bombarded with "yo the blogs dope" comments all night at the bar. I seriously thought the hits count was just the same 8 people stopping by 15 times a day to make me look better. So, thank you to the people who actually read the site and think I'm funny.
I told some stories, drank lots of beers, decided on a central idea for the book I am planning on writing (but won't be starting for at least another 3-6 months) and finished season 2 of LOST. I am now 5 episodes into season 3 and I gotta say, Fukfase from the comment boards is right, this show has more questions than answers and it is really starting to annoy me. It's like the itch on your nose from chewing up too many norcos, a guilty pleasure of sorts. I hate that I don't know, but can't stop watching because I HAFTA KNOW EVERYTHING!
If the readers remember my post on the top 50 most influential men in the world and how I felt about that list (read: I hated it) you would know that I only agreed with something like 10 of the 50 men deserving a spot on the list. And while at the time I had never watched a single episode of LOST, I gave the creator J.J. Abrams a pass because of the hype surrounding his show. Jonny D. and Royal claim to be the worlds biggest LOST fans, and are partially responsible for getting me involved in this fucking crack binge of T.V. watching I have been putting myself through over the past month or so. So to them (Jonny D. and Royal, 2 shouts in one post? hold the fucking phone here...) thanks alot assholes, now I'm hooked. This is really cutting into my "creative time".
So, sorry readers, I have been under the weather with the worst case of bubble guts i've ever experienced, I really shouldn't even be at the office today, but I'm guttin' it out for you. My guestimation here is that the number of daily readers is somewhere around 75-100 stopping by 2-3 times a day, because I am now averaging close to 250 hits a day. I'd say thats pretty good considering how many people I insult on a daily basis.
A couple other people I need to show some love to:
First up my cyberfriend Mackey who writes Nobody Walks In L.A.. Its a great lifestyle blog about music, L.A. culture, being a D.J. for wild ass Mickey Avalon, and hangin out with celebrities. The guy's mad cool (except that he wears skinny jeans, but he gets a pass for that HAHA) and he links to my site, so the favor is returned.
And another shout out to www.paintorthread.com which is a graffiti/sneaker head site. The homie hit me up to exchange links and put me down, so I always show the love back.
And finally, big shout out to Combat Jack at Daily Mathematics. If you're not up on this dude, you are really missin out. He's got great stories of being in the industry during the hey-day of hip hop. He's ultra thorough and actually wants to fight Suge Knight. What's not to like about him? He put me down, so here's to you JACK.
Back later after I catch up on all of the internet scandals I have missed in the last 3 days while being laid up.
By now I imagine you have all seen or heard about the utter meltdown of Christian Bale on the set of the new Terminator movie. For those still in the dark (lots of FUCK bombs)...
Standard premadonna tirade from a self-entitled actor. I actually like Christian Bale, he's a fuckin maniac and every time he gets wild on someone there just happens to be some sort of recording device handy to catch him in all his glory.
Another great explosion on camera comes from my man Bill O'reilly...
Well, it was inevitable. Some internet whiz kid put this little mash-up together and the shit is pure comedy...
I dont think either one of these guys really let it fly. I imagine they are both capable of much wilder behavior. As soon as someone catches it on tape, we'll see it, trust in that.
The internets have been buzzing with controversy since this photo of Michael Phelps doin' work on a bong surfaced over the weekend...
Big Fucking Deal. The guy won 8 medals for this country, I'd say he's entitled to a little R&R from time to time.
I'm not gonna go to much into this because basically every other blog in the world is going ape-shit about it. What I will say is this, Michael Phelps is a turbo dork. I mean, right up there with Mark Zuckerberg and staff. Have you ever seen this fools oaphish ass face?
Fuck Michael Phelps. He means nothing to me. If he wants to roast some trees, let the kid be. In the grand scheme of things, this kid is a nobody. I can't name one child that looks up to this nerd as a role model. Lets get it straight, he is a 20 somethin year old kid with 8 gold medals, a little bit of fame (seriously, if you saw him in the streets would you recognize him? I doubt it), a stripper girlfriend, and a healthy curiousity for drug consumption. I'm more concerned with the photos of this fools snaggle-toothed grill that get published regularly that allow people to think that having a busted ass tooth game is acceptable. Its not, just for the record.
Finally, someone says (in rhyme form) what alot of us have been screamin for the past year.
Termanology - Tight Pants Are For Girls
Extra aggressive. I like it. I mean, the dude is only like 6 bars in when he delivers this gem:
"So strap on your timbaland boots and thug it out/ and all you batti boys shut yo' bloodclot mouths..."
Yep, this is the official anti tight sag swag to combat the blatantly homosexual tendencies of your favorite rapper's favorite rapper. Yep, thats another shot at Weezy (two in one day Ollie?? You're god-damned right)...
The most potent line on this banger?
Not even part of the verse... its a shout at the end of the track...
"fuckin faggots... stay out your sistah's closets"..
Term got that extra burn. Get it right for 2009 folks, tight sag is over.
Did you catch that line?? "I'm a gangster, and gangsters don't ask questions..."
Really? But gangsters definitely do interviews with the whitest bird on the planet... And gangsters definitely drink their weight in cough syrup daily... and gangsters definitely wear skinny jeans, and gangsters MOST DEFINITELY sing rock songs through a auto-tuned vocoder...
Get the fuck outta here Weezy. Look, I am a fan of "The Carter 1/2" and wasn't completely mad at the "The Carter 3" but Weezy has taken off on the gayship with Kanye and lets just call this "rock/pop-hop" movement officially a wrap and get back to that real gutter shit...
While I'm venting, can we please address the amount of bullshit "my president is black" type-a joints flooding the internets. I've said it before, but I will definitely reitterate my point:
NOBODY GIVES A FUCK ABOUT A RAPPERS POSITION ON POLITICS!!!
Straight up. I could care less what Young Jeezy The Snowman (snow being a metaphor for cocaine and all) has to say about the current state of American politics.
I'm serious as a heart-attack here people. Jeezy is dumb yo. Real dumb. This cat is takin shots at Bill Fucking O'reilly's credibilty in the political world? Are you serious??
I am not always a believer in Bill's politics, but the man does his homework.
We get it Jeezy, you're a more conscious rapper now. I mean, "YOUR" president is black... You can't keep floodin the streets with that snow under "YOUR" new administration.
Don't get it twisted, I am all for people speaking their opinions freely, God knows I do, but Jeezy is ruining his own credibilty.
Dallas Penn (internets celebrities blogger) kinda hit this point in a recent post.
You cannot be speaking on the president being black and how much of a step forward that is, and then regressing black culture in the very next line telling me about how your "diamonds are still blue" and your "money's still green".
In case you forgot, "YOUR" president is facing the worst recession/depression since the days of Hoover.
Think about it homie, it makes a good hook, but illustrates just how unconscious you rappers are when it "all falls down".
History was made today folks, and regardless of your political beliefs (or mine for that matter) I am a citizen and patriot of this great nation and will stand firmly behind our nation's president, Mr. Barack Obama. From what I have seen and heard, the inauguration speech was A-1, first class, diplomatic (no cam'ron) rhetoric. So, big ups and alladat for the progress being made today.
Alot of you readers that have been around for a while know where I stand politically, and I never hid the fact that I was anti-Obama. But hey, apparently the rest of the nation felt differently and now he's got some serious promises to make good on. I'm givin homie the benefit of the doubt and I will wait, patiently and impartially, to see if he makes good on his talking points.
2009 is the year for change, so, lets make the changes you promised.
Oh yeah, if you hadn't noticed, I took the 3 day weekend and got my horizontal on all day yesterday (Read: napping). I'm back with the heaters today though.
This is one of the greatest beefs in the history of Hip Hop. Why? Because it is 100% fabricated by Stephen Colbert, no ones going to get hurt (except for maybe Yeezy's soundscan), and it is completely one sided. In case you missed "Operation Humble Kanye" read Part 1 and Part 2 to get caught up before you continue reading this post.
This is the BAMA's third installment of the ongoing feud between Colbert and Kanye. Peep your boy Colbert pullin out all the stops and really gettin in Kanye's ass (no homo) in the video below.
LOL. Colbert is ruthless. Did you catch that line when he says "why buy Kanye's album when you can basically hear it for free by putting a tin can to your ear and leaning against a pac man machine". HAHAHA. But it doesnt end there, how bout the fact that he uses "Stronger" as his celebratory music? Dude, Colbert is icey. The longer this beef goes the better... Why? well it serves as a plate of humble pie to these bubblegum thugs takin themselves too seriously in the rap game.
In case you missed the orginal post and need to get caught up on what were talking about, go ahead and CLICK HERE.
Now that youve read up and hopefully watched the video, have a look at the following photo.
As of this morning, Stephen Colbert is the #3 selling album on Itunes and Kanye has dropped from #1 down to #4 behind Colbert.
This is one of the best stunts that Colbert has ever pulled. He made it a point to go out and give Kanye's huge Ego a punch and I personally couldnt be happier about it. I really hope this beef continues. LOL.
If this is your first time stopping by NickelPlatedBama, I would suggest getting a feel for the blog by going through the archives. There have been too many classic posts to count. If you disagree with an opinion here on the site, make it public. The writer of this blog suffers from a rare condition that allows him to feel absolutely zero remorse when attacking a person's character or, in most cases, lack there of. Please feel free to enjoy, hate, participate, tell a friend to tell 2 friends, but always, ALWAYS stop back here again tomorrow, as you never know what this looney bastard might say next...
Directly below this box you will find an interview with Oliver Wrist by Oliver Wrist that should serve as an FAQ. Anything else you want to know, Oliver will literally answer any and all questions you may have, so don't be shy, shoot an email to Oliver Wrist at: nickelplatedbamadotcom@gmail.com
Nickel Plated Bama: Who? What? When? Where? Why? and How?
Who writes NickelPlatedBama?
Oliver Wrist writes, edits, designs, takes photos, and publishes NickelPlatedBama personally Monday-Friday. Oliver Wrist is an alter ego that I created as a means of getting things off of my chest. Ollie is irrational and flagrant. Once boos are introduced, the hillarity ensues. Rather than feel bad, Oliver chooses to embrace his lunacy and use his shamelessness for a greater good. Oliver's travels and opinions are documented on an almost daily basis. I say almost daily because I don't work on weekends.
What is NickelPlatedBama? What is A Nickel Plated Bama?
Nickelplatedbama is a face-melting social commentary blog written from the perspective of a self absorbed asshole with no shame or morals to speak of. If you're into hip hop music, silky smooth breezys, absurdly opinionated witty banter and reading the rants of an anti-social, overly confident, self absorbed "writer" (for lack of a better word) please continue. NickelPlatedBama is a source for venting and bashing, hating and thrashing, shitting and blasting on everything from bad food to bad music and everything in between. I don't hate everything however. NickelPlatedBama and more importantly Oliver Wrist praise iconic figures such as the ever elusive white girl thickness, mid-'90's hip hop, fashion, graffiti, art, ice cold behavior, celebreality t.v., Chicago Cubs baseball, San Diego Chargers football, College Basketball, Early '90's WWF wrestling, laughing at other peoples misfortunes, and generally acting like a complete type-a sociopath.
Nickel Plated Bama is extra gutter street slang for a nickel (the precious metal) plated hand cannon. You know, a burner, a strap, a gat, a tre pound, a whistle, or for the uninitiated a gun.
When did NickelPlatedBama get started?
Oliver Wrist has been the other half of my split personality for years. It originally started as my DJ'ing name. My career as a DJ lasted only about as long as it took me to write this BIO. As it turns out, I am an awful DJ. Not because I play bad records, but because I butcher the scratches. My brother, Young Smalls, a.k.a. DJ Fuzzy Badfeet, has taken over the reigns and is now my own personal DJ. Although Smalls refuses to accept the things I have taught him since birth as doctrine, he still gets the Oliver Wrist stamp of approval as a purveyor of all things mixed well. He uses my turntables, my mixer, and my records to do his thug-thizzle, but he is a much better DJ than I could ever be, so I just give him enough shit to remain enthusiastic. Being that my foray into the DJ world went south, I decided to use writing as a tool to express myself creatively. Thus far it has proven somewhat successful. How do I know? Well, you're reading this aren't you?
Where did you come up with NickelPlatedBama?
I have spent so much of my valuable time force-feeding the readers of this blog my personal musical preferences (Read: mid-'90's new york hip hop, ign'ant pimp shit, '90's bay area movement, etc.) and blasting all these idiots that set themselves up for utter failure everytime they open their mouth, or press record on the video camera over the last few months, that I forgot to ever place the credit where the credit was due. Nickel Plated Bama is a reference to a line in a song from the 808 King himself (No not you Kanye). I'm talking about The RZA. a.k.a. Bobby Digital. a.k.a. Bobby Boulders. a.k.a. The Abbot. a.k.a. The head of the Wu-Tang dynasty. When I came up with the idea to start writing a blog, I wanted to name it something that most people wouldn't understand right out of the gate, creating a buzz as a result of the inherent curiousity of the average internet lurker. The result was a line from a Bobby Digital album where RZA says "my head is a like a Nickel Plated Bamma". I guess I should just go ahead and spell it out for you. Instead of using an obvious title such as "The Smoking Gun" (besides, it was already taken) for a blog name, I decided to get creative. So, with this blog title, I pay homage to one of my favorite, not only rappers, but creator of things, and still stay sharper than a sword with the usage of metaphor in describing the gun (my keyboard) i use to roast those i deem indesirable.
See above question titled "What is a Nickel Plated Bama".
Why?
Why not is a better question. I hate alot of shit. I want people to know that I hate aforementioned "shit". This was covered in the above section titled "Who writes Nickel Plated Bama".
How do you pronounce the "BAMA"?
It recently came to my attention while I was in the streets passing out stickers and shamelessly promoting this blog that alot of people were mispronouncing the "BAMA". I will make it very easy for you all.
Think Alabama. Don't think Obama. Are we clear now? I really hope so.
Disclaimer:
While most opinions on this site are based in fact, they are merely that, opinions. If you take this shit seriously OR anything that Oliver Wrist has to say personally, than it was definitely directed at you. If you are easily offended, read on, YOU are the target audience. And ladies, Oliver Wrist is the Asshole your mother warned you about. Oliver Wrist is extremely self absorbed and could not care less if your feelings get hurt. If you disagree with anything Oliver Wrist has to say, please make it public, so that Oliver Wrist may be able to roast you publicly.
