Stop the Presses: The Lakers Won

And I really couldn't give a fuck less. Let the bandwagon riding commence. It's the same shit show every year, I know there are plenty of true, legit laker's fans out there but if I have to see one more FB update about how great "your" Lakers are, I'm gonna shit blood. This front running business has got to stop. This is the exact same thing that happened last year with the Yankees. Now the hooplah and suspense and drama begins, is Phil (Jackson) coming back? Can the Lakers 3peat? Is Kobe as good as Jordan? the answers... Probably, NO, and NO. I'm puttin' my stamp on it right now, June 18, 2010, the day after the Lakers won the NBA championship and saying very clearly that they will not win the title again next year. With, or without Phil Jackson returning as head coach.

Ron Artest is the coolest fuckin guy ever. Straight up thanked his psychiatrist for helping him calm down. You know a muhfucka's wild when his therapist is on the checklist of "who I need to thank". Keep it hood Ron, and get back to focusing on sets you apart from everyone else, your rap career. HAAAAAAA. This guy is legitimately insane and I love it. Matter of fact, let's run that shit:



Get em RoRo.

Is it just me or does Pau Gasol have the worst beard in the game right now?



Turrible.

The Lake show can bring back the entire team they had this year, and it won't matter, they aren't 3peating. It just isn't gonna happen. Lebron is too hungry. It's his turn to man the fuck up and get his jewelry going before he becomes a Karl Malone shadow. Just sayin...

And while were discussing sports, I'd like to just say a couple words to my cubbies:

"GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER". 6 games under .500? C'mon now boys, get it together. I don't want to burn another hat on the altar of sacrifice but if it gets much worse, I will be having a bond fire, believe that.

I'm out.

Fuck the Lakers. And the Celtics too. Rajon Rondo looks like Bow Wow's stunt double, but softer. These fools are all bitch made.

-H-ollie-r than thou.

Terribly Awesome

Dude, I had no idea what to expect when i clicked on this video, but damn am I happy that I did. That auto-tune in the hook is just unreal, and that 1981 apple computer frankenstein monster he's using to create this masterpiece just makes it that much better. ha.

****Update****

I'm lookin at that mess on the table, am I seeing a weedwhacker motor? Man, this guy is dangerously smooth.

-Olls

Is This What You Call Tact??

2 week layover. Your boy has been straight M.I.A. Haven't done anything noteworthy in that time. Unless of course you count allowing ol' what's her name to penetrate the defenses and metaphorically crush my spirit against my will. But that shit is all over and done with now. Brand new day and a brand new lease on life.

If you all remember correctly, back on January 1, 2009 I made a vow to not make any more apologies for any of my actions ever again. That, obviously, did not work out, as I have spent the last 9 months of my life constantly apologizing for shit I can't honestly say I was ever really apologetic for. It's poetic really. Think about it...

It's just what anyone would do. You focus all of your efforts onto a single project, whether it be your blog, your job, or, in this case, my relationship, and then, when it all hits the proverbial "fan" you're left wondering what the fuck just happened?

I guess it goes without saying, but with my inability to leave things left unsaid, I'm gonna jump up here on my soapbox and spit venom in the form of words to any and all that have done me wrong in the last year. What? You thought you were going to get a pass?

First and foremost, the city of San Francisco, and more importantly that certain NOBODY that, to this day, remains nameless. Fuck you and your whole existence. I'd like to blame you for the tumbling of my castle that I once thought was built of indestructable bricks, but recently realized that shit was paper thin, but the sad truth of the matter is that you were just an innocent pawn in someone else's grand facade. Keep livin' that dream.

Next up on the list... Aww Fuck it. It isn't even worth it anymore. I will not give you the satisfaction of knowing any more than you already do, just exactly what you have done.

I teetered on the idea of shutting down this blog due to it's ties monetarily (definitely not emotionally, what, you think you're owed something?) to a certain memory that has long since subsided and passed thru my system like last night's drug binge. And while I am on the subject of drugs...

#2 Fuck drugs. For real. I've made a few comments in the past to let on to my love for certain substances. For legal and medical reasons, I will not be divulging any more details about my past, current, or future struggles with this specific demon. Suffice it to say, if there was any ONE thing to blame for my current lethargic state and utter lack of motivation, you, my little friend(s?) would not be stricken from the list of catalysts.

I have stayed stagnant for far too long. My pessimistic outlook on life, while at times entertaining, has traversed the lines of comedic necessary evil, and entered into the realm of absolute control.

I'm tired tho. Like, for real, tired of being satisfied with mediocrity. Things have always come so easy for me that I have completely forgotten what it was like to struggle. You showed me that. So I guess if there was one thing I could be thankful to you for giving me, that would be it. You showed me what it was like to be miserable again. You showed me what self loathing REALLY is. "All Hail The Heartbreaker" HAHA.

I have slowly made the transition from what I wanted to be, to not even recognizing the person looking back at me in the mirror. I haven't been "happy" (who decides what happy is anymore anyway) for quite some time. With OR without you. I'll tell you where my happiness comes from now... or shit, maybe I won't cause I honestly couldn't tell you anymore. I know what doesn't work for me tho, and that's all that really counts today.

This post isn't all about "THAT" tho. It's also about "THIS"...

Some things that are great...

-Hope. The name says it all and it is quite fitting what that entails.

-Progress. No matter how much I stumble, I will ALWAYS bounce back and be better the next time.

-Freedom. Out from under the thumb of life.

I am absolutely sure that by now you are all just as confused as I was when I started this rant. Just know that that is to be expected. If you get it, then you're on the inside, if this was lost on you, well I'm sure you could check the archives for something a bit more your speed.

If you came here looking for tits and comedy today, all apologies for letting you down. The path back to greatness is long an narrow, but I'm on it, so I'll be keeping my peoples (if you're in, you know it) up on all the hottest shit just as soon as I get my shit situated and my head back facing forward.

Quote of the week "Is this what you call tact? I swear you are as subtle as a brick to the small of my back."

And, were clear.........................

Or are we?

-Kevin "I'm not Ollie when I'm real" Smith

Awwww Damn...

Wow. Just, Wow.

You Can't be Serious

The worst fucking guy since Joe Rogan is now getting paid appearance fees to show up and host parties?

This is some sort of cruel prank. Has to be. John Gosselin sucks so much dick...

-Ollie the Hateful

Do the World a Favor...

... and stop TyPiNg LiKe ThIs. iT iS tHe MoSt AnNoYiNg ThInG oN tHe PlAnEt aNd MaKeS YoU lOoK LiKe a DaMn FoOl.

I always wonder, because the above sentence took me literally a full minute to type, why would ANYONE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND go thru the hassle of typing out each letter to create that childlike imagery?

Is there some sort of program out there that automatically generates this type of bufoonery, or do you people literally sit there and press the shift button every other letter?

Fuck.

You belong on the:



I hate you.

-Ollie the Awful

Major Lazer = Pure Savage

If you skipped over that just to get my commentary, go back. You need to watch. There is nothing I can say to explain the magic in this video. Seriously. What the hell was the point?

I'll tell you this, those girls are walkin a very fine line between thick and fat. I definitely wouldn't kick any of 'em outta bed, but I'll be damned if I ever let a chicken jump on my shit like that. Man, that shit was off the hook slice!!!

-Olls

Some People's Children...

I thought that since I am preparing for my departure to Huntington Beach for Agenda and don't have much time to write, I would hit the peoples with some classic "ugly people" photos from my personal collection. I am more than sure that most, if not all, of these photos have definitely been seen by the readers, but FUCK IT, they make me laugh and this is my blog so complain to someone who cares.



















You see how giving I am? I could have kept this for myself and posted each one individually on days when I didn't have anything to blog about, but instead I give it to my peoples. All 9 of you (Welcome back Kristen)...

-Olls

White People Ruin Everything

Remember this dumb ass bird from way back when??



Ok, everybody together now, tell us how you really feel...



Yep. That's it. We got her.

-Ollie

Yo, On Some Real Shit...

Michael Michael Michael you my nigggggaaaaahhhhhh...



Ron Artest, you a fool for this one.

-Ollie

I'm Bored

The only thing anyone in the world seems to care about is the death of Michael Jackson.

I know I said I wouldn't be discussing it anymore but some new stuff has come to light.

People are commiting suicide over this "tragedy". Seriously. TMZ or some other stupid website reported that there have been at least 12 confirmed deaths by suicide since the king of pop bit the dust.

What the hell people?

Also, there is supposed to be an open casket viewing of the body, OPEN TO THE PUBLIC on Friday July 3rd, 2009.

At least I got that going for me.

-Olls

Yikes

Madonna's daughter has a humongous eyebrow.

Thats all.

LOLOLOLOL.

-OLLS

The Burger King "7 Incher"

This new ad campaign for BK has the world at odds because of it's inherent suggestive adult nature.

Big Fucking Deal.

It's not even that cool.

-Olls

Fred Works Out

Damn son. TBC was bullshittin on youtube on Saturday morning and found this video.

Holy smokes. The view count on this video is over 1.2 million in 3 days.

I don't know what the fuck the world sees in this kid but damn if he isn't winning in the views department.

Some of his other videos have over 6 million views.

Really humbles me. I mean, here I am writing this amazing blog, giving the world every bit of news they could EVER possibly need and my total views doesnt touch single hour's worth of hits for this little maggot Fred.

Bitter hatred. Fred must die.

-Sourpuss Ollie

One Question: Why??

You tell me cause I sure as hell can't call it.

What fetish is this? It has to be some good ol' boys down south that want to see heavy set middle aged woman thrashin hoopties...

Who knew?

-Olls

The Kids Reactions

I have watched this video 37 times now. That ramp is crazy sturdy!!

-Olls

Roll Ya Neck

To quote the very first comment on WorldStarHipHop:

"This the gayest dance on earth"...

couldn't have said it better myself.

Quit dancin' and start thuggin...

-Olls

Impromptu Photo Shoot

Last friday I was sittin' at the office staring out the window when I spotted this:



Let's zoom in for a closer look:



In honor of Reez at thegluttony.com I asked myself "Dead or Asleep". In fact, I sent the photos over to Reez to be featured on the site but he didn't post 'em or get back to me so, snooze ya lose, now I'm gonna throw em up here. I digress...

Apparently, the fire department and some concerned citizens decided to ask themselves the same question as they approached homegirl to find out if she was still alive...



After approx. 10 minutes of kicking and nudging her, they finally got some signs of life as ol' girl stirred herself:



The firemen left:



So she went back to sleep:



Classic. I love my job for reasons like this. Working downtown I get to see all kinds of wild ass people doing wild ass shit in the streets.

-Olls

Monday Morning News Break: WTF?

I caught this news story over on Bossip this morning and was bugged out. Peep the story:



"NEW YORK – A New York City woman says her father apparently lay dead for weeks in a minivan while police repeatedly left parking tickets on the vehicle.

Jennifer Morales of Manhattan told the Daily News on Thursday that she believes her father, George Morales, died of a heart attack.

Morales said she last heard from her dad in early May. She said she had contacted police, but police say they have no report on record.

A city marshal found the body of George Morales on Wednesday while trying to tow the minivan from beneath the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway overpass.

Parking tickets and dust covered the vehicle."

Alright, so seriously, you don't notice somebody layed out dead in the back seat? You don't smell death in the air? You don't think anything is wrong when you have written like 10 tickets to the same car in the same spot for over a week? You don't think to contact the station, call in the plates, check with missing persons, NOTHING? Seriously, NOTHING???!?

What I really want to know is if this bitch that just blindly issued these tickets is gettin the shaft for being so blatantly oblivious..

Damn son, some people...

Spencer Pratt: The Rapper

By now you have all heard that Spencer Pratt has decided to run with his fame and parlay it into a rap career, and if you haven't then Fuck You.

Here's the video of this goon doin his thug-thizzle:



What a creepy flesh colored beard.

I gotta give it up to my man tho, he sticks to the script and stays controversial. He knows what keeps his name in the media and he runs with it.

Well played Spence.

-Ollie