Holy Lord: PtheG - Cheeseburger

Man, Fresno...



Get in the k"no"w already. HAHAHA.

-Olls back with a vengeance.

A Message to the Self Entitled Jerk-Off Pharmacist at Rite-Aid:

I have no fucking idea why you think that your punk ass degree is more valuable than the degree my doctor achieved to practice medicine, but you do, and I hate everything about you. I am so tired of you putting your fat foreign nose in my business every fucking time I try to get a refill. My doctor has no issues with my medications, but somehow your community college certificate of completion gives you the power/right to override my dr.'s reccomendations. Trying to flex the small bit of power you have over me does nothing but make me want to severely hurt you. I swear on everything I find holy (i.e. TBC, thick white women, Cubs' baseball, etc.) if I ever see you in the streets, you are getting destroyed. I am so mad right now I could spit nails, and you best believe I will be carrying this grudge around with me until such time as the problem is solved.

I am fucking livid and it's all your fault.

Now to the back story...

Last Thursday I visited with the dr. and got a bump in my prescriptions. Being as I am a cash patient and had limited funds I asked the pharmacist to give me a chunk of the script now and I would come back in on Tuesday when I got my paycheck.

So I go in last night to get the remainder of my prescription and this fucking piece of shit camel fucker (no racism) decides that because I am "back too soon" he is not going to give me what is rightfully mine.

I ask, very calmly at first, "what right do you have to tell me when I can and cannot pick up a prescription that was written for me" followed by "the dr. wrote the prescription for a specific amount, please explain to me how me picking them up 5 days apart and all at one time are different".

Fucking jack off pharmacist "sir, I don't care if the dr. wrote the prescription for 2,000 tablets, it is my discretion"...

To which I respond "how does that make sense to you? If I had enough cash on me to get the ENTIRE prescription last Thursday, you would have released the full prescription to me correct? Then why in the fuck would it matter that I had to wait until I got my paycheck to pick up the remainder?"

Jack-off (dumb fucking look on his face) "ummm sir, you'll need to lower your voice".

Ollie: "I am going to beat the shit out of you if I ever see you in the streets"

Jack-off "you're going to need to have your prescriptions transfered out of this pharmacy and stop threatening me"

Ollie: "It's not a threat. FUCK YOU."

Cut to Wednesday afternoon when I call to get my scripts transfered to a different pharmacy and this fucking P.O.S. has the audacity to add a note to to the fax that says "do not release until July 6, 2009.

You just punched your own ticket habib.

I am so fucking angry right now.

-Olls

Great Fight Scenes From India

Ok, so I am sitting at the office clickin' around the web, checkin' what's out there and shit, when the boss comes over and wants to have a chat. So I close down all my open tabs and we bullshit for a good 45 minutes.

The conversation consists of nothing more than him one upping me when explaining his back pain as compared to mine and how he gets more pain killers than me, etc. etc.

When he finally decides to leave, I come back to the computer and open up my browser and for some strange reason, and I am dead serious when I say that I don't know why this happened, but this video is playing. It is so fucking awesome that I had no choice but to share it with the Bama faithful.



How did I end up with that in my browser? I'll never know, but what I do know is that I am very happy I found it. Those moves are spectacular. The end of that video offers up several other "related videos" and out of curiosity I went ahead and clicked on this one...



Oh man.

Why did he wipe the sand in his own eyes?

How is he knockin' these fools out when he is blatantly missing with those huge backflip kicks?

Is that the "little superstar"? Oh yes, I believe it is.

For old times sake, let's run that video of the little superstar...



Upon further inspection, I believe that the last 2 clips are from the same movie. I will be looking into this theory over the next several days and be back with a report for the readers very soon.

These clips make me want to beat the shit out of high school kids.

-Ollie

Twitter Quote Of The Day:

"I hope you tight jean wearin kats try to run some where and catch fire from the friction".

Courtesy of BigVon on Twitter.

HAHAHAHA!

Check the homie at BigVon.com Coming Soon.

On another note, I'm watching the PGA tour right now and some idiot in the gala (audience for you non golfing creightons) got his skull tattooed courtesy of a shanked tee shot from Retief Goosen. LOL.

Arnold Palmer's response: "tsst. Oh my goodness gracious".

I am still laughing out loud.

Other people's misfortune = My bread and butter.

OH YEAH can I just send a HUGE shout out to the homie Knowledge from ANATOMY BLOG. Dude is nice with the words and holding the BAMA down realllll firm. Big things to come with the Ollie/Knowledge Collabo.

Watch out.

***Update on dude who got smashed by the golf ball***

Huge fuckin lump on his temple. Retief Goosen shook his hand and walked away. Fuckin' icicle. LOL.

I'd be like "Thanks alot for fuckin up my shot jerk off".

-Ollie

Friday Night: Strippers, Craigslist Hookers, And More:

Last week you'll remember how all I could do was piss and moan about how sick I was and wah wah wah. For your information, it was all completely 100% true. I was layed up in my bad like a burn victim with a nasty sinus infection, and no matter how many vicodins I took, I couldn't shake the sickness.

Anyways, Friday afternoon, Smalls (my brother, a.k.a. D.J. Fuzzy Badfeet) shows up and says it's Kyle's birthday and we gotta find some strippers. I tell him I don't know if I can go because (at the time) I was only feeling about 60%.

I immediately changed my mind about not going when I thought outloud to myself "you're going to pass on an opportunity to slap some tits and humiliate some beezies?"..."Man the fuck up Ollie or you're credentials will be revoked.

Here's a pictorial of what transpired Friday night.



My uncle, a.k.a. "The Macho Man Dale Earnhardt Savage" stepped in the arena.



A bunch of young BAMA groupies slid through. I tried to hand them stickers and they all said "wait, you're the guy who writes that site?? We LOVE it..." So i gave them stickers and we had an impromptu photo shoot.









Oliver Wrist "The Loverboy Grunt" made his triumphant return to the wheels of steel and burned the house down with my set...



One of the BAMettes (the young groupies) asked if she could pose for a picture behind the turntables to "look like she was djing..." I said "FUCK NO, but I'll give you one free lesson..."





Giving instructions to drunk underage girls...



Sure was alot of Dicks in the joint...

The hoes arrived:



Due to my super official macking game, I got ol' girl to pose for a couple of joints before her bodyguard/pimp stepped to me and said "no more photos". I politely explained how big of a celebrity I am, and the fact that I cared enough to take their photos was a compliment and this was going to help her career...



The bouncer wanted to be down:



They're were 2 strippers. One was cool, prolly cause she was kind of a rookie and just wanted drugs. The other one was a straight seasoned vet. Turbo bitch. Was not havin any of the photo taking, so i went ahead and just filmed the whole fucking thing. Only problem now is finding a video hosting site that allows nudity, so for the time being, this is the only video that youtube let slide...



Trust in your boy, I got a solid 6 or 7 more minutes of quality stripper footage to post as soon as I find a host that isn't a porn site. Moving on...

My mom, my aunt, and my other aunt and uncle showed up to parlay with us during the strip off, CLASSIC.



Mom talking to Macho Man Dale Earnhardt Savage.



Aunt/Uncle/Cousin/Jake

A few more photos of the stripper with the worst hips/ass/hips/ass game ever. I seriously can't explain it.









Overall, fun night. Homegirl that let me take her photos was worked in and had an awful grill, but she was cool. They both wore BAMA stickers the entire night. Found some new fans, and we rung in Kyle's birthday right. Happy birthday homie, thanks for having us, thanks for paying for the bitches, and thanks for the inspiration for a new post...

Stay tuned in the weeks to come, a new idea was born regarding craigslist booty calls, massage therapists, and "companions"...

-Ollie

Perfect Way To End Friday:

Stole it from the homie Sam from FTKconstruction.com.

Love to hate me.

-Ollie

Ike Turner 2.0 and Breakin' Down The Working's Of The Female Mind

Rumors are swirling today that little Ms. Sunshine herself, Rihanna, has recently entered into the unholiest of unions with her Ike Turner-esque boyfriend Mr. Chris Brown. Yeah, cats are saying that these two idiots got hitched over the weekend while celebrating their reunion after that “best of the UFC ultimate knockouts” beatin young breezy threw down on ol’ girl.

I am always the first to say I told you so. I knew this shit was gonna happen THE DAY HE WHOOPED HER ASS. I called it too. Don’t believe me? CLICK HERE about half way down

The fight, as it happened, explained in pictures:


Everything’s cool, havin’ a great time…


Rihanna gets nosey, starts snoopin through Breezy’s phone. Notice the look on his face…


The resulting beatdown from Ms. Thing spazzin out about the text messages homie was gettin’ on the low for some extra-marital cutting.


Breezy dips out on jet ski, not givin’ a fuck.

I want to take this time to address some of the comments being made about Chris Brown and his jet ski. There are several celebrity types criticizing homie for being out in public having a good time. Why exactly? Is it some sort of requirement that you sit in a dark closet and starve yourself until the woman you unfortunately had to whoop up on accepts your apology? FUCK THAT. I’d want to get my mind off shit, not dwell. Look, the truth of the matter is, he knew Rihanna was coming back…

It’s a very simple cycle. Women fall harder for men the harder they (the men) go on them. I am dead up 100% serious. I feel that I should elaborate on that just a bit. Every broad I know that has been in an “abusive” (and I use that term quite loosely) relationship has weathered the storm and continued to take those ass whoopin’s everyday because they justify it to themselves in a way that most men will never understand.

Let’s take a second to explore the psychology of the female mind for a second here…

Once the line gets crossed, and this could be any proverbial “line in the sand”, i.e. “I will never let a man hit me”, a new line is formed. So what was once “I will never let a man slap me” becomes “At least he didn’t punch me” which leads to “I won’t let it happen again” and so on and so forth. So, when the inevitable occurs, and ol’ boy has been done blackened both her eyes another 4 or 5 times, the woman realizes that her line has been completely erased and she has grown accustomed to the thrashing’s she is now taking on a weekly basis, and would start to think something was off, if she wasn’t getting smacked.

Now we get to the justification. I realized a long time ago that most chicks want to fight with you (the fellas) just to test the strength of your emotional commitment to the relationship. A cat that is willing to argue it out for hours, at any point, for any reason, is the guy who “cares”. Or so it would seem. So, when you choose not to indulge a chick’s desire to test the strength of the relationship by fighting, she grows even more angered and annoyed and that’s when the physical abuse begins to take place.

In my estimation, approx. 70% of women that get their ass whooped by a dude, threw the first punch, slap, kick, whathaveyou. There is a pre existing tolerance level inherent in every man’s DNA code. Now this level will fluctuate from man to man, but ladies, understand, it does exist. For some it may be as simple as insulting his mother. For others it may be catchin’ a couple of slaps to the jaw. Luckily for me, in my career with the ladies, I have yet to be taken to my level, which would be drawing blood. If a bitch makes me bleed, she is getting shaken like a rag doll. If that doesn’t set her straight, other actions may be taken. It’s a very difficult task to feel out a situation and decide if homegirl learned her lesson from the shaking she just received, or if you are going to have to commit to taking it one step further.

PLEASE ALLOW ME TO MAKE THIS ABUNDANTLY CLEAR, I DO NOT CONDONE THE HITTING OF WOMEN AS SPORT. BUT, FROM TIME TO TIME, DRASTIC ACTIONS REQUIRE DRASTIC REACTIONS.

I would assume that a lot of a chick’s crazy factor is based on her upbringing. And furthermore, the role her mother/father/nanny/siblings played in her life.

Now, I know a thing or two about a thing or two, and a few of those things I know are as follows:

- Privileged chicks (chicks with money) are typically wilder than normal middle class chicks. I think it’s the lack of work ethic that gives these hoes their false sense of entitlement. These are also the easiest birds to manipulate and get things from. 9 times out of 10 they have daddy issues, which means they are extremely self-conscious and are constantly seeking approval.

- Girls from large families tend to be more independent.

- The level of dependence a bird has on her man is a definite indicator of how crazy she secretly is.

- Once you put a ring on it, everything changes. The chick that was cool as fuck, always down to cool out with the homies, drink beers, do the laundry, give massages, and alladat, is the same chick that becomes THE FUCKING SOUP NAZI the moment the ring hits her finger. Now I’m not a scientist, but I am pretty sure there is/has been research done on the nervous system’s reaction between gold/platinum/or silver (for you broke cats) and the skin on a woman’s ring finger. And if there hasn’t, there damn well should be. Once that precious metal touches the skin, it sends an instant message of entitlement to the left side of the brain, and it becomes “you do the laundry, you do the dishes”. Bitch, I got married so I wouldn’t have to wash my own skidmarks ever again.

- If you cut the first night, that means basically every dude before you did too.

- Crazy mothers breed crazy daughters. Ten times out of ten, if a chicks mom is wild, said chick is going to wild(er).

- Black chicks go harder than white chicks.

- The harder you are on a chick, the harder she’ll fall.

- Once you hit a chick (and I’m talking about sex, slappin, punchin, etc.) you can ALWAYS hit her again.

- The chick that didn’t learn her lesson the first time, will perpetually push the boundaries you have set for them. Women are like toddlers in this sense. Moral of the story, this chick will never learn her lesson.

- The chick that doesn’t want to battle, cheats.

- The chick that cheats is always the easiest to be with, but never worth the time.

In summation, chicks are like children. They will always test you. They will always touch that hot oven after you’ve told them not to.

When you are lookin’ for wifey, your best bet is to consider all the wild behavior birds are capable of, and decide which of said mannerisms you would be willing to deal with repeatedly, for the duration of your marriage. I would say “til death do you part” but let’s face it, by the time you read this, the divorce rate will be higher than the unemployment/poverty rate combined (if its possible to have more than 100% of something, GO OBAMA. Yeah right). So, if you’re the type of cat that can handle the bird that always wants to fight, then understand, occasionally shit will get physical. If you want to control that hoe, go after the chick with daddy issues, but keep in mind, you will have to be comin extra correct with that luchi (that’s money for the white folks), otherwise that marriage will last about as long Ryan Leaf’s career. If you don’t get the joke, get up on your sports, or use google.

You get the point.

-Young Ollie the Scholar

Fat Tuesday: Get On Draft!!

(Design credit Sam Hansen)

This show promises to deliver high powered hip-pop music that causes convulsions and encourages drug consumption...

The DraftKlick is what music should be... FUN.

According to the group's self proclaimed "inspirational guru" and owner/operator/blogger/hip hop enthusiast/friend of the BAMA, Sam from FTKconstruction.com, these guys are guaranteed to wile the fuck out and put on a show of epic proportions.

In the past, shows have included the smashing of vodka infused watermelons (Read: Gallagher), and with tonight's show, themed "Show me your O-face", on Fat Tuesday, in the Tower District, in Fresno, you would be hard-pressed to find a harder hittin, fist pumpin, face melting party anywhere else in the state.

Belie'dat!

DraftKlick does everything in excess, and I believe it is that single quality that attracts me to the music.

With slappers like "Cocaine", "Sexy Time", "Tittays" and "Digital Drugs" headlining their musical catalog, it is painfully obvious what matters most to Scoob Blue and Steve MacMan...


(Photo taken from DraftKlick's myspace page)

If that photo above isn't enough to make your pants fit a little tighter, feast your eyes on this sensational display of tomfoolery:



Tittie slappin', Drug infected Electro-pop, gig-fest.

Be sure to check for DRAFTKLICK on myspace.

Get your O-Face shirts from the homies at Orisue.com.

Hit up the official blog for the valley's finest purveyor of all things hip hop FTKconstruction.com.

I'll be back tomorrow with a full recap of the show with photos and (hopefully) videos of lots of heart pumping, drug enduced debauchery and titties on display...

Get on Draft!!

-Oliver Wrist

Throwback Thursday: Ghetto Dwellaz

Certified heater from little known (but supremely dope) Ghetto Dwellaz. Party Arty and D-Flow are menacing over what can only be described as the "definition of New York grime".



I think this joint is more like a '98-'99 era jump, but it still slaps the shit outta anything post 2001, STRAIGHT THE FUCK UP!

Sorry, I'm a bit pressed for time. Had to go re-up the meds after a doctor's visit where he explained to me the pitfalls of hydrocodone consumption. STFU and write the prescription bitch, I'm paying cash for this visit as well as the prescription I don't need a lecture.

R.I.P. Party Arty.

**Side Note** It seems like every Throwback Thursday post recently has ended with an "R.I.P." attached. That is completely unintentional.

-Ollie