Major Lazer = Pure Savage

If you skipped over that just to get my commentary, go back. You need to watch. There is nothing I can say to explain the magic in this video. Seriously. What the hell was the point?

I'll tell you this, those girls are walkin a very fine line between thick and fat. I definitely wouldn't kick any of 'em outta bed, but I'll be damned if I ever let a chicken jump on my shit like that. Man, that shit was off the hook slice!!!

-Olls

Bamettes Pt. 1

The homegirl ____________________, (name left blank purposely) came thru with a photoshoot showin love for the BAMA.

On with the pictures...









And one more, even tho I'm not supposed to throw it up...



Thanks ladies...

Round 2 coming soon.

-Uncle Ollie

One Question: Why??

You tell me cause I sure as hell can't call it.

What fetish is this? It has to be some good ol' boys down south that want to see heavy set middle aged woman thrashin hoopties...

Who knew?

-Olls

Craigslist To Remove Erotic Services

This is a terrible shame. You can read the whole story HERE, but a brief summary goes a little somethin' like this:

The erotic personal services section of craigslist.org has collapsed under the pressure of the "ultra conservative life ruining anti-gay fuckin' loons" on the far right and decided to no longer allow for online solicitation of prostitutes.

well Shit. Where else am I supposed to find such beauties as these:



Her information can be found HERE.

OR how about this bruiser HERE...



Or my personal favorite:



MY NAME IS AMY, I AM A SUPER SEXY LATINA /WHITE MIXED, I STAND 5'9 210 LBS 44DD BREAST.

Man, I am really going to miss browsing the erotic personals (strictly for material, never for business). HAHA.

Everyone remembers this gem right??



Product of craigslist.org.

What a shame. R.I.P. online prostitution. Well, not exactly, you can always fuck with THIS GUY if you're in the Florida, Georgia, Dirty South area. Peep the talent he's workin with...











Risky business right there. A hooker with a gun? (wiping my brow) Whew!

E-Mann is reallllly pimpin' right there. Keep your game tight Peeimp.

-Uncle Ollie da Don

My Prayers Have Been Answered

"The Lawwwwd is good and he knows what I want"...

Big shouts to the boys over at Us Versus Them for gettin the drop on this before I could get my grubby little hands on it.

What am I talkin' about? You're just dyin' right now aren't ya?



Hoopz ya'll, I'm talkin bout Hoopz.

Word hit the streets (internet) a little over 48 hours ago that there is in fact a "Hoopz" SEX TAPE signed, sealed, and waiting to be delivered to the loyal crowd of sinfully degenerate perverts out there.

My man holdin' the keys to said tape is an expert in marketing as well. Peep the screen caps he released to the web as an appetizer.









Man oh man. first Cassie, then Rihanna, and now my all time favorite reality star Hoopz?

Thank you. Whoever you are that is responsible for bringin me this never ending supply of celebrity nip and tail, THANK YOU.

-Uncle Ollie

New Makeshift Ft. O-Phrap - Champion Music

Another certified knocker from the BAMA's favorite rapper, Makeshift off the upcoming "West Coast Champs Mixtape Vol. 1".

Makeshift Ft. O-Phrap – Champion Music.

Incidentally the West Coast Champs Mixtape release party is this Friday, April 17, 2009 in L.A.



Be on the lookout for the Makeshift interview, "No Doze" mixtape release (available exclusively on the BAMA for free download), and much, MUCH more from this up and coming artist who is sure to be the leader of the new class of emcees.

Yo Makeshift, you got love for the BAMA??



(Yeah that's Larelle Gray from Sk8Mafia fame reppin the BAMA)

Be sure to check for:

Makeshift on myspace.

and

O-Phrap on myspace.

Do not sleep on these cats. They are the real deal.

-Ollie

Friday Night: Strippers, Craigslist Hookers, And More:

Last week you'll remember how all I could do was piss and moan about how sick I was and wah wah wah. For your information, it was all completely 100% true. I was layed up in my bad like a burn victim with a nasty sinus infection, and no matter how many vicodins I took, I couldn't shake the sickness.

Anyways, Friday afternoon, Smalls (my brother, a.k.a. D.J. Fuzzy Badfeet) shows up and says it's Kyle's birthday and we gotta find some strippers. I tell him I don't know if I can go because (at the time) I was only feeling about 60%.

I immediately changed my mind about not going when I thought outloud to myself "you're going to pass on an opportunity to slap some tits and humiliate some beezies?"..."Man the fuck up Ollie or you're credentials will be revoked.

Here's a pictorial of what transpired Friday night.



My uncle, a.k.a. "The Macho Man Dale Earnhardt Savage" stepped in the arena.



A bunch of young BAMA groupies slid through. I tried to hand them stickers and they all said "wait, you're the guy who writes that site?? We LOVE it..." So i gave them stickers and we had an impromptu photo shoot.









Oliver Wrist "The Loverboy Grunt" made his triumphant return to the wheels of steel and burned the house down with my set...



One of the BAMettes (the young groupies) asked if she could pose for a picture behind the turntables to "look like she was djing..." I said "FUCK NO, but I'll give you one free lesson..."





Giving instructions to drunk underage girls...



Sure was alot of Dicks in the joint...

The hoes arrived:



Due to my super official macking game, I got ol' girl to pose for a couple of joints before her bodyguard/pimp stepped to me and said "no more photos". I politely explained how big of a celebrity I am, and the fact that I cared enough to take their photos was a compliment and this was going to help her career...



The bouncer wanted to be down:



They're were 2 strippers. One was cool, prolly cause she was kind of a rookie and just wanted drugs. The other one was a straight seasoned vet. Turbo bitch. Was not havin any of the photo taking, so i went ahead and just filmed the whole fucking thing. Only problem now is finding a video hosting site that allows nudity, so for the time being, this is the only video that youtube let slide...



Trust in your boy, I got a solid 6 or 7 more minutes of quality stripper footage to post as soon as I find a host that isn't a porn site. Moving on...

My mom, my aunt, and my other aunt and uncle showed up to parlay with us during the strip off, CLASSIC.



Mom talking to Macho Man Dale Earnhardt Savage.



Aunt/Uncle/Cousin/Jake

A few more photos of the stripper with the worst hips/ass/hips/ass game ever. I seriously can't explain it.









Overall, fun night. Homegirl that let me take her photos was worked in and had an awful grill, but she was cool. They both wore BAMA stickers the entire night. Found some new fans, and we rung in Kyle's birthday right. Happy birthday homie, thanks for having us, thanks for paying for the bitches, and thanks for the inspiration for a new post...

Stay tuned in the weeks to come, a new idea was born regarding craigslist booty calls, massage therapists, and "companions"...

-Ollie

Now That's A Big Bitch!

Fucking white people!



This shit is pure comedy. First of all, did you notice that this cat-ass D-bag is the only white dude in the spot?

Contestant #1: girl did a little work. whatever. I give her a 4 for looks and shear size, and a 4 for the work, for a total of 8 out of a possible 20. She gets a 5 point bonus for taking those ridiculously aggressive pelvic thrusts from your boy though. LMAO at dude pumpin hard with his hands behind his back. Look at ol' girl's eyes at the :26-:28 second mark. HAHA.

SWWWWIIITTTCCCCHHHHH!!!!

Contestant #2: Silky smooth stomach piece? Check. Wild ass hair piece ala natural from love of Ray J? Check. Grindin so hard on homie that he turns into the incredible hulk? LOL check. Seriously, peep homie's roid rage start at the :39 second mark and culminate into pure HULKAMANIA at :46 seconds. OHMYJAH!! Back to shawty, she gets a 6 for looks (the body is right, but that grill is snaggled), and she gets a SOLID 8 for the work, for a grand total of 14 out of a possible 20.

SWWWIIITTTTCCCCHHHH!!!!!

Contestant #3: Thick, but on the verge of obesity. She could still get it, but give her a week's worth of big mac's and it's a wrap. So far she had the prettiest face, the thighs look on swoll, but I'm disappointed in the fact that she is hiding those J's rather than displaying 'em. The work she's doin is weak sauce. I give her a 6 for looks and a 4 for the work. 10 out of 20.

SWWWWWIIITTCCCCHHHH!!!!

Contestant #4: OH HELL NAH. The look on dude's face tells the whole story. Homegirl gets an automatic 5 bonus points for having the nerve to step to the stage in a booty shakin' contest. I give her a 2 in the looks department (I've definitely seen worse) and a 4 for the work. She was tryin but dude kept runnin' away.

The final verdict? Contestant #2 takes it down, but of course I'm biased to a smooth stomach and hip game. If #3 would have let the J's breathe a little she would have walked away with the win. Stupid girls and their need to cover up their titties.

Props to my white brethren for lookin like Dane Cook's retarted stunt double but hangin tough when Andre The Giant stepped to him (twice). HAHA.

-Ollie

This Really Caught Me Off Guard:

First of all, homegirl is crazy thick, like almost too think for my tastes. But then again, as much as I praise the ass and thigh game of some of the games best (i.e. Kimmy K, Jessica Biel, etc.) I don't think a young white brotha like me can really appreciate what the Brazilion ladies are really bringin to the table.

I was seriously caught off guard at the 1:00 mark when the camera panned out and there was a gang of lil' homies (all under the age of like 7-8) just coolin out in the gym watchin ol' girl cut that rug. By the way, that leg kick, slide, stomp, drop, repeat move she was hittin us with for the first minute or so was severely lacking. She really got it good towards the end though.

The best part though?? Go back and cue it up at around the 1:15 mark and just keep your eye on the extra thorough lil' gutter rat in the white tank top. The momentum slowly builds up and then BAM! At the 1:31 mark he is in full pelvic thrust puttin in maaaaad work. CLASSIC! These cats are young and still peepin hoes.

I just gotta know how this came to be? Were these kids on a field trip to the gym? and just so happened to stumple upon this bird dippin low and sweepin the flo' with it? Just a pure stroke of luck? I have never been that lucky in my life... But a guy can hope right?

Right?

-Ollie

Ass So Fat

That you can see it from the front!!

The ass cleavage in this photo is extra aggressive. and I love it.



The truth of the situation is simple enough. If you can see the tail piece through the thighs, ol' girl is packin some heat. The thighs look right, and even though her head looks like a dirty tennis ball, she is really pretty.

Doesn't homegirl kinda look like Vanessa Minnillo??



Those J's are sittin on dubs and lookin' right too by the way. Man, Nick Lachey is a freak of nature you know that?

Lets take a stroll down memory lane... Remember when Jessica looked like this and was a virgin??



This cat Nick Lachey wifed it, beat those skins, realized how stupid she was and cut with a gang of her money, and now he gets to lay the pipe to Vanessa Minnillo. This guy is a straight up K-Fed. I always wondered how he (Nick Lachey) never got shit on for being a no talent hack that wifed up a pop-star and broke her for her papers the way K-Fed does. Oh well, Nick Lachey made the best decision of his life/career x-in out Jessica, cause ol' girl is on swole patrol and literally one chicken dinner away from obesity:



You see that jelly roll foldin up in her arm-pit? I guarandamtee Jessica is pushin the extra agressive muffin top as well, but those high-waisted jump-offs are keepin it locked up tight.

Big ups to my man Nick Lachey. Who know you were an ice cold pimp that could predict the future??

Ollie did thats who.

-Allofher backfat

I absolutely love the internet

Growing up my favorite shows were always "America's Funniest Home Videos" and every other knock-off that ensued as a result of the success of the aforementioned televison show. The internet, however, has made these shows completely obsolete. It doesnt bother me so much because AFV never showed the overtly racist, perverted, cat-ass behavoir, big girl's dancin type-a shit. No, they kept it quite wholesome in fact. At best, you were going to catch a homie takin a shot to the nutbag, or a big girl fallin off a motorcycle. Gone now are the days of waiting for the new episode of AFV on sunday night, in its place?? TIVO, DVR, Youtube, Failblog, and the like. Enough nostalgia though, onto the video they say!!

Found this on youtube yesterday. My initial reaction was... big girls in the alley part 2?? Incidentally, if you missed that post you can check it out RIGHT HERE..



Upon further inspection, this is a whole new trio of big girls cuttin some rug to the new club banger "Shake it to the Ground". Boy, let me tell ya, these girls are workin hard. Play the video again, turn up the volume and listen closely to ol' girl in the white... You hear that panting goin on? HAHAHAHA. The choreography is great, the timing is off by .75 seconds which is the equivalent to "big girl delay". You gotta account for that extra weight to get swangin'.

Moral of the story? I love these big girls, i love the way they move, and apparently so does this cat:



Literally LOL at the DJ screamin on the mic in the background. "WORK! WORK! WORK! WORK! WORK! WORK! WORK! WORK!" HAHAHAHAHA. The best part though?? Homie damn near fainting after he puts ol' girl down. WHEW!

**Side Note** Got the second video from the boys at Us Versus Them. Be sure to read their blog, the boys over there are pretty funny.

-Ollie "the king size" Lover

There is such a thing as bad thickness:

Case and Point: Angel Lola Luv. Weve all seen her in several rap videos. Homegirl's got some serious backyard and a great chest plate sittin on dubs.

The evidence:



im likin' what i see, fake or not, them joints is sittin right. Homegirl is better known for her unreal backyard:



Thats a whole lotta back... Ive always been a fan of young Angel too. That is, until i stumbled onto this photo and damn near gagged:



YUCK!! do you see whats going on here? The waist to ass to thigh to calf ratio is alllllll wrong. Good lord, just have a look at how skinny her legs are. That is absolutely terrible. Home girl needs to go back to the doctor that filled that tail up with silicone and have him/her shoot some juice up in them thighs and calves. I just cant stop staring at that picture, and for all the wrong reasons. Those are the definition of chicken legs and that shit is alarmingly disturbing. Besides, im a firm believer that ol' girl is only about a christmas dinner away from turning it into this:



Whew, now thats just wrong. Can we please save this post with a picture of what a backyard is supposed to look like??



And the obligatory bikini joint...



Now you see that? Thats the triple threat. The hook and arch, the thigh, and the calf perfectly compliment eachother. Ladies take head.

-Ollie