Kelly Karloff is el Fuego

This chick is mostly known for her modeling career on Karmaloop.com, but I'm here to tell ya, she is straight fire.







That tail leaves a little to be desired, but what she's lackin out back, she more than makes up for up top...



And she's a freak. She will answer any and all questions sexually related on her weekly video series from Karmaloop TV.

Episode 1:



Episode 2:



Episode 3:



-Uncle Ollie

Average Joe Hits the Jackpot

Look, I don't care who you are, there is no denying that my girl Kourtney Kardashian is the baddest of the Kardashian girls.



Or so was the case up until last week when it was revealed that the little sister to everyone's favorite backyard (that's Kim for the uninformed) went ahead and let some fuckin' nobody shoot an 8 roper** up in that womb and basically secure his personal financial stability for the next... oh I'ontknow, 18+ years.

**Shooting an 8 roper: Refering to the amount of ropes or ejaculatory "beads" one would be releasing from the sheer excitement of gettin to go raw in any, scratch that, either of the two HOT Kardashian sisters. Khloe, I see you girl, you're tryin, but doctors can't fix big. HAHA.**

So, just who is this average Joe to pull a Federline*?

** A Federline: I shouldn't have to explain this, but I will for the sake of literature. A.K.A. "The Come-up". Blast off in a super hot, ridiculously wealthy celeb and watch your bank account blow the fuck up. Man, on the low, I respect my man K-Fed's hustle more than anyone knows.

Let me introduce you to... (Record Scratch), We still don't even know dude's name?


("Yeah, she's with me.")

Are you kidding me? This fuckin' schlub ass darrel gets to go bareback?

Let me tell you another thing, judging by this picture:



If my man, we'll call him K-Federal 2.0, can hit Kourtney, All of us had a chance.

Another one bites the dust. But I will say this, if Momma Kardashian is any indication of these girl's ability to bounce back, I give a 48.7% chance that Kourtney will parlay that baby fat into a whole new world of thickness.

Why does Kourtney look so much more, how would I say this... "ethnic" than the other two??



Mailman's baby. You know momma was gettin her some cut on the sneaks. Papa Kardashian wasn't hittin that right, and I will guarandamntee you that ol' Brucey boy ain't diggin that out.

P.S. Khloe is a beast in these streets son. And not in the good way. She needs to invest in some flats and quit rockin them 6" stilletos, my girl is already duckin thru doorways in the club. HA.

-Olls

Major Lazer = Pure Savage

If you skipped over that just to get my commentary, go back. You need to watch. There is nothing I can say to explain the magic in this video. Seriously. What the hell was the point?

I'll tell you this, those girls are walkin a very fine line between thick and fat. I definitely wouldn't kick any of 'em outta bed, but I'll be damned if I ever let a chicken jump on my shit like that. Man, that shit was off the hook slice!!!

-Olls

Bamettes Pt. 1

The homegirl ____________________, (name left blank purposely) came thru with a photoshoot showin love for the BAMA.

On with the pictures...









And one more, even tho I'm not supposed to throw it up...



Thanks ladies...

Round 2 coming soon.

-Uncle Ollie

Leighton Meester Sex Tape

Yes, you read that right. But who is Leighton Meester?



Leighton Meester is the sexy little tomcat from the t.v. show "Gossip Girl".

Interestingly enough, I don't watch Gossip girl. I mean, I watch every other teenage angst ridden, 30 year olds playing high school kids, bullshit drama on television but the one with this hot little piece is the one I've been missing.

Peep the tail game (is there a tail game?)...



The rumors about the tape are that there isnt really any balls deep penetration happening here but she is naked a good chunk of the time (with lots of T&A) and then there is several minutes of a footjob?

What is my man thinking? You got one of the hottest little numbers on the market parading around naked for you in all her young glory and you want her to rub her feet on your dick and balls?

Are you kidding me dude?

Here's the "cover" for the tape that homie is shopping around...



We'll just have to wait til the tape hits the streets to know if that dress up there is an optical illusion of tail.

Trust in your good Uncle Ollie, when the tape hits the web, you will have the links.

-Uncle Ollie the Faithful

Unexpected Tail: Kate Beckinsale??

One of the Bamettes hipped me to this the other day. I never gave this chick a second look. I mean, she's fly, but she wasn't packin heat where it counted. Or was she??



That thigh game is ferocious, but is there a tail back there??



You're damn right there's a tail. Is she the new Jessica Biel?



I can't go that far yet. What I can say is this: I have spent an unreasonable amount of time reviewing these photos and I seriously can't seem to find a single thing wrong with Kate Beckinsale. She is as close to flawless as I can find.

Let's review:

Pretty face? Decent chest plate?



Check. Check. Fierce thighs? Smooth stomach?



Check. Check. Tail?



Chiggity Check. Hot euro accent?



Yep. Look out Nelly Furtado, Kate Beckinsale is coming for that #1 spot.

-Uncle Ollie

Whooty Who? Laura Dore is a Worker

I know what you're thinking, who? Let me learn ya...



BAM! She is showin it all right out the gate. You see that thin waste that Bruce Leroy jump kicks right into that unreal hip game. I mean god damn, whats that ratio? 24/36? Whew.

Thats a good start, but we need to take a peak at that backyard to see where she makes the money...



And there it is! Holy mother of all things holy, my girl is a hard, HARD worker.

Now that we've established homegirl's credentials, lets just jump head first into the rest of the gratuitous extra curiculur multi-angle photos...



That stomach is just... whew. Yeah, thats the word.



Great arch... but is there more??



That is without a doubt my favorite. I can't explain why, but the glasses are doin it for me. GOOD LAWD.



And one more for good measure...



I see you girl and I'm lovin' that "over the shoulder, peepin my own tail cause it's so crazy" gaze you're throwin at me.

And you know with a name like Laura Dore, you can run with the whole "white girl with a booty" idea.

The airbrushers did my girl some serious justice, but until I see proof otherwise, I am going to assume that she is ab-so-fuckin-lutely flawless.

-Uncle Ollie

Myspace Of The Day: Jamie O'brien

Cruisin' around on myspace and stumbled onto this chick:



OK, do I have your attention now?

Miss O'brien here is "not a model" she is a "singer". I don't care what she calls herself. She's a slim irish chick (O'brien) and is packin some heat in that backyard.



That's some serious hook and arch game for how slim homegirl is.

I guess it runs in the family:



For someone who isn't a "model" she sure poses alot eh?



Whew. She's doin some work, and thats a work ethic I could get behind.

Meet Jamie O'brien HERE.

-Ollie

Friday Night: Strippers, Craigslist Hookers, And More:

Last week you'll remember how all I could do was piss and moan about how sick I was and wah wah wah. For your information, it was all completely 100% true. I was layed up in my bad like a burn victim with a nasty sinus infection, and no matter how many vicodins I took, I couldn't shake the sickness.

Anyways, Friday afternoon, Smalls (my brother, a.k.a. D.J. Fuzzy Badfeet) shows up and says it's Kyle's birthday and we gotta find some strippers. I tell him I don't know if I can go because (at the time) I was only feeling about 60%.

I immediately changed my mind about not going when I thought outloud to myself "you're going to pass on an opportunity to slap some tits and humiliate some beezies?"..."Man the fuck up Ollie or you're credentials will be revoked.

Here's a pictorial of what transpired Friday night.



My uncle, a.k.a. "The Macho Man Dale Earnhardt Savage" stepped in the arena.



A bunch of young BAMA groupies slid through. I tried to hand them stickers and they all said "wait, you're the guy who writes that site?? We LOVE it..." So i gave them stickers and we had an impromptu photo shoot.









Oliver Wrist "The Loverboy Grunt" made his triumphant return to the wheels of steel and burned the house down with my set...



One of the BAMettes (the young groupies) asked if she could pose for a picture behind the turntables to "look like she was djing..." I said "FUCK NO, but I'll give you one free lesson..."





Giving instructions to drunk underage girls...



Sure was alot of Dicks in the joint...

The hoes arrived:



Due to my super official macking game, I got ol' girl to pose for a couple of joints before her bodyguard/pimp stepped to me and said "no more photos". I politely explained how big of a celebrity I am, and the fact that I cared enough to take their photos was a compliment and this was going to help her career...



The bouncer wanted to be down:



They're were 2 strippers. One was cool, prolly cause she was kind of a rookie and just wanted drugs. The other one was a straight seasoned vet. Turbo bitch. Was not havin any of the photo taking, so i went ahead and just filmed the whole fucking thing. Only problem now is finding a video hosting site that allows nudity, so for the time being, this is the only video that youtube let slide...



Trust in your boy, I got a solid 6 or 7 more minutes of quality stripper footage to post as soon as I find a host that isn't a porn site. Moving on...

My mom, my aunt, and my other aunt and uncle showed up to parlay with us during the strip off, CLASSIC.



Mom talking to Macho Man Dale Earnhardt Savage.



Aunt/Uncle/Cousin/Jake

A few more photos of the stripper with the worst hips/ass/hips/ass game ever. I seriously can't explain it.









Overall, fun night. Homegirl that let me take her photos was worked in and had an awful grill, but she was cool. They both wore BAMA stickers the entire night. Found some new fans, and we rung in Kyle's birthday right. Happy birthday homie, thanks for having us, thanks for paying for the bitches, and thanks for the inspiration for a new post...

Stay tuned in the weeks to come, a new idea was born regarding craigslist booty calls, massage therapists, and "companions"...

-Ollie