Real Nigga to Real Nigga

"Don't be affraid to grab a titty, slap a ass cheek, whateva.. just do what you feel"

Whew, this might be the best video I've come across in a minute. Big ups to IP for posting it a couple weeks back...



Yeah, it's close to 7 minutes long, but worth every second. If you dont feel like watching 7 minutes of this hood ass cat speakin on these hoes, just jump to about the 3:30 mark and listen until about 4:30, if that doesn't inspire you to watch the whole video, check your pulse nukkuh, cause you dead..

Step yo pimp game up!!

-Ollie da Don

Holy Lord: PtheG - Cheeseburger

Man, Fresno...



Get in the k"no"w already. HAHAHA.

-Olls back with a vengeance.

Brady Bunch Boyz

So the other night I was havin some drinks with my brother and the snowmaster (ha) downtown in this fair city of ours. After 5 or 6 pints me and Smalls decided to bail. On the way home, i look across the street and see a group of youngin's jerkin it somethin fierce. So, you know me, I stepped to em, and we had a little photo shoot...



Peace to my dude holdin up the wall, that's my shit right there!



For real tho, and I ain't bullshittin, homie on his toes held that pose for like 12 seconds. no joke.

I told em let me get a group shot and they said "blow up". I didn't get it, but then they all threw up their crew sign and bam...



The wild shit is, they told me their crew name and I forgot it til like 3 hours ago. I searched for these kids on youtube and whattayaknow? They got a video up from the same night I caught em jerkin at the convention center.

Now, I'm no master of jerkin myself, nor do I know what qualifies a person as good, bad or indifferent, but i do know these little knuckleheads got some game.



Told ya'll I'd put you up. Sorry it took so long. Stay trilllllll.

-Ollie the Jerk

Juno in Five Years?

Ha.

And just for kicks, cause I got it cued up, check out this awesome .gif I stumbled onto months ago and forgot until today...



-Olls

Awwww Damn...

Wow. Just, Wow.

Don't Piss There!!

I love .gif's.

You take some random video footage of a girl pissin' in the streets and an old man kickin her hard as fuck in the ass, and loop that shit to come up with this awesome little rectangle of joy.

And peace to that old man son, that kick and grill was icier than Ike Turner and Bobby Brown put together.

Go hard.

I really love the internet.

-Olls

Aint I:

Saw this on ignored prayers a while back and can't stop laughing at it:



My man is straight rockin a t-shirt with a photo of himself puttin in work on some skee-o.

The thing that struck me as wierd was that the way this photo was taken, one would automatically HAVE to assume that there was someone else in the room. LOL.

How bout my dude having the same exact expression in both photos? How you gonna be all stern while you're knockin the bottom out? C'mon homie...

Another question that pops into my head: How does ol' girl feel about having her shit all in the streets like this? Who knows, but I'll tell you this, my man is so icey, he doesn't give a FUCK about how that chicken feels son.

-Ollie

Throwback Thursday: The Way Of The Gun

This movie is in my top 5 most bad ass flicks of all time. It is this movie and this movie alone that has given Ryan Phillippe a lifetime pass on any and everything he ever does. EVER. This guy could open mouth kiss Adam Lambert (American Idol) on live television and I would never question his absolute sheer fucking manliness.

This is the trailer for the movie to give you an idea of the basic synopsis...



Got your attention? Well, if I didn't, SERIOUSLY DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND CLICK HERE

The reason you have to click rather than being able to watch it right here is because EVERY COPY on youtube has had the embedding disabled. What a bunch of GEE AYE WHY cat ass bullshit.

That is without a doubt one of the best scenes from any movie at any point in time in the history of the world. And, just for the record, that is THE OPENING SCENE IN THE MOVIE!!

I love that he just decides to beat the shit out of Sarah Silverman and accept the ass whoopin he's got coming.

Benicio is pretty awesome too:



LOL. This is a true gem, cult classic. Right up there with Usual Suspects and The Boondock Saints.

-For the record I'll call myself Mr. Wrist

Naked Guy on a Cross

Listen to that commentary.

"naked guy on cross" "naked guy deficates on cross". HAHA.

The real news video footage...



LMAO at him wiping the shit all over the cross. Now that my friends, is sacrelige.

-Ollie

Awkward Moments: Chris Webber vs. Kenny Smith

I've been noticing this since the beginning of the playoffs but never really decided to mention it until now.

I have come to the conclusion that:

A. Chris Webber does not like Kenny Smith.

B. Chris Webber would put the O.G. official ass whoopin on ol' Ken-dog.

Peep some video evidence of CWebb's thoroughness right here...



Every time Cwebb hits him with the "c'mon man" you can see it in Kenny's eyes. Kenny doesn't know what my man Webber's gonna do. Is he fittin' to ack-a-fool, or is he gonna keep his composure for the sake of television? Cwebb is the wild card. HAHA.

The boys at Us Versus Them get credit for the photo, but here is the patended Chris Webber, "C'mon man" look...

.

I think Kenny Smith knows that Cwebb is a street cat on some Steve Harvey "don't let the suit fool you, i'm from the projects" type shit. I mean, Cwebb spent MAD years in the bay area gettin hyphy with the likes of Yukmouth and the Luniz.





And while this may very well be the most cat-ass smile I have ever seen, you can still see a glimmer of that crazy eye that Cwebb stays showin cats.

While I'm on the subject Chris Webber and Kenny Smith, what the fuck is up with that new telestrator bullshit toy TNT's got him (Kenny Smith) playin' with. That shit is wack. Biggest waste of time in the history of televised sports analysis.

I just spent 20 minutes lookin' for video of that stupid machine he's using and came up completely dry. If anyone finds it, give me a shout. nickelplatedbama@gmail.com.

Bottom line: Chris Webber is from the "Charles Barkley, hold no punches, kick 'em when they're down" school of philosophy and I can get behind that (no homo).

-Ollie the Analyst

Throwback Thursday: Orange English

These are step by step instructions on how to create/enjoy one of the hood's favorite drinks; Orange English provided by NPB's favorite rapper Makeshift.



Step 1:



"Drink that Old E down to the cone quickfast."



"Like a G..."

Step 2:



"Pour orange juice to the brim (minute maid is the best)."

Step 3:



"Tip that mug upside down to get the butta flow mixture."

Step 4:



"Take it to the dome."

Step 5:



"Enjoy..."

Thanks to Makeshift for puttin me onto this shit.

Personally, I've never consumed Orange English. When I was a younger lad, we used to get down extra thorough with the "Project Punch".

I don't have step by step (picture) instructions, so you'll just have to read a little bit here.

Step 1: Get your "cool" uncle to buy you some boos. You'll need 1 (per person):

40 oz. of King Cobra:



and 1 bottle of Night Train wine:



After that, it's basically the same idea as the Orange English, probably about a 70/30 (beer/wine) mixture.

***Side note***

Night Train wine is vinted and bottle approx. 100 miles from my home in the lovely town of Modesto, CA by E&J Gallo winery.

Trust in this, Night train is all business when it pulls into the station, and when you mix it with the King Cobra 40 oz, even the most hardened drinkers out there will be feelin' the effects.

If you are unable to locate Night Train at your local liqua sto', you can subtitute with any of the following:

Cisco:



Mad Dog 20/20:



Wild Irish Rose (a little harder to come by):



And for the less rugged drinker (read: bitch ass motherfuckers) you can always go with the old stand by...

St. Ides (special brew):



Enjoy the concoctions of my youth.

-Ollie

Slackin' Off

Dear BAMA faithful,

It has been one of the longest weeks of my life.

Where do I even begin?

TBC is not happy with me.

I've been working hard at doing nothing, and I am really being a piece of shit.

Sorry for the lack of posts/updates. It's hard out here for a peeimp.

The final four is upon us. My advice has been pretty much worthless since College football ended, but if you want some touts, heres what I got:

Michigan State is currently a 4.5 point dog to UConn. Take the points. I don't have any faith in UConn and Michigan State is on fire.

On the flip side, The way UNC dominated the best player in the country and the rest of that squad known as Oklahoma, it's difficult to tell you to do anything but lay the 7 points and take UNC. I, of course will be on the other side of that because I'm an idiot and a glutton for punishment.

I have absolutely no chance at winning my bracket. Great.

I'm taking the rest of the week(end) off, and coming back harder than ever on Monday.

Some good news though:

Baseball season officially starts Sunday. Let's go CUBBIES!!! Let's win 100 games this year and get swept in the first round of the playoffs for the 3rd FUCKING YEAR IN A ROW!!

Sold my latest painting.

And that's about it for good news.

-Ollie

Throwback Thursday: Gangster Of Love

Tuesday morning I was listening to the shade45 sirius satelite radio station and this cut came on. I was straight bugged out. I forgot how ridiculously ign'ant the Geto Boys really were. This is some 1990 shit, and is definitely out of the norm for my typical throwback thursday posts which, more often than not, feature some mid '90's New York "Timberland boots and hoodies" tales of crack sales and stick ups. Not this week. I'm taking it back, waaaaaay back. This shit pre-dates my "career" in hip hop by at least 4 years, so, in all actuality, I had to go back and learn about the Geto Boys after their hay-day. Does that make me a phony? I don't think so. I just know that Texas in 1990/1991 was the most ign'ant pimperish time in hip hop history. And next to my undying affection for that New York swag from 1993-1997, Texas in this era was my favorite movement in hip hop...

Why do I like outlandishly filthy icey bravado so much?

I can't call it. It might have to do with all the gangster movies I watched as a young buck. Maybe it's because I always root for the villain in a movie. Maybe it's because "backpack rap" bores me. Whatever it is, you all get to benefit from my upbringing via these classics I drop on you every Thursday.



"I've neva been played by a hoe/ if the bitch is actin stupid... she gotta go"...

The first line of this joint lets you know out the gate what you are dealing with.

Willie D is freezin these hoes with every breath of dry ice he exhales.

I fuckin heart this shit.

How can you not get down with a joint that sampled Steve Miller's classic? I remember I saw Steve Miller perform live when I was like 11. It was that fateful day that I would remember for the rest of my life. On this day, way back in 1994, I was introduced to Pat Benatar for the first time. An instant love affair began, and since then, every microphone I've touched in every karaoke bar, in every city I've ever performed, the crowd gets treated to face-melting air guitars and leg kicks courtesy of the soothing sounds of Pat Benatar's biggest hit of all time, "Hit Me With Your Best Shot". Man, she shined on stage. I could spend days writing about my first love Pat Benatar, but I gotta get back to the lecture at hand...

AMG, UGK, Geto Boys, etc. were killin the dirty rap game in the early 90's. The only other person that was really on these cats level at the time was my uncle Todd. Who is uncle Todd you ask? Todd Shaw, a.k.a. Too Short. Man, he was beastin on these tricks from the very beginning, matter of fact, he still is. Homie is pushin 50 years of age, no joke, and he's still kickin that slow flow "bitch betta have my money" ultra tight rhetoric to these punk ass birds. Get that paper Short.

P.S. Where the hell is Willie D.?

-Ollie

Christian Bale Goes "Bat"-Shit:

By now I imagine you have all seen or heard about the utter meltdown of Christian Bale on the set of the new Terminator movie. For those still in the dark (lots of FUCK bombs)...



Standard premadonna tirade from a self-entitled actor. I actually like Christian Bale, he's a fuckin maniac and every time he gets wild on someone there just happens to be some sort of recording device handy to catch him in all his glory.

Another great explosion on camera comes from my man Bill O'reilly...



Well, it was inevitable. Some internet whiz kid put this little mash-up together and the shit is pure comedy...



I dont think either one of these guys really let it fly. I imagine they are both capable of much wilder behavior. As soon as someone catches it on tape, we'll see it, trust in that.

-Ollie

Self Help/Motivation

HAHAHA. The end is straight up money. "Hooray for you!!!"

I seriously gotta know who the people are that come up with these ideas, I mean, how did that sales pitch meeting go?

"We've got a great idea.."

"What is it?"

"Well, were going to take a ridiculously generic voice and have it tell you how great you are over and over again. Then were going to mix that over a continual applause track."

"Genius, let's get right to it"

"But wait, there's more..."

"What could you possibly have to improve this amazing and original idea?"

"Puzzle pieces as necklaces..."

"Speechless. Straight to production!"

The commercial is almost as bad as the actual product. That shit is incredibly low-budget. I get the feeling that dude in the commercial really wants to kill himself/someone but he needed the money so he took the gig.

-Ollie

Headline of the day

"Man seeks kidney in divorce"

The story from wwmt.com...

--------------------------------------------------------------

LONG ISLAND, New York (NEWSCHANNEL 3) - Divorces can get ugly, especially when you're not ready to let go.

"There is no deeper pain you can ever express than betrayal from someone who you loved and devoted your whole life to. And I saved her life," said Dr. Richard Batista.

Dr. Batista says his wife broke his heart. Now he wants her kidney.

Back in 2001 Batista's wife needed a kidney transplant. He turned out to be a match and ended up saving her life.

But now that there is trouble in paradise, he wants the kidney back.

Of course legally, since the kidney is in his wife's body, it now belongs to her.

Since he can't have it he's asking for over a million dollars in compensation.

-------------------------------------------------------------

OH MY GOD! That is so fuckin' icey. "she broke my heart, so I want my kidney. Peep the video of ol' boy lettin it be known...

WKRG.com

This cat is a certified G. He's already a front runner for iciest of the year.

By the way, if you were wondering who won "iciest of the year 2008" it was this guy...



I never got around to formally giving out the awards, so I will be giving them out as I think of them in related posts.

The Wire: 5 Seasons "Rap"ped up

Anyone who knows me will attest to the fact that I am a HUGE fan of The Wire. I think Marlo is one of the most sinister, fucking gangster characters ever created. EVER. Fuck Scarface... You want to know about drug kingpins? Look no further than Marlo Stanfield...

Anyways, for anyone who has never seen The Wire, Skillz (formerly Mad Skillz, but he aint mad no mo' LOL) went ahead and did a "Rap" up of all the key points from all 5 seasons. Have a look at that right now...



If you aren't familiar with Skillz' body of work, the dude has consistently dropped an end of the year wrap up every year for at least the last 5. Wanna recollect what popped off in 2008?? Have a look back courtesy of Skillz, your favorite rapper's Ghostwriter...



One of my favorites from back when he blessed this old mixtape I had (back before mixtape's were the "in" thing) he said some funny ass line about fools steppin to him that went somethin like " I suggest you grab your dick, walk in a circle and dont fuck around"... I shouldn't have to explain the cleverness of that line.

Anyways, props to Skillz, and UBER GANGSTER PROPS to Ed Burns and David Simon for creating, quite possibly, the greatest television show of all time.

-Ollie the new kingpin

random huge guy photo of the day

Damn homie, that muhfucka looks like he is literally 7 feet tall. He is dwarfin' Tina Turner's old ass (homegirl is pushin 70 by now) and she isnt known to be a short lady. His facial expression says it all though:

"I told em i didnt mind costumes cause i wanted the part in 300, but this, well this is just degrading."

Sorry bout your luck homie, but if things keep poppin off over here at the bama and Kanye or Rogan's people decide to come after me, imma set you up in a security job. Keep it funky pimpin.

-Ollie back to tomorrow

Album cover of the day

The Ohio Players - Mr. Mean



The band name, the title of the album, the artwork, all of it is so very misleading.

When I look at this album i think "these muhfuckas rite chea is ice cold".. im assuming that is the standard they were trying to set, but once you actually blow the dust off and play these tracks you realize these fools are fakin the funk.

Lets break it down a little shall we...

Starting from stage left (<--that side) Would you look at the size of your boys 'fro? He is shutting Ben Wallace down, end of story. Look at the size of his lips too... It looks to me like he is holding a blunt of some sort with his mouth, but that could just be alot more lip, and dont even get me started on that ruffled up shirt.

Then you got the chick that looks like a bootleg Darlene Ortiz (Ice T's ex-wife from the cover of the Power album):


(another classic album cover by the way)

Next up is who i have to assume is the lead singer of the group. When you get center billing on an album cover featuring 4 brovas and a smoothed out breezy, you have to be holdin' the juice. Besides, he was the only one allowed to wear a hat (a fedora at that, look at the bling on his pinky finger, the perfectly lined up mustache... he's the boss of this crew.

Then you got the staple light-skinded brotha. Sure he's a little pigmently challenged, but dont get it twisted, with that afro standin up at attention and that smoothed out suit, your boy is prolly the definition of an Ohio Player. I wonder if there was any arguement about him havin that cigarette in his mouth for the cover of the album?

The last guy is just boring. Is he doing the robot?? He has no flair. The high top fade was standard issue. No facial hair, no hat, nothin to set him apart from the rest of the crew, but i get the feeling he wants it that way. Im convinced that this cat was still selling cocaine at the time of this photo... Dont ask me why, i just know these things..

P.S. i actually own this album on vinyl.

-Young Ollie 'da Don

Allow me to (re)introduce myself:

Oliver Wrist interviews Oliver Wrist part 1:

(OW) Whats your name??

(OW) -My name is Oliver Wrist a.k.a. Ollie the kid, Ollie the dondada, Allover Wrist, Allofher Wrist, Ollie the Maverick, Ollie the Don King of Blogging, etc. etc. I am also one half of the world's greatest (or worst?) dj duo "the fingersmiths" with my partner/brother Fuzzy Badfeet a.k.a. Young Smalls.

What do you do?

-Im just a regular guy with irregular skill.

What are your "skills"?

-google search ninja, pointing out peoples inherent flaws, bad jokes, incredible timing, creative wordplay, non-conformist, self appointed critic of all things wordly, ice cold chauvinism, beer consumption, tomfoolery, general asshole behavior, etc.

What seperates you from other bloggers??

-This blog revolves around me and my take on the world. I spend countless hours searching the internet to bring the loyal readers (all 6 of you) the best/most useless stuff out there on the web. I dont fill any niche's in the blog world, because my topics range from early '90's bay area rap, to why John McCain was my choice for President, to WWF wrestling, to videos of people actin a fool, to critiquing other websites, to shameless self promotion, to why i hate Joe Rogan, and beyond! This blog is/should be everyone's source for daily news because i only report things that are truly important (in my opinion anyway, which we all know is the only opinion that matters) to me.

Why are you so great?

-I have an overwhelming amount of self confidence. I am never under any deadlines so what i write about comes off relaxed. I have a day job so this blog doesnt make or break me...

Coke or Pepsi?

-Coke normally, but now im off the caffeine so im drinkin caffeine free pepsi.

Whats for dinner?

-Steak and Potatos if i have my choice.

Why the Cubs?

-Its a long story. I'll sum it up. My uncle + WGN + my whole life = Cubs fan. If you dont understand, let me put it another way. When i was young and would stay over at my cousins crib, my uncle would always watch the Cubs games. I asked why? one time and he said that it was either the Cubs (WGN) or the Braves (TBS) being televised. You could always see the Cubs on TV, so ive been ridin ever since.

Does everyone think youre an asshole?

-My mom doesn't, she knows. LOL.

Did you ever think you would be a blogger/why did you start blogging??

-No...I work a desk job and spend about 70% of my day cruisin the interweb. I started reading some other folks' blogs and realized that what they were doin wasnt hard. So, with my effortless delivery of words, and my well-etched brand of humor i thought i could easily develop a following, create a market for myself and start getting paid to do what i would normally be doing anyways (i.e. makin fun of folks, watching youtube videos, finding funny news stories, scopin bad bitches, etc.)

Are you making any money yet?

-Well that all depends on how you look at it.. I get paid an hourly wage to be at this desk, but while at this desk i create/update/maintain this blog, so i guess you could say im getting paid to blog. LOL.
Nah but seriously though, if you people would get more involved and interact (see: leave comments) and stop by 10-20 times a day i could prolly parlay this blog into some cash to buy my chick some furs and myself some gators. Help a player out and support your boy!!!

Whats in store for the future?

-I'd like to press on with the BAMA, expand the content, include some new/other contributors, campaign for world domination, maybe some t-shirts for any fans out there..

Where else can people find you?

- NICKELPLATEDBAMA is on myspace Just click and add NPB on myspace, and if youre lucky i'll add you to my personal page Ollie da don.

Any shoutouts?

Yeah, big shouts to all the bad females that have been featured here as BBOTD, shout to my chick for puttin up with all of my bullshit everyday, AN EXTRA LARGE shout out to ANYONE that does stupid shit and has the good sense to film it and post it up for my viewing pleasure, my brother, my peoples, and the legions of fans (all 8 of you).. Kyle, Brandon, i see you muhfuckas. Quit lurkin and start participating.

-Ollie the journalist