NICKELPLATEDBAMA: Perz Hilton vs. Will.I.am: Who Gives A Shit?

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Perz Hilton vs. Will.I.am: Who Gives A Shit?

Aight so, I am sure by now that all 7 of the readers of this blog (I think we lost Kristen to the small pox or something) have heard about this story being spun in the media concerning Perez Hilton getting lumped up by Will.I.Am's tour manager.

A quick breakdown of the scenario plays like this:

This fat, obnoxious tub-o-lard:

called this "leader of the macho movement" a fucking faggot:

The nerve of some people... HAHA.

I mean, for real tho, will.i.am has never been accused of being the most masculine of men, but nonetheless, if Perez Hilton, the self proclaimed "Queen of all media" (barf) calls you a "fucking faggot", you literally have no choice but to lump his skull up with zero regard for the consequences.

So after will.i.am's manager stepped up and delivered the ass whoopin to end all ass whoopin's...

Wait... Seriously? The scratch under your eye is the aftermath of that severe smackdown homeboy allegedly layed on your candy ass Perez?

GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE SON!!!

I have had worse paper cuts than that...

Of course the only logical solution to this fisticuffs you were involved in is to make a series of videos and release them to the internets for all the world to see and begin to take sides...

This is a good little sum-up video of both participants going at it. The original Perez video was 12 minutes of his blubbery ass crying like a little girl with a scraped knee. Yo, gay or not, you are a grown man son. Act your age and gender fareal.

I was gigglin hard at will.i.am in that video tho. Homie is straight laughing at being called a "fag" but quite possible the gayest cat in Hollywood.

I want to get serious for a second here though.

The general consensus seems to be that "the situation should have never became violent".

FUCK THAT. Straight up.

I aint no thug, but you better believe somebody gets that sideways with me they aren't walking away that easy. One little scratch under his eye would only be the start. I'm talkin BEAT_DOWN.

Moral of the story? will.i.am disappointed me by not going harder. I hate Perez Hilton and given the chance I would beat 7 shades of shit out of him.

Go hard!!

-Olls

2 comments:

JMACK said...: trife olls...

i like will (no homo), he's a smart cat. i can imagine both flailing their arms while looking away

am i reader #8?; June 25, 2009 at 9:39 PM
oliver wrist said...: yeah, I guess you'd have to be. HAHA.

This blog got like 250 views yesterday tho.

we in the BIG TIME NOW!!!; June 26, 2009 at 8:01 AM

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Nickelplatedbama is a face-melting social commentary blog written from the perspective of a self absorbed asshole with no shame or morals to speak of. If you're into hip hop music, silky smooth breezys, absurdly opinionated witty banter and reading the rants of an anti-social, overly confident, self absorbed "writer" (for lack of a better word) please continue. NickelPlatedBama is a source for venting and bashing, hating and thrashing, shitting and blasting on everything from bad food to bad music and everything in between. I don't hate everything however. NickelPlatedBama and more importantly Oliver Wrist praise iconic figures such as the ever elusive white girl thickness, mid-'90's hip hop, fashion, graffiti, art, ice cold behavior, celebreality t.v., Chicago Cubs baseball, San Diego Chargers football, College Basketball, Early '90's WWF wrestling, laughing at other peoples misfortunes, and generally acting like a complete type-a sociopath.

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Oliver Wrist has been the other half of my split personality for years. It originally started as my DJ'ing name. My career as a DJ lasted only about as long as it took me to write this BIO. As it turns out, I am an awful DJ. Not because I play bad records, but because I butcher the scratches. My brother, Young Smalls, a.k.a. DJ Fuzzy Badfeet, has taken over the reigns and is now my own personal DJ. Although Smalls refuses to accept the things I have taught him since birth as doctrine, he still gets the Oliver Wrist stamp of approval as a purveyor of all things mixed well. He uses my turntables, my mixer, and my records to do his thug-thizzle, but he is a much better DJ than I could ever be, so I just give him enough shit to remain enthusiastic. Being that my foray into the DJ world went south, I decided to use writing as a tool to express myself creatively. Thus far it has proven somewhat successful. How do I know? Well, you're reading this aren't you?

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I have spent so much of my valuable time force-feeding the readers of this blog my personal musical preferences (Read: mid-'90's new york hip hop, ign'ant pimp shit, '90's bay area movement, etc.) and blasting all these idiots that set themselves up for utter failure everytime they open their mouth, or press record on the video camera over the last few months, that I forgot to ever place the credit where the credit was due. Nickel Plated Bama is a reference to a line in a song from the 808 King himself (No not you Kanye). I'm talking about The RZA. a.k.a. Bobby Digital. a.k.a. Bobby Boulders. a.k.a. The Abbot. a.k.a. The head of the Wu-Tang dynasty. When I came up with the idea to start writing a blog, I wanted to name it something that most people wouldn't understand right out of the gate, creating a buzz as a result of the inherent curiousity of the average internet lurker. The result was a line from a Bobby Digital album where RZA says "my head is a like a Nickel Plated Bamma". I guess I should just go ahead and spell it out for you. Instead of using an obvious title such as "The Smoking Gun" (besides, it was already taken) for a blog name, I decided to get creative. So, with this blog title, I pay homage to one of my favorite, not only rappers, but creator of things, and still stay sharper than a sword with the usage of metaphor in describing the gun (my keyboard) i use to roast those i deem indesirable.

See above question titled "What is a Nickel Plated Bama".

Why?

Why not is a better question. I hate alot of shit. I want people to know that I hate aforementioned "shit". This was covered in the above section titled "Who writes Nickel Plated Bama".

How do you pronounce the "BAMA"?

It recently came to my attention while I was in the streets passing out stickers and shamelessly promoting this blog that alot of people were mispronouncing the "BAMA". I will make it very easy for you all.

Think Alabama. Don't think Obama. Are we clear now? I really hope so.

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While most opinions on this site are based in fact, they are merely that, opinions. If you take this shit seriously OR anything that Oliver Wrist has to say personally, than it was definitely directed at you. If you are easily offended, read on, YOU are the target audience. And ladies, Oliver Wrist is the Asshole your mother warned you about. Oliver Wrist is extremely self absorbed and could not care less if your feelings get hurt. If you disagree with anything Oliver Wrist has to say, please make it public, so that Oliver Wrist may be able to roast you publicly.

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The Management

Nickelplatedbama 2008-2009

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Perz Hilton vs. Will.I.am: Who Gives A Shit?

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