This guy's stuff is so good it makes me want to cut off my own hands so as to never attempt to use a paintbrush again. Cotdamn... This dude is doing it.
Showing posts with label motivation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label motivation. Show all posts
Friday, July 23, 2010
Dave Macdowell Rules
This guy's stuff is so good it makes me want to cut off my own hands so as to never attempt to use a paintbrush again. Cotdamn... This dude is doing it.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Female Guide to Dating: Chapter 3
I took a brief, but well needed break from writing these little nuggets of wisdom for all you heathens to comtemplate the next logical step in the progression of this so called "book". Spent some time soul searching, but I came up empty because, according to most women (save for my mother, God love her), I don't have a soul, took some words of wisdom from several different sources, and despite my better judgement I have decided to proceed with the next chapter. I mean in all honesty, the response to the first 2 chapters has converted me into a "Dear Abbey" of sorts, so rather than address each person individually, I'm just gonna go ahead and spill my brain.
Chapter 3: The Statuate of Limitations.
Uggghhhhhhh... That's how I feel about writing this right now. This isn't one of those chapters where I can be playful and rude. In fact, this is a warning to everyone who continues on, this isn't typical Ollie... or maybe it is.
To be clear, this chapter will be separated into 2 categories. The first will deal with the boundaries of who is/isn't off limits based on familial and friendship ties. The second will deal with where the line in the sand shall be drawn for ladies who tend to hang on the overzealous side of the fence, and hit their man in public, cause scenes, expose themselves publicly, etc.
So without anymore build up, I just want to say this: Don't read this if you are unstable. I don't need to stabbed or slandered the next time you see me. HAHA.
And were off...
As far as I know, there has never been an actual reference guide to decide when/if it is right/wrong to date the former significant other of a personal friend or family member. With that said, this will now be THE OFFICIAL reference guide for not only getting past that old fling, but getting onto your best friend's former love interest. All the dating guides (everyone elses blubbery bullshit, this is the realness over here) tell you that it should take "approximately half the time you were involved with someone to get over them". Meaning simply: If you dated for a year, you should be over it in 6 months...
I beg to differ. I'm just gonna throw this out there now: Sluts heal faster. It's a fact. So ladies, if you want to be able to get over the last asshole you dated, get onto a new asshole, and keep doing that until eventually you have become a heartless/soulless spawn of satan (like yours truly). Then, and only then, will you be able to see the world as your personal playground and reap the benefits of a shameless existence. Seems easy enough right? AHHNT. Wrong. The problem is, girls have more emotions than men. They show it more often, they react differently to situations, and in general, tend to have more respect for themselves than the other half of the human race. This is a very slippery slope we are attempting to navigate. So bare with me...
For fairness sake, I am going to say that yes, it is more often than not, absolutely positively 100% possible to find a new guy/girl to latch onto that has absolutely zero ties to anyone you know. Really tho, what's the fun in that? Sure, you could move away and find yourself a good ol' boy, but, for the sake of this arguement, let's just say the chances of that happening are about 1 in 73,256. That's a nice round figure. So, what if... What if the new apple of your eye happens to be a former fling/boyfriend/fuck buddy of one of your friends or family members? Is it wrong to cross that line with them? Is it immoral to find comfort in the arms of a person who once dated/fucked your brother/sister/cousin/friend/co-worker/etc.??
The answer is yesno. Look, everyone has their own set of values and their own personal moral compass. No matter what you believe, spiritually or otherwise, it is never easy to justify the tainting of one's friendship for the sake of passion. But this is not a guide on morals were discussing here, if you're looking for moral support or justification, you have quite literally come to the worst possible source. What I am talking about is a pure numbers game.
So let's get down to the mathematics.
Your friend hooked up with this guy a few times, 3 months ago, and it was completely casual. Is it ok for you to fuck him? Absolutely.
Your friend dated this guy for 6 months, it ended 6 months ago, he broke her heart. Are you in the clear? Maybe. It depends on the level of friendship.
Let me break it down like this:
On a scale of 1-5, where does the above stated friend rank?
1- you shared a class with her in high school.
2- you were friends all thru elementary school, but then you got cool and she stayed nerdy.
3- you'd be invited to the wedding, but she wouldn't neccessarily care if you showed up.
4- You guys have a really strong bond and hang out pretty regularly.
5- She's your sister and you would die for her.
**NOTE** This scale applies to both men and women.
If your relationship status with said friend is anywhere in levels 1-3, you're in hog heaven. Fuck her, she would still be your friend if she was worth having around anyways. Right?
If she happens to fall between the cracks of 3 and 4, you're probably going to be ok, so long as she is a logical thinker. And by logical I mean, she wouldn't be nice to your face and then cut off half of your hair while you sleep out of spite.
If she ranks a solid 4, in this case (6 month relationship, been over 6 months) you are absolutely justified in testing the waters. The truth is, if he broke her heart, he'll prolly do the same to you, but hey, life's a gamble right? Roll those motherfuckin' dice and get it crackin'.
For the sake of self preservation, I will refrain from making the arguement that it is ok to go forward with a level 5.
Now, let's say that your friend dated a fella for a solid year or two. They had some troubles, eventually it didn't work out. They have both moved on and the relationship has been over longer than it lasted. How do the numbers play out here?
Levels 1-3: See above.
The level 4 gets tricky. It is a situation where, as a friend to you, the girl should understand that you are obviously taking a big risk in involving yourself with said individual and for that, she should respect the decision. Losing friends is common ground when it comes to dealing with relationships, but like I mentioned before, guys hate 70% of your friends anyway. So good riddance. Besides, if she was really your friend, she would want to see you sparkle, not fade. Furthermore, if the relationship has been over longer than it lasted, time has allowed for all wounds to heal, you prolly already know every bad thing there is to know about the guy to begin with, so there really shouldn't be much surprise. What always gets me is how entitled females get when it comes to a friend dating their ex. Let me just make it clear: He is your ex for a reason. Leave the guy alone, and focus on whoever you are currently making miserable but trying to make happy now. For insight on how to do this, please refer to chapters 1 and 2 located Here and Here.
As for level 5's, in any situation outside of a casual fuck session, I can honestly say that for chicks, it is never ok to fuck somebody who was emotionally tied to a level 5.
Conversely, guys have a completely different approach to this matter. Imma just go ahead and let Snoop and Nate Dogg tell you how it goes...
HAHA. Now of course that isn't true in all situations. If it's a bird brain chick with no morals or shame, of course it is perfectly acceptable to pass her around the circle. Shit, in fact, I personally believe that if a girl is willing to let herself get tossed around that easily, you might as well hit it twice.
Moving on tho, ladies, you have suffered with a smile thru all of my chauvenist rants, so I will give you some insight into the mind of one of the most self absorbed people you will prolly (n)ever meet. I mean, fair is fair right?
MOST men in the world only have enough heart to ever REALLY love a MAXIMUM of 3-5 women in their entire lives. Girls, on the other hand, can convince themselves they are in love after 2 dates and a couple solid sexual romps..
Back to the fellas...
The guy's scale is skewed, and since this is the female guide to dating and the fellas already know the rules, Im gonna keep it short and simple:
If the guy ever LOVED the girl and the homie rates anywhere above a 3 on the scale, she is off limits. Thats it. End of story.
I have literally been sitting here for 6 minutes trying to come up with a good segway into part 2 of this chapter...
This is the best I could come up with, so if you could write it better, you wouldn't be reading this to begin with now would you? So fuck you.
My mother (the saint that she is) has told me since birth that if a woman feels that she is in a position to hit a man, she should expect to be treated as such. Like a man, for the slow class. Can you hear me in the back?? Ok good. Now, I would like to go on record here and say that I, personally, have never hit a woman. I have, however, been hit, kicked, slapped, screamed at, pinched (don't ever fucking pinch me), you name it, they've done it. Why Ollie? Why, if you're such an ice cold son of a bitch, why wouldn't you jump at the opportunity to hit a bitch who is more than deserving of said backhand/throat jab? Well, because in my personal experiences, it was one of two situations. 1. I caused the commotion to begin with, or 2. it was in a public forum, and that is one cross I wasn't willing to bare. Contrary to popular belief, I love women, I just can't stand them.
My personal belief in the whole "girls hitting guys" debate is that a girl has 3 chances. That's right. I said 3. If she hits/kicks/slaps you in 3 different engagements, that is grounds for a firm, not violent, but firm, reminder that she is indeed a woman, and you are wearing the fucking pants in this relationship.
I've known alot of girls over the years with excellent titties who were openly willing to display them at a moment's notice. I love those girls. What I don't love, as a matter of fact, I completely hate, is when that girl happens to be the girl that I am "with" at a given time. Ladies, when you're single, be free. Let those titties breathe. Throw em out on the table. Compare with your friends (preferably in large groups of men) but when you're on lock down, i.e. "got a man" (how long you had that problem? haha) the goods are reserved EXCLUSIVELY for that guy. That's it. No if's, and's, or but's. (Unless of course the if is young Ollie da Don, in which case, you already... I am the exception to every rule.) No guy wants his buddy to tell him how good or bad your titties are after you drunkenly flashed them at last year's super bowl party. So, to drive this point home one final time: If you're single, everyone should be priveledged enough to see the goodies, if you're locked up, keep it tight.
Along with the girls that like to show their tits typically roam the girls that get excessively drunk at inappropriate times. Ladies, unless previously arranged, you should NEVER, at any point, be more inebriated than your significant other. It's just not a good look. Sloppy drunk girls are embarassing and clingy. Keep your composure. Your job is to make your man look and feel better. If he is constantly lookin over his shoulder to make sure you haven't fallen down, or thrown up, or flopped the titties out on the bar, you can be damn sure he isn't having a good time. And we all know what that means, if the man ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
Stick to the script, and follow the scale. Be honest with yourselves, and you'll be navigating thru troubled waters like an old sea captain with an eye patch and a wooden leg in no time.
I'm here for you. If you have something you would like addressed, please feel free to email me, day or night, nickelplatedbama@gmail.com. I will post the question annonymously and answer with severe conviction.
-Ollie
Chapter 3: The Statuate of Limitations.
Uggghhhhhhh... That's how I feel about writing this right now. This isn't one of those chapters where I can be playful and rude. In fact, this is a warning to everyone who continues on, this isn't typical Ollie... or maybe it is.
To be clear, this chapter will be separated into 2 categories. The first will deal with the boundaries of who is/isn't off limits based on familial and friendship ties. The second will deal with where the line in the sand shall be drawn for ladies who tend to hang on the overzealous side of the fence, and hit their man in public, cause scenes, expose themselves publicly, etc.
So without anymore build up, I just want to say this: Don't read this if you are unstable. I don't need to stabbed or slandered the next time you see me. HAHA.
And were off...
As far as I know, there has never been an actual reference guide to decide when/if it is right/wrong to date the former significant other of a personal friend or family member. With that said, this will now be THE OFFICIAL reference guide for not only getting past that old fling, but getting onto your best friend's former love interest. All the dating guides (everyone elses blubbery bullshit, this is the realness over here) tell you that it should take "approximately half the time you were involved with someone to get over them". Meaning simply: If you dated for a year, you should be over it in 6 months...
I beg to differ. I'm just gonna throw this out there now: Sluts heal faster. It's a fact. So ladies, if you want to be able to get over the last asshole you dated, get onto a new asshole, and keep doing that until eventually you have become a heartless/soulless spawn of satan (like yours truly). Then, and only then, will you be able to see the world as your personal playground and reap the benefits of a shameless existence. Seems easy enough right? AHHNT. Wrong. The problem is, girls have more emotions than men. They show it more often, they react differently to situations, and in general, tend to have more respect for themselves than the other half of the human race. This is a very slippery slope we are attempting to navigate. So bare with me...
For fairness sake, I am going to say that yes, it is more often than not, absolutely positively 100% possible to find a new guy/girl to latch onto that has absolutely zero ties to anyone you know. Really tho, what's the fun in that? Sure, you could move away and find yourself a good ol' boy, but, for the sake of this arguement, let's just say the chances of that happening are about 1 in 73,256. That's a nice round figure. So, what if... What if the new apple of your eye happens to be a former fling/boyfriend/fuck buddy of one of your friends or family members? Is it wrong to cross that line with them? Is it immoral to find comfort in the arms of a person who once dated/fucked your brother/sister/cousin/friend/co-worker/etc.??
The answer is yesno. Look, everyone has their own set of values and their own personal moral compass. No matter what you believe, spiritually or otherwise, it is never easy to justify the tainting of one's friendship for the sake of passion. But this is not a guide on morals were discussing here, if you're looking for moral support or justification, you have quite literally come to the worst possible source. What I am talking about is a pure numbers game.
So let's get down to the mathematics.
Your friend hooked up with this guy a few times, 3 months ago, and it was completely casual. Is it ok for you to fuck him? Absolutely.
Your friend dated this guy for 6 months, it ended 6 months ago, he broke her heart. Are you in the clear? Maybe. It depends on the level of friendship.
Let me break it down like this:
On a scale of 1-5, where does the above stated friend rank?
1- you shared a class with her in high school.
2- you were friends all thru elementary school, but then you got cool and she stayed nerdy.
3- you'd be invited to the wedding, but she wouldn't neccessarily care if you showed up.
4- You guys have a really strong bond and hang out pretty regularly.
5- She's your sister and you would die for her.
**NOTE** This scale applies to both men and women.
If your relationship status with said friend is anywhere in levels 1-3, you're in hog heaven. Fuck her, she would still be your friend if she was worth having around anyways. Right?
If she happens to fall between the cracks of 3 and 4, you're probably going to be ok, so long as she is a logical thinker. And by logical I mean, she wouldn't be nice to your face and then cut off half of your hair while you sleep out of spite.
If she ranks a solid 4, in this case (6 month relationship, been over 6 months) you are absolutely justified in testing the waters. The truth is, if he broke her heart, he'll prolly do the same to you, but hey, life's a gamble right? Roll those motherfuckin' dice and get it crackin'.
For the sake of self preservation, I will refrain from making the arguement that it is ok to go forward with a level 5.
Now, let's say that your friend dated a fella for a solid year or two. They had some troubles, eventually it didn't work out. They have both moved on and the relationship has been over longer than it lasted. How do the numbers play out here?
Levels 1-3: See above.
The level 4 gets tricky. It is a situation where, as a friend to you, the girl should understand that you are obviously taking a big risk in involving yourself with said individual and for that, she should respect the decision. Losing friends is common ground when it comes to dealing with relationships, but like I mentioned before, guys hate 70% of your friends anyway. So good riddance. Besides, if she was really your friend, she would want to see you sparkle, not fade. Furthermore, if the relationship has been over longer than it lasted, time has allowed for all wounds to heal, you prolly already know every bad thing there is to know about the guy to begin with, so there really shouldn't be much surprise. What always gets me is how entitled females get when it comes to a friend dating their ex. Let me just make it clear: He is your ex for a reason. Leave the guy alone, and focus on whoever you are currently making miserable but trying to make happy now. For insight on how to do this, please refer to chapters 1 and 2 located Here and Here.
As for level 5's, in any situation outside of a casual fuck session, I can honestly say that for chicks, it is never ok to fuck somebody who was emotionally tied to a level 5.
Conversely, guys have a completely different approach to this matter. Imma just go ahead and let Snoop and Nate Dogg tell you how it goes...
HAHA. Now of course that isn't true in all situations. If it's a bird brain chick with no morals or shame, of course it is perfectly acceptable to pass her around the circle. Shit, in fact, I personally believe that if a girl is willing to let herself get tossed around that easily, you might as well hit it twice.
Moving on tho, ladies, you have suffered with a smile thru all of my chauvenist rants, so I will give you some insight into the mind of one of the most self absorbed people you will prolly (n)ever meet. I mean, fair is fair right?
MOST men in the world only have enough heart to ever REALLY love a MAXIMUM of 3-5 women in their entire lives. Girls, on the other hand, can convince themselves they are in love after 2 dates and a couple solid sexual romps..
Back to the fellas...
The guy's scale is skewed, and since this is the female guide to dating and the fellas already know the rules, Im gonna keep it short and simple:
If the guy ever LOVED the girl and the homie rates anywhere above a 3 on the scale, she is off limits. Thats it. End of story.
I have literally been sitting here for 6 minutes trying to come up with a good segway into part 2 of this chapter...
This is the best I could come up with, so if you could write it better, you wouldn't be reading this to begin with now would you? So fuck you.
My mother (the saint that she is) has told me since birth that if a woman feels that she is in a position to hit a man, she should expect to be treated as such. Like a man, for the slow class. Can you hear me in the back?? Ok good. Now, I would like to go on record here and say that I, personally, have never hit a woman. I have, however, been hit, kicked, slapped, screamed at, pinched (don't ever fucking pinch me), you name it, they've done it. Why Ollie? Why, if you're such an ice cold son of a bitch, why wouldn't you jump at the opportunity to hit a bitch who is more than deserving of said backhand/throat jab? Well, because in my personal experiences, it was one of two situations. 1. I caused the commotion to begin with, or 2. it was in a public forum, and that is one cross I wasn't willing to bare. Contrary to popular belief, I love women, I just can't stand them.
My personal belief in the whole "girls hitting guys" debate is that a girl has 3 chances. That's right. I said 3. If she hits/kicks/slaps you in 3 different engagements, that is grounds for a firm, not violent, but firm, reminder that she is indeed a woman, and you are wearing the fucking pants in this relationship.
I've known alot of girls over the years with excellent titties who were openly willing to display them at a moment's notice. I love those girls. What I don't love, as a matter of fact, I completely hate, is when that girl happens to be the girl that I am "with" at a given time. Ladies, when you're single, be free. Let those titties breathe. Throw em out on the table. Compare with your friends (preferably in large groups of men) but when you're on lock down, i.e. "got a man" (how long you had that problem? haha) the goods are reserved EXCLUSIVELY for that guy. That's it. No if's, and's, or but's. (Unless of course the if is young Ollie da Don, in which case, you already... I am the exception to every rule.) No guy wants his buddy to tell him how good or bad your titties are after you drunkenly flashed them at last year's super bowl party. So, to drive this point home one final time: If you're single, everyone should be priveledged enough to see the goodies, if you're locked up, keep it tight.
Along with the girls that like to show their tits typically roam the girls that get excessively drunk at inappropriate times. Ladies, unless previously arranged, you should NEVER, at any point, be more inebriated than your significant other. It's just not a good look. Sloppy drunk girls are embarassing and clingy. Keep your composure. Your job is to make your man look and feel better. If he is constantly lookin over his shoulder to make sure you haven't fallen down, or thrown up, or flopped the titties out on the bar, you can be damn sure he isn't having a good time. And we all know what that means, if the man ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
Stick to the script, and follow the scale. Be honest with yourselves, and you'll be navigating thru troubled waters like an old sea captain with an eye patch and a wooden leg in no time.
I'm here for you. If you have something you would like addressed, please feel free to email me, day or night, nickelplatedbama@gmail.com. I will post the question annonymously and answer with severe conviction.
-Ollie
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Is This What You Call Tact??
2 week layover. Your boy has been straight M.I.A. Haven't done anything noteworthy in that time. Unless of course you count allowing ol' what's her name to penetrate the defenses and metaphorically crush my spirit against my will. But that shit is all over and done with now. Brand new day and a brand new lease on life.
If you all remember correctly, back on January 1, 2009 I made a vow to not make any more apologies for any of my actions ever again. That, obviously, did not work out, as I have spent the last 9 months of my life constantly apologizing for shit I can't honestly say I was ever really apologetic for. It's poetic really. Think about it...
It's just what anyone would do. You focus all of your efforts onto a single project, whether it be your blog, your job, or, in this case, my relationship, and then, when it all hits the proverbial "fan" you're left wondering what the fuck just happened?
I guess it goes without saying, but with my inability to leave things left unsaid, I'm gonna jump up here on my soapbox and spit venom in the form of words to any and all that have done me wrong in the last year. What? You thought you were going to get a pass?
First and foremost, the city of San Francisco, and more importantly that certain NOBODY that, to this day, remains nameless. Fuck you and your whole existence. I'd like to blame you for the tumbling of my castle that I once thought was built of indestructable bricks, but recently realized that shit was paper thin, but the sad truth of the matter is that you were just an innocent pawn in someone else's grand facade. Keep livin' that dream.
Next up on the list... Aww Fuck it. It isn't even worth it anymore. I will not give you the satisfaction of knowing any more than you already do, just exactly what you have done.
I teetered on the idea of shutting down this blog due to it's ties monetarily (definitely not emotionally, what, you think you're owed something?) to a certain memory that has long since subsided and passed thru my system like last night's drug binge. And while I am on the subject of drugs...
#2 Fuck drugs. For real. I've made a few comments in the past to let on to my love for certain substances. For legal and medical reasons, I will not be divulging any more details about my past, current, or future struggles with this specific demon. Suffice it to say, if there was any ONE thing to blame for my current lethargic state and utter lack of motivation, you, my little friend(s?) would not be stricken from the list of catalysts.
I have stayed stagnant for far too long. My pessimistic outlook on life, while at times entertaining, has traversed the lines of comedic necessary evil, and entered into the realm of absolute control.
I'm tired tho. Like, for real, tired of being satisfied with mediocrity. Things have always come so easy for me that I have completely forgotten what it was like to struggle. You showed me that. So I guess if there was one thing I could be thankful to you for giving me, that would be it. You showed me what it was like to be miserable again. You showed me what self loathing REALLY is. "All Hail The Heartbreaker" HAHA.
I have slowly made the transition from what I wanted to be, to not even recognizing the person looking back at me in the mirror. I haven't been "happy" (who decides what happy is anymore anyway) for quite some time. With OR without you. I'll tell you where my happiness comes from now... or shit, maybe I won't cause I honestly couldn't tell you anymore. I know what doesn't work for me tho, and that's all that really counts today.
This post isn't all about "THAT" tho. It's also about "THIS"...
Some things that are great...
-Hope. The name says it all and it is quite fitting what that entails.
-Progress. No matter how much I stumble, I will ALWAYS bounce back and be better the next time.
-Freedom. Out from under the thumb of life.
I am absolutely sure that by now you are all just as confused as I was when I started this rant. Just know that that is to be expected. If you get it, then you're on the inside, if this was lost on you, well I'm sure you could check the archives for something a bit more your speed.
If you came here looking for tits and comedy today, all apologies for letting you down. The path back to greatness is long an narrow, but I'm on it, so I'll be keeping my peoples (if you're in, you know it) up on all the hottest shit just as soon as I get my shit situated and my head back facing forward.
Quote of the week "Is this what you call tact? I swear you are as subtle as a brick to the small of my back."
And, were clear.........................
Or are we?
-Kevin "I'm not Ollie when I'm real" Smith
If you all remember correctly, back on January 1, 2009 I made a vow to not make any more apologies for any of my actions ever again. That, obviously, did not work out, as I have spent the last 9 months of my life constantly apologizing for shit I can't honestly say I was ever really apologetic for. It's poetic really. Think about it...
It's just what anyone would do. You focus all of your efforts onto a single project, whether it be your blog, your job, or, in this case, my relationship, and then, when it all hits the proverbial "fan" you're left wondering what the fuck just happened?
I guess it goes without saying, but with my inability to leave things left unsaid, I'm gonna jump up here on my soapbox and spit venom in the form of words to any and all that have done me wrong in the last year. What? You thought you were going to get a pass?
First and foremost, the city of San Francisco, and more importantly that certain NOBODY that, to this day, remains nameless. Fuck you and your whole existence. I'd like to blame you for the tumbling of my castle that I once thought was built of indestructable bricks, but recently realized that shit was paper thin, but the sad truth of the matter is that you were just an innocent pawn in someone else's grand facade. Keep livin' that dream.
Next up on the list... Aww Fuck it. It isn't even worth it anymore. I will not give you the satisfaction of knowing any more than you already do, just exactly what you have done.
I teetered on the idea of shutting down this blog due to it's ties monetarily (definitely not emotionally, what, you think you're owed something?) to a certain memory that has long since subsided and passed thru my system like last night's drug binge. And while I am on the subject of drugs...
#2 Fuck drugs. For real. I've made a few comments in the past to let on to my love for certain substances. For legal and medical reasons, I will not be divulging any more details about my past, current, or future struggles with this specific demon. Suffice it to say, if there was any ONE thing to blame for my current lethargic state and utter lack of motivation, you, my little friend(s?) would not be stricken from the list of catalysts.
I have stayed stagnant for far too long. My pessimistic outlook on life, while at times entertaining, has traversed the lines of comedic necessary evil, and entered into the realm of absolute control.
I'm tired tho. Like, for real, tired of being satisfied with mediocrity. Things have always come so easy for me that I have completely forgotten what it was like to struggle. You showed me that. So I guess if there was one thing I could be thankful to you for giving me, that would be it. You showed me what it was like to be miserable again. You showed me what self loathing REALLY is. "All Hail The Heartbreaker" HAHA.
I have slowly made the transition from what I wanted to be, to not even recognizing the person looking back at me in the mirror. I haven't been "happy" (who decides what happy is anymore anyway) for quite some time. With OR without you. I'll tell you where my happiness comes from now... or shit, maybe I won't cause I honestly couldn't tell you anymore. I know what doesn't work for me tho, and that's all that really counts today.
This post isn't all about "THAT" tho. It's also about "THIS"...
Some things that are great...
-Hope. The name says it all and it is quite fitting what that entails.
-Progress. No matter how much I stumble, I will ALWAYS bounce back and be better the next time.
-Freedom. Out from under the thumb of life.
I am absolutely sure that by now you are all just as confused as I was when I started this rant. Just know that that is to be expected. If you get it, then you're on the inside, if this was lost on you, well I'm sure you could check the archives for something a bit more your speed.
If you came here looking for tits and comedy today, all apologies for letting you down. The path back to greatness is long an narrow, but I'm on it, so I'll be keeping my peoples (if you're in, you know it) up on all the hottest shit just as soon as I get my shit situated and my head back facing forward.
Quote of the week "Is this what you call tact? I swear you are as subtle as a brick to the small of my back."
And, were clear.........................
Or are we?
-Kevin "I'm not Ollie when I'm real" Smith
Monday, August 10, 2009
The World According to Ollie:
Fair warning: This post will not consist of many photos. In fact, there probably won't be any at all. To tell the truth, this is going to be a long, drawn out series of words strung together with no real direction or general theme. Things on my mind, shit i hate, where I've been, why I haven't been posting, all of that will be discussed...
Now.
1. Where have you been?
There is no real answer to that question. I've been in one of the following three places:
1. My bed. Tempurpedic mattress top is better than sex. I've been logging some serious hours in my bed. More than I ever have previously in my life. The dungeon that I dwell in is now more affectionately being refered to as simply, "The Cave". But why young Ollie da boss tycoon? Why have you been spending so much time in your beloved bed? Because, fuck it, that's why.
** Side note ** After heavy deliberation and discussion with the few people in the world whose opinion's matter to me, I have decided to be fully open and honest about my current status in the world. TBC and YBO (that's "your boy ollie" for the uninitiated) decided to take some time off. Most of my drive to write came from the overwhelming confidence I drew from being in a monogomous relationship, but once that got cashed in, I've kinda been a little less driven to write, and even less egotistical than normal... That's all I am going to say about that...
2. Work. I am here roughly 10% more than I am in my bed. This is a great job, but in all seriousness, I really just want to fuckin hate it. It's mundane. It's repetitive. It's boring and unfulfilling. But it's awesome. What other job in the world would allow me as much internet time as I get, and pay me a decent wage, keep the A/C at a very unreasonable 70 degrees all day, and kick down with health insurance and not drug test? Answer: Very few. So as much as I want to just up and walk out of this place just to stir some shit up and break up the day a bit, I don't cause I would be a fucking moron to leave this gig. Seriously.
3. Lurking at your favorite girl's pad. Self explanatory and completely fabricated, but to say that I have been spending all of my time in bed or at work would be too depressing, even for the most bitter of haters.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shit I hate: Fucking Everything.
Yep. I still fucking hate everything. Anything that brings you joy, brings me down. I want to punch your stupid child in the face. I want to step on your kittens. I want to snatch the life right out of your self entitled body..
I still love puppies tho..
Back to the hate...
1. I FUCKING HATE drunk people when I'm not drinking. Man, there is literally NOTHING worse than slobbering idiots hangin and drooling all over me when I haven't had any libations and you motherfuckers want to carry on some sort of intelligent conversation with me. Let's get real, you are stupid to begin with, the booze does not help this. In fact, it makes you even less my equal. I already dislike you, don't force me to punch you in the nose to prove my point. Back the fuck up. What part of the brain sends out the message to your body that requires you to be 7 times louder than normal, and 10 times closer to me to talk? BACK THE FUCK UP. I can't take this shit.
2. I hate starting shit and not finishing it. I currently have at least 3 paintings "in the works", but I haven't touched a single one of them in over a month. They sit in the corner of my room collecting dust mocking me, acting as a constant reminder of my incredible lack of drive. It's pathetic. Get your shit together.
**Side Note** Any interest in original works on canvas from yours truly? trades welcome. Willing to consider most negotiable things of value, including, but not limited to: fishing tackle, 12" vinyl, 8-track players and tapes, Boomboxes (working or not), stuffed animal carcasses, bear rugs and other forms of animal home decor, WWF wrestling videos (VHS or DVD), a motorolla brick (as you guppies might call it, "the zach morris cell phone"), ninja weapons, drugs, cash, phone cards, human souls, even large quantities of grape soda. Holler at your boy on the low, nickelplatedbama@gmail.com.
***EXTRA SPECIAL OFFER. ONE TIME ONLY.*** Anyone willing to burn their Raiders or St. Louis Cardinals jerseys can have their pick of anything I have painted to date...
All of the above offers are of course only valid if I ever actually finish a fucking painting.
3. Obama. Look, I didn't like him before his presidency started. I felt like he was really pulling the wool over the American people's eyes and putting on this facade like he was a man of the people but behind closed doors he was really just the purest form of asshole on the planet. Just a real "my shit don't stink" type of cat. Now, I feel like every day in office he gets one step closer to showing his true colors and revealing just how pompous and self-involved he really is. He's got most of the world fooled, but not me. I know he's a prick and it won't be long now until someone catches him slippin and he really fumbles that ball on a public stage and starts goin ICICLE on some unsuspecting white house intern. In fact, if/when that day comes, I can honestly say that I will have a whole new respect and appreciation for all things Obama, cause at least I will know what he's about. We all know how much I love ice cold behavior. I know, I know. But Ollie, you are such a friend to the brothas, how can you hate on Obama so much? Because I don't look at Obama as a brotha. I see him as the president of our country and he needs to be spending more time handling business, and less time guzzling brews on the white house lawn. Of course I like that my president is a smoothed out, beer drinkin', everyday man's man (ahhhnnnt!). What I don't like is that he spends more time being a regular ol' plumber Joe in his jeans and t-shirts than he does governing the United States of America. The solution to the "race war" going on in Boston over a cop arresting a brotha for attempting to break into his own home (which I admit is wiggity wack), is to invite the arresting officer and the "assaulted" man to sit down for a lecture over beers? Come on Obama, you didn't even need to be involved in that. AT ALL. The only reason you got involved is because of the race card that was being played. Eh, I can go on and on about this shit, but when the day ends, Obama is my president, and I respect the man's hustle, but I want to see a little more business and a little less tomfoolery out there in the streets.
4. Lady Gaga is a man? The boys at Eat Me California (a really cool food blog based in Southern California if I'm not mistaken) hipped me to this shit way back when I made the post about how Lady Gaga had the fat ass, but I just dismissed it as another run of the mill Hollywood rumor. But no. This shit is getting real, fast. Apparently Mister Gaga came out on her/his blog saying that it was born as a hermaphrodite and has a small penis and a full on vagina. Are you kidding me yo? Get that shit hacked off and move on. No wonder she dresses like a short bus rider.
5. John Hughes died. That sucks, but he really hasn't done anything impactful in this decade, shit, in this millenium to be perfectly honest so I ain't in tears about it. Big ups to "The Breakfast Club"... "Judd Nelson, he was fucking HARSH". First person to tell me where that quote is from gets a prize.
6. I hate this idiot John Gosselin. He always has the stupidest looks on his face. I ain't gonna front on homie's pimp game tho. He's goin hard on these hoes right out the gate, but I guess when you've been married to easily the biggest bitch in the world of c-list celebrities, you really gotta get out there and put your best pimp foot forward. But yo, on the rizlas player, please stop rockin all that tuurrrrrribble ass Ed Hardy gear. I mean, that shit just makes you look like the world's biggest booger eater. Seriously. No self respecting man on this planet can wear Ed Hardy anymore. That's the rules.
7. After eleven months and 10 days I have started smoking again. This really makes me mad, but fuck it. Everyone's got their vices right?
There's alot more shit that I am hating right now, but my blood is already boiling and I fear that if I continue, I may end up punching right thru my monitor.
So that's that. I feel like I got a lot off my chest, and am now ready to get back on my grind. Sorry again for leaving all you guys hanging for so long. I got my shit back in blog mode and will be working harder than ever to produce quality, original content for the loyal fan base.
-Ollie the Chronic Underachiever
Now.
1. Where have you been?
There is no real answer to that question. I've been in one of the following three places:
1. My bed. Tempurpedic mattress top is better than sex. I've been logging some serious hours in my bed. More than I ever have previously in my life. The dungeon that I dwell in is now more affectionately being refered to as simply, "The Cave". But why young Ollie da boss tycoon? Why have you been spending so much time in your beloved bed? Because, fuck it, that's why.
** Side note ** After heavy deliberation and discussion with the few people in the world whose opinion's matter to me, I have decided to be fully open and honest about my current status in the world. TBC and YBO (that's "your boy ollie" for the uninitiated) decided to take some time off. Most of my drive to write came from the overwhelming confidence I drew from being in a monogomous relationship, but once that got cashed in, I've kinda been a little less driven to write, and even less egotistical than normal... That's all I am going to say about that...
2. Work. I am here roughly 10% more than I am in my bed. This is a great job, but in all seriousness, I really just want to fuckin hate it. It's mundane. It's repetitive. It's boring and unfulfilling. But it's awesome. What other job in the world would allow me as much internet time as I get, and pay me a decent wage, keep the A/C at a very unreasonable 70 degrees all day, and kick down with health insurance and not drug test? Answer: Very few. So as much as I want to just up and walk out of this place just to stir some shit up and break up the day a bit, I don't cause I would be a fucking moron to leave this gig. Seriously.
3. Lurking at your favorite girl's pad. Self explanatory and completely fabricated, but to say that I have been spending all of my time in bed or at work would be too depressing, even for the most bitter of haters.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shit I hate: Fucking Everything.
Yep. I still fucking hate everything. Anything that brings you joy, brings me down. I want to punch your stupid child in the face. I want to step on your kittens. I want to snatch the life right out of your self entitled body..
I still love puppies tho..
Back to the hate...
1. I FUCKING HATE drunk people when I'm not drinking. Man, there is literally NOTHING worse than slobbering idiots hangin and drooling all over me when I haven't had any libations and you motherfuckers want to carry on some sort of intelligent conversation with me. Let's get real, you are stupid to begin with, the booze does not help this. In fact, it makes you even less my equal. I already dislike you, don't force me to punch you in the nose to prove my point. Back the fuck up. What part of the brain sends out the message to your body that requires you to be 7 times louder than normal, and 10 times closer to me to talk? BACK THE FUCK UP. I can't take this shit.
2. I hate starting shit and not finishing it. I currently have at least 3 paintings "in the works", but I haven't touched a single one of them in over a month. They sit in the corner of my room collecting dust mocking me, acting as a constant reminder of my incredible lack of drive. It's pathetic. Get your shit together.
**Side Note** Any interest in original works on canvas from yours truly? trades welcome. Willing to consider most negotiable things of value, including, but not limited to: fishing tackle, 12" vinyl, 8-track players and tapes, Boomboxes (working or not), stuffed animal carcasses, bear rugs and other forms of animal home decor, WWF wrestling videos (VHS or DVD), a motorolla brick (as you guppies might call it, "the zach morris cell phone"), ninja weapons, drugs, cash, phone cards, human souls, even large quantities of grape soda. Holler at your boy on the low, nickelplatedbama@gmail.com.
***EXTRA SPECIAL OFFER. ONE TIME ONLY.*** Anyone willing to burn their Raiders or St. Louis Cardinals jerseys can have their pick of anything I have painted to date...
All of the above offers are of course only valid if I ever actually finish a fucking painting.
3. Obama. Look, I didn't like him before his presidency started. I felt like he was really pulling the wool over the American people's eyes and putting on this facade like he was a man of the people but behind closed doors he was really just the purest form of asshole on the planet. Just a real "my shit don't stink" type of cat. Now, I feel like every day in office he gets one step closer to showing his true colors and revealing just how pompous and self-involved he really is. He's got most of the world fooled, but not me. I know he's a prick and it won't be long now until someone catches him slippin and he really fumbles that ball on a public stage and starts goin ICICLE on some unsuspecting white house intern. In fact, if/when that day comes, I can honestly say that I will have a whole new respect and appreciation for all things Obama, cause at least I will know what he's about. We all know how much I love ice cold behavior. I know, I know. But Ollie, you are such a friend to the brothas, how can you hate on Obama so much? Because I don't look at Obama as a brotha. I see him as the president of our country and he needs to be spending more time handling business, and less time guzzling brews on the white house lawn. Of course I like that my president is a smoothed out, beer drinkin', everyday man's man (ahhhnnnt!). What I don't like is that he spends more time being a regular ol' plumber Joe in his jeans and t-shirts than he does governing the United States of America. The solution to the "race war" going on in Boston over a cop arresting a brotha for attempting to break into his own home (which I admit is wiggity wack), is to invite the arresting officer and the "assaulted" man to sit down for a lecture over beers? Come on Obama, you didn't even need to be involved in that. AT ALL. The only reason you got involved is because of the race card that was being played. Eh, I can go on and on about this shit, but when the day ends, Obama is my president, and I respect the man's hustle, but I want to see a little more business and a little less tomfoolery out there in the streets.
4. Lady Gaga is a man? The boys at Eat Me California (a really cool food blog based in Southern California if I'm not mistaken) hipped me to this shit way back when I made the post about how Lady Gaga had the fat ass, but I just dismissed it as another run of the mill Hollywood rumor. But no. This shit is getting real, fast. Apparently Mister Gaga came out on her/his blog saying that it was born as a hermaphrodite and has a small penis and a full on vagina. Are you kidding me yo? Get that shit hacked off and move on. No wonder she dresses like a short bus rider.
5. John Hughes died. That sucks, but he really hasn't done anything impactful in this decade, shit, in this millenium to be perfectly honest so I ain't in tears about it. Big ups to "The Breakfast Club"... "Judd Nelson, he was fucking HARSH". First person to tell me where that quote is from gets a prize.
6. I hate this idiot John Gosselin. He always has the stupidest looks on his face. I ain't gonna front on homie's pimp game tho. He's goin hard on these hoes right out the gate, but I guess when you've been married to easily the biggest bitch in the world of c-list celebrities, you really gotta get out there and put your best pimp foot forward. But yo, on the rizlas player, please stop rockin all that tuurrrrrribble ass Ed Hardy gear. I mean, that shit just makes you look like the world's biggest booger eater. Seriously. No self respecting man on this planet can wear Ed Hardy anymore. That's the rules.
7. After eleven months and 10 days I have started smoking again. This really makes me mad, but fuck it. Everyone's got their vices right?
There's alot more shit that I am hating right now, but my blood is already boiling and I fear that if I continue, I may end up punching right thru my monitor.
So that's that. I feel like I got a lot off my chest, and am now ready to get back on my grind. Sorry again for leaving all you guys hanging for so long. I got my shit back in blog mode and will be working harder than ever to produce quality, original content for the loyal fan base.
-Ollie the Chronic Underachiever
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Danny Devito is a Menace
Am I the only person that watches "Always Sunny in Philadelphia"? I must be. Every time I mention it to someone there like "what the fuck are you talking about"?
I have to explain how genius Danny Devito's character is. As it turns out, it's not an act. This guy is the real deal mess he portrays on t.v.
Drinking beer at 8:00 a.m.? CHECK.
It's hard to make Charlie Day and Rob McElhenny uncomfortable, but Danny pulls it off flawlessly live on television.
Sir Devito just moved up 3 spots on my favorite people in the world list.
-Olls
I have to explain how genius Danny Devito's character is. As it turns out, it's not an act. This guy is the real deal mess he portrays on t.v.
Drinking beer at 8:00 a.m.? CHECK.
It's hard to make Charlie Day and Rob McElhenny uncomfortable, but Danny pulls it off flawlessly live on television.
Sir Devito just moved up 3 spots on my favorite people in the world list.
-Olls
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
A Few Quick Updates:
Remember back in January I told everyone I would not be apologizing for anything else in 2009?
Well, that was only like 90% true.
Here's the scoop:
Yesterday I lost my job, and since I have limited publishing ability outside of my office, the updates are going to be taking place later in the day.
The good news is, this is only going to be an issue for about a week or so. I got the laptop being worked on as we speak and should have it back at fighting weight by the first of next week.
So, I am going to take the leap to try and monetize the site to see if I can't make some money from this stupid blogger gig.
I feel like I get enough people telling me how funny my shit is, but ultimately, this blog remains pretty local.
So what I am asking the readers of the site to do is simple. TELL SOME MOTHERFUCKERS TO CHECK THIS SHIT OUT 10 TIMES A DAY EVERYDAY.
If I can somehow parlay my smooth tongue into reasonable income I won't be seeking employment.
If I can't draw a check from this blog, then I will probably just have to axe the idea of daily updates and go the route of so many other blogs out there and just fade away.
That would be a shame considering the amount of work and time I've put in to this thing. The money I've invested in stickers, and logo designs that will ultimately turn into t-shirts.
The plan of attack for the next 6 weeks:
-Paint, ALOT. Then sale said paintings. Got some pretty hard shit I've been working on and will post some photos and prices soon.
-Monetize the site. As much as I would like to keep the blog ad free, it's just not an option. The kid's gotta eat.
-Print the NickelPlatedBama t-shirts. Going to do a limited run, and depending on the cost to produce, they should resell for no more than 18 bones. Prolly more like 15 though. If you definitely want a shirt, shoot a comment or an e-mail and let me know.
-Do alot of drugs/drink in excess.
-Take a lot of photos.
-Get started on the mixtape series I've been promising since day one.
It's a good thing TBC loves me and has a good job, otherwise I don't know how I would support all of my horrible habits.
Still have videos/photos from the Draft Klick show. I'll do my best to have some new posts up this afternoon.
Check back, all day, every day. Tell 2 friends to tell 2 friends to tell 2 friends.
The BAMA needs your help.
P.S. To everyone who is friends with Ollie or NPB on myspace that didn't repost the bulletin I asked you to repost. Go Fuck Yourself.
Big shout out to the young homie Noah for being official. The kid's got a firm grasp on the world at age 18. I wish I had my head on my shoulders the way he does at 18.
Back later (if i can find a computer).
-Ollie
Well, that was only like 90% true.
Here's the scoop:
Yesterday I lost my job, and since I have limited publishing ability outside of my office, the updates are going to be taking place later in the day.
The good news is, this is only going to be an issue for about a week or so. I got the laptop being worked on as we speak and should have it back at fighting weight by the first of next week.
So, I am going to take the leap to try and monetize the site to see if I can't make some money from this stupid blogger gig.
I feel like I get enough people telling me how funny my shit is, but ultimately, this blog remains pretty local.
So what I am asking the readers of the site to do is simple. TELL SOME MOTHERFUCKERS TO CHECK THIS SHIT OUT 10 TIMES A DAY EVERYDAY.
If I can somehow parlay my smooth tongue into reasonable income I won't be seeking employment.
If I can't draw a check from this blog, then I will probably just have to axe the idea of daily updates and go the route of so many other blogs out there and just fade away.
That would be a shame considering the amount of work and time I've put in to this thing. The money I've invested in stickers, and logo designs that will ultimately turn into t-shirts.
The plan of attack for the next 6 weeks:
-Paint, ALOT. Then sale said paintings. Got some pretty hard shit I've been working on and will post some photos and prices soon.
-Monetize the site. As much as I would like to keep the blog ad free, it's just not an option. The kid's gotta eat.
-Print the NickelPlatedBama t-shirts. Going to do a limited run, and depending on the cost to produce, they should resell for no more than 18 bones. Prolly more like 15 though. If you definitely want a shirt, shoot a comment or an e-mail and let me know.
-Do alot of drugs/drink in excess.
-Take a lot of photos.
-Get started on the mixtape series I've been promising since day one.
It's a good thing TBC loves me and has a good job, otherwise I don't know how I would support all of my horrible habits.
Still have videos/photos from the Draft Klick show. I'll do my best to have some new posts up this afternoon.
Check back, all day, every day. Tell 2 friends to tell 2 friends to tell 2 friends.
The BAMA needs your help.
P.S. To everyone who is friends with Ollie or NPB on myspace that didn't repost the bulletin I asked you to repost. Go Fuck Yourself.
Big shout out to the young homie Noah for being official. The kid's got a firm grasp on the world at age 18. I wish I had my head on my shoulders the way he does at 18.
Back later (if i can find a computer).
-Ollie
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Lazy As Fuck:
Still hungover. Can't keep my eyes open. Took a little too much "medication" this morning and then again this afternoon. My throat hurts from goin' buck at the show. Therefore, this is all you're getting today. Back tomorrow with lots of classic Throwback Thursday goodies. Pictures and videos from DraftKlick performance at the Starline should be up by Friday.
For your viewing pleasure, this is a video of Alex Pardee doing a painting in fast motion. The guy is seriously unreal. I would go so far as to say he's prolly my favorite painter in the game right now...
-Ollie
For your viewing pleasure, this is a video of Alex Pardee doing a painting in fast motion. The guy is seriously unreal. I would go so far as to say he's prolly my favorite painter in the game right now...
-Ollie
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Throwback Thursday: Captain Planet
Of all the cartoons I used to watch, Captain Planet seemed to be the only one concerned with worldly issues, such as polution, destroying the rainforests, etc. Do you remember the premis for this show?
Yes, every single episode started with that intro. I always wondered why the one homie got stuck with the "heart" ring. The shit seems forced. Like, they needed 5 elements and couldnt come up with anything outside of the earth, wind, water, fire, so they just went ahead and threw out random ideas in the pitch meeting and somehow "heart" was the power they settled on. Whatever though, this show had one of the best theme songs of all time...
"Captain Planet, hes our hero, gonna take polution down to zero"...
I hope, in the off chance that I ever reproduce, that cartoons like this make their way back into the world to help sculpt the young peoples minds.
Oh yeah, Warner Brothers, Fox, Lions Gate, and all the rest of you awful movie producers out there, this idea is free. The next one will cost you.
This would make an excellent movie. With the influx of turning cartoons to live action and remaking every film under the sun, why wouldn't you fuck with Captain Planet, and for Pete's sake, give Thundercats some burn. I'm tired of waiting.
-Ollie
Yes, every single episode started with that intro. I always wondered why the one homie got stuck with the "heart" ring. The shit seems forced. Like, they needed 5 elements and couldnt come up with anything outside of the earth, wind, water, fire, so they just went ahead and threw out random ideas in the pitch meeting and somehow "heart" was the power they settled on. Whatever though, this show had one of the best theme songs of all time...
"Captain Planet, hes our hero, gonna take polution down to zero"...
I hope, in the off chance that I ever reproduce, that cartoons like this make their way back into the world to help sculpt the young peoples minds.
Oh yeah, Warner Brothers, Fox, Lions Gate, and all the rest of you awful movie producers out there, this idea is free. The next one will cost you.
This would make an excellent movie. With the influx of turning cartoons to live action and remaking every film under the sun, why wouldn't you fuck with Captain Planet, and for Pete's sake, give Thundercats some burn. I'm tired of waiting.
-Ollie
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Myspace Of The Day:
I think its pretty well known that I am a serious pervert. So with that in mind please don't read to deep into why i was there, just know that I was.
I was shamelessly adding famous people to my myspace friends list today when it hit me... Who has more time to spend surfing blogs then perverted middle age men? And where is the best source to find these perverted middle aged men on myspace?? YES!! You guessed it, on young porn star's myspace pages.
So I'm checkin out Bree Olson's myspace (who is extra bad by the way):
and I scroll down to the comments section of her page. Not sure why, but I always, always read comments on peoples myspace pages. The nature of curiousity i suppose.
Anyways, I see this quote right here (taken directly, no changes made):
"Bree Olson
Thanks for adding me and you tail you a lote that you very sexy eyes i wish i wake up them every morning..love you thanks for adding me..
John"
At first I assumed that John was middle-eastern or chinese, or at least mildly retarded, so i went ahead and investigated a little further...
CLICK HERE TO MEET JOHN
As of right now, John has not accepted my friend request so I havent had a chance to see any other photos beside his default. But from the looks of that haircut and those ultra thick coke bottle rims, I assume homie is heavily disturbed.
It just goes to show why myspace is so much better than facebook. There is no elitism on myspace. Anyone can be friends with anyone. And that my loyal subjects (all 8 of you) is something I can get behind (no homo). Keep fighting the good fight Tom. And to you Mark Zuckerberg, don't think because you gave me back my friend requesting priviledges that you are off the list. You are still getting slapped on site.
And because the backshot is now required by NPB law:
Enjoy perverts. Incidentally, if you are anything like most people, you are probably wondering what this PYT (pretty young thang) is workin with in the sack. CLICK HERE for a sneak peek. And yes, that is the first time in the history of the BAMA that I linked to a known porn site. Things are really lookin up.
-Ollie
I was shamelessly adding famous people to my myspace friends list today when it hit me... Who has more time to spend surfing blogs then perverted middle age men? And where is the best source to find these perverted middle aged men on myspace?? YES!! You guessed it, on young porn star's myspace pages.
So I'm checkin out Bree Olson's myspace (who is extra bad by the way):
and I scroll down to the comments section of her page. Not sure why, but I always, always read comments on peoples myspace pages. The nature of curiousity i suppose.
Anyways, I see this quote right here (taken directly, no changes made):
"Bree Olson
Thanks for adding me and you tail you a lote that you very sexy eyes i wish i wake up them every morning..love you thanks for adding me..
John"
At first I assumed that John was middle-eastern or chinese, or at least mildly retarded, so i went ahead and investigated a little further...
CLICK HERE TO MEET JOHN
As of right now, John has not accepted my friend request so I havent had a chance to see any other photos beside his default. But from the looks of that haircut and those ultra thick coke bottle rims, I assume homie is heavily disturbed.
It just goes to show why myspace is so much better than facebook. There is no elitism on myspace. Anyone can be friends with anyone. And that my loyal subjects (all 8 of you) is something I can get behind (no homo). Keep fighting the good fight Tom. And to you Mark Zuckerberg, don't think because you gave me back my friend requesting priviledges that you are off the list. You are still getting slapped on site.
And because the backshot is now required by NPB law:
Enjoy perverts. Incidentally, if you are anything like most people, you are probably wondering what this PYT (pretty young thang) is workin with in the sack. CLICK HERE for a sneak peek. And yes, that is the first time in the history of the BAMA that I linked to a known porn site. Things are really lookin up.
-Ollie
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Self Help/Motivation
HAHAHA. The end is straight up money. "Hooray for you!!!"
I seriously gotta know who the people are that come up with these ideas, I mean, how did that sales pitch meeting go?
"We've got a great idea.."
"What is it?"
"Well, were going to take a ridiculously generic voice and have it tell you how great you are over and over again. Then were going to mix that over a continual applause track."
"Genius, let's get right to it"
"But wait, there's more..."
"What could you possibly have to improve this amazing and original idea?"
"Puzzle pieces as necklaces..."
"Speechless. Straight to production!"
The commercial is almost as bad as the actual product. That shit is incredibly low-budget. I get the feeling that dude in the commercial really wants to kill himself/someone but he needed the money so he took the gig.
-Ollie
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