Man Laws:

1. If you can grow a beard, grow a fucking beard. PERIOD.



2. After the age of 12, any physical pain you suffer shall not result in tears. I don't care if you've compound fractured your femur, suck that shit up and rub some dirt on it.

3. After you have experienced your first heartbreak, crying over a woman is a waste of valuable time that could be better spent chopping down trees and enjoying that massive beard you have grown since that bitch left.

4. It is completely acceptable to cry during the movies "Fried Green Tomatoes" and "Old Yeller".



5. When given the option to fuck or have your laundry done... Get the laundry done. If she was willing to fuck you before doing the laundry, she will be willing to fuck you after the laundry is done. That laundry ain't gonna do itself.



6. Never leave the fo' sho' pussy fo some mo' pussy.

7. With the exception of your's truly, YOU are NOT getting any better looking with age.

8. You married your high school sweetheart? Congratulations DICK. You never get to see another stitch of tail for the rest of your life.

9. Drinking on your lunch break is completely acceptable, so long as it is a light beer. Save the leaded for after work.

10. If you can't change a tire, kill yourself RIGHT FUCKING NOW.

11. There is no such thing as "the right one", there's the one you want, the one you got, the one you could never have, and the one you wished you never met. In no particular order, of course.

12. If you have won every fight you've ever been in, you haven't been in enough fights.

13. You don't pay the hooker to fuck you, you pay her to leave.

14. If the restaurant does not have a minimum of 3 DIFFERENT cuts of red meat, walk the fuck out.



15. Mother comes before all other females.

16. Happiness, for the most part, is completely fabricated. The only truly happy people in the world are the people who, in all sincerity, do not give a FUCK.



17. The number of true friends you have in this world can be measured on one hand, anything beyond that, you don't comprehend TRUE friends.

18. If you are still currently backing Obama's health care initiative, your balls are gone.

19. Respect is earned, never given.

20. Silence is golden.



21. If your girl has more guy friends than girl friends, she's cheating on you.

22. All women are sisters and would rather eat your heart than give birth to your spawn.

23. If you've never caught a fish... I don't even have to finish.

More on this later...

-Ollie

The World According to Ollie:

Fair warning: This post will not consist of many photos. In fact, there probably won't be any at all. To tell the truth, this is going to be a long, drawn out series of words strung together with no real direction or general theme. Things on my mind, shit i hate, where I've been, why I haven't been posting, all of that will be discussed...

Now.

1. Where have you been?

There is no real answer to that question. I've been in one of the following three places:

1. My bed. Tempurpedic mattress top is better than sex. I've been logging some serious hours in my bed. More than I ever have previously in my life. The dungeon that I dwell in is now more affectionately being refered to as simply, "The Cave". But why young Ollie da boss tycoon? Why have you been spending so much time in your beloved bed? Because, fuck it, that's why.

** Side note ** After heavy deliberation and discussion with the few people in the world whose opinion's matter to me, I have decided to be fully open and honest about my current status in the world. TBC and YBO (that's "your boy ollie" for the uninitiated) decided to take some time off. Most of my drive to write came from the overwhelming confidence I drew from being in a monogomous relationship, but once that got cashed in, I've kinda been a little less driven to write, and even less egotistical than normal... That's all I am going to say about that...

2. Work. I am here roughly 10% more than I am in my bed. This is a great job, but in all seriousness, I really just want to fuckin hate it. It's mundane. It's repetitive. It's boring and unfulfilling. But it's awesome. What other job in the world would allow me as much internet time as I get, and pay me a decent wage, keep the A/C at a very unreasonable 70 degrees all day, and kick down with health insurance and not drug test? Answer: Very few. So as much as I want to just up and walk out of this place just to stir some shit up and break up the day a bit, I don't cause I would be a fucking moron to leave this gig. Seriously.

3. Lurking at your favorite girl's pad. Self explanatory and completely fabricated, but to say that I have been spending all of my time in bed or at work would be too depressing, even for the most bitter of haters.

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Shit I hate: Fucking Everything.

Yep. I still fucking hate everything. Anything that brings you joy, brings me down. I want to punch your stupid child in the face. I want to step on your kittens. I want to snatch the life right out of your self entitled body..

I still love puppies tho..

Back to the hate...

1. I FUCKING HATE drunk people when I'm not drinking. Man, there is literally NOTHING worse than slobbering idiots hangin and drooling all over me when I haven't had any libations and you motherfuckers want to carry on some sort of intelligent conversation with me. Let's get real, you are stupid to begin with, the booze does not help this. In fact, it makes you even less my equal. I already dislike you, don't force me to punch you in the nose to prove my point. Back the fuck up. What part of the brain sends out the message to your body that requires you to be 7 times louder than normal, and 10 times closer to me to talk? BACK THE FUCK UP. I can't take this shit.

2. I hate starting shit and not finishing it. I currently have at least 3 paintings "in the works", but I haven't touched a single one of them in over a month. They sit in the corner of my room collecting dust mocking me, acting as a constant reminder of my incredible lack of drive. It's pathetic. Get your shit together.

**Side Note** Any interest in original works on canvas from yours truly? trades welcome. Willing to consider most negotiable things of value, including, but not limited to: fishing tackle, 12" vinyl, 8-track players and tapes, Boomboxes (working or not), stuffed animal carcasses, bear rugs and other forms of animal home decor, WWF wrestling videos (VHS or DVD), a motorolla brick (as you guppies might call it, "the zach morris cell phone"), ninja weapons, drugs, cash, phone cards, human souls, even large quantities of grape soda. Holler at your boy on the low, nickelplatedbama@gmail.com.

***EXTRA SPECIAL OFFER. ONE TIME ONLY.*** Anyone willing to burn their Raiders or St. Louis Cardinals jerseys can have their pick of anything I have painted to date...

All of the above offers are of course only valid if I ever actually finish a fucking painting.

3. Obama. Look, I didn't like him before his presidency started. I felt like he was really pulling the wool over the American people's eyes and putting on this facade like he was a man of the people but behind closed doors he was really just the purest form of asshole on the planet. Just a real "my shit don't stink" type of cat. Now, I feel like every day in office he gets one step closer to showing his true colors and revealing just how pompous and self-involved he really is. He's got most of the world fooled, but not me. I know he's a prick and it won't be long now until someone catches him slippin and he really fumbles that ball on a public stage and starts goin ICICLE on some unsuspecting white house intern. In fact, if/when that day comes, I can honestly say that I will have a whole new respect and appreciation for all things Obama, cause at least I will know what he's about. We all know how much I love ice cold behavior. I know, I know. But Ollie, you are such a friend to the brothas, how can you hate on Obama so much? Because I don't look at Obama as a brotha. I see him as the president of our country and he needs to be spending more time handling business, and less time guzzling brews on the white house lawn. Of course I like that my president is a smoothed out, beer drinkin', everyday man's man (ahhhnnnt!). What I don't like is that he spends more time being a regular ol' plumber Joe in his jeans and t-shirts than he does governing the United States of America. The solution to the "race war" going on in Boston over a cop arresting a brotha for attempting to break into his own home (which I admit is wiggity wack), is to invite the arresting officer and the "assaulted" man to sit down for a lecture over beers? Come on Obama, you didn't even need to be involved in that. AT ALL. The only reason you got involved is because of the race card that was being played. Eh, I can go on and on about this shit, but when the day ends, Obama is my president, and I respect the man's hustle, but I want to see a little more business and a little less tomfoolery out there in the streets.

4. Lady Gaga is a man? The boys at Eat Me California (a really cool food blog based in Southern California if I'm not mistaken) hipped me to this shit way back when I made the post about how Lady Gaga had the fat ass, but I just dismissed it as another run of the mill Hollywood rumor. But no. This shit is getting real, fast. Apparently Mister Gaga came out on her/his blog saying that it was born as a hermaphrodite and has a small penis and a full on vagina. Are you kidding me yo? Get that shit hacked off and move on. No wonder she dresses like a short bus rider.

5. John Hughes died. That sucks, but he really hasn't done anything impactful in this decade, shit, in this millenium to be perfectly honest so I ain't in tears about it. Big ups to "The Breakfast Club"... "Judd Nelson, he was fucking HARSH". First person to tell me where that quote is from gets a prize.

6. I hate this idiot John Gosselin. He always has the stupidest looks on his face. I ain't gonna front on homie's pimp game tho. He's goin hard on these hoes right out the gate, but I guess when you've been married to easily the biggest bitch in the world of c-list celebrities, you really gotta get out there and put your best pimp foot forward. But yo, on the rizlas player, please stop rockin all that tuurrrrrribble ass Ed Hardy gear. I mean, that shit just makes you look like the world's biggest booger eater. Seriously. No self respecting man on this planet can wear Ed Hardy anymore. That's the rules.

7. After eleven months and 10 days I have started smoking again. This really makes me mad, but fuck it. Everyone's got their vices right?

There's alot more shit that I am hating right now, but my blood is already boiling and I fear that if I continue, I may end up punching right thru my monitor.

So that's that. I feel like I got a lot off my chest, and am now ready to get back on my grind. Sorry again for leaving all you guys hanging for so long. I got my shit back in blog mode and will be working harder than ever to produce quality, original content for the loyal fan base.

-Ollie the Chronic Underachiever

New BAMA Logo?

Nah, I'm bullshittin'. Saw this Obama X Chicago Cubs joint and went AWOL.

I could use it though. Fuck Obama, that shit says "BAMA" as far as I'm concerned.

It could happen.

-Ollie

Lil Wayne Is A Gangster?

And here I thought he was just a rapper that moved millions of kilo's of cocaine...

This is a clip from the interview he did with Katie Couric for the grammy's...


Watch CBS Videos Online

Did you catch that line?? "I'm a gangster, and gangsters don't ask questions..."

Really? But gangsters definitely do interviews with the whitest bird on the planet... And gangsters definitely drink their weight in cough syrup daily... and gangsters definitely wear skinny jeans, and gangsters MOST DEFINITELY sing rock songs through a auto-tuned vocoder...

Get the fuck outta here Weezy. Look, I am a fan of "The Carter 1/2" and wasn't completely mad at the "The Carter 3" but Weezy has taken off on the gayship with Kanye and lets just call this "rock/pop-hop" movement officially a wrap and get back to that real gutter shit...

While I'm venting, can we please address the amount of bullshit "my president is black" type-a joints flooding the internets. I've said it before, but I will definitely reitterate my point:

NOBODY GIVES A FUCK ABOUT A RAPPERS POSITION ON POLITICS!!!

Straight up. I could care less what Young Jeezy The Snowman (snow being a metaphor for cocaine and all) has to say about the current state of American politics.

I'm serious as a heart-attack here people. Jeezy is dumb yo. Real dumb. This cat is takin shots at Bill Fucking O'reilly's credibilty in the political world? Are you serious??

I am not always a believer in Bill's politics, but the man does his homework.

We get it Jeezy, you're a more conscious rapper now. I mean, "YOUR" president is black... You can't keep floodin the streets with that snow under "YOUR" new administration.

Don't get it twisted, I am all for people speaking their opinions freely, God knows I do, but Jeezy is ruining his own credibilty.

Dallas Penn (internets celebrities blogger) kinda hit this point in a recent post.

You cannot be speaking on the president being black and how much of a step forward that is, and then regressing black culture in the very next line telling me about how your "diamonds are still blue" and your "money's still green".

In case you forgot, "YOUR" president is facing the worst recession/depression since the days of Hoover.

Think about it homie, it makes a good hook, but illustrates just how unconscious you rappers are when it "all falls down".

Speak on it.

-Ollie the Revolutionary
-Ollie

This Economy Crisis Is No Joke:

Headline from Bild.com

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"Los Angeles Man Kills his wife, 5 children, then himself:

Los Angeles Police Deputy Chief Kenneth Garner said that the tragic killing in a suburb of Los Angeles occurred after the man cracked under the pressure of the credit crunch: "He was despondent, clearly, over his job situation... This was a financial and job-related issue that led to the slayings."


The father was identified as 40-year-old Ervin Lupoe. He and his wife both worked as medical technicians at the Kaiser Permanente West Los Angeles Medical Centre."

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This shit is straight tragic man. Fuck this downward spiral the country is facing. California is gettin hit hard. California's unemployment rate is at 9.3% almost double what it was this time last year. That gives California the 3rd worst unemployment rate, only behind Michigan and Rhode Island which are at 10.3% and 10% respecfully.

Scary stuff.

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UPDATE:

Apparently Ervin Lupoe faxed over a letter to local authorities informing them of his plan to wax his wife, children and himself. He blames Kaiser Permanente Medical Center for the loss of he and his wife's jobs. In the letter, he explains in detail that he and his wife discussed killing themselves, and decided they didnt want their kids growing up in someone elses hands. The credit crunch became overwhelming and homie decided to call it quits rather than live another stressful day. DAMN HOMIE!

-Ollie Still Thankfully Employed

January 20, 2009: Inauguration

History was made today folks, and regardless of your political beliefs (or mine for that matter) I am a citizen and patriot of this great nation and will stand firmly behind our nation's president, Mr. Barack Obama. From what I have seen and heard, the inauguration speech was A-1, first class, diplomatic (no cam'ron) rhetoric. So, big ups and alladat for the progress being made today.

Alot of you readers that have been around for a while know where I stand politically, and I never hid the fact that I was anti-Obama. But hey, apparently the rest of the nation felt differently and now he's got some serious promises to make good on. I'm givin homie the benefit of the doubt and I will wait, patiently and impartially, to see if he makes good on his talking points.

2009 is the year for change, so, lets make the changes you promised.

Oh yeah, if you hadn't noticed, I took the 3 day weekend and got my horizontal on all day yesterday (Read: napping). I'm back with the heaters today though.

-Ollie Ollie oxen Free

Things done changed...

First off, all congratulations are due and payable to Mr. Barack Obama for his historic win in the 2008 presidential election. In all sincerity, Obama rocked the campaign trail and gave McCain a severe ass whoopin'.

The new first family as of January 20, 2009. Congratulations.




Ok, now that the ass kissin is over with, i would like to address what really happened in this election.

First of all, Obama won in a landslide in the electoral college, at last count 349-161. In the electoral college, save for maybe 4 or 5 states, if you win the state, you win the entire states contribution of electoral college votes. So what that means is, even though McCain won 20 states in the election, his biggest state was Texas with the majority of the other states contributing no more than 5 votes. On the flip side of that coin, Obama won California which carries 55 votes with it (as compared to 34 in Texas) AND New York which carries 31. You can see how winning a few key states can basically ensure a candidates success.

In the actual National Popular Vote it broke down like this:

Obama gets 62,926,158 votes and McCain gets 55,729,124 votes (at time of post), thats a difference of 7,197,034 or 6 percentage points as Obama won 52% to McCain's 46%.

It wasnt really the landslide that is being reported by most liberal media sources.

Other very important factors in this election (yes there was more than just a presidential election) were the senate and house seats up for grabs.

At last count the Democrats gained 20 seats in the house. Which gave them a 248-187 majority in the house. **Note: 218 seats are needed to be the majority.**

In the senate, the Democrats now also have the majority with a 54-41 seat advantage. **note: 50 senate seats are needed for a majority.** With 5 seats still unaccounted for. (Crazy ass left wing nut bag Al Franken is fighting it out to the death on a 0.2 point margin of defeat against his republican opponent).

This is scary for a really conservative voter (luckily i am quite moderate), with the Democrats running the white house, the senate, and the house.

In California, there is still no final decision on prop 8, which i find completely ridiculous. Again, ultra right wing conservatives make my fiscally based conservative nature look bad. **note: at last count, the vote was leaning toward YES.** That is just terrible folks.

On a side note, i am way overdue on my report of "Real Chance of Love" but i havent had a chance to watch it as i have spent the last couple of nights glued to election coverage.

I hope this brought everyone up to speed and gave some insight as to where this country may be headed.

Im not mad at Obama, i said it before, McCain didnt stand a chance as the Republican candidate after the extremely hated Bush Administration.

P.S. much respect due to President Bush for his congratulatory speech to president-elect Obama.

Overall, this was a good election. No terribly foul play, no cheating, no recounts, and oh yeah...

64.1% of Americans turned out to vote, the most since 1908!!!! Thats 100 years folks.

This demands everyone's attention

For those of you that don't read/leave comments (first off fuck you very much, haha jokes) this is a comment i recieved from a close personal friend regarding my disgust with that god foresaken list of influential men...

And i quote:

"As a friend of yours i have to tell you that it is not very becoming of you to "sweat" another person ESPECIALLY a fuckin 106 year old Mccain. I am not stating that Obama will be any sort of great savior of our nation but the fact still remains that John mccain sucks dick its litteraly a fact. Look it up"

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I wanted to publicly respond...


Dear Kyle,

Sweating McCain is hardly the case.

I just think its a huge mistake to have anyone other than Obama and McCain as the 2 most influential people in the world right now. Plain and simple.

Furthermore, I am not so much pro-McCain, as I am anti-Obama.

Please don't give me that "cause hes black" business either.

I am completely sickened by the fact that Cristiano Ronaldo, Christian Bale, Gordon Ramsey, Robert Downey Jr., etc. all seem to have a bigger influence on the WORLD than a 30 year senator/presidential candidate, but you notice Obama gets top billing on the list... interesting i think.

As stated earlier, McCain was not my choice for the republican party, i would have preferred Romney or Guiliani, but we get what we get, and as a conservative voter (one of the only openly conservative "hip hop based" celebrity bashing bloggers that i am currently aware of) i have to combat the brutally biased leftist Obama movement, with the other side of the political coin.

I just hope you vote today Kyle, otherwise anything you ever say to me in regards to a political opinion will be moot.

Love,

Ollie the Maverick

There will be no election talk today!

Yeah Right!!!

Come on folks, its November 4th, 2008. Its election day. Its time to get out there and do the right thing for yourselves (whatever your choice is, just make sure you not only voice it, but actually vote) and for your country.

It is the civic duty of EVERY AMERICAN to take a stance on every issue modern society is facing, MAN THE FUCK UP!!, and get out there and VOTE!

Whats it gonna be America? and more importantly California??

Are we going to piss and moan for the next 4 years about making the wrong decision? Is Barack Obama really going to be the savior of America??

"Lets get real here, As Americans continue to suck on the tit of "CHANGE", it has become more apparent to me that individuals are beginning to see themselves in a different light. Rather than believing that we are adults capable of altering our own situations, we have begun to look to other people to grab the reins and steer us in a different direction (see: Barack Obama)." - Young Smalls

There is NO ONE PERSON that is going to change this country. It takes the entire nation to elect this…ehem… singular figure…we are seeking, and believe it or not folks, even after he is elected, it is still in the hands of Americans to decide what he can and cannot do.

All this “WE NEED CHANGE” and “YES WE CAN” rhetoric is nothing more than a well scripted crowd pleasing chant.

The change comes FROM US, not FOR US. Just remember that.

-Ollie has voted, have you??

P.S. Californian's NO is the way to go.

A message from your future Governor

This is a message i recieved via comment on the post i made last week about the California Props. It was written by Young Smalls, whom i have asked to participate in this blog on numerous occasions, but he doesnt fancy himself a comedic writer so he tends to just read the blog and tell me what he thought about it when i see him later in the day. Anyways, here is Smalls' take on the current state of California politics, and a little insight for you ignorant people out there (if you took offense to that ignorant statement then i was definitely refering to you).


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To my big brother,

Despite your affinity for funny topics ranging from bad bitches to hideous wardrobe choices, I must say I am truly impressed by your desire to blog outside your typical realm of expertise (see BBOTD, etc.) In fact, your breakdown of California Propositions has created a sense of urgency to be heard that I haven't felt since the Presidential election of 2004.

People, lets get it right here, the most commonly felt impact of political propaganda comes in the form of state decisions that directly influence our daily lives. For instance, the ability to drive our car from SF to LA or whether we accept gay partners as neighbors. Though you surely disagree, a different President may or may not affect your daily life. However, a list of CA propositions in this years ballot focuses entirely on one issue that affect all Californians: Are Californians willing to shoulder the financial burden of implementing radical political decisions? I dare say we are not.

Example: Right now our economy faces a problem best described as recession (or better yet, a Depression). As such, any political decision that would involve shifting more money out of American's pockets into programs controlled solely by governmental agencies is likely to be met with a decisive "NO" vote (this process is called the political feasibility test). However, this does not mean that some individuals truly see policy problems and would be willing to lose more of their hard earned money to witness excessive change.

Lets get real here. As America continues to suck on the tit of "CHANGE," it has become more apparent to me that individuals are beginning to see themselves in a different light. Rather than believing that we are adults capable of altering our own situations, we have begun to look to other people to grab the reins and steer us in a different direction (see Barack Obama).

People, we have clearly forgotten that America is a government for the people, by the people. How has our perception of governments role in our lives changed so much since we consented to its creation? Have we forgotten that as the voters, all of the governments power is actually in our hands?

To the loyal readers of NICKELPLATEDBAMA, use your heads. Spending money never changes its form and somehow becomes saving money. Better yet, even if a proposition on the ballot could potentially save us money in the long term sense, not a single American politician is focused on long term American welfare. Rather, it is extremely apparent, that all issues eligible for a vote on November 4th are aimed at some short term fix to a decade long (or longer) problem.

If we are going to admit that hasty decisions from the last Administration had more short term impacts on American problems than long term (economy, foreign policy, etc.), then why would we agree to put another candidate/proposition into office/law that is aimed at providing a short term fix to a long living issue?

I will be the first to admit that finding resolution is always a great platform for success in government. However, I do not feel that sacrificing individuals money, liberty, freedom, and privacy is somehow a recipe for problem solving (see the Patriot Act, Stimulus Package, War in Iraq, etc). Thus, I depart with this piece of advice: A little information is very helpful in deciphering those issues that are most important to you. However, short term fixes never equate to absolute prosperity (see French Revolution or Karl Marx). As a result, take the information available and use your ability to interpret it before making any rash decisions. Just because a candidate or policy promises to bring every individual closer to form of utopia doesn't mean there isn't a cause/effect with negative consequences.

Thomas Jefferson said it best: "Just because the job of government is to improve the lives of its citizens, doesn't mean that they are not doing their job when no changes are made."

CHURCH!!!!

-Young Smalls AKA Fuzzy Badfeet of the world famous Fingersmiths

As promised: the final countdown

I have been putting this off for close to a week now. I honestly have no desire to finish this list because i am very upset with some of the people/placement of people on the top 13 "most influential men in the world" as comprised by Askmen.com. Trust me, this is not my list, and i, in no way, endorse it.

Anyways #'s 49-14 can be found by clicking HERE, HERE, and HERE.

Without further ado...

#13 Mark Zuckerberg



Who?? Oh, the nerd that developed Facebook.com. Facebook started as a Harvard students only site, then branched to include all colleges, now everyone and there brother (including yours truly, although i only signed up and have not logged on more than twice in my life) has a facebook. Its a dumbed down, less interactive, bootleg Myspace. I don't like it. I have always and will continue to be a Myspace supporter and want to take this chance to petition for Tom from myspace to have this spot over this turbo nerd.

#12 Tom Ford



How the hell did Ari Gold's (see: Entourage) stunt double make this list?? Nah, im kidding. This dude used to design for Gucci and, like many others before him (including Thom Browne #43 on this list) decided that he was better than Gucci. WHAT?? better than Gucci? Really Tom?? Gucci is the staple for both Black and White ballers alike. Now you walk around with less flavorful Gucci knock-offs and make lists as an influential person because people thought they were voting for Jeremy Piven (see: Ari Gold Entourage). Please, someone, for the love of all things holy, explain to me how this jerk-off is #12 on this list, but the likes of Ben Bernanke, Kanye West, and Jonathan Ive are all in lower spots than him??

#11 Lorne Michaels



The creator of the longest running sketch comedy show in the history of television, Saturday Night Live. No complaints about ol' Lorne making the list, i actually thinks he deserves a higher spot, but what do i know?? These idiots voted to have Usain Bolt on this list in the #21 spot. God save us.

#10 John McCain



The Maverick! the man responsible for introducing the world to Sarah Palin's sexy ass! The Republican Presidential candidate and current senator! and he is #10??? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE???? People, this man is the only thing standing between Obama and the White House, and he is ranked #10 on this list!!??? Were FUCKED as a nation if you people can't see how turrible this is.

Editors note: anyone in the spots #9-#2, no matter how great they are, have no logical reason for being above John McCain. Period.

#9 Cristiano Ronaldo



The faux hawk rockin, suspected homosexual, Manchester United soccer player?? Really? He is more influential than a presidential candidate? This guy plays soccer and bangs hot chicks (and apparently dudes), and nothing else. He doesnt have a clothing line, he is not a marketing executive, I honestly didnt even know who he was until I watched "Green Street Hooligans" (hard ass flick by the way) and googled Manchester United. Nope, not top 10, not top 50 for that matter. I mean, he's more influential than Beckham? eh-uh we aint havin that.

#8 Rob Kay

I already spoke on this guy, but confused him with Sam Houser as the creator of the Rock Band Series. I didnt like him for being on this list at all, but fucking hate him now for being considered more influential than the Republican presidential candidate. NEXT!!!

#7 Christian Bale



I am literally one step away from having an embolism. I like Christian Bale, he has been my favorite Batman, he was great in "The Prestige", and he nailed it in "American Psycho" but outside of his acting, he is just a wild ass Euro. This fool was recently jailed and charged with slappin his mother and sister. MOTHER AND SISTER, i dont care who you are, or what they did, you are never justified in hittin mom dukes. It is just flat out unacceptable. For that reason alone he should be off this list but somehow he takes the #7 spot. Which leads me to the next man on this list, noneother than:

#6 Gordon Ramsey



The maniac from Hell's Kitchen?? Are you serious??? Dont get me wrong, I typically love to see people act a fool and berate the stupidity of others, but this guy doesnt do it in an exciting or interesting way. He just yells obscenities at undeserving wannabe chefs, and these fools let him get away with it. Lets get this straight right now, if that fool came barkin up my tree, he's gettin bitch-slapped with zero hesitation ON SIGHT. The way he gets in these fools asses (no homo) is enough to make me embarassed for these cat-ass simpletons displaying utter bitchassness (see: term that Diddy coined when refering to those clowns from Making the Band). I dont think i need to mention it but i will, again, this guy is more influentian than John "The Maverick" McCain??

#5 Stephen Colbert



I love The Colbert Report, and this is the first person in the top 10 that i am not mad at. I dont have anything else to say regarding Colbert, he is just awesome.

#4 Robert Downey Jr.



The menace to society Downey Jr.?? The been to jail more times than DMX Downey Jr.?? The prepetually in rehad Downey Jr.?? Holy Shit. Look, this guy has hands down the best comedic timing of his generation (which stretches almost 3 decades) but he has had more trouble with the law than Lil Wayne's crazy ass. Iron Man was a huge hit, but does that automatically give him the jump to top 5 most influential men in the world??? OH HELLLLLLLLLLL NAH. This is a complete and utter travesty and i am sick to my stomach about all but 3 of the top 10 vote getters.

#3 Michael Phelps



The second biggest dork on the list (Mark Zuckerberg gets #1 honors). I will not take away anything from his athletic ability, there has not been a more dominant athlete in his particular sport since Tiger Woods. That being said, this kid swims yo, SWIMS!!! yeah he got 8 gold medals, but that was in swimming. WHO really gives a shit about swimming? If there was an olympic contest for who could drink the most beer, smoke the most cigarettes, and abuse the most women... you bet your sweet little ass im in the running. Moral of the story, the kids great, hes an inspiration, but he has absolutely ZERO influence over me or anyone else i know for that matter, and to be #3 in the ENTIRE world goes to show that this is nothing but "whos hot right now" list.

#2 Steve Jobs



No thats not Spielberg, thats Jobs, and he is a big FUCKING deal. This is the guy behind Apple. Youre runnin shit Steve, handle your business, and get that guap.

#1 Barack Obama



Was there ever really any question?? It is well documented on this site how i feel about Obama so i wont go back over everything i've ever said about him. What i will do though is point out something that really gets the blood boiling...

-This guy wants to be the president of these great United States of America, but refuses to salute the flag, or participate in the singing of the national anthem.

How people are able to look past his utter lack of respect for this nations history/past time and still think he is this nation's savior i will never understand.

There you have it folks, i finally finished, and i can breathe a sigh of relief that i was able to get through it. Sorry it took so long, but i had to pace myself. If i attempted to blast off everyone of these people and roast them all in one day, i would have been so drained i wouldnt have shown up for work/blogging for at least a week.

Id like to take this opportunity to throw out some names of folks who arent on this list that DEFINITELY should be.

Rush Limbaugh
Sean Hannity
Diddy
Jay-Z
Bono
Bill Gates
Conan O'Brien
George W. Bush
Donald Trump
Tom from Myspace

There are plenty more, but you get the point. Askmen.com readers, STEP YO GAME UP!!

-Oliver the Conqueror

Election Day: get your game face on

Tomorrow is it folks. The end of the line for this almost 2 year long battle for the white house. If the polls are any indication, Barack has already won before any votes are even counted. Don't let that stop you from getting out there to vote though. I can personally name 10 CLOSE FRIENDS that arent even registered to vote and who honestly dont give a shit one way or another. On top of that, i have a couple other heavily opinionated friends (on both sides of this political coin) who wont be casting a vote either. This is sickening. All i can say is this, DO NOT MAKE A SINGLE COMPLAINT ABOUT THE WAR, ECONOMY, THE PRESIDENT, THE TAXES, THE LACK OF JOBS, OR THIS COUNTRY BECOMING SOCIALIST if you didnt cast a vote.

Besides alllllladat, there are several props that are VERY important for California voters that you punks need to vote on as well.

Every day of my life, i find myself becoming more and more liberal and it's driving me nuts. It's not my fault though, the Republican agenda has become one of ultra conservative christian values that i for one do not share with my party.

Take abortion for instance, in this day and age, Abortion as an option is a must. PERIOD. There are far too many tweenage mothers (i saw 2 15 year old or younger mothers in the doctors office last time i was there), NO 15 year old needs to be having a child, they cant even vote, buy cigarettes, gamble, or even get married...

Which leads me to my next point, I am furious with the stance ultra right wing conservatives have taken on prop 8.

"Restore Traditional Marriage"! Are you serious? At what point was traditional marriage ever broken down that it would now require restoration?? Who cares if gay folks want to be married? I couldnt care less if the gays want to get married, why shouldnt they have the right to SUFFER (haha) through the trials and tribulations of marriage like the rest of the straight world? And as for that whole "teaching marriage in school" rhetoric, PLEASE STOP IT. I went to school, Kindergarten through 12, even some college, and i dont remember it ever being a staple of ANY curriculum to teach children about marriage. The only thing i can think of is the push for marriage between 2 people who love eachother and want to spend their lives together.

For a christian based party whose founding principals are forgiveness and acceptance, (see: accept Jesus, and he will forgive you) you sure are a judgemental and unforgiving group of people with alot of concern for other peoples choice of lifestyle.

As for the rest of the props, they are important but not enough for me to go through them again, but if you want a run down you can always go ahead and CLICK HERE.

Please believe the rhetoric being spouted about this being "THE MOST IMPORTANT ELECTION OF OUR LIVES". It is very true for BOTH political parties.

As a conservative voter, concerned with self preservation, and a FIRM BELIEVER in SELF SUFFICIENCY, i really do not want to be held responsible for keepin the slackers and non contributing members of our society supplied with food. Look, ive been broke, but i never went to the government lookin for handouts, i know folks on Welfare, and they arent abusing the system, they are working and contributing to the welfare system they are drawing from.

Think of it like this, would you expect to recieve social security if you had never put a dime into the social security system??? If you would, then thats where you and I will differ.

To each their own, but just remember, if you vote for Obama you have to see this everyday:



God, my hatred for him just grows everytime i see that smug ass face of his.

GO VOTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-Ollie the maverick radical

Get Educated

As a blogger, it is my job to keep the people up to date on shit that matters to me. I was reading through one of my favorite blogs thegluttony.com and got this breakdown of all of the California Props. Read up, get informed, and go vote next Tuesday. Unless of course you're a boss like me and have already cast your vote via absentee.

The list of props will give you a basic rundown of the proposition, one pro and one con to passing it.

Prop #1: build a new high speed railroad between San Francisco and Los Angeles
Pro: faster than traveling by car
Con: It costs 9.95 billion dollars and 100% of the cost comes from taxes

Prop#2: Improve overall conditions and treatment of farm animals
Pro: its humane and improves food safety and cleanliness
Con: minimally raise costs for farmers

Prop #3: 980,000,000 towards the construction and remodeling of children’s hospitals
Pro: improves quality of life for patients and does not raise taxes
Con: its an expensive state expense

Prop #4: amends california constitution to require a 48 hr parental notification prior to a minor’s abortion
Pro: Its only a notification, parental permission is not required, does not apply in the cases of a medical emergency
Con: parent has a chance to stop the abortion

Prop#5: improve drug treatment programs and more opportunity for non-violent drug abusers to attend rehab instead of prison. Lessens penalty for small marijuana possession from a misdemeanor to an infraction.
Pro: decreased prison overcrowding, healthier and more thorough treatment for non violent drug abusers
Con: More leniency for drug abusers

Prop #6: more money towards law enforcement and higher penalties for crimes related to abuse of firearms and gang involvement
Pro: less gang and gun violence
Con: expensive for the state, costing almost 1 billion dollars. Prisons are already overcrowded and this will only increase that.

Prop #7: requires 20% of electricity to come from renewable energy by 2010, 40% by 2020 and 50% 2025
Pro: better for environment and depleting natural resources, costs less for energy users in the long term
Con: will force smaller companies out of the market

Prop #8: Amend california constitution to prohibit gay marriage
Pro: helps conservative control freaks sleep better at night
Con: Discriminatory, unnecessary and invasive

Prop #9 Increases crime victim’s rights in relation to parole hearings and criminal justice process
Pro: rights are broadened and more clearly outlines
Con: Unnecessary and could cost billions of dollars in a time of budget constraint

Prop #10 5 billion dollars towards alternative energy research and hybrid car incentives
Pro: Cleaner environment and decreased depletion of natural resources
Con: Arbitrary shelling out of money to people who already own hybrid cars, so it is not much of an incentive but more like a reward. California budget crisis!

Prop #11: Puts redistricting process in the hands of a 14-member non-partisan commission instead of elected politicians
Pro: Process becomes more fair and neutral because the 14-member commission does not have a hidden agenda
Con: complete reformation of original process

Prop #12: 900,000,000 towards loans for veterans to put towards purchase of homes
Pro: could drastically decrease homelessness
Con: Expensive for the state

Let me say this, You cannot consider yourself a pimp/gangster/hustler/social icon if you do not vote in this election.

McCain doesnt stand a chance in California, but he got my vote.

B.E.T. Awards: The Cypher

Solid "freestyles" (see: pre written) from Juelz, Fab, and Jada...



The kid Ace Hood needs to quit it with all that swagger talk...

On a different note, for anyone who didn't watch the B.E.T. Awards last night (i dont blame you) everyone's new favorite rapper Weezy was ackin a dam fool all night. He was on stage buggin out with some straight skankin (see: ska) dance moves with those nerd-hoppers Pharell and company. He changed clothes AT LEAST 5 times, gave awful singing performances and overall just let me know how seriously fucked up he is.

Let me say this again, as loudly as i can...knock knock "can you hear me in the back"... THE SKINNY JEANS WITH HIGH TOP'S HAS GOT TO STOP BEFORE YOU CORRUPT AN ENTIRE GENERATION.

Oh yeah, did anyone see that god awful fit Big Boi (Outkast) had on?? He was rockin a pair of these:



with the jeans tucked in. Takin that high top trend to the next level. overall Big Boi i gotta give you a big NADDAGOODLOOK!!

Every single person that set touched the microphone last night was preachin Obama. Then Ice Cube killed the momentum by saying "Vote Black" insenuating that the only reason to vote for Obama is because he's black. Not the best way to go Cube, but I dont think anyone cares at this point anyway.

-Ollie Popper

That siccness

Your favorite blogger has come down with the siccness. My head is so congested i can hear myself blink. Im completely mouth breathing and ive basically never been more miserable in my life, but i had to stop off to let ya'll know that i havent quit ya, im just gonna be outta commission until monday when i promise to resume my rant on the top 49 most influential men as well as bless the fellas with some lovely new dimes.

Question of the day though...

Why is Obama becoming the new Che Guevera??

EVERY streetwear company has jumped on the bandwagon and come out with some Obama silohette 2 color screen print to capitalize on the popularity of America's revolutionary. Im kind of saddened, but then again, this is a capitalistic society, maybe we can explain that to Obama... Everyone is tryin to get rich off of his likeness while he tries to turn us into a socialistic society.

I for one love this.

Back on Monday, if not sooner.

-Ollie can't breave

as a moderately conservative voter:

it pains me to say that republican presidential candidate John McCain is pretty much gonna have to throw in the towel.

Obama has become a full on celebrity and bandwagon riders have taken up with him. For actual Obama supporters (people who actually know what hes pitching), not just the common sheep takin the bait that the hollywood left is feeding you, this is great news, but for people like me, who are actually concerned with this countrys welfare this is really a jagged pill to swallow.



Obamaham Lincoln

If any of the polls are correct, there isnt a single vote being cast for McCain as Obama is up like 40 points in every poll (you arent really buying that are you??)

I just really hope that Americans rallying behind this "we need change" "yes we can" rhetoric, really do understand what they are doing. This is a presidential election people, not a high school student body president election, where popularity is more important than policy...

IT IS BLATANTLY OBVIOUS that Obama is the more popular candidate, his speech writers have given him several great talking points (that he continues to drill into the heads of unsuspecting impressionable youth like subliminal messages), he is more youthful and has really embraced that 50% black half and decided to leave out the fact that hes also half white (please dont take that in any way as racist, just stating a fact), and he presents an overall "cooler" albeit cocky and smug (in my opinion) persona.

The guy is basically the polar opposite of George W. Bush. Which, for him, at this time in America, is the best thing to be.

Listen people, if Bush wouldnt have been what most consider to be a "complete fuck-up" (their words, not mine), Obama wouldnt even be relevant. LETS BE REAL HERE.

Obama is a junior senator with something like 180 days in the senate (thats half a year by my calculations) yet he attacks Sexy Ass Sarah Palin, for her lack of experience, he has done nothing to instill a feeling of respect and pride for this country or its inhabitants, his voting record clearly shows that he is anti-war, which most American's are (but the average American doesnt even know why we are fighting this war, they still believe Bush has a vendetta and all that matters is OIL). But, im gonna stay away from that for now and get back on point...

The overall point here is simple, if Barack Obama is going to win this election it will be more as a "FUCK YOU" to Bush and his supporters, than it will be as a legitimate candidate with the credentials to do the job. The sad part is, that doesnt even matter to most voters...

Here's what Obama is going to look like when he wins this election:



Thats my word, thats Obama dancin on soul train.

I understand the willingness you people have to get behind a candidate like Obama, I really do, but it saddens me that you will take the word of a liberal media source, or some dumb fuck celebrity that spends more time ridin the white horse (See: sniffing cocaine) than they do reading policy or understanding politics in any way to actually make an informed decision.

I love this country, FOR REAL, and cant imagine living anywhere else, but were really going to be in for a world of change, that ultimately might not be the best thing for us as a nation.

Please people, do your research, understand the facts, and dismiss the talking points, the John McCain and Sarah Palin bashing, and make your vote count.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It would be so easy to switch sides and join the Obama bandwagon.
McCain makes himself look like a fool all of the time, but i wonder if him making this face:



means that he is unable to run this country???

... OR if Sarah Palin being sexy as all hell (for real, dont front, politician or not, she is fine and the definition of MILF) means that she isnt able to conduct herself in a professional political manner and make executive decisions that benefit this country and not her national rating as vp??

Thats whats going to happen here folks, if (when) Obama gets elected, he is going to be more concerned with his rating and popularity with Americans than he will be about how were fighting a war on U.S. soil because he pulled funding and troops from the ongoing conflicts in Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, and Saudi Arabia.

The bottom line is this, I wont feel safe going to sleep at night knowing that a bleeding heart pussy, who would rather win your support through promises of lower taxes and cheaper healthcare, has completely turned a blind eye to the fact that this country is and will be (whether he likes it or not) in war for several more years to come. Yeah, I said it, Obama is not going to fight this war nor is he going to end it. He is going to pretend like it isnt even happening, and while everyone is sitting home enjoying that cushy tax break and their cheaper healthcare, North Korea, Iran, Afghanistan, Iraqi insurgents and the rest of the lunatics that hate America for all the reasons that are going to allow Obama to become president, are plotting their next attack on US.

Were going to be in trouble folks, i just hope everyones prepared for whats to come.

and OH YEAH! I FUCKING HATE JOE BIDEN!... i mean look at the smirk on this assholes face:



I dont think i could deal with seein this jerk-offs smile for the next 8 years.

END RANT! for all the liberal readers of this blog (prolly about 90% of you, im sorry if you dont agree, but ive been havin the obama campaign spoon fed to me for the last 3 months straight, its time for someone to give you an alternative to his "being the greatest thing walking" bullshit... I still love you.

-Oliver Right