Friday, December 5, 2008

Friday football picks

A little known fact about your boy Ollie; aside from being a chauvenistic, self absorbed, overly confident, womanizing asshole, im also a lowlife (albeit loveable) degenerate gambler. Shocking, i know.

Moving on. Lately ive been finding myself saying "i told you so" far too much on Monday mornings, meaning, i had the right pick, but nobody believed me because i hadnt made it public. So today we're gonna try a little something new. Call your bookies folks, Ollie's takin' yo' ass to chuuuuch.

NCAA football picks for Saturday December 6, 2008.

Pick #1 Pittsburgh (+3) over Connecticut. Why? Bottom line, Pittsburgh is a stronger team plays well on the road, and has a better in conference record than Connecticut. My advice, take Pittsburgh and the 3 points

Pick #2 USC (-33) vs. UCLA. Take USC and lay the 33 points.


Why? Well because UCLA has laid an egg every game out this season, got smoked by a mediocre BYU team, UCLA just barely squeaked by a struggling Washington Huskies team, whereas USC put the boots to Washington in a blinding 69-0 performance. Save for USC's one loss this season to Oregon State (???) they are easily the strongest team in the Pac-10. Pete Carrel is a genius coach and if you combine that with USC's incredible ability to run up the scoreboard, this looks like a no-brainer. Take USC and lay the 33 points. And for those of you who think this game is going to be close because its an in-state rivalry, save it. If USC wants any shot at a big Bowl game they are going to have to win this one with incredible style.

Pick #3 Florida (-9.5) Vs. Alabama Lay the 9.5 and take Florida. Why?

Well, Lets not forget that Florida has this guy:


Who is the reigning Heisman Trophy winner and just so happens to be fuckin this bird:


And Florida wants to play Oklahoma in the BCS championship game. The only way there is with a convincing win over Alabama. Trust in this, Florida has the Offense AND Defense to get this done. They are a team full of showboatin assholes that have absolutely no shame or humility... That translates into a mentality of score points, then score more points, then score more points.

I know the arguement is going to come that Alabama is #1 in the country. BIG FUCKIN DEAL... They have played a weak Georgia squad, and an even weaker LSU squad (and they had to go to overtime to win it) other than those 2 SEC rivals, they havent played anyone. Florida should run 'em right out the building.

Pick #4 Oklahoma (-17) vs. Missouri. Take Oklahoma, lay the 17 and call it a day. Why?

I can only imagine that there will be a whole lotta this:


cause Sam Bradford is that dude right now. He's playin for a chance at the Heisman and with a solid win over this doofus:


"Hi my name is Chase Daniel and i'm an alcoholic" LOL. Nah seriously though, Chase Daniel is a beast as far as College Quarterbacks go, but the kid looks like a linebacker that drinks his weight in beer as a pre-game warm up routine.

NFL picks.

Pick #5 Washington Redskins (+5) vs. Baltimore Ravens. Why?

Well Washington Redskins have this goin for 'em:


Everyone of those broads is silky smoove. And the Ravens, what do they have going for them:


Ray"enthal James Simpson" Lewis. Ol' "i killt me a man and got away wid it now ive found da lawd" himself. Yeah, i said it. This muhfucka pulled an O.J. (read: killed a man and got off) but nobody ever even mentions him. Know why? Cause O.J. decided to stay in everyones face and flaunt it like a real "not from concentrate" ice cold pimp would do. Big Shout out to O.J. Keep ya head up pimp, they tryna give my man LIFE for stealin his own shit back, but thats a whole 'notha story for a whole 'notha post.

Movin on, my reasoning here is simple, Washington is in dire need of this win and whether they win or lose it should be a really close game cause the Ravens can't score offensively, so if Washington can stay away from turnovers they should be right in it.

Pick #6 Philadelphia (+8) vs. New York Giants over/under 45 combined points. Im betting the over on this game... Why? simple...

Whenever this guy:


and this guy:

(I see you McNabb, dont hurt em with that electric slide pimpin')

match up, you're in for a shootout. McNabb needs to have a big game, and with a win NYG locks up the NFC East, so they are both gonna be slangin that ball to make shit happen.

Honorable Mention goes out to the dumbest muhfucka this side of the Atlantic, Plaxico Burress (really mom-dukes Plaxico??)


Why? well in case youve been asleep for the last week, Ol Plax is currently being held in the clink for puttin a bullet through his leg and will be facing criminal charges for illegal gun possession. As if the shame of shooting yourself wasnt enough punishment, ol' Plax is gonna get fined, get suspended (maybe even fired), and on top of alladat, most likely will be seein some time Up North (for all you white folks, Up North means "in jail"). When are celebrities and athletes gonna learn, thats why you keep your block homies wit' chu. Let them hold the burner, let them take the hit, and you keep makin that guap to put on the commissary to keep the big homie happy.

Sorry about getting off topic there, back to business.

Pick #7 and #8 Tampa Bay (+3) vs. Carolina over/under 38. Take Tampa Bay and the points and parlay it with the over.

Why?? Its simple. Tampa Bay has this guy:

(Comeback player of the year for the last i 'ont know, 6 years at least)

who just happens to be smashin cakes with this bird:


I see you Carmella, youre in the runnin for the world's largest love gap.
****note to the uninformed the love gap is that little space between them thighs****

Plus, Carolina is wack. They may be 8-4, but its a weak ass 8-4. Their best win was that bullshit touchdown as time expired against my beloved Chargers (who provided quite the thrashin to those God Awful Raiders last night by the way). Jake Delhomme is washed up, were tired of hearing his name. Steve Smith is the only good thing goin on in Carolina right now. Yeah I said it, Fuck Julius Peppers.

The over is a pretty straight forward bet. Both teams have mediocre defenses and better than average offenses so they should be able to rain down more than 2 touchdowns apiece.

Pick #9 Atlanta Falcons (+3) vs. New Orleans. Take the falcons and the points.

Why? Well because even though Drew Brees is in the running for MVP of the league this year, the saints have not put together more than 2 wins in a row all season. They are coming off a huge blowout of the (fudge)Packers, and are still playing without Reggie Bush.

Plus, the Falcons have this guy:


I see you Michael (Turner). This cat has been goin off on defenses for 100+ yards on the regular, and playing against one of the softest D's in the NFC, Michael Turner is gonna chew up that Defensive line all game. Fantasy note, even though i dont play fantasy, if you have Michael Turner, you better believe you should start him. This cat was Ladanian Tomlinson's understudy for several years in San Diego, he learned from the best, and is now showing the best (LT) what youre supposed to be doing.


So there you have it, weekend touts from your (un)friendly neighborhood gambler.

-Ollie the picking machine

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Shame, Shame, Big Ollie! You just made your job a lot harder by posting predictions.

Wh do you think you are, Jim Rome?

Leave it to the experts on this one. Keep complaining about your gambling problems, but leave your loyal readers out of your vices. CHHUUUUCHHHHH!!

Young Fuzz, Don't Mention My Feet