Wednesday, December 10, 2008

30 minutes ago

I was treatin the old lady to a gourmet lunch at Costco (the hot dogs are on point) and your boy Ollie had to get a little sideways on this old man. Look, I hate alot of shit that goes on in this world, and a couple of those things I really hate are as follows:

1. I hate having my back to people (risk of being snuck up on)

2. I hate stupidity

3. I hate stupid people in my area

4. I hate when stupid people who don't know they're stupid stand behind me in my blind spot.

So here's what happened.

I'm sitting at one of those lovely Costco food court picnic tables:


about to indulge in the highest quality snack know to man:


when i start to feel a presence behind me. I turn around to find one of the creepiest looking Costco goers of all time pacing behind me and occasionally glancing over at my chick. I let it go for approximately 2 bites of my hot dog but i just couldnt take it anymore.

The conversation went as follows:

Oliver Wrist: "Excuse me sir, is there a reason you are hangin around behind me"

Old Creepy Guy: no answer

Oliver Wrist: "Hey, do you mind giving me some room to eat my lunch here"

Old Creepy Guy: "HUH??"

Oliver Wrist: "Dude, you are fuckin lurkin and hoverin' over my shoulder, give me some room"

Old Creepy Guy: (Confused look on his face) "uhh, ok?"

Oliver Wrist: "Now would be good".

The ball and chain (my gf): "that was rude"

Oliver Wrist: "Fuck him".

Man, i'm still fuckin annoyed by that shit and its been close to an hour ago. Who the fuck thinks its ok to stand 18 inches away behind my back and stare hella creepy at my chick? Aint happenin on my watch.

-Ollie the old guy intimidator


B aka i will punch an old geezer too bleezy said...



knowing u as well as i know u i just got the greatest visual ever hahaha great illustration by the way i can just see u ready to go brock lesnar on some old guy and i can definately see kaylan thinkin your being rude haha great shit

Kristen said...

I'm sure I would have felt the same way your girl did about being rude to the creepy old man (even if he was invading your personal space and making you uncomfortable). However, I would have probably been so swept away by the sheer romanticism of the Costco lunch date and the chivalrous need to protect the woman you love from ensuing danger that I may have let it slide.