Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Further proof Americans have lost their minds

Before i get back to bashing this damn list of influential men (that has become the bane of my existence, because i really dont want to look at the list again) i would like to take the time out to give you a couple of definitions.

1. Influential- 1. The Power to affect others. 2. Power to produce effects because of wealth, position, ability, etc.

2. Popularity- 1. Liked by many people.

Now my question... Is this list A) the most influential OR the most popular??

My vote is popular. There is no question in my mind that 40 percent of this list is here strictly because they are media friendly/relevant. I know im not reaching the vastest market in the world, but i like to feel that im more influential than Lewis Hamilton. WHO??? the formula one race car driver...

Back to the verbal lashings...

#24 Lakshmi Mittal


The look on his face tells his story. This guy took his grandfathers steel business and turned it into a billion dollar industry. This muhfucka right here is the definition of TYCOON. Take notice. This is what every person on Earth should be striving for, a REAL rags to riches story, not a fabrication like 90% of rappers these days.

#23 Johnathan Ive


This cat is responsible for some of the best techno-toys on the market in the last 5 years. He is the driving force behind everything "I", Iphone, Ipod, Imac, etc. This fool is beastin up and makin Mac that LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG cheese. No issues with him on the list, just his placement.

#22 George Clooney


Oh hell yeah! Sure, George is a phenomenal actor (i love his character in the Ocean's Eleven series) but more than that he is EASILY the biggest pimp on this list. Unless i missed it somewhere, this guy has been voted sexiest man alive more than once, hes almost 50 years old and STILL unmarried. Thats whats up George. No rings = cuttin up any trick you want to, and believe me George does his share of cuttin. This guy is building a new hotel on the vegas strip, no big deal right? He made it MANDATORY for a stripper pole in every room, as well as a fully stocked bar! This fool loves to party, and that my friends, is the reason i am down with Clooney!!

#21 Usain Bolt


Are you fucking kidding me?? Be real, had anyone in the world (outside of track runners, but they dont count anyway) ever heard of this cat prior to the summer olympics?? Im being dead serious here. ALL he does is run fast. Sure, he broke some world records, but who gives a shit, hes a runner!! A RUNNER!!! plus now the word on the skreets is that homie is gettin hymned up for his extracurricular activities (see: puff puff no pass). He will no longer be relevant in 6 months. I aint mad at him for makin the list, im mad at the makers of the list.

#20 Lebron James


Nope. Cant get behind this. He plays ball. He is not a fashion icon. He's the father of something like 4 kids and hes not even 25 yet. He's got more money than he knows what to do with, but somehow cant pay for condoms. Havin kids is gonna get expensive King James, especially when you get up into those Flava Flav numbers (that fools got like 11 kids, no wonder hes pimpin himself out to VH1). No question Lebron is top 5 in the NBA talent wise, but that doesnt get you a write in as one of the most influential men in America. I think you should actually have to have some sort of influence on people's lives to get that branding. I just dont see it, especially to be in the 20 spot. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

#19 Ben Bernanke


"[Ben Bernanke] is the man smack in the middle of the U.S. economic collapse, and was a major proponent of a bailout of private financial institutions by the United States government -- a controversial move for a Republican government that is usually staunchly in favor of the free market. Ironically, one of Ben Bernanke’s main focuses over the course of his economic career has been the Great Depression, which some of the more extreme news pundits have suggested could be beginning again. His decisions in his role as chairman of the Federal Reserve during this tumultuous time have had an enormous impact on all our lives." - Askmen.com

Basically he's catchin the blame for the economic crisis the U.S. is facing. Understand this, just because he is the chairman does not mean he calls the shots, in fact its very similar to the presidency of the U.S.A. He gets checked and balanced just like the president, but when the shit hits the fan, he takes the heat.

With the U.S. in its toughest economic state in decades, would it be safe to say that if Bernanke is, in fact, responsible for the current state of our economy he is a little bit more influential in this world than say... DANA WHITE!!!! (yeah, the president of UFC) who got ranked #14 on this list. WHAT THE FUCK is wrong with you people.

#18 Kobe Bryant


Holy lord. Kobe?? The "leave yo ass fo' a white girl whether she wants it or not" Kobe? yeah, him. Look, Kobe is hands down the best ball player in the NBA, no arguement, dont even bother, but thats it. Lets not give him any more undue credit, he plays ball, but nothing else. Get him off the list, immediately.

#17 Kanye West


America, please stop taking your fashion tips from Yeezy, he is a confused, heartbroken narcissist that thinks no matter what he does, the people are gonna follow, and to be honest, thus far he's been right. Lets put an end to this. As much of a Kanye fan as i have been since his debut, it almost saddens me to say that i will be pushing for a boycot on the purchase of his latest album, strictly for his benefit and not my own. Kanye needs to understand what made him great. That bragadocious overly egotistical flat-out asshole approach to rhyming. No one wants the king of all egos singin heartbreak songs through a vocoder. Please Kanye get it together, youre ruining hip hop and making it ok for idiots like T-Pain to remain relevant in the music industry. As a man of the people, you have to take it upon yourself to shape the future of hip hop, and this current route is just not the way to go. Get back to your roots and stay in your lane.

#16 Thom Yorke


Frontman for the band Radiohead. Ive never been a fan to be completely honest, but from a strictly musical standpoint he is really creative. Im not mad at him being on this list, so long as he continues to a be a drugged out musical genius because lets face it, the only creative people around anymore are drug-addicts or insane or both. I like where he went with this challenge to the music industry and friends alike when he made this statement:

"What is music worth?"....Allowing fans to pay whatever they wanted for the download, including the option of paying nothing at all, posing an ethical dilemma to both a public that rampantly pirates music and an industry that constantly overprices.

I aint mad at you for that Thom.

#15 John Stewart


The ultra left wing Comedy Central news mogul. Listen, John Stewart has been great since he asked us all "have you ever seen the back of a $20 dollar bill....... ON WEED??" Now as the host of "The Daily Show" he gives ridiculously biased coverage of the news everyday influences millions of viewers to feel the way he and his writing staff feel. Cant be mad at that, I wish i had that power (i will someday real soon if you lovely people keep reading religiously). John also gave the world Stephen Colbert, so we gotta be thankful.

#14 Dana White


If you dont know who Dana is, slap yo'self. This guy single handedly brought the UFC out of the shadow of WWF and boxing and made it the premier stage for hand to hand battle. Now im not a big fan of the UFC, mainly because i absolutely hate Joe Rogan (if youre not familiar with my distaste for Joe Rogan you can read about it HERE), but outside of Rogan the UFC is the home to the best fighters in the world, no question. Dana White keeps it gangster too by not having female fights, which i completely agree with, although Gina Carano is a bad bitch and she squabs like a dude. Get that paper Dana!

That does it for today. Check back tomorrow for #'s 13-1, and the list of people that didnt make it, that i believe should have.

-Ollie the don

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