Wednesday, October 22, 2008

These cats cant be serious!

In my quest to become the greatest blogger i can be, I am forced to traverse through some pretty rough terrain to bring you, the valued readers, strictly the best of the best out there on the interweb. Now i know i miss some obvious stuff. But, thats just it, its obvious, therefore i wont waste your time (or mine!) bloggin about this trivial shit that perpetually surrounds you and I alike (like everything i blog about isnt trivial, but im just sayin)...

Moving on now, yesterday i stumbled across the top 49 most influential men of 2008. It wouldnt be enough for me to link you to the site, no, you know your ol' boy Ollie is going to break down each individual, so that you, again the loyal reader of this blog, will not have to waste your time reading the opinions of the collective 200,000 men (see: idiots) that voted to compile this list..
Instead you will get my opinion and my opinion only...

The list itself will prolly be broken down into sections of 10-15 guys at a time as i dont want you spending your entire day reading one post, and I will prolly be so mad by the end of the first section of these cats that i will want to throw the keyboard through the monitor...

So without further ado, the list begins with...

#49 Kevin Rose

I know what youre thinkin... WHO?? yeah, thats exactly where i was until i researched a little. Basically, this guy started the website, its like a college humor on consumption junction where you get your daily dose of funny, news, gossip, etc... (basically nickelplatedbama??) anywho, it was rumored that google was going to pay this dude 200 million for rights to the site but he held out, the market fell out, and well now, lets just say hes rebuilding without that long google loot. Dumb bastard... I ask now what/who did he influence to make this list?? I mean sure he runs a cool website (obviously not that cool, ive never been to it or even heard of it until yesterday), but what else does he do? Hes a nerd. he doesnt even do his own research or write his own text, he just steals it from everyone else. Bottom line, he does not deserve to be on this list.

#48 Lil Wayne

That Lil Wayne? really? the one that got caught tryin to smuggle kilos of that white, bricks of that green, still sippin on that purple drank, gun totin, vocoder swagger jackin Lil Wayne? that Lil Wayne, really?? GOOD LORD.
Alright lets get real for a minute, im a weezy fan, there i said it, but there is no way on earth he should ever make a list of most influential men in the WORLD. Granted, Weezy is one of the most influential in the rap game without question, but other than that rap what has he given us?? He has inspired a slew of garbage ass rappers gettin deals while every A&R in the business is quickly lookin to find the next Weezy. He has shown young black Americans how NOT to dress:
He has shown young black Americans how to drink sizzurp and act a damn fool, he has inspired the world to take pills and get into "slow flow" mode, but has he done a damn thing to help ANYONE besides himself to get better?? HELL NAH. Weezy i love you dog (no homo) but you do not deserve to be on this list, EVER.

#47 Criss Angel
Alright i gotta be real here, I actually like this cat's illusions/stunts whathaveyou, but who does he influence outside of young magicians (are there even any out there, magic is kinda dead isnt it?) I sure hope its not his fashion sense, or hairstyles that are influencing folks, cause we will seriously be a fugayzee ass society if we start takin our cues from this cat. NEXT!

#46 Alex Rodriguez

Ok, I admit that i've been waiting for a chance to use that picture of A-Rod being super cat-like lettin that ol chinamen rub on his chest plate (also dude, chinamen is not the preferred nomenclature, asian american please)..back to your regularly scheduled rant... So A-Rod plays baseball, steps out on his wife, blackballs the yankees, holds out on contracts, breaks down for a half a season, and still makes this list over other baseball standouts, like i dont know, Derek Jeter for instance?? A-Rod has been recently gettin alot of play in the media for alledgedly havin a sex tape with Madonna... isnt that bitch like 60 bro?? STEP YO GAME UP A-Rod, when you start pullin top notch tail like Meagan Good, hell even Vida Guerra, then you might crack the top 50 next year. until then, youre CUT!

#45 Sidney Crosby
Who? well unless youre an avid sportsfan and watch sportscenter 3 hours a night, you wouldnt have a clue. He's a pro hockey player and is supposed to represent the next coming of new blood to the NHL. Like anyone gives a fuck about hockey. There is no reason he should be on this list, period.

#44 Ryan Seacrest
I can get behind Ryan Seacrest (no homo) makin this list. Dude hosts a morning talk show, hosts an afternoon T.V. show, and hosts American Idol during its season. He definitely influences pop culture (see: influence). Aside from the fact that he is blatantly gay, ridiculously smug, and generally carries an ora of sheer assholeness (which i aint mad at) Seacrest deserves to be on this list.

#43 Thom Browne
OH you mean Kanye's new stylist... EEHHNNNTTT. NO, im bullshittin, nah this cat is a designer that used to be down with Armani but as with most designers decided his creative control was lackin so he was going to start his own line... Like you are really fuckin with Armani dollars homie? puhlease. Anyways he makes clothes that are way too small and encourages people to wear that garbage, so no, i dont like him and he has no business on this list.

#42 David Simon/Ed Burns
These guys are responsible for bringin us the wire.

If youre not up on the Wire, i cant even fuck witcha. ITS THAT SIMPLE. The Wire is quite possibly the best television series of all time, "yeah i said it, NOW WHAT YOU GON' DO??"
No doubt they deserve to be on this list and in my opinion (which is the only one that counts here) they should be much higher on this list.

#41 Lewis Hamilton
Yeah he's a brotha. Yeah he's young. Yeah he drives a formula one race car. So what? So does Danica Patrick and shes a chick. Bottom line fuck Lewis Hamilton, homie drives go-karts. BEAT IT!!

#40 Brett Favre
Ol gray bush himself made the list?? oh well, im not really mad at this pick. He's keepin hope alive for the average man over 40 thinkin that its all downhill (and for most of you it is, sorry) from here. Good work Brett, but you still look stupid in a Jets jersey and you should have stayed your punk ass at home.

#39 Heath Ledger
Ok, now i know its prolly completely morally wrong to go hard on someone thats dead, but i have a reputation to uphold and not even death gives you a pass on your tomfoolery.
I have openly admitted to having "10 things I hate about you" in my top 50 movies of all time. What can i say, im a big fan of teenage angst ridden comedies, plus that kid David krumholtz is wild as fuck!
With that said, Heath Ledger has only made one flick that i have refused to watch and just like Voldermort (for you Harry Potter nerds) the name of that film shall not be mentioned. I havent seen "The Dark Knight" (I know, don't start) but i hear homie was the real deal in that joint. So, ultimately Heath Ledger falls into that category of live fast, die young, hollywood fatalities and its a shame that even though his best roll ever (from what i hear) was "The Joker" he will always be remembered for backin down Jake Gyllenhall. YUCK.

Ok, ive had enough for now. I may be back a little later this afternoon to touch on this subject again, but i gotta get my wits back about me. Im so mad i could spit nails. I can only stand behind two of these 10 men (no homo) picked thus far.

What is this world coming to??? Im seriously getting worried about this country, if the list continues like this (which you know it will) i'm going to lose it.

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