Monday, November 3, 2008

As promised: the final countdown

I have been putting this off for close to a week now. I honestly have no desire to finish this list because i am very upset with some of the people/placement of people on the top 13 "most influential men in the world" as comprised by Askmen.com. Trust me, this is not my list, and i, in no way, endorse it.

Anyways #'s 49-14 can be found by clicking HERE, HERE, and HERE.

Without further ado...

#13 Mark Zuckerberg

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Who?? Oh, the nerd that developed Facebook.com. Facebook started as a Harvard students only site, then branched to include all colleges, now everyone and there brother (including yours truly, although i only signed up and have not logged on more than twice in my life) has a facebook. Its a dumbed down, less interactive, bootleg Myspace. I don't like it. I have always and will continue to be a Myspace supporter and want to take this chance to petition for Tom from myspace to have this spot over this turbo nerd.

#12 Tom Ford

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How the hell did Ari Gold's (see: Entourage) stunt double make this list?? Nah, im kidding. This dude used to design for Gucci and, like many others before him (including Thom Browne #43 on this list) decided that he was better than Gucci. WHAT?? better than Gucci? Really Tom?? Gucci is the staple for both Black and White ballers alike. Now you walk around with less flavorful Gucci knock-offs and make lists as an influential person because people thought they were voting for Jeremy Piven (see: Ari Gold Entourage). Please, someone, for the love of all things holy, explain to me how this jerk-off is #12 on this list, but the likes of Ben Bernanke, Kanye West, and Jonathan Ive are all in lower spots than him??

#11 Lorne Michaels

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The creator of the longest running sketch comedy show in the history of television, Saturday Night Live. No complaints about ol' Lorne making the list, i actually thinks he deserves a higher spot, but what do i know?? These idiots voted to have Usain Bolt on this list in the #21 spot. God save us.

#10 John McCain

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The Maverick! the man responsible for introducing the world to Sarah Palin's sexy ass! The Republican Presidential candidate and current senator! and he is #10??? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE???? People, this man is the only thing standing between Obama and the White House, and he is ranked #10 on this list!!??? Were FUCKED as a nation if you people can't see how turrible this is.

Editors note: anyone in the spots #9-#2, no matter how great they are, have no logical reason for being above John McCain. Period.

#9 Cristiano Ronaldo

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The faux hawk rockin, suspected homosexual, Manchester United soccer player?? Really? He is more influential than a presidential candidate? This guy plays soccer and bangs hot chicks (and apparently dudes), and nothing else. He doesnt have a clothing line, he is not a marketing executive, I honestly didnt even know who he was until I watched "Green Street Hooligans" (hard ass flick by the way) and googled Manchester United. Nope, not top 10, not top 50 for that matter. I mean, he's more influential than Beckham? eh-uh we aint havin that.

#8 Rob Kay

I already spoke on this guy, but confused him with Sam Houser as the creator of the Rock Band Series. I didnt like him for being on this list at all, but fucking hate him now for being considered more influential than the Republican presidential candidate. NEXT!!!

#7 Christian Bale

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I am literally one step away from having an embolism. I like Christian Bale, he has been my favorite Batman, he was great in "The Prestige", and he nailed it in "American Psycho" but outside of his acting, he is just a wild ass Euro. This fool was recently jailed and charged with slappin his mother and sister. MOTHER AND SISTER, i dont care who you are, or what they did, you are never justified in hittin mom dukes. It is just flat out unacceptable. For that reason alone he should be off this list but somehow he takes the #7 spot. Which leads me to the next man on this list, noneother than:

#6 Gordon Ramsey

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The maniac from Hell's Kitchen?? Are you serious??? Dont get me wrong, I typically love to see people act a fool and berate the stupidity of others, but this guy doesnt do it in an exciting or interesting way. He just yells obscenities at undeserving wannabe chefs, and these fools let him get away with it. Lets get this straight right now, if that fool came barkin up my tree, he's gettin bitch-slapped with zero hesitation ON SIGHT. The way he gets in these fools asses (no homo) is enough to make me embarassed for these cat-ass simpletons displaying utter bitchassness (see: term that Diddy coined when refering to those clowns from Making the Band). I dont think i need to mention it but i will, again, this guy is more influentian than John "The Maverick" McCain??

#5 Stephen Colbert

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I love The Colbert Report, and this is the first person in the top 10 that i am not mad at. I dont have anything else to say regarding Colbert, he is just awesome.

#4 Robert Downey Jr.

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The menace to society Downey Jr.?? The been to jail more times than DMX Downey Jr.?? The prepetually in rehad Downey Jr.?? Holy Shit. Look, this guy has hands down the best comedic timing of his generation (which stretches almost 3 decades) but he has had more trouble with the law than Lil Wayne's crazy ass. Iron Man was a huge hit, but does that automatically give him the jump to top 5 most influential men in the world??? OH HELLLLLLLLLLL NAH. This is a complete and utter travesty and i am sick to my stomach about all but 3 of the top 10 vote getters.

#3 Michael Phelps

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The second biggest dork on the list (Mark Zuckerberg gets #1 honors). I will not take away anything from his athletic ability, there has not been a more dominant athlete in his particular sport since Tiger Woods. That being said, this kid swims yo, SWIMS!!! yeah he got 8 gold medals, but that was in swimming. WHO really gives a shit about swimming? If there was an olympic contest for who could drink the most beer, smoke the most cigarettes, and abuse the most women... you bet your sweet little ass im in the running. Moral of the story, the kids great, hes an inspiration, but he has absolutely ZERO influence over me or anyone else i know for that matter, and to be #3 in the ENTIRE world goes to show that this is nothing but "whos hot right now" list.

#2 Steve Jobs

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No thats not Spielberg, thats Jobs, and he is a big FUCKING deal. This is the guy behind Apple. Youre runnin shit Steve, handle your business, and get that guap.

#1 Barack Obama

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Was there ever really any question?? It is well documented on this site how i feel about Obama so i wont go back over everything i've ever said about him. What i will do though is point out something that really gets the blood boiling...

-This guy wants to be the president of these great United States of America, but refuses to salute the flag, or participate in the singing of the national anthem.

How people are able to look past his utter lack of respect for this nations history/past time and still think he is this nation's savior i will never understand.

There you have it folks, i finally finished, and i can breathe a sigh of relief that i was able to get through it. Sorry it took so long, but i had to pace myself. If i attempted to blast off everyone of these people and roast them all in one day, i would have been so drained i wouldnt have shown up for work/blogging for at least a week.

Id like to take this opportunity to throw out some names of folks who arent on this list that DEFINITELY should be.

Rush Limbaugh
Sean Hannity
Diddy
Jay-Z
Bono
Bill Gates
Conan O'Brien
George W. Bush
Donald Trump
Tom from Myspace

There are plenty more, but you get the point. Askmen.com readers, STEP YO GAME UP!!

-Oliver the Conqueror

1 comment:

KYLE said...

As a friend of yours i have to tell you that it is not very becoming of you to "sweat" another person ESPECIALLY a fuckin 106 year old Mccain. I am not stating that Obama will be any sort of great savior of our nation but the fact still remains that John mccain sucks dick its litteraly a fact. Look it up