Friday, February 6, 2009

Things That Kill Me: Part 2

Most newcomers to this blog are not familiar with my hatred for Joe Rogan. In fact, my first ever post was dedicated to the slandering of that useless fucking cokehead. So in a sense, I guess you could say this blog started out as an anti Joe Rogan site and blossomed into this sensational grouping of words you have all come to know and love. I spend more time than is neccessary or reasonable bitching about the shit that people say/do that pisses me off. I made a preliminary LIST a couple months back, and at this time, I plan to add several other things that kill me to that list.

In case you missed that hotlink above, you can CLICK HERE for the first posting of "things that kill me".

I'm just gonna get right into it.

1. I fucking hate other people's children:


Yeah, I said it. I really hate other people's kids. Shit, I don't even have any of my own (technically) but the ones I am involved with on a daily basis drive me nuts. More importantly, I hate the way other people choose to discipline their children. When I see 2 year old little brats calling the shots and the parents defending the child's behavior rather than slappin the shit out of them, it drives me up the fucking wall. I feel like I need to get in there and set the kid straight for the parent's sake. Here this now, if and when I do actually have children of my own, they will, if nothing else, be respectful. My kid gets out of line, they will get one warning, cross me again, SMMAACCCCK! and a time out. Unless my kid turns out to be one of those real "bebe's kids" type a muhfucka. You know, the kid that runs over and kicks over other kid's sand castles on the beach, pees on the sleeping old lady, throws his ice cream in the toilet rather than share it with his siblings type of brats. Yeah, That kid. I would prolly have to encourage that kind of behavior. That shit can't be taught, it just comes naturally. HAHA.

2. Dave Matthews/Jason Mraz/John Mayer/Gavin Degraw/Every other white folky pop rip off artist.


I hate these whiny little bitches. They all sound the same. They all have terribly annoying voices. They are all minor talents that somehow got some shine on college radio and adopted a legion of female fans. Fuck you.

3. Headaches.

4. Running out of pills. I have a pretty steady habit of consuming xanax and hydrocodone, and when I run out and can't find anymore I get really on edge.

5. Jack In The Box terryaki bowls. Why? Seriously Jack, why do you need to include a terryaki bowl on your menu? You don't see the chinese joint in the mall slangin hamburgers and fries do you? Thats just stupid.

6. The fags that run Cardboard Robot.

7. People that talk while I'm tryin to watch a movie. Not you TBC. The occasional question is ok, but to blatantly just start spewing excrement from the lips in the form of verbal diarrhea in the middle of a movie, and then not get the point when I stare into your eyes with the look of pure disgust, you people should all be thrown from airplanes without parachutes.

8. Slow Computers.

9. Insomnia.

10. Gabriel Iglesias/Carlos Mencia/George Lopez/Mexican comedians in general.


On the contrary, you are quite fat. You're not funny. I dont care about how big your family is. I don't care about your ties to Mexico. I dont care about your references to selling/picking oranges. I just dont care about you at all. Please. Stop. Now.

11. Organized Religion. I really hate pushy christian/mormon/jehova's witness church people. Listen, if I was interested in hearing your views on the world I would kill myself. I have no use for people that insist on pushing their beliefs onto me like I need saving. I am quite aware that I am going to hell, it doesn't really bother me. Thanks for your concern, now go heal a wounded seal while I laugh hysterically at retarded people and fat girls.

12. Cats and Cat People.


I fucking hate cats. I hate cat owners. Well, not all of them, but anyone who has more than 3 cats I can all but guarantee 2 things: 1) They live alone and 2) Their house smells awful, which in turn means they smell awful, and if you remember on the previous list, body odor really irks me.

13. Steelers fans.


Yeah, we all saw the Steelers win the super bowl. So what, you didn't win the super bowl so quit saying "we" as if you had something to do with that teams success.

14. Dane Cook/Dane Cook Stand Up/Dane Cook Movies/Dane Cook's acne. Enough said.

Thats it for now. More as they come.

-Ollie the hated


Kristen said...

I freakin love you. I feel exactly the same way about pretty much everything on your list. It comforts me to know that I will be in good company while burning in hell for the rest of eternity.

Jonny D said...

Man you really don't like those cardboard robot guys.

benwagsathotmaildotcom said...

i hate that there is still a fucking market for retarted 5th grade humor like this

Kyle said...

I often want to hit other peoples kids right in the fuckin mouth keep the shit flowin