Tuesday, November 25, 2008

WEAKend Wrapup (Football rant)

Where do I even begin?

I guess my best bet is to just jump head first into the bed shitting that took place on Saturday. Im not going to mince words here. 8, yes thats right 8 of the top 25 ranked teams took L's this weekend. Of those 8 top 25 teams to get beat, 4 of them got beat by unranked opponents. Lets get right into it...

Instead of breaking down the games like i normally would, i decided to go a different route today. I'm going to match up the cheerleaders (head to head) from each school to decide who should have won based solely on the looks of their respective cheering sections.

Lets get down to business:

#23 Miami (FL) Hurricanes: 23
Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets: 41


Im just not seein anything here to get excited about. The girls are very average. If this was my cheering squad i prolly wouldn't be bustin my ass for a W either. Second right however does look to have a little hook goin on, and that thigh looks right...

Georgia Tech:

I wasn't very successful in my quest to find Georgia Tech cheerleader photos... I imagine I know the reason why, this crazy eyed broad showed up pretty regularly during every search. So, if she's their baddest bitch, I cant believe this squad ever wins a game. I dont know how Georgia was able to whoop ass on Miami the way they did, but i know it has nothing to do with how (not) hot their cheerleaders are.

#2 Texas Tech Red Raiders: 21
#5 Oklahoma Sooners: 65

Texas Tech:

God damn son, this squad is really bringin some heat... I'm gonna go out on a limb and say these girls rival USC for the best lookin cheerleaders in the nation. In all fairness, the second photo is of the 2004 swim team, but who really cares, it just goes to illustrate my point of how bad this school and their girls are. Im lookin, and can't find one bad lookin hoe. How in the fizzuck does Texas Tech ever lose a game?


OK, so these girls dont rival Texas Tech in the slightest, but I aint mad at em. Smooth stomachs, cute faces, nice smiles, etc.. but there is a severe lack of thickness going on here. I see now how the boys at Oklahoma were able to put up 65 points against Texas Tech... they were scopin the other teams cheerleaders!!

#14 BYU: 24
#7 Utah: 48


Lots of blondes. Thats standard for Utah based schools, they're all mormon. So, while they're all moderately to great looking, i'd say that approx. 65% of these birds are either married or engaged, and that, as we all know, brings a chicks hotness down several notches.


yuck. These chicks are bringin' ZERO heat to the cheerleading game, but somehow Utah is undefeated and ranked #6 in the nation. If their cheerleaders are any indication of the talent they have faced, Utah is gonna get to' up when they go against a real football team (see: S.E.C.).

#15 Michigan State: 18
#8 Penn State: 49

Michigan State:

Ok, the girls are cute, and i'd say they earned more than 18 points from the #15 ranked team in the nation. But, thats just me.

#8 Penn State:

Whoa! This is the #8 team in the nation? Every girl on the right end is just homely. The looks of these broads did not warrant 49 points. There's a couple of cuties but the majority of the team is pretty rough (and thats putting it politely). Memo to Penn State, if you want to be the #8 team in the nation, this group of girls had better damn well be your D-squad.

Mississippi: 31
#18 LSU: 13


These are just some random Ole Miss hoes cause finding a good team photo of the cheerleaders proved quite difficult. But, if these girls are any indication (except for 2nd left, those eyes are talkin to a player for some strange reason) the Mississippi cheerleaders would be the C-squad for Texas Tech or USC.


This squad is called "the golden girls", and i think i know why. Every one of these tricks looks like she is 30+, and i cant for the life og me figure out if that is because of all the makeup these hoes is rockin or those god-awful hair-do's. The really tall bird with the glasses in the back row is kinda killin it for me. Bottom right however has what looks to be the start of a realllll nice thigh, hook, and arch game. See that front crease, thats tellin you everything you need to know. Overall, id say that LSU should have definitely whooped Mississippi ass.

#20 Pittsburgh: 21
#19 Cincinnati: 28


WHOA!! At first i thought this picture was a joke, so i did a secondary search and BAM! got the same results. The combined weight of these 9 girls is more than the total weight of the entire "golden girls" (LSU) squad combined. OK, thats a stretch, but the point is made, if this is the kind of talent your bringin' to the table, its a miracle your football team has won a game.


This is a wild ass bunch, and I hate everything about this photo. The crooked visors (that shit is SOO fuckin corny), the halter tops, the red slacks, the looks on these hoes faces, and that dance routine they are doing looks like it was just awful as well. With all that said, the ugliest chick in this group is badder than the baddest bird from the pitt squad, so there's really no question how Cincinnati pulled out this W.

NC (North Carolina) State: 41
#22 North Carolina: 10

NC State:

These girls are breaking one of the cardinal rules of this blog... NO DIRTY WHITE KICKS!!! Look at this shit, everyone of these hoes' kicks are straight filthy (sorry, the photo is a little small) Gag. That shit makes me sick. I swear on urrrrythang i love, if Beyonce strolled up on me and said "Yo Ollie, you got the juice now, come hit this" and i looked down to see kicks like these (pick any of the girls in the above photo) i'd have to pass. STRAIGHT UP!

...Ok, thats a lie lol, but dont think you can get away with filthy kicks around me. Take some bleach and a toothbrush to those muhfuckas and get right!

North Carolina:

What an ugly group of girls. Except for second left, these girls should be playin men's lacrosse and cheerleading for Pittsburgh's heavyweights. Even though the NC State hoes are rockin filthy ass kicks, they are leaps and bounds above these bitches. Man, have a look at far right... high waisted skirt? check. Teeth like Barraca from street fighter? check. Lazy eye? check. Dude, this chick is prolly the biggest hoe on that campus too. You know how the ugly chicks give up way more ass than the bad bitches.

Florida State: 37
#25 Maryland: 3

Florida State:

Not bad, definitely doing some things right, but then you get to these birds who aren't even cheerleaders, they're just fans!!!


Is there any wonder how Florida State destroyed Maryland? Side note, the chick in the cowboy hat has some nekkid photos floatin around the web from a playboy shoot. Her name is Jenn Sterger (don't say i never gave you anything).


Yeah, id be standin around pissed off too if i looked like this and had to go up against Sterger and co.

Honorable mention to the girls from Arizona State University and UCLA for bringin that white girl thickness to the mainstream...


Damn, even the skinny chick (second from my right) has a nice little hook and arch game.


That thigh work is the stuff of legends. Thanks for keepin it tight baby.

In other football news, The Tennessee Titans got handed their first L by the mighty Bretts, ahem, Jets. The Chargers lose again thanks to awful play calling from that jerk-off Norv Turner. **Side Note** the Chargers have now lost 4 games this season while being tied or having the lead with less than 24 seconds left in the game. EXTRA LARGE STEP YO GAME UP to the Chargers Defense. Good god fellas, we could easily be 8-3 and runnin the AFC west, instead we are in second place, and in danger of falling to 3rd behind an up and coming Raiders squad. Man I'm Sick...

A couple more of Jenn Sterger and Co. to bring me back from the edge...


Normally i dont praise the non thick white chick, cause ass will ALWAYS take precedent over titties, but theres somethin about the look in this girls eyes...


Or is it that enhanced chest plate?? I'ont know.

-Ollie the Don King of blogging

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