NICKELPLATEDBAMA: Jerk-off in Express Line

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Jerk-off in Express Line

So I was at the local Save Mart this afternoon to pick up a little lunch. I'm walking up to the express lane with my bag of chips and soda (2 items), when this fuckin maggot starts speed walking to get in front of me. I think nothing of it, and kindly take my place behind him in line. It was only when he started to empty out his cart that I noticed that not only did this jack-off just cut in front of me, but he was also over the limit of items allowed in the express check out line. Strikes 1 and 2 right there. I counted 19 items. THEN, even though it is written in plain english AND spanish on the fucking register that express line is reserved for Cash or ATM only, this scum-bag has the nerve to pull out his check book. GRRRRRRRRRR. When the young lady at the register let him know that checks werent allowed, he went for the credit card and explained that he didnt have any cash. This is when I lost my shit.

Our conversation went like this:

Ollie - "You have got to be fuckin' kiddin' me",

Scum-bag - "huh?".

Ollie - "you damn near broke your hip speed walkin to cut in front of me, you are over the allowed limit of items, and you are paying by credit card, you don't see a problem here?"

Scum-bag - (Turning away) "Oh sorry bout that..."

Ollie - "You did notice that I only have these 2 items and cash in my hand right?"

Scum-bag - "Yeah, but I'm in a hurry.."

Ollie - "Alot of good rushing did you, now I get to wait for YOU"

Scum-bag - "Can I just have plastic please?"

The confrontation ended there. When I stepped up to pay for my shit, the lady at the register was giggling like a school girl. I asked what was funny and she said "most people wouldn't have said anything, you really made him unconfortable." "Good" I said, and walked out.

When I got outside I look across the parking lot (searchin' for scum-bag) and catch a glimpse of this:

I had to drive around to double check what I was seeing, but yes, all suspicions were confirmed, that is indeed a truck bed welded to the back of a pontiac van with 6 tires. Thats what I call mexican ingenuity or mexicanuity if you will. HAHA.

-Ollie the Confrontationalist

4 comments:

Anonymous said...: This infuriates me. Are people really walking around with their heads so far up their asses that they can't see signs and follow simple instructions or is it that they are so inconsiderate and self-centered as to think that the rules don't apply to them?; January 14, 2009 at 2:00 PM
oliver wrist said...: well, to be honest Kristen, I am guilty of being self-centered and thinking the rules dont apply to me, but that's only fair considering...; January 14, 2009 at 3:02 PM
TRIPP said...: hahahaha fuckin best story ive heard in awhile. i hate douches like that; January 14, 2009 at 3:23 PM
Anonymous said...: i have always wanted to say something to that asshole thatd put the move on me like that. after hearing that story i now know that theres a three strikes law in everything. once uve crossed the line not twice but three times its a legit reason to blow up on a niggas face. thanks fro the wonderful story and advice ollie.; January 21, 2009 at 4:13 PM

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If this is your first time stopping by NickelPlatedBama, I would suggest getting a feel for the blog by going through the archives. There have been too many classic posts to count. If you disagree with an opinion here on the site, make it public. The writer of this blog suffers from a rare condition that allows him to feel absolutely zero remorse when attacking a person's character or, in most cases, lack there of. Please feel free to enjoy, hate, participate, tell a friend to tell 2 friends, but always, ALWAYS stop back here again tomorrow, as you never know what this looney bastard might say next...

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Nickel Plated Bama: Who? What? When? Where? Why? and How?

Who writes NickelPlatedBama?

Oliver Wrist writes, edits, designs, takes photos, and publishes NickelPlatedBama personally Monday-Friday. Oliver Wrist is an alter ego that I created as a means of getting things off of my chest. Ollie is irrational and flagrant. Once boos are introduced, the hillarity ensues. Rather than feel bad, Oliver chooses to embrace his lunacy and use his shamelessness for a greater good. Oliver's travels and opinions are documented on an almost daily basis. I say almost daily because I don't work on weekends.

What is NickelPlatedBama? What is A Nickel Plated Bama?

Nickelplatedbama is a face-melting social commentary blog written from the perspective of a self absorbed asshole with no shame or morals to speak of. If you're into hip hop music, silky smooth breezys, absurdly opinionated witty banter and reading the rants of an anti-social, overly confident, self absorbed "writer" (for lack of a better word) please continue. NickelPlatedBama is a source for venting and bashing, hating and thrashing, shitting and blasting on everything from bad food to bad music and everything in between. I don't hate everything however. NickelPlatedBama and more importantly Oliver Wrist praise iconic figures such as the ever elusive white girl thickness, mid-'90's hip hop, fashion, graffiti, art, ice cold behavior, celebreality t.v., Chicago Cubs baseball, San Diego Chargers football, College Basketball, Early '90's WWF wrestling, laughing at other peoples misfortunes, and generally acting like a complete type-a sociopath.

Nickel Plated Bama is extra gutter street slang for a nickel (the precious metal) plated hand cannon. You know, a burner, a strap, a gat, a tre pound, a whistle, or for the uninitiated a gun.

When did NickelPlatedBama get started?

Oliver Wrist has been the other half of my split personality for years. It originally started as my DJ'ing name. My career as a DJ lasted only about as long as it took me to write this BIO. As it turns out, I am an awful DJ. Not because I play bad records, but because I butcher the scratches. My brother, Young Smalls, a.k.a. DJ Fuzzy Badfeet, has taken over the reigns and is now my own personal DJ. Although Smalls refuses to accept the things I have taught him since birth as doctrine, he still gets the Oliver Wrist stamp of approval as a purveyor of all things mixed well. He uses my turntables, my mixer, and my records to do his thug-thizzle, but he is a much better DJ than I could ever be, so I just give him enough shit to remain enthusiastic. Being that my foray into the DJ world went south, I decided to use writing as a tool to express myself creatively. Thus far it has proven somewhat successful. How do I know? Well, you're reading this aren't you?

Where did you come up with NickelPlatedBama?

I have spent so much of my valuable time force-feeding the readers of this blog my personal musical preferences (Read: mid-'90's new york hip hop, ign'ant pimp shit, '90's bay area movement, etc.) and blasting all these idiots that set themselves up for utter failure everytime they open their mouth, or press record on the video camera over the last few months, that I forgot to ever place the credit where the credit was due. Nickel Plated Bama is a reference to a line in a song from the 808 King himself (No not you Kanye). I'm talking about The RZA. a.k.a. Bobby Digital. a.k.a. Bobby Boulders. a.k.a. The Abbot. a.k.a. The head of the Wu-Tang dynasty. When I came up with the idea to start writing a blog, I wanted to name it something that most people wouldn't understand right out of the gate, creating a buzz as a result of the inherent curiousity of the average internet lurker. The result was a line from a Bobby Digital album where RZA says "my head is a like a Nickel Plated Bamma". I guess I should just go ahead and spell it out for you. Instead of using an obvious title such as "The Smoking Gun" (besides, it was already taken) for a blog name, I decided to get creative. So, with this blog title, I pay homage to one of my favorite, not only rappers, but creator of things, and still stay sharper than a sword with the usage of metaphor in describing the gun (my keyboard) i use to roast those i deem indesirable.

See above question titled "What is a Nickel Plated Bama".

Why?

Why not is a better question. I hate alot of shit. I want people to know that I hate aforementioned "shit". This was covered in the above section titled "Who writes Nickel Plated Bama".

How do you pronounce the "BAMA"?

It recently came to my attention while I was in the streets passing out stickers and shamelessly promoting this blog that alot of people were mispronouncing the "BAMA". I will make it very easy for you all.

Think Alabama. Don't think Obama. Are we clear now? I really hope so.

Disclaimer:

While most opinions on this site are based in fact, they are merely that, opinions. If you take this shit seriously OR anything that Oliver Wrist has to say personally, than it was definitely directed at you. If you are easily offended, read on, YOU are the target audience. And ladies, Oliver Wrist is the Asshole your mother warned you about. Oliver Wrist is extremely self absorbed and could not care less if your feelings get hurt. If you disagree with anything Oliver Wrist has to say, please make it public, so that Oliver Wrist may be able to roast you publicly.

Sincerely,

The Management

Nickelplatedbama 2008-2009

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Jerk-off in Express Line

4 comments:

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