Monday, January 12, 2009

Official 200th Post: The Call Out

And it is the most bittersweet post I have ever made on this site. Why? Well, sweet because it's another landmark on the site, 200 posts and still comin' with that fire.

Bitter, well I think you can guess, but if you're lost, or have been living under a rock, allow me to spell it out for you... C-H-A-R-G-E-R-S.

Man oh man... Seriously drawing a blank on what to say here. I just want to address several occurences during the course of this game against the Steelers that literally had me screaming at my television.

#1 Special Teams:


The Chargers special teams laid the proverbial egg yesterday and might as well have giftwrapped AT LEAST 14 points for the Steelers. What am I talking about? Well, when the best punting team in the AFC (Chargers) meets the worst (punt) return team in the NFL, you would be safe to assume the Chargers would win that battle. That definitely was not the case on Sunday.

First, the Chargers decide to play sideline punt coverage rather than jamming up the middle of the field and allow Santonio Holmes to run back a Scifres punt 68 yards to paydirt. Look, things happen and normally you can't single out anyone for blowing their asignment but this right here:


...Is just flat out unacceptable. Legadu Nene, normally a solid special teams player decides to go for a chop tackle, when he could have literally just breathed on Holmes to force him out of bounds. Oh well, shit happens, we move on.

You would assume the special teams fuck ups would end there, but NO! It actually gets better. Somehow, by the sheer grace of God himself, Mike Scifres manages to kick a punt that LANDS DI-REC-TALLY ON ERIC WEDDLE'S HEAD!! The obvious result is an unexpecting Chargers team allows Pittsburgh to recover inside the 20, 2 plays later, paydirt.

This is the official call out to San Diego Chargers special teams unit: STEP YO MUTHAFUCKIN GAME UP!!


Phillip Rivers, you blew it. You manned up in the 4th quarter and put up 2 scores, but the truth of the matter is this: the interception inside the 20 on THE FIRST PLAY of the Chargers first and only third quarter possession changed the enitre layout of this game. ALL, I repeat, ALL of the momentum was in the Chargers favor after big Darren Sproles threw down a 68 yard return to set up inside the 20. Phillip Givers (yeah thats his new name) throws a fuckin pick on the very next play and thats when I had to be restrained from throwing my icey cold beverage through the fucking television.

It is very simple to see how these 3 plays (return TD, ball off head, red zone interception) ensured the Steelers success yesterday.

Last but certainly not least: Norv Turner, you are, without a doubt, THE WORST HEAD COACH IN THE NFL. Yeah I said it. This guy has managed to Fuck Up one of the most effecient offenses in recent memory.

4th Quarter, down 3 scores, 3 minutes left in the game, facing a 4th and 4, Norv Turner the offensive genius (their words, not mine) decides to punt the ball to the Steelers and basically ensure that the Chargers (with no timeouts) have ZERO chance of seeing the ball again on offense, let alone coming back from the hole they dug for themselves.

WHERE THE FUCK IS YOUR LOGIC NORV? You don't convert, oh well, the game is still gonna be lost anyway, right? Might as well go for it, get some momentum back and handle your business like you got a pair. FUCK YOU NORV. I swear on everything I find holy in this world, if I am EVER face to face with Norv Turner I will literally bitch slap him. This is a promise, set in stone, documented right here on the BAMA.

For good measure:


Keep hanging your head in shame Norv. You managed to coach the most potent offense in the NFL to a sub-par 8-8 record and a second round bed-shitting that can only be compared to the fuckery that is Tom Coughlin and the New York Giants.

Im so mad I could spit nails. FUCK THE NFL. I have decided that I am going to protest the Super Bowl.

Now to address my predictions. This is too funny, seriously. Does anyone realize that only one home team won in the divisionals? ONE. Thats one favorite coming in. It is sickening. I really want to know where the fuck these coaches/fans stand right now with the play of their respective clubs.

Seriously though, the best teams are the rookie quarterback anchored Baltimore Ravens, and the god-damned Arizona Cardinals. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME.

Im gonna puke. Fuck this shit, I'm over football.

Oh, by the way, I did make one predicition that came through, Tim Tebow decided to stay for his senior year at Florida. Good luck to the rest of the clubs in college football, FLORIDA is national champs yet again in 2010.

Im ready for March Madness.


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