NICKELPLATEDBAMA: Americal Idol starts tonight...

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Americal Idol starts tonight...

And your boy Ollie is very, very excited. Why? Well, aside from the fact that I am a HUGE reality t.v. junkie, I absolutely love the first 2-3 weeks of Americal Idol. People makin a damn fool of themselves, arguin with judges, and just generally gettin out of pocket thinkin their punk ass can sang.

I cant wait to see this type'a tomfoolery this year...

HAHAHA. Can we please address each of these performances individually.

#5 Melissa Hoover

I love how her hillbilly deluxe mama is responsible for this lunacy. "She's basically got the whole package". Right. I almost feel bad, but as you all know, I lack emotion so that feeling quickly escapes me. In fact, I feel bad that I dont feel bad, does that make sense? Back to Melissa, how in the fuck are you going to show up to an Americal Idol audition and completely freestyle a combination of like 6 songs? Did anyone catch that? she was hittin' the judges with 6 takes at once, and I for one find that genius, it's just too bad she was completely tone deaf.

#4 The Derrick

Alright seriously, this cat gets a little bit of props. Why? Well, have you ever tried to pop, lock, and moonwalk all over the place while singin' accapella? Me neither, but I can imagine that it's quite tough. I can't get over how much dude looks like Jamie Kennedy's character "B-Rad" in Malibu's Most Wanted. The singing, it doesn't require a response from me. It's just bad.

#3 Siyahlent Night

Schnap. That 'fro is not helpin homie at all, and neither is that dish rag he calls a shirt. LOL at the remix. "Siyahlent night, I said'a siyahlent night" with absolutely no emotion. This is one of my favorites of all time cause I can only assume this cat goes extra hard on his hoe. I dont know why I know that, but I just do.

#2 Julie

Bad thicknes + Opera-pop crossover voice + Flower print shirt + tone deaf + wrong words = Compete and utter failure. The judges were completely speechless and you could see the terror growin in ol' girls face as she waited for a response. They cut off Simon's response, but you know he encouraged homegirl to off herself immediately. Again, I am forced to ask this question, Who is tellin these people they can sang?

#1 Jennifer

First of all, can we please take away Jennifer's sharpie? That eyebrow game is just turrible. I love how she really stuck the landing there at the end though with that killer pose-off. I don't think she is the worst this show has ever seen, in fact, I think she could easily trade places with #2 on this list.

It is easy to see why American Idol is one of my favorite reality shows right now. Mainly because it is actual reality and not scripted. On top of that, Simon is a completely shameless Dick, Randy is still searchin for street cred, Paula is out of her damn mind, and they are adding a new broad this year. This should be a very good season.

P.S. Remember when Paula was still bad?

That pompadour is fierce.

-Ollie

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First Time Here?

If this is your first time stopping by NickelPlatedBama, I would suggest getting a feel for the blog by going through the archives. There have been too many classic posts to count. If you disagree with an opinion here on the site, make it public. The writer of this blog suffers from a rare condition that allows him to feel absolutely zero remorse when attacking a person's character or, in most cases, lack there of. Please feel free to enjoy, hate, participate, tell a friend to tell 2 friends, but always, ALWAYS stop back here again tomorrow, as you never know what this looney bastard might say next...

Directly below this box you will find an interview with Oliver Wrist by Oliver Wrist that should serve as an FAQ. Anything else you want to know, Oliver will literally answer any and all questions you may have, so don't be shy, shoot an email to Oliver Wrist at: nickelplatedbamadotcom@gmail.com

Nickel Plated Bama: Who? What? When? Where? Why? and How?

Who writes NickelPlatedBama?

Oliver Wrist writes, edits, designs, takes photos, and publishes NickelPlatedBama personally Monday-Friday. Oliver Wrist is an alter ego that I created as a means of getting things off of my chest. Ollie is irrational and flagrant. Once boos are introduced, the hillarity ensues. Rather than feel bad, Oliver chooses to embrace his lunacy and use his shamelessness for a greater good. Oliver's travels and opinions are documented on an almost daily basis. I say almost daily because I don't work on weekends.

What is NickelPlatedBama? What is A Nickel Plated Bama?

Nickelplatedbama is a face-melting social commentary blog written from the perspective of a self absorbed asshole with no shame or morals to speak of. If you're into hip hop music, silky smooth breezys, absurdly opinionated witty banter and reading the rants of an anti-social, overly confident, self absorbed "writer" (for lack of a better word) please continue. NickelPlatedBama is a source for venting and bashing, hating and thrashing, shitting and blasting on everything from bad food to bad music and everything in between. I don't hate everything however. NickelPlatedBama and more importantly Oliver Wrist praise iconic figures such as the ever elusive white girl thickness, mid-'90's hip hop, fashion, graffiti, art, ice cold behavior, celebreality t.v., Chicago Cubs baseball, San Diego Chargers football, College Basketball, Early '90's WWF wrestling, laughing at other peoples misfortunes, and generally acting like a complete type-a sociopath.

Nickel Plated Bama is extra gutter street slang for a nickel (the precious metal) plated hand cannon. You know, a burner, a strap, a gat, a tre pound, a whistle, or for the uninitiated a gun.

When did NickelPlatedBama get started?

Oliver Wrist has been the other half of my split personality for years. It originally started as my DJ'ing name. My career as a DJ lasted only about as long as it took me to write this BIO. As it turns out, I am an awful DJ. Not because I play bad records, but because I butcher the scratches. My brother, Young Smalls, a.k.a. DJ Fuzzy Badfeet, has taken over the reigns and is now my own personal DJ. Although Smalls refuses to accept the things I have taught him since birth as doctrine, he still gets the Oliver Wrist stamp of approval as a purveyor of all things mixed well. He uses my turntables, my mixer, and my records to do his thug-thizzle, but he is a much better DJ than I could ever be, so I just give him enough shit to remain enthusiastic. Being that my foray into the DJ world went south, I decided to use writing as a tool to express myself creatively. Thus far it has proven somewhat successful. How do I know? Well, you're reading this aren't you?

Where did you come up with NickelPlatedBama?

I have spent so much of my valuable time force-feeding the readers of this blog my personal musical preferences (Read: mid-'90's new york hip hop, ign'ant pimp shit, '90's bay area movement, etc.) and blasting all these idiots that set themselves up for utter failure everytime they open their mouth, or press record on the video camera over the last few months, that I forgot to ever place the credit where the credit was due. Nickel Plated Bama is a reference to a line in a song from the 808 King himself (No not you Kanye). I'm talking about The RZA. a.k.a. Bobby Digital. a.k.a. Bobby Boulders. a.k.a. The Abbot. a.k.a. The head of the Wu-Tang dynasty. When I came up with the idea to start writing a blog, I wanted to name it something that most people wouldn't understand right out of the gate, creating a buzz as a result of the inherent curiousity of the average internet lurker. The result was a line from a Bobby Digital album where RZA says "my head is a like a Nickel Plated Bamma". I guess I should just go ahead and spell it out for you. Instead of using an obvious title such as "The Smoking Gun" (besides, it was already taken) for a blog name, I decided to get creative. So, with this blog title, I pay homage to one of my favorite, not only rappers, but creator of things, and still stay sharper than a sword with the usage of metaphor in describing the gun (my keyboard) i use to roast those i deem indesirable.

See above question titled "What is a Nickel Plated Bama".

Why?

Why not is a better question. I hate alot of shit. I want people to know that I hate aforementioned "shit". This was covered in the above section titled "Who writes Nickel Plated Bama".

How do you pronounce the "BAMA"?

It recently came to my attention while I was in the streets passing out stickers and shamelessly promoting this blog that alot of people were mispronouncing the "BAMA". I will make it very easy for you all.

Think Alabama. Don't think Obama. Are we clear now? I really hope so.

Disclaimer:

While most opinions on this site are based in fact, they are merely that, opinions. If you take this shit seriously OR anything that Oliver Wrist has to say personally, than it was definitely directed at you. If you are easily offended, read on, YOU are the target audience. And ladies, Oliver Wrist is the Asshole your mother warned you about. Oliver Wrist is extremely self absorbed and could not care less if your feelings get hurt. If you disagree with anything Oliver Wrist has to say, please make it public, so that Oliver Wrist may be able to roast you publicly.

Sincerely,

The Management

Nickelplatedbama 2008-2009

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Americal Idol starts tonight...

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