Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Americal Idol starts tonight...

And your boy Ollie is very, very excited. Why? Well, aside from the fact that I am a HUGE reality t.v. junkie, I absolutely love the first 2-3 weeks of Americal Idol. People makin a damn fool of themselves, arguin with judges, and just generally gettin out of pocket thinkin their punk ass can sang.

I cant wait to see this type'a tomfoolery this year...

HAHAHA. Can we please address each of these performances individually.

#5 Melissa Hoover

I love how her hillbilly deluxe mama is responsible for this lunacy. "She's basically got the whole package". Right. I almost feel bad, but as you all know, I lack emotion so that feeling quickly escapes me. In fact, I feel bad that I dont feel bad, does that make sense? Back to Melissa, how in the fuck are you going to show up to an Americal Idol audition and completely freestyle a combination of like 6 songs? Did anyone catch that? she was hittin' the judges with 6 takes at once, and I for one find that genius, it's just too bad she was completely tone deaf.

#4 The Derrick

Alright seriously, this cat gets a little bit of props. Why? Well, have you ever tried to pop, lock, and moonwalk all over the place while singin' accapella? Me neither, but I can imagine that it's quite tough. I can't get over how much dude looks like Jamie Kennedy's character "B-Rad" in Malibu's Most Wanted. The singing, it doesn't require a response from me. It's just bad.

#3 Siyahlent Night

Schnap. That 'fro is not helpin homie at all, and neither is that dish rag he calls a shirt. LOL at the remix. "Siyahlent night, I said'a siyahlent night" with absolutely no emotion. This is one of my favorites of all time cause I can only assume this cat goes extra hard on his hoe. I dont know why I know that, but I just do.

#2 Julie

Bad thicknes + Opera-pop crossover voice + Flower print shirt + tone deaf + wrong words = Compete and utter failure. The judges were completely speechless and you could see the terror growin in ol' girls face as she waited for a response. They cut off Simon's response, but you know he encouraged homegirl to off herself immediately. Again, I am forced to ask this question, Who is tellin these people they can sang?

#1 Jennifer

First of all, can we please take away Jennifer's sharpie? That eyebrow game is just turrible. I love how she really stuck the landing there at the end though with that killer pose-off. I don't think she is the worst this show has ever seen, in fact, I think she could easily trade places with #2 on this list.

It is easy to see why American Idol is one of my favorite reality shows right now. Mainly because it is actual reality and not scripted. On top of that, Simon is a completely shameless Dick, Randy is still searchin for street cred, Paula is out of her damn mind, and they are adding a new broad this year. This should be a very good season.

P.S. Remember when Paula was still bad?

That pompadour is fierce.


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