NICKELPLATEDBAMA: NFL: like you didnt already know...

Monday, October 13, 2008

NFL: like you didnt already know...

Id like to give an extra special "kick em while there down" to the Dallas Cowboys...
Say it aint so folks, the cowboys are "WHO WE THOUGHT THEY WERE" (if you dont get it, you dont deserve the giggle). "America's team" came out on sunday doin the:

which is a little number we over here at the bama refer to when speakin of soft ass football (a.k.a. the "hoe-cake shuffle).

How, and i mean HOW IN THE HELL, are you going to be in any formation BUT max punt protection when you are punting from inside the 20 in overtime?? PLEASE someone for the love of god explain to me how a defender gets through untouched on that critical of a play??

Im so glad im not a cowboys fan... i would prolly have to get my Joe Rogan on (see: put myself in a rear naked choke)...

Anyways after the game they asked T.O. what he thought...

"its obvious, T.O. didnt get the ball as many times as T.O. deserves" -Terrell Owens

After that blasphemy they immediately went to the voice of reason in this clubhouse full of convicts and crybabies and asked everybody's favorite quarterback Tony Romo how he felt about the loss:

"I get to go home and fuck Jessica Simpson"... "Im STTTRRRRRAAAAIIIGGGGGTTTTTT"..

In other news, the Bengals still suck and we all know why...

Yup, this fool right here is straight up WILD. he cannot get his shit together and its no surprise considering he's about 1.2 seconds on the 40 from bein back on the block. Lets face it, Ocho Stinco is just fast, he doesnt even catch the ball anymore... oh and does everyone remember this little debacle:

Not likely Homie. Sorry.

Back to what matters to me, the Chargers put it on the Patriots, in a blinding 30-10 victory. And lets be real with this, the game wasnt even that close. It was a stomping if ive ever seen one, Chargers controlled EVERYTHING about this game. Phillip Rivers finally looked like the quarterback that we kept over this guy:

(yeah, memba him... S.D. released him in '06, and now hes about to be the 2008 m.v.p., uh-huh) yeah Phillip, get up in those shoes...

Anyways after the game they asked Phillip who was responsible for this win and he said:

"I just threw it up there... "

and Vincent Jackson did this...

mah boy Vincent Jackson made Deltah O'neal look like a Division 2 Corner.

Other good things happened in football this weekend, but none of it mattered enough for me to comment on.

Memo to the Redskins and the Cowboys, you HAVE TO win the gimmies if you want to keep up with the Giants this season, cause theyre lookin like the 2007/2008 Patriots right about now even though theyre quarterback looks like this...

-Oliver "9-4 this week and still not happy" Wrist

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First Time Here?

If this is your first time stopping by NickelPlatedBama, I would suggest getting a feel for the blog by going through the archives. There have been too many classic posts to count. If you disagree with an opinion here on the site, make it public. The writer of this blog suffers from a rare condition that allows him to feel absolutely zero remorse when attacking a person's character or, in most cases, lack there of. Please feel free to enjoy, hate, participate, tell a friend to tell 2 friends, but always, ALWAYS stop back here again tomorrow, as you never know what this looney bastard might say next...

Directly below this box you will find an interview with Oliver Wrist by Oliver Wrist that should serve as an FAQ. Anything else you want to know, Oliver will literally answer any and all questions you may have, so don't be shy, shoot an email to Oliver Wrist at: nickelplatedbamadotcom@gmail.com

Nickel Plated Bama: Who? What? When? Where? Why? and How?

Who writes NickelPlatedBama?

Oliver Wrist writes, edits, designs, takes photos, and publishes NickelPlatedBama personally Monday-Friday. Oliver Wrist is an alter ego that I created as a means of getting things off of my chest. Ollie is irrational and flagrant. Once boos are introduced, the hillarity ensues. Rather than feel bad, Oliver chooses to embrace his lunacy and use his shamelessness for a greater good. Oliver's travels and opinions are documented on an almost daily basis. I say almost daily because I don't work on weekends.

What is NickelPlatedBama? What is A Nickel Plated Bama?

Nickelplatedbama is a face-melting social commentary blog written from the perspective of a self absorbed asshole with no shame or morals to speak of. If you're into hip hop music, silky smooth breezys, absurdly opinionated witty banter and reading the rants of an anti-social, overly confident, self absorbed "writer" (for lack of a better word) please continue. NickelPlatedBama is a source for venting and bashing, hating and thrashing, shitting and blasting on everything from bad food to bad music and everything in between. I don't hate everything however. NickelPlatedBama and more importantly Oliver Wrist praise iconic figures such as the ever elusive white girl thickness, mid-'90's hip hop, fashion, graffiti, art, ice cold behavior, celebreality t.v., Chicago Cubs baseball, San Diego Chargers football, College Basketball, Early '90's WWF wrestling, laughing at other peoples misfortunes, and generally acting like a complete type-a sociopath.

Nickel Plated Bama is extra gutter street slang for a nickel (the precious metal) plated hand cannon. You know, a burner, a strap, a gat, a tre pound, a whistle, or for the uninitiated a gun.

When did NickelPlatedBama get started?

Oliver Wrist has been the other half of my split personality for years. It originally started as my DJ'ing name. My career as a DJ lasted only about as long as it took me to write this BIO. As it turns out, I am an awful DJ. Not because I play bad records, but because I butcher the scratches. My brother, Young Smalls, a.k.a. DJ Fuzzy Badfeet, has taken over the reigns and is now my own personal DJ. Although Smalls refuses to accept the things I have taught him since birth as doctrine, he still gets the Oliver Wrist stamp of approval as a purveyor of all things mixed well. He uses my turntables, my mixer, and my records to do his thug-thizzle, but he is a much better DJ than I could ever be, so I just give him enough shit to remain enthusiastic. Being that my foray into the DJ world went south, I decided to use writing as a tool to express myself creatively. Thus far it has proven somewhat successful. How do I know? Well, you're reading this aren't you?

Where did you come up with NickelPlatedBama?

I have spent so much of my valuable time force-feeding the readers of this blog my personal musical preferences (Read: mid-'90's new york hip hop, ign'ant pimp shit, '90's bay area movement, etc.) and blasting all these idiots that set themselves up for utter failure everytime they open their mouth, or press record on the video camera over the last few months, that I forgot to ever place the credit where the credit was due. Nickel Plated Bama is a reference to a line in a song from the 808 King himself (No not you Kanye). I'm talking about The RZA. a.k.a. Bobby Digital. a.k.a. Bobby Boulders. a.k.a. The Abbot. a.k.a. The head of the Wu-Tang dynasty. When I came up with the idea to start writing a blog, I wanted to name it something that most people wouldn't understand right out of the gate, creating a buzz as a result of the inherent curiousity of the average internet lurker. The result was a line from a Bobby Digital album where RZA says "my head is a like a Nickel Plated Bamma". I guess I should just go ahead and spell it out for you. Instead of using an obvious title such as "The Smoking Gun" (besides, it was already taken) for a blog name, I decided to get creative. So, with this blog title, I pay homage to one of my favorite, not only rappers, but creator of things, and still stay sharper than a sword with the usage of metaphor in describing the gun (my keyboard) i use to roast those i deem indesirable.

See above question titled "What is a Nickel Plated Bama".

Why?

Why not is a better question. I hate alot of shit. I want people to know that I hate aforementioned "shit". This was covered in the above section titled "Who writes Nickel Plated Bama".

How do you pronounce the "BAMA"?

It recently came to my attention while I was in the streets passing out stickers and shamelessly promoting this blog that alot of people were mispronouncing the "BAMA". I will make it very easy for you all.

Think Alabama. Don't think Obama. Are we clear now? I really hope so.

Disclaimer:

While most opinions on this site are based in fact, they are merely that, opinions. If you take this shit seriously OR anything that Oliver Wrist has to say personally, than it was definitely directed at you. If you are easily offended, read on, YOU are the target audience. And ladies, Oliver Wrist is the Asshole your mother warned you about. Oliver Wrist is extremely self absorbed and could not care less if your feelings get hurt. If you disagree with anything Oliver Wrist has to say, please make it public, so that Oliver Wrist may be able to roast you publicly.

Sincerely,

The Management

Nickelplatedbama 2008-2009

Monday, October 13, 2008

NFL: like you didnt already know...

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