I assume this was staged. Regardless, the shorts, mixed with the sheer whiteness of this dude create a great backdrop for those dance moves.
He hit 'em hard. And that ping pong match wasn't too shabby either. LOL at the score. Homie got that wild over a single point scored. I guess he was pumped that he didn't get skunked.
-Ollie
Friday, February 27, 2009
Adventureland Looks Worthy:
This is the trailer for the movie Adventureland. I know, I know. What the fuck is Adventureland?
It is the supposed "follow-up" to superbad, even though there is only one of the original cast members from Superbad in Adventureland.
Ohhhhh, I get it. It's the "directorial" follow-up. Huh??
So the guy who directed Superbad is making a new movie and wants to use the success of Superbad to push this movie, I get it. But why call this movie a sequel? Why not just say "from the director of Superbad"...
Anyways, the trailer has set the movie up to look pretty decent. Lots of F words. Lots of dick and fart jokes. Standard low-brow "fratire". That's frat-boy and satire combined. I can't take credit for originating the word, but I have dropped it in casual conversation on more than one occasion.
Watch the trailer...
And yes, that is the kid from the AT&T "rollover minutes" commercials.
-Ollie
It is the supposed "follow-up" to superbad, even though there is only one of the original cast members from Superbad in Adventureland.
Ohhhhh, I get it. It's the "directorial" follow-up. Huh??
So the guy who directed Superbad is making a new movie and wants to use the success of Superbad to push this movie, I get it. But why call this movie a sequel? Why not just say "from the director of Superbad"...
Anyways, the trailer has set the movie up to look pretty decent. Lots of F words. Lots of dick and fart jokes. Standard low-brow "fratire". That's frat-boy and satire combined. I can't take credit for originating the word, but I have dropped it in casual conversation on more than one occasion.
Watch the trailer...
And yes, that is the kid from the AT&T "rollover minutes" commercials.
-Ollie
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Throwback Thursday BBOTD: Lisa Raye
Everybody remembers Lisa Raye right?
She played "Diamond" in that Ice Cube produced flick "The Player's Club"... Peep some video for recollection purposes only. NSFW.
Sorry... I had to sneak off for a second there... LOL I keeed I keed..
Instead of explaining how dope Lisa Raye was/is I'm gonna let the photos do the talking. Let's get a second angle on that bikini shot...
JEEZUS. Does everyone see that definition between thigh and ass? The inner thigh too... "The lawwwd is my shepid, he know what i wahnt!!"
Yeah, those joints are from the late 90's, so the question we are left asking is: "Does she still got it??"
And the ever so classy "ecentric, self expressing" joint:
CotDamn. That's a bubble. No other way to describe it. The honey bit doesn't do much for me, nor does that awful ass afro, but the thighs line up with that tail so nicely that I can let that bullshit slide.
For the record, Lisa Raye is now 41 and divorced from an abusive husband. Cougar alert. I bet she'd be pretty easy prey after that horrible relationship she just got out of... Food for thought...
-Allofher Wrist
She played "Diamond" in that Ice Cube produced flick "The Player's Club"... Peep some video for recollection purposes only. NSFW.
Sorry... I had to sneak off for a second there... LOL I keeed I keed..
Instead of explaining how dope Lisa Raye was/is I'm gonna let the photos do the talking. Let's get a second angle on that bikini shot...
JEEZUS. Does everyone see that definition between thigh and ass? The inner thigh too... "The lawwwd is my shepid, he know what i wahnt!!"
Yeah, those joints are from the late 90's, so the question we are left asking is: "Does she still got it??"
And the ever so classy "ecentric, self expressing" joint:
CotDamn. That's a bubble. No other way to describe it. The honey bit doesn't do much for me, nor does that awful ass afro, but the thighs line up with that tail so nicely that I can let that bullshit slide.
For the record, Lisa Raye is now 41 and divorced from an abusive husband. Cougar alert. I bet she'd be pretty easy prey after that horrible relationship she just got out of... Food for thought...
-Allofher Wrist
Ric Flair Turns 60!
Talk about Throwin' it back. Yesterday (February 25, 2009) was Ric Flair's 60th birthday.
How classic is this guy? Last week I was on the Mr. Perfect kick, but I gotta admit, Ric Flair is as, if not more important to wrestling than Hulk Hogan (who I was never really a fan of, for the record). Seriously, this guy started his career sometime in the early 70's and was still wrestling as recently as 2008. This guy is as classic as you can get.
And what about the rhetoric he was kickin?
HAHAHAHA! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Can anyone deny the parallels between wrestling and hip hop? Flair was kickin' that "custom shoes, money, cars, hoes" shit back before Sugar Hill Gang ever thought about droppin' "Rapper's Delight" and paving the way for today's money-crazed emcee. Think about it, Ric Flair created your favorite rapper's "swagger".
That may very well be the greatest interview ever conducted in the history of wrestling. EVER. How many woooo's did he hit there? Jesus.
I'm gonna stop here because I could literally write all day about how dope the Nature Boy Ric Flair was/is.
-Ollie
Throwback Thursday: Diamond D - The Hiatus
The Hiatus from '97's "Hatred, Passion, & Infidelities". Shit knocks. End of story. Skip to the :28 second mark for the song. The first 30 seconds is a snippet from another Diamond D joint called "The Projects". For the uninitiated, Diamond D was resident in-house producer for the D.I.T.C. (Diggin in the crates) crew, which played host to the likes Showbiz and A.G. (personal fave), Big L, Lord Finesse, Fat Joe and numerous other classic rap acts from the hey-day of New York hip hop.
I prefer Diamond D as a producer, but i gotta give credit when it's due, and D came correct on the verses here. Straight classic material from an industry savvy veteran.
-Ollie in reflection
I prefer Diamond D as a producer, but i gotta give credit when it's due, and D came correct on the verses here. Straight classic material from an industry savvy veteran.
-Ollie in reflection
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Lazy As Fuck:
Still hungover. Can't keep my eyes open. Took a little too much "medication" this morning and then again this afternoon. My throat hurts from goin' buck at the show. Therefore, this is all you're getting today. Back tomorrow with lots of classic Throwback Thursday goodies. Pictures and videos from DraftKlick performance at the Starline should be up by Friday.
For your viewing pleasure, this is a video of Alex Pardee doing a painting in fast motion. The guy is seriously unreal. I would go so far as to say he's prolly my favorite painter in the game right now...
-Ollie
For your viewing pleasure, this is a video of Alex Pardee doing a painting in fast motion. The guy is seriously unreal. I would go so far as to say he's prolly my favorite painter in the game right now...
-Ollie
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Now That's A Big Bitch!
Fucking white people!
This shit is pure comedy. First of all, did you notice that this cat-ass D-bag is the only white dude in the spot?
Contestant #1: girl did a little work. whatever. I give her a 4 for looks and shear size, and a 4 for the work, for a total of 8 out of a possible 20. She gets a 5 point bonus for taking those ridiculously aggressive pelvic thrusts from your boy though. LMAO at dude pumpin hard with his hands behind his back. Look at ol' girl's eyes at the :26-:28 second mark. HAHA.
SWWWWIIITTTCCCCHHHHH!!!!
Contestant #2: Silky smooth stomach piece? Check. Wild ass hair piece ala natural from love of Ray J? Check. Grindin so hard on homie that he turns into the incredible hulk? LOL check. Seriously, peep homie's roid rage start at the :39 second mark and culminate into pure HULKAMANIA at :46 seconds. OHMYJAH!! Back to shawty, she gets a 6 for looks (the body is right, but that grill is snaggled), and she gets a SOLID 8 for the work, for a grand total of 14 out of a possible 20.
SWWWIIITTTTCCCCHHHH!!!!!
Contestant #3: Thick, but on the verge of obesity. She could still get it, but give her a week's worth of big mac's and it's a wrap. So far she had the prettiest face, the thighs look on swoll, but I'm disappointed in the fact that she is hiding those J's rather than displaying 'em. The work she's doin is weak sauce. I give her a 6 for looks and a 4 for the work. 10 out of 20.
SWWWWWIIITTCCCCHHHH!!!!
Contestant #4: OH HELL NAH. The look on dude's face tells the whole story. Homegirl gets an automatic 5 bonus points for having the nerve to step to the stage in a booty shakin' contest. I give her a 2 in the looks department (I've definitely seen worse) and a 4 for the work. She was tryin but dude kept runnin' away.
The final verdict? Contestant #2 takes it down, but of course I'm biased to a smooth stomach and hip game. If #3 would have let the J's breathe a little she would have walked away with the win. Stupid girls and their need to cover up their titties.
Props to my white brethren for lookin like Dane Cook's retarted stunt double but hangin tough when Andre The Giant stepped to him (twice). HAHA.
-Ollie
This shit is pure comedy. First of all, did you notice that this cat-ass D-bag is the only white dude in the spot?
Contestant #1: girl did a little work. whatever. I give her a 4 for looks and shear size, and a 4 for the work, for a total of 8 out of a possible 20. She gets a 5 point bonus for taking those ridiculously aggressive pelvic thrusts from your boy though. LMAO at dude pumpin hard with his hands behind his back. Look at ol' girl's eyes at the :26-:28 second mark. HAHA.
SWWWWIIITTTCCCCHHHHH!!!!
Contestant #2: Silky smooth stomach piece? Check. Wild ass hair piece ala natural from love of Ray J? Check. Grindin so hard on homie that he turns into the incredible hulk? LOL check. Seriously, peep homie's roid rage start at the :39 second mark and culminate into pure HULKAMANIA at :46 seconds. OHMYJAH!! Back to shawty, she gets a 6 for looks (the body is right, but that grill is snaggled), and she gets a SOLID 8 for the work, for a grand total of 14 out of a possible 20.
SWWWIIITTTTCCCCHHHH!!!!!
Contestant #3: Thick, but on the verge of obesity. She could still get it, but give her a week's worth of big mac's and it's a wrap. So far she had the prettiest face, the thighs look on swoll, but I'm disappointed in the fact that she is hiding those J's rather than displaying 'em. The work she's doin is weak sauce. I give her a 6 for looks and a 4 for the work. 10 out of 20.
SWWWWWIIITTCCCCHHHH!!!!
Contestant #4: OH HELL NAH. The look on dude's face tells the whole story. Homegirl gets an automatic 5 bonus points for having the nerve to step to the stage in a booty shakin' contest. I give her a 2 in the looks department (I've definitely seen worse) and a 4 for the work. She was tryin but dude kept runnin' away.
The final verdict? Contestant #2 takes it down, but of course I'm biased to a smooth stomach and hip game. If #3 would have let the J's breathe a little she would have walked away with the win. Stupid girls and their need to cover up their titties.
Props to my white brethren for lookin like Dane Cook's retarted stunt double but hangin tough when Andre The Giant stepped to him (twice). HAHA.
-Ollie
Fat Tuesday: Get On Draft!!
(Design credit Sam Hansen)
This show promises to deliver high powered hip-pop music that causes convulsions and encourages drug consumption...
The DraftKlick is what music should be... FUN.
According to the group's self proclaimed "inspirational guru" and owner/operator/blogger/hip hop enthusiast/friend of the BAMA, Sam from FTKconstruction.com, these guys are guaranteed to wile the fuck out and put on a show of epic proportions.
In the past, shows have included the smashing of vodka infused watermelons (Read: Gallagher), and with tonight's show, themed "Show me your O-face", on Fat Tuesday, in the Tower District, in Fresno, you would be hard-pressed to find a harder hittin, fist pumpin, face melting party anywhere else in the state.
Belie'dat!
DraftKlick does everything in excess, and I believe it is that single quality that attracts me to the music.
With slappers like "Cocaine", "Sexy Time", "Tittays" and "Digital Drugs" headlining their musical catalog, it is painfully obvious what matters most to Scoob Blue and Steve MacMan...
(Photo taken from DraftKlick's myspace page)
If that photo above isn't enough to make your pants fit a little tighter, feast your eyes on this sensational display of tomfoolery:
Tittie slappin', Drug infected Electro-pop, gig-fest.
Be sure to check for DRAFTKLICK on myspace.
Get your O-Face shirts from the homies at Orisue.com.
Hit up the official blog for the valley's finest purveyor of all things hip hop FTKconstruction.com.
I'll be back tomorrow with a full recap of the show with photos and (hopefully) videos of lots of heart pumping, drug enduced debauchery and titties on display...
Get on Draft!!
-Oliver Wrist
Monday, February 23, 2009
Oscar Recap:
As I am sure you are all aware (alliteration anybody??), The "biggest night in Hollywood" blessed your television screens round about the 8:00 hour (Pacific Standard Time)last night and I was fucking pumped!!!
AAAAHHHHNNNNNTTTT!
I was too busy reliving my childhood watching Wrestlemania VII (1991) to give one half of a shit about the fucking Oscars. But, as you would expect, every blog on the interweb is flooded with photos and opinions of "who was dressed the best?" and "who won best actor?" (the answer to the latter is Sean Penn in MILK by the way). Are you fucking serious? Sean Penn? I hate Sean Penn.
All this celebrity obsessed bullshit got me thinking...
Wait for it...
Wait for it...
I'm going to make my own categories and give out awards for shit I care about, and call these gems "The BAMA's".
First category:
People who will never be nominated for an Oscar but continue to pump out heart pounding thrillers year after year, and the nominees are:
Fuck it, the other nominees don't matter. The hands down, you shouldn't even have bothered to show up, I just handed you your ass winner is:
Jason Statham.
Seriously, look at this guy's body of work and tell me he doesn't rock shit in EVERYTHING!!
The only other person even in the Stath's arena is Clive Owen. But he is disqualified because he made a bunch of bitch ass movies before he started whoopin ass full time.
Next Category: Coolest fucking guy ever.
And the nominees are:
Seth Rogen
Philip Seymour Hoffman
McLovin
Joaquin Phoenix
Robert Downey Jr.
This is a tough one. I mean, everyone on this list rocks shit in their own particular way. But after careful consideration, I have decided that this year's BAMA for the "coolest fucking guy ever" goes to...
Phillip Seymour Hoffman:
Where do I even start? This guy is a phenomenal actor. Remember "Along Came Polly"?? He is fat and ugly, and somehow still gets leading roles left and right. He wins awards constantly and still shows up to the Oscars wearing a beanie. Yep, winner.
Next category: Humanitarian Of The Year.
Another one of those categories that nominees are unneccessary because the voting is so lopsidedly in favor of the winner.
Heidi Klum:
Why? This is one of the baddest bitches in the world. PERIOD. And she found the decency in her heart to not only pity fuck the acid-burned body of Seal, but she actually married the guy. What is the appeal? His face looks like a country road with all those pot holes, he's darker than sin, and his music is competing with the likes of Michael Bolton for gayest, most shittiest, god-awful racket on earth. Round of applause for Heidi for really "taking one" for the betterment of society.
Next category (before I burn my face with acid): My English is worse than my acting.
The nominees are:
Penelope Cruz
Salma Hayek
Every British actor on Earth
The winner in this hard fought battle?
Penelope Cruz:
Yeah, she decided to wear a wedding dress to the Oscars this year. She must not have been able to read the memo (you know cause it was in English). HAHA.
Next category: Why am I here?
The nominees are:
Miley Cyrus
Mario Lopez
Vanessa Hudgens
And the winner?
Mario Lopez.
Seriously though, what business does this guy have at the Oscars? He hosts fuckin teen dance contests on MTV. Fuckin Michael Vick has about as much business at the Oscars as A.C. Slater does. Get the fuck outta here.
Next Category: Worst plastic surgery addiction.
The nominees are:
Lisa Rinna
Mickey Rourke
Cat-Lady
And the winner is Mickey Rourke.
In all seriousness, Lisa Rinna deserved this award but Mickey is so damn cool that he edged her old ass out. Don't get it twisted, Lisa Rinna is doing playboy in the next couple of months and you better believe I'll be checkin for her ass. (Little known fact, when I was approx. 10 years old, I went to visit my Aunt in Texas. She was kinda strict about what I could watch, but for some reason took no issues with me watching soap operas with her everyday. So for the 2 weeks I was there, I was checkin for Lisa Rinna like a muhfucka...). Back to Mickey, this guy got ripped (from what I hear) for best actor by Sean Penn so I'll give him some shine in this category, because bouncin back from that heroin addiction and losing your 18 year old chihuahua is hard on an old trout but he's still out there in all his surgically enhanced glory.
Next category: Biggest comeback EVER!
Without a doubt, the winner is:
Josh Brolin.
Seriously, this guy is in EVERYTHING these days. Milk, W., American Gangster, Grindhouse, No Country for Old Men, etc. The list just goes on. Everyone of these films has won some award for being the best something in the last 2+ years.
What blows me away is that nobody bothered by the fact that this dude was doing made for T.V. Lifetime Movie Network dramas no less that 4 years ago. How did this happen? I need to know who he blew to become one of the most sought after actors in Hollywood. He sure has come a long way from The Goonies, and one of my all time favorite roles as "Corey Webster" in:
Damn.
Next Category: Ugliest Leading Lady
The nominees are:
Sarah Jessica Parker
Anne Hathaway
Renee Zellwegger
Reese Witherspoon
And the winner (or would it be loser?) is...
It's a 4-way tie.
Sarah Jessica Parker:
Seriously, I would rather the bald-headed guy with the beard kiss me on the mouth (no homo) than touch skeletor. HOLY MOLEY!!
Anne Hathaway:
I don't get it. Why do people think she is so fly? Her neck is crazy long. She's got a grill like Mr. Ed, and her hair looks hella white trash. In her defense though, she got naked in that movie "Havoc" and her J's are right.
Renee Zellwegger:
Nobody likes a squinter.
Reese Witherspoon:
She could puncture steel with that chin. Good lord.
Final Category: MILF of the year
The nominees are:
Angelina Jolie
Halle Berry
Marisa Tomei
And the winner is...
Halle Berry:
Lets face it. Halle Berry may very well be the best looking woman on this planet. She exudes class and sophistication. When I look at Angelina Jolie, all I can think about is that vile of Billy Bob Thornton's blood around her neck and him licking her face at that awards show a few years back.
I'm serious, I might be the only guy on the planet who doesn't find Angelina attractive. She is gross to me.
Back to Halle, god damn girl, I would punt new born puppies through fire in front of children if it somehow ensured that I could hit that.
That does it for this years "BAMA's". Until next year... Fuck you all.
-Oliver Wrist
AAAAHHHHNNNNNTTTT!
I was too busy reliving my childhood watching Wrestlemania VII (1991) to give one half of a shit about the fucking Oscars. But, as you would expect, every blog on the interweb is flooded with photos and opinions of "who was dressed the best?" and "who won best actor?" (the answer to the latter is Sean Penn in MILK by the way). Are you fucking serious? Sean Penn? I hate Sean Penn.
All this celebrity obsessed bullshit got me thinking...
Wait for it...
Wait for it...
I'm going to make my own categories and give out awards for shit I care about, and call these gems "The BAMA's".
First category:
People who will never be nominated for an Oscar but continue to pump out heart pounding thrillers year after year, and the nominees are:
Fuck it, the other nominees don't matter. The hands down, you shouldn't even have bothered to show up, I just handed you your ass winner is:
Jason Statham.
Seriously, look at this guy's body of work and tell me he doesn't rock shit in EVERYTHING!!
The only other person even in the Stath's arena is Clive Owen. But he is disqualified because he made a bunch of bitch ass movies before he started whoopin ass full time.
Next Category: Coolest fucking guy ever.
And the nominees are:
Seth Rogen
Philip Seymour Hoffman
McLovin
Joaquin Phoenix
Robert Downey Jr.
This is a tough one. I mean, everyone on this list rocks shit in their own particular way. But after careful consideration, I have decided that this year's BAMA for the "coolest fucking guy ever" goes to...
Phillip Seymour Hoffman:
Where do I even start? This guy is a phenomenal actor. Remember "Along Came Polly"?? He is fat and ugly, and somehow still gets leading roles left and right. He wins awards constantly and still shows up to the Oscars wearing a beanie. Yep, winner.
Next category: Humanitarian Of The Year.
Another one of those categories that nominees are unneccessary because the voting is so lopsidedly in favor of the winner.
Heidi Klum:
Why? This is one of the baddest bitches in the world. PERIOD. And she found the decency in her heart to not only pity fuck the acid-burned body of Seal, but she actually married the guy. What is the appeal? His face looks like a country road with all those pot holes, he's darker than sin, and his music is competing with the likes of Michael Bolton for gayest, most shittiest, god-awful racket on earth. Round of applause for Heidi for really "taking one" for the betterment of society.
Next category (before I burn my face with acid): My English is worse than my acting.
The nominees are:
Penelope Cruz
Salma Hayek
Every British actor on Earth
The winner in this hard fought battle?
Penelope Cruz:
Yeah, she decided to wear a wedding dress to the Oscars this year. She must not have been able to read the memo (you know cause it was in English). HAHA.
Next category: Why am I here?
The nominees are:
Miley Cyrus
Mario Lopez
Vanessa Hudgens
And the winner?
Mario Lopez.
Seriously though, what business does this guy have at the Oscars? He hosts fuckin teen dance contests on MTV. Fuckin Michael Vick has about as much business at the Oscars as A.C. Slater does. Get the fuck outta here.
Next Category: Worst plastic surgery addiction.
The nominees are:
Lisa Rinna
Mickey Rourke
Cat-Lady
And the winner is Mickey Rourke.
In all seriousness, Lisa Rinna deserved this award but Mickey is so damn cool that he edged her old ass out. Don't get it twisted, Lisa Rinna is doing playboy in the next couple of months and you better believe I'll be checkin for her ass. (Little known fact, when I was approx. 10 years old, I went to visit my Aunt in Texas. She was kinda strict about what I could watch, but for some reason took no issues with me watching soap operas with her everyday. So for the 2 weeks I was there, I was checkin for Lisa Rinna like a muhfucka...). Back to Mickey, this guy got ripped (from what I hear) for best actor by Sean Penn so I'll give him some shine in this category, because bouncin back from that heroin addiction and losing your 18 year old chihuahua is hard on an old trout but he's still out there in all his surgically enhanced glory.
Next category: Biggest comeback EVER!
Without a doubt, the winner is:
Josh Brolin.
Seriously, this guy is in EVERYTHING these days. Milk, W., American Gangster, Grindhouse, No Country for Old Men, etc. The list just goes on. Everyone of these films has won some award for being the best something in the last 2+ years.
What blows me away is that nobody bothered by the fact that this dude was doing made for T.V. Lifetime Movie Network dramas no less that 4 years ago. How did this happen? I need to know who he blew to become one of the most sought after actors in Hollywood. He sure has come a long way from The Goonies, and one of my all time favorite roles as "Corey Webster" in:
Damn.
Next Category: Ugliest Leading Lady
The nominees are:
Sarah Jessica Parker
Anne Hathaway
Renee Zellwegger
Reese Witherspoon
And the winner (or would it be loser?) is...
It's a 4-way tie.
Sarah Jessica Parker:
Seriously, I would rather the bald-headed guy with the beard kiss me on the mouth (no homo) than touch skeletor. HOLY MOLEY!!
Anne Hathaway:
I don't get it. Why do people think she is so fly? Her neck is crazy long. She's got a grill like Mr. Ed, and her hair looks hella white trash. In her defense though, she got naked in that movie "Havoc" and her J's are right.
Renee Zellwegger:
Nobody likes a squinter.
Reese Witherspoon:
She could puncture steel with that chin. Good lord.
Final Category: MILF of the year
The nominees are:
Angelina Jolie
Halle Berry
Marisa Tomei
And the winner is...
Halle Berry:
Lets face it. Halle Berry may very well be the best looking woman on this planet. She exudes class and sophistication. When I look at Angelina Jolie, all I can think about is that vile of Billy Bob Thornton's blood around her neck and him licking her face at that awards show a few years back.
I'm serious, I might be the only guy on the planet who doesn't find Angelina attractive. She is gross to me.
Back to Halle, god damn girl, I would punt new born puppies through fire in front of children if it somehow ensured that I could hit that.
That does it for this years "BAMA's". Until next year... Fuck you all.
-Oliver Wrist
Friday, February 20, 2009
UnbeWEAVEable!!
First of all, I'm back again like I left my keys. Blogger must have gotten all my hate e-mails cause my shit is back on and poppin and it couldn't have come at a better time.
Peep this video. Seriously, watch it.
LOL. Homegirl is mad calm for someone whose life was spared by divine (weave) intervention don't ya think?
"I been had this weave fo' yurrs, got a lot o' money investedded in it too" HAHAHAHA.
This is one of my favorite news stories so far in 2009.
Glad to be back, just in time to clock out on friday afternoon. See ya monday with a full week's worth of work. I didn't do shit this week and it was great. I've been thinkin about only doin one post a week, whattaya think?
-Ollie
Peep this video. Seriously, watch it.
LOL. Homegirl is mad calm for someone whose life was spared by divine (weave) intervention don't ya think?
"I been had this weave fo' yurrs, got a lot o' money investedded in it too" HAHAHAHA.
This is one of my favorite news stories so far in 2009.
Glad to be back, just in time to clock out on friday afternoon. See ya monday with a full week's worth of work. I didn't do shit this week and it was great. I've been thinkin about only doin one post a week, whattaya think?
-Ollie
Wack Shit:
If you're reading this then you've already got one up on me. I can't see any of my posts. What I am typing is completely blind to me, so if it shows up, know that I tried for you today. Back Monday, assuming this problem with my blogger account gets fixed.
I hate you all.
Love Olliverr WRist.
I hate you all.
Love Olliverr WRist.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Throwback Thursday: Ghetto Dwellaz
Certified heater from little known (but supremely dope) Ghetto Dwellaz. Party Arty and D-Flow are menacing over what can only be described as the "definition of New York grime".
I think this joint is more like a '98-'99 era jump, but it still slaps the shit outta anything post 2001, STRAIGHT THE FUCK UP!
Sorry, I'm a bit pressed for time. Had to go re-up the meds after a doctor's visit where he explained to me the pitfalls of hydrocodone consumption. STFU and write the prescription bitch, I'm paying cash for this visit as well as the prescription I don't need a lecture.
R.I.P. Party Arty.
**Side Note** It seems like every Throwback Thursday post recently has ended with an "R.I.P." attached. That is completely unintentional.
-Ollie
I think this joint is more like a '98-'99 era jump, but it still slaps the shit outta anything post 2001, STRAIGHT THE FUCK UP!
Sorry, I'm a bit pressed for time. Had to go re-up the meds after a doctor's visit where he explained to me the pitfalls of hydrocodone consumption. STFU and write the prescription bitch, I'm paying cash for this visit as well as the prescription I don't need a lecture.
R.I.P. Party Arty.
**Side Note** It seems like every Throwback Thursday post recently has ended with an "R.I.P." attached. That is completely unintentional.
-Ollie
This Really Caught Me Off Guard:
First of all, homegirl is crazy thick, like almost too think for my tastes. But then again, as much as I praise the ass and thigh game of some of the games best (i.e. Kimmy K, Jessica Biel, etc.) I don't think a young white brotha like me can really appreciate what the Brazilion ladies are really bringin to the table.
I was seriously caught off guard at the 1:00 mark when the camera panned out and there was a gang of lil' homies (all under the age of like 7-8) just coolin out in the gym watchin ol' girl cut that rug. By the way, that leg kick, slide, stomp, drop, repeat move she was hittin us with for the first minute or so was severely lacking. She really got it good towards the end though.
The best part though?? Go back and cue it up at around the 1:15 mark and just keep your eye on the extra thorough lil' gutter rat in the white tank top. The momentum slowly builds up and then BAM! At the 1:31 mark he is in full pelvic thrust puttin in maaaaad work. CLASSIC! These cats are young and still peepin hoes.
I just gotta know how this came to be? Were these kids on a field trip to the gym? and just so happened to stumple upon this bird dippin low and sweepin the flo' with it? Just a pure stroke of luck? I have never been that lucky in my life... But a guy can hope right?
Right?
-Ollie
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Hot Gossip: Ray J's The Father!
I have really been slackin in my celebreality t.v. consumption ever since LOST was introduced into my life. So now, when I miss the show, I just catch the recap on VH1's blog. I hope everyone understands how these shows work and realize that they are minimum 6 months behind when they air on t.v.
Remember this crazy lookin hoe "Danger" with the tattoo on her face?
She is now saying some wild shit over on VH1 Blog about being pregnant and Ray J is the pops.
If you choose not to click the link, the basic rundown goes like this...
She claims that Ray J started puttin in work the first week of the show and continued to hit all the way through her close to 2 month-long stay. She claims that she had no other sexual contact outside of Ray J in that time cause she was "locked up in the mansion".
Bottom line, I think your boy Ray J slipped up. I imagine it is a requirement for all girls to be tested for STD's, pregnancy, etc. before being cast on the show, but I feel like it should definitely be required that these triflin' ass hoes be force fed birth control everyday by the shows producers to protect the celebrity from some chick tryin to catch one and be set for life.
Seriously though, this chick could have taken the pool of nut off her stomach and squeezed it back off in her if she was really tryin to get pregnant. I mean, havin a kid by Ray J that was conceived while filming a reality show about finding love, then catchin the diss when you get the axe (as I imagine he didn't pick her) isn't going to bode well for your childs pschy later in life.
Whatever the case, Ray J got caught slippin and now my man is gonna be known more for his child support bills to the woman with the tattooed face than his illustrious film career co-starring Kimmy K and her ridiculously thick self.
Naddagoodlook Ray J.
-Ollie
Remember this crazy lookin hoe "Danger" with the tattoo on her face?
She is now saying some wild shit over on VH1 Blog about being pregnant and Ray J is the pops.
If you choose not to click the link, the basic rundown goes like this...
She claims that Ray J started puttin in work the first week of the show and continued to hit all the way through her close to 2 month-long stay. She claims that she had no other sexual contact outside of Ray J in that time cause she was "locked up in the mansion".
Bottom line, I think your boy Ray J slipped up. I imagine it is a requirement for all girls to be tested for STD's, pregnancy, etc. before being cast on the show, but I feel like it should definitely be required that these triflin' ass hoes be force fed birth control everyday by the shows producers to protect the celebrity from some chick tryin to catch one and be set for life.
Seriously though, this chick could have taken the pool of nut off her stomach and squeezed it back off in her if she was really tryin to get pregnant. I mean, havin a kid by Ray J that was conceived while filming a reality show about finding love, then catchin the diss when you get the axe (as I imagine he didn't pick her) isn't going to bode well for your childs pschy later in life.
Whatever the case, Ray J got caught slippin and now my man is gonna be known more for his child support bills to the woman with the tattooed face than his illustrious film career co-starring Kimmy K and her ridiculously thick self.
Naddagoodlook Ray J.
-Ollie
I'm Baaaaacccckkkk....
But just barely.
What I thought was the flu, ended up ultimately being food poisoning. How do I know? Well, lets just say that I could shit thru a straw without touching the sides. LIQUID FURY. It was BAD. I don't wish this sickness on my most bitter enemy.
On the bright side of things, I got 2 days off from punchin' the clock for the man, watched a ridiculous amount of T.V. including season 3 of Arrested Development (one of my favorite shows of all time).
Extra large shout outs to Jonny D. and Royal, my boys from Michigan, avid readers of the BAMA, and 2 of the first people to link me in their blogroll for stayin so low key while quietly building one of the better "joint venture" blogs on the net. Check em out here: www.code2ave.wordpress.com and be on the lookout for guest spots from Ollie every once in a while, unless they deem me worthy and invite to write with 'em full time. In the off chance that they decide they want my cynical rants to flood their site, don't worry, I will still be crushing peoples spirits here on The BAMA, every week day until I run out of shit to be mad about. Which I can't see happening anytime in the next 10 or so years.
Other things that happened over the weekend...
Got lots of stickers passed out on friday night. Saw some good friends that I haven't seen in what seems like years. I hadn't realized how many people were reading the blog until I got bombarded with "yo the blogs dope" comments all night at the bar. I seriously thought the hits count was just the same 8 people stopping by 15 times a day to make me look better. So, thank you to the people who actually read the site and think I'm funny.
I told some stories, drank lots of beers, decided on a central idea for the book I am planning on writing (but won't be starting for at least another 3-6 months) and finished season 2 of LOST. I am now 5 episodes into season 3 and I gotta say, Fukfase from the comment boards is right, this show has more questions than answers and it is really starting to annoy me. It's like the itch on your nose from chewing up too many norcos, a guilty pleasure of sorts. I hate that I don't know, but can't stop watching because I HAFTA KNOW EVERYTHING!
If the readers remember my post on the top 50 most influential men in the world and how I felt about that list (read: I hated it) you would know that I only agreed with something like 10 of the 50 men deserving a spot on the list. And while at the time I had never watched a single episode of LOST, I gave the creator J.J. Abrams a pass because of the hype surrounding his show. Jonny D. and Royal claim to be the worlds biggest LOST fans, and are partially responsible for getting me involved in this fucking crack binge of T.V. watching I have been putting myself through over the past month or so. So to them (Jonny D. and Royal, 2 shouts in one post? hold the fucking phone here...) thanks alot assholes, now I'm hooked. This is really cutting into my "creative time".
So, sorry readers, I have been under the weather with the worst case of bubble guts i've ever experienced, I really shouldn't even be at the office today, but I'm guttin' it out for you. My guestimation here is that the number of daily readers is somewhere around 75-100 stopping by 2-3 times a day, because I am now averaging close to 250 hits a day. I'd say thats pretty good considering how many people I insult on a daily basis.
A couple other people I need to show some love to:
First up my cyberfriend Mackey who writes Nobody Walks In L.A.. Its a great lifestyle blog about music, L.A. culture, being a D.J. for wild ass Mickey Avalon, and hangin out with celebrities. The guy's mad cool (except that he wears skinny jeans, but he gets a pass for that HAHA) and he links to my site, so the favor is returned.
And another shout out to www.paintorthread.com which is a graffiti/sneaker head site. The homie hit me up to exchange links and put me down, so I always show the love back.
And finally, big shout out to Combat Jack at Daily Mathematics. If you're not up on this dude, you are really missin out. He's got great stories of being in the industry during the hey-day of hip hop. He's ultra thorough and actually wants to fight Suge Knight. What's not to like about him? He put me down, so here's to you JACK.
Back later after I catch up on all of the internet scandals I have missed in the last 3 days while being laid up.
-Ollie
What I thought was the flu, ended up ultimately being food poisoning. How do I know? Well, lets just say that I could shit thru a straw without touching the sides. LIQUID FURY. It was BAD. I don't wish this sickness on my most bitter enemy.
On the bright side of things, I got 2 days off from punchin' the clock for the man, watched a ridiculous amount of T.V. including season 3 of Arrested Development (one of my favorite shows of all time).
Extra large shout outs to Jonny D. and Royal, my boys from Michigan, avid readers of the BAMA, and 2 of the first people to link me in their blogroll for stayin so low key while quietly building one of the better "joint venture" blogs on the net. Check em out here: www.code2ave.wordpress.com and be on the lookout for guest spots from Ollie every once in a while, unless they deem me worthy and invite to write with 'em full time. In the off chance that they decide they want my cynical rants to flood their site, don't worry, I will still be crushing peoples spirits here on The BAMA, every week day until I run out of shit to be mad about. Which I can't see happening anytime in the next 10 or so years.
Other things that happened over the weekend...
Got lots of stickers passed out on friday night. Saw some good friends that I haven't seen in what seems like years. I hadn't realized how many people were reading the blog until I got bombarded with "yo the blogs dope" comments all night at the bar. I seriously thought the hits count was just the same 8 people stopping by 15 times a day to make me look better. So, thank you to the people who actually read the site and think I'm funny.
I told some stories, drank lots of beers, decided on a central idea for the book I am planning on writing (but won't be starting for at least another 3-6 months) and finished season 2 of LOST. I am now 5 episodes into season 3 and I gotta say, Fukfase from the comment boards is right, this show has more questions than answers and it is really starting to annoy me. It's like the itch on your nose from chewing up too many norcos, a guilty pleasure of sorts. I hate that I don't know, but can't stop watching because I HAFTA KNOW EVERYTHING!
If the readers remember my post on the top 50 most influential men in the world and how I felt about that list (read: I hated it) you would know that I only agreed with something like 10 of the 50 men deserving a spot on the list. And while at the time I had never watched a single episode of LOST, I gave the creator J.J. Abrams a pass because of the hype surrounding his show. Jonny D. and Royal claim to be the worlds biggest LOST fans, and are partially responsible for getting me involved in this fucking crack binge of T.V. watching I have been putting myself through over the past month or so. So to them (Jonny D. and Royal, 2 shouts in one post? hold the fucking phone here...) thanks alot assholes, now I'm hooked. This is really cutting into my "creative time".
So, sorry readers, I have been under the weather with the worst case of bubble guts i've ever experienced, I really shouldn't even be at the office today, but I'm guttin' it out for you. My guestimation here is that the number of daily readers is somewhere around 75-100 stopping by 2-3 times a day, because I am now averaging close to 250 hits a day. I'd say thats pretty good considering how many people I insult on a daily basis.
A couple other people I need to show some love to:
First up my cyberfriend Mackey who writes Nobody Walks In L.A.. Its a great lifestyle blog about music, L.A. culture, being a D.J. for wild ass Mickey Avalon, and hangin out with celebrities. The guy's mad cool (except that he wears skinny jeans, but he gets a pass for that HAHA) and he links to my site, so the favor is returned.
And another shout out to www.paintorthread.com which is a graffiti/sneaker head site. The homie hit me up to exchange links and put me down, so I always show the love back.
And finally, big shout out to Combat Jack at Daily Mathematics. If you're not up on this dude, you are really missin out. He's got great stories of being in the industry during the hey-day of hip hop. He's ultra thorough and actually wants to fight Suge Knight. What's not to like about him? He put me down, so here's to you JACK.
Back later after I catch up on all of the internet scandals I have missed in the last 3 days while being laid up.
-Ollie
Friday, February 13, 2009
Aubrey O'Day Does Playboy
The internet is going nuts over this broad doing playboy. You already know what I think right?
Big Fucking Deal. Aubrey O'Day has been well on her way to playboy for the last 2 years of so. Just look at the company she keeps...
Kimmy K is fierce, but she has done playboy, yes? YES. I never saw it, but I heard about it...
Jenna Jameson, the queen of porn? This bitch gets fucked for a living.
Then there were those "classy" shots from Complex Magazine a while back...
So this whole playboy thing was just the next logical step in a downward spiraling career. Face it Aubrey, Diddy turnt your ass out and now you're out here hoein for tracks, or at the very least relevancy. The 15 minutes is up, time to fade out.
For the record, I am not of the general consensus that this bitch is "trashy and ugly". I actually thinks she's kinda fly. I'm not real big on all the upgrades, but I loves me a dirty whore with low self esteem and daddy issues. They are the easiest prey... HAHA.
Anyways, heres the Playboy cover and one of the photos from the shoot:
For the rest of the NSFW photos in all their glory hit up WWTDD.COM. Somehow this guy already has the nudies.
Big Fucking Deal. Aubrey O'Day has been well on her way to playboy for the last 2 years of so. Just look at the company she keeps...
Kimmy K is fierce, but she has done playboy, yes? YES. I never saw it, but I heard about it...
Jenna Jameson, the queen of porn? This bitch gets fucked for a living.
Then there were those "classy" shots from Complex Magazine a while back...
So this whole playboy thing was just the next logical step in a downward spiraling career. Face it Aubrey, Diddy turnt your ass out and now you're out here hoein for tracks, or at the very least relevancy. The 15 minutes is up, time to fade out.
For the record, I am not of the general consensus that this bitch is "trashy and ugly". I actually thinks she's kinda fly. I'm not real big on all the upgrades, but I loves me a dirty whore with low self esteem and daddy issues. They are the easiest prey... HAHA.
Anyways, heres the Playboy cover and one of the photos from the shoot:
For the rest of the NSFW photos in all their glory hit up WWTDD.COM. Somehow this guy already has the nudies.
Valentine's Day: Why?
Being the ice-cold, self-absorbed sonofabitch that I am, it would be reasonable to assume that I am not a fan of this made-up ass holiday.
I don't hate it for the same reasons that most of the bloggers out there do. What reason is that?
They are fucking dorks with no social or romantic life to speak of. Of course they hate the day "for lovers".
I hate it because I have to do something I wouldn't normally do, i.e. be greatful for having a chick and do nice shit for TBC all day.
HAHA, no I'm kidding. TBC knows where she stands with me (10 feet behind me at all times).
This is the day that dudes dread. I mean, if you have a chick and have had her crowned for a while then you're already beatin the skins, and you have gotten comfortable enough with your girl that you don't feel you should have to "do something amazing" in order to keep her locked up. WRONG.
If your chick tells you "it's not a big deal" you are FUCKED.
Heart shaped pizza, a little cut-up, and some LOST sounds great to me. BUT NO, I have to make dinner reservations, then I have to get a card expressing romantic sentiment, then there's the chocolate, and the flowers, and all that other horse shit.
Aren't we in a recession?
Be happy with what you get. AND THAT GOES OUT TO ALL THE FEMALES IN THE WORLD.
TBC, my little peach, always remember:
(For the record, thats not my nutbag...)
Fuck this holiday. I am starting a petition for "National Guy's Day Off". More on that mission later.
I don't hate it for the same reasons that most of the bloggers out there do. What reason is that?
They are fucking dorks with no social or romantic life to speak of. Of course they hate the day "for lovers".
I hate it because I have to do something I wouldn't normally do, i.e. be greatful for having a chick and do nice shit for TBC all day.
HAHA, no I'm kidding. TBC knows where she stands with me (10 feet behind me at all times).
This is the day that dudes dread. I mean, if you have a chick and have had her crowned for a while then you're already beatin the skins, and you have gotten comfortable enough with your girl that you don't feel you should have to "do something amazing" in order to keep her locked up. WRONG.
If your chick tells you "it's not a big deal" you are FUCKED.
Heart shaped pizza, a little cut-up, and some LOST sounds great to me. BUT NO, I have to make dinner reservations, then I have to get a card expressing romantic sentiment, then there's the chocolate, and the flowers, and all that other horse shit.
Aren't we in a recession?
Be happy with what you get. AND THAT GOES OUT TO ALL THE FEMALES IN THE WORLD.
TBC, my little peach, always remember:
(For the record, thats not my nutbag...)
Fuck this holiday. I am starting a petition for "National Guy's Day Off". More on that mission later.
Shit I Don't Care About...
But has been constantly thrown in my face...
I get e-mails from readers of the site, I won't put anyone on blast so as to avoid alienating any of the 8 fans of this blog, but some shit just does not matter to me.
1) By now, unless you have been living under a rock, or you use NickelPlatedBama as your only source of news, you have heard about Joaquin Phoenix and his "career in hip hop". Look, the truth of the matter is this, I've been following the story (like any blogger would) since the beginning. I'm not late to this, I just haven't cared enough to write anything about it. But, since the fans demand it, here is my opinion on MC Joaquin Phoenix:
Before I give you my opinion, I have got to address homie's look. Everyone is familiar with the cleft in dude's lip, but look what that thing is doin to his beard game. It's funny, I've always refered to the cleft as a "hair-lip" which seems to be an oxy-moron of sorts considering he can't grow any hair there. The hair, the beard, the gear, it all works really well to complete the look of "spaced-out on painkillers, wild as fuck, i'm a celebrity so I have issues" persona he is tryin to portray.
Now to what I think about this little fiasco... Wait for it... Wait for it...
JOAQUIN PHOENIX IS A GENIUS!! Yeah, I said it. This guy has convinced the world that he has given up acting to pursue a career in hip hop, and at least 80% of the world has bitten on it. I don't buy his schtick for one second. This guy has taken the term "method-acting" to a whole new stratosphere. I mean, peep the game he's runnin' on everyone...
He even has David Letterman convinced that he has lost his mind. Pure genius, I give this guy all the credit in the world with stickin to the script. He has taken the idea that Robert Downey Jr.'s character in Tropin Thunder started and completely ran with it.
The shit is funny, but it really just doesn't matter to me in the grand scheme of things.
2) The Rihanna/Chris Brown cat-fight.
Look, the ugly truth of the matter is this, Rihanna got out of line, Chris put on his best Ike Turner impression and now this cat is gettin hemmed up by every person in the media.
(photo/design credit Reez at Thegluttony.com)
Domestic violence takes place every single day. ALOT. Just because these little pop princesses are famous, the world is losing their damn minds. The crazy thing to me is that everyone on the planet knows/has known some female that got her ass whipped on the regular by her old man, where the fuck were they when that shit was going down?
I mean seriously, people are organizing a "Chris Brown Shredfest" where they will be burning/shreding all things Chris Brown. AWESOME for Chris. You dumb fucks went out and bought a bunch of shit with his name on it and plan to burn it? And this hurts Breezy how? Homie is still getting paid either way.
Cats need to back the shit up a few steps and take it all in and quit buyin the hype. Is it so hard to believe that little miss pop sensation went off on homie and started doin what chicks do when they find a text message and catch homie tryin to get some cut on the low? Seriously, I know EXACTLY what happened.
Rihanna grabs phone to check his messages. Sees message she doesn't like, calls him on it. Chris tells her to back up out of his shit. She gets wild and starts swingin on homie. He pulls over, her eye gets dotted, and she gets choked for her safety.
Why is it for her safety? Well, if he would have beat her unconscious she would be canceling alot more tour dates, but since he just went ahead and choked her, there are no lasting marks.
Get over it. Sometimes shit gets wild in the streets.
-Ollie
I get e-mails from readers of the site, I won't put anyone on blast so as to avoid alienating any of the 8 fans of this blog, but some shit just does not matter to me.
1) By now, unless you have been living under a rock, or you use NickelPlatedBama as your only source of news, you have heard about Joaquin Phoenix and his "career in hip hop". Look, the truth of the matter is this, I've been following the story (like any blogger would) since the beginning. I'm not late to this, I just haven't cared enough to write anything about it. But, since the fans demand it, here is my opinion on MC Joaquin Phoenix:
Before I give you my opinion, I have got to address homie's look. Everyone is familiar with the cleft in dude's lip, but look what that thing is doin to his beard game. It's funny, I've always refered to the cleft as a "hair-lip" which seems to be an oxy-moron of sorts considering he can't grow any hair there. The hair, the beard, the gear, it all works really well to complete the look of "spaced-out on painkillers, wild as fuck, i'm a celebrity so I have issues" persona he is tryin to portray.
Now to what I think about this little fiasco... Wait for it... Wait for it...
JOAQUIN PHOENIX IS A GENIUS!! Yeah, I said it. This guy has convinced the world that he has given up acting to pursue a career in hip hop, and at least 80% of the world has bitten on it. I don't buy his schtick for one second. This guy has taken the term "method-acting" to a whole new stratosphere. I mean, peep the game he's runnin' on everyone...
He even has David Letterman convinced that he has lost his mind. Pure genius, I give this guy all the credit in the world with stickin to the script. He has taken the idea that Robert Downey Jr.'s character in Tropin Thunder started and completely ran with it.
The shit is funny, but it really just doesn't matter to me in the grand scheme of things.
2) The Rihanna/Chris Brown cat-fight.
Look, the ugly truth of the matter is this, Rihanna got out of line, Chris put on his best Ike Turner impression and now this cat is gettin hemmed up by every person in the media.
(photo/design credit Reez at Thegluttony.com)
Domestic violence takes place every single day. ALOT. Just because these little pop princesses are famous, the world is losing their damn minds. The crazy thing to me is that everyone on the planet knows/has known some female that got her ass whipped on the regular by her old man, where the fuck were they when that shit was going down?
I mean seriously, people are organizing a "Chris Brown Shredfest" where they will be burning/shreding all things Chris Brown. AWESOME for Chris. You dumb fucks went out and bought a bunch of shit with his name on it and plan to burn it? And this hurts Breezy how? Homie is still getting paid either way.
Cats need to back the shit up a few steps and take it all in and quit buyin the hype. Is it so hard to believe that little miss pop sensation went off on homie and started doin what chicks do when they find a text message and catch homie tryin to get some cut on the low? Seriously, I know EXACTLY what happened.
Rihanna grabs phone to check his messages. Sees message she doesn't like, calls him on it. Chris tells her to back up out of his shit. She gets wild and starts swingin on homie. He pulls over, her eye gets dotted, and she gets choked for her safety.
Why is it for her safety? Well, if he would have beat her unconscious she would be canceling alot more tour dates, but since he just went ahead and choked her, there are no lasting marks.
Get over it. Sometimes shit gets wild in the streets.
-Ollie
Thursday, February 12, 2009
New BAMA Logo?
Nah, I'm bullshittin'. Saw this Obama X Chicago Cubs joint and went AWOL.
I could use it though. Fuck Obama, that shit says "BAMA" as far as I'm concerned.
It could happen.
-Ollie
Throwback Thursday: Mr. Perfect
You know how some things just require background music? Well this is one of those times. Press play before reading on...
Fact: I was obsessed with WWF wrestling from 1989-1993 and then for a little while roundabout 1996 when the N.W.O. angle kicked in.
Fact: I have gone on record on more than one occasion and claimed Bret "The Hitman" Hart as my all time favorite wrestler in the history of the WWF. That is 100% true. I will never deny that. EVER.
Fact: Except for a select few, I almost always root for the bad guy. The villain. The guy that sticks his hand out for you to slap and then pulls the "too slow" move on you. The dick. The heel.
Fact: Mr. Perfect was the all time greatest "bad guy" in WWF history.
Lets run down the credentials...
The "Perfect" entrance music? Check.
Swagger? Check.
Bravado? Check.
Best name ever? Check.
Ties to goons and "bad" guys? Check.
Intercontinental champion? Check.
Coached by Bobby "The Brain" Heenan? Check.
Awesome finishing move? Check.
This guy had some of the best rhetoric of all time. I have spent half of my day looking for classic Mr. Perfect moment's on youtube and can't seem to locate the stuff I wanted to show. But I did find this video from like '99 where he cheats at chess. Just classic asshole behavior from THE classic asshole.
Man this guy was a goon. I just love how everything he did was "perfect". He did that ill entrance move where he threw the towel behind his back and caught it. He would spit his gum in the air and then slap it into the crowd (SO ICEY). I wonder if he ever even considered that the gum could get stuck in someones hair? Or for that matter if he even cared enough to wonder? I am convinced, to this day, that Mr. Perfect was the exact same person out of the ring as in, just a straight up, good old fashioned asshole.
He was great. R.I.P. Mr. Perfect
-Ollie
Throwback Thursday: Rocket Science
This post is particularly close to me for several reasons.
First of all, the photo that you will see in the video is the cover of the MHZ "Table Scraps" album. The photo was taken by our late friend Justin Zuk, but the illest part about it is that Zuk just took a picture of his table. The way it sat the day of the "photo shoot". Yeah, for the "hip hop" heads out there you will notice the "Twist" bottle on the table. Who's TWIST? Legendary graffiti writer out of the bay. His bottles now fetch a pretty penny on EBAY. R.I.P. Z.
Second, I'm pretty sure the homie Sam from FTKconstruction.com, got the credit for the layout and design.
Third, it was executive produced by their then manager Bobby Naugle. This guy gave me one of my favorite mixtapes to date back in like '96-'97. The aptly titled "For The Kids" joint.
Finally, one of the most surreal "hip hop" moments in my life came while I was maxin out with Bobby, Copywrite (first emcee on the track), and Cage (of Eminem beef, "Agent Orange" fame). The four of us were coolin in a hotel room down in L.A. listening to Cage tell us how all he needed was a Just Blaze beat and his single would be bigger than Eminem's. At that time, Eminem was going out of his way to diss Cage at least once an album, it was a fairly big deal. Anyways, so we just finished eating Fat Burger when out of nowhere "Role Model" (one of the singles off of The Slim Shady L.P.) came on. I just look up to notice Cage straight heated. In the song, Eminem says:
"...Ran on stage and sprayed Cage with Agent orange then wiped my ass with his page in source..."
This triggered a series of events that ultimately lead to me and Bobby rollin out.
Anyways, back to the story, Copywrite is an extremely cool cat outside of the studio, but when he is destroying "you" on a track, he is one of the meanest muhfucka's on the planet. And I love it. Enjoy...
"I've seen tighter (w)rappers on a candy bar"...
-Ollie
First of all, the photo that you will see in the video is the cover of the MHZ "Table Scraps" album. The photo was taken by our late friend Justin Zuk, but the illest part about it is that Zuk just took a picture of his table. The way it sat the day of the "photo shoot". Yeah, for the "hip hop" heads out there you will notice the "Twist" bottle on the table. Who's TWIST? Legendary graffiti writer out of the bay. His bottles now fetch a pretty penny on EBAY. R.I.P. Z.
Second, I'm pretty sure the homie Sam from FTKconstruction.com, got the credit for the layout and design.
Third, it was executive produced by their then manager Bobby Naugle. This guy gave me one of my favorite mixtapes to date back in like '96-'97. The aptly titled "For The Kids" joint.
Finally, one of the most surreal "hip hop" moments in my life came while I was maxin out with Bobby, Copywrite (first emcee on the track), and Cage (of Eminem beef, "Agent Orange" fame). The four of us were coolin in a hotel room down in L.A. listening to Cage tell us how all he needed was a Just Blaze beat and his single would be bigger than Eminem's. At that time, Eminem was going out of his way to diss Cage at least once an album, it was a fairly big deal. Anyways, so we just finished eating Fat Burger when out of nowhere "Role Model" (one of the singles off of The Slim Shady L.P.) came on. I just look up to notice Cage straight heated. In the song, Eminem says:
"...Ran on stage and sprayed Cage with Agent orange then wiped my ass with his page in source..."
This triggered a series of events that ultimately lead to me and Bobby rollin out.
Anyways, back to the story, Copywrite is an extremely cool cat outside of the studio, but when he is destroying "you" on a track, he is one of the meanest muhfucka's on the planet. And I love it. Enjoy...
"I've seen tighter (w)rappers on a candy bar"...
-Ollie
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
New Rule: Organic Is Out:
I hate the word "organic".
I hate that people think they are superior to others for eating/drinking "organic".
I hate that an "organic" tomato costs more than a non-"organic" tomato.
I hate that people think that if they do what they should do, they are living an "organic" life.
I hate the idea of being "organic".
What does that even mean? Seriously? CLICK HERE for the Wikipedia definition.
I'll tell you what it means... Its a bunch of blow-hard naturalists and environmentalists filling up the common man's head with this "go green" mentality. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for the preservation of our planet, but I will not blindly follow these tree huggin leftist nut jobs off the cliff that they are so willfully pushing the collective heard of sheep known as the human race off of.
Someone has to take a stand. Let that man be me...
Fuck organic. And fuck the people who think that because they "live organically" they are somewhat better than me.
I'll tell you something I know for fact. I had never even heard of "organic" until I got involved in the drug trade. And to all those people who claim to taste the chemicals in the herb, Fuck you, you are full of shit. I have personally handed some extra chemed out tree to the snobbiest of pot snobs and told him it was "organic". He fired up, and without hesitation proceeded to tell me how great "organic" herb tastes.
Moral of the story... the "organic" mindset exists exclusively in your head. If you never heard the term, you would never have been concerned.
When I was a kid, I drank the same milk as I do now. Fuck you tryin to bump the price 2 dollars more a gallon because the shit is "organic". Last I checked we are in a recession.
In fact, I think the "organic" phenomenon is indirectly responsible for this down-trodden economy.
Not really, but you get the point.
I close with this, if you step to me to tell me something is good because it is organic, 1, if not both of the following 2 things is going to happen...
A) You will be laughed at and ridiculed.
B) You will be slapped, then laughed at, then ridiculed.
Fuck Organic, live savagely.
-Ollie the Conqueror
I hate that people think they are superior to others for eating/drinking "organic".
I hate that an "organic" tomato costs more than a non-"organic" tomato.
I hate that people think that if they do what they should do, they are living an "organic" life.
I hate the idea of being "organic".
What does that even mean? Seriously? CLICK HERE for the Wikipedia definition.
I'll tell you what it means... Its a bunch of blow-hard naturalists and environmentalists filling up the common man's head with this "go green" mentality. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for the preservation of our planet, but I will not blindly follow these tree huggin leftist nut jobs off the cliff that they are so willfully pushing the collective heard of sheep known as the human race off of.
Someone has to take a stand. Let that man be me...
Fuck organic. And fuck the people who think that because they "live organically" they are somewhat better than me.
I'll tell you something I know for fact. I had never even heard of "organic" until I got involved in the drug trade. And to all those people who claim to taste the chemicals in the herb, Fuck you, you are full of shit. I have personally handed some extra chemed out tree to the snobbiest of pot snobs and told him it was "organic". He fired up, and without hesitation proceeded to tell me how great "organic" herb tastes.
Moral of the story... the "organic" mindset exists exclusively in your head. If you never heard the term, you would never have been concerned.
When I was a kid, I drank the same milk as I do now. Fuck you tryin to bump the price 2 dollars more a gallon because the shit is "organic". Last I checked we are in a recession.
In fact, I think the "organic" phenomenon is indirectly responsible for this down-trodden economy.
Not really, but you get the point.
I close with this, if you step to me to tell me something is good because it is organic, 1, if not both of the following 2 things is going to happen...
A) You will be laughed at and ridiculed.
B) You will be slapped, then laughed at, then ridiculed.
Fuck Organic, live savagely.
-Ollie the Conqueror
The Wire Vs. Rappers
I love "The Wire". It is quite possibly my favorite television show of all time. I have referenced many of the characters at opportune times during my ravings and rants over the last few months, but this cat Jesse H. from The Smoking Section compiled one of the best comparitive lists of rappers vs. characters from the wire I have ever seen.
What If Rappers Were Characters From The Wire?
Click that hotlink. The shit is real.
I especially like the Charles Hamilton/Dukie, Jay-Z/Stringer Bell, and the Scarface/Prop Joe comparisons. Those are razor sharp.
Its a great read, WITH PICTURES, so you cave-dwellers will be entertained.
-Ollie
What If Rappers Were Characters From The Wire?
Click that hotlink. The shit is real.
I especially like the Charles Hamilton/Dukie, Jay-Z/Stringer Bell, and the Scarface/Prop Joe comparisons. Those are razor sharp.
Its a great read, WITH PICTURES, so you cave-dwellers will be entertained.
-Ollie
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
I Have Zero Drive:
Whether you know it or not, I am not satisfied with writing this blog for no pay. Don't get me wrong, I love to write, I just want to be getting paid for it as well. Considering I am currently employed and my job affords me the free time to be able to write this smut on a daily basis, I don't feel that it is fair for me to complain about not drawing a wage. However, the day is going to come when I have to make a life decision...
What is that you wonder?
Well, am I going to be content with working at a dead end 9-5 making just enough money to pay bills, OR would I be happier writing, painting, and living life as a vagbond with no ties to any ONE thing in particular.
As of right now, I feel the need to make money far exceeds my desire to roam, but don't get it twisted, when that feeling changes, I will be gone. No warning shots will be fired. No white flags raised.
So while sitting around and depressing myself with the thought of having to work for a living, I have decided to write a book. Or maybe a collection of short stories. Maybe a children's book. Maybe a photo-journal of nude women. I'm not quite sure what it is going to be about, where it will take place, or when I will begin, but just know that eventually, at some point in time, I will have written and published a book that you will all have the opportunity to read and subsequently hate.
It will happen as soon as I find the drive to quit taking all these pills, treating people like shit, and being completely consumed with myself.
Like anyone cares anyways. HAHA.
-Ollie
What is that you wonder?
Well, am I going to be content with working at a dead end 9-5 making just enough money to pay bills, OR would I be happier writing, painting, and living life as a vagbond with no ties to any ONE thing in particular.
As of right now, I feel the need to make money far exceeds my desire to roam, but don't get it twisted, when that feeling changes, I will be gone. No warning shots will be fired. No white flags raised.
So while sitting around and depressing myself with the thought of having to work for a living, I have decided to write a book. Or maybe a collection of short stories. Maybe a children's book. Maybe a photo-journal of nude women. I'm not quite sure what it is going to be about, where it will take place, or when I will begin, but just know that eventually, at some point in time, I will have written and published a book that you will all have the opportunity to read and subsequently hate.
It will happen as soon as I find the drive to quit taking all these pills, treating people like shit, and being completely consumed with myself.
Like anyone cares anyways. HAHA.
-Ollie
Seth Rogen: American Role Model
I have been up in the air recently as to whether or not I should come out publicly and declare my unbridled affection for all things Seth Rogen. This guy is a comedic genius. But not in the traditional sense. He's just a run of the mill, completely average dude that has taken his ability to crack jokes on his friends and turned it into a viable source of income. Shit, this guy is one of the biggest writers/actors in Hollywood right now.
Maybe I got ahead of myself. Maybe, some of you don't know him by name, just by characters he has played. This should sum it up... "The curly haired chubby guy from 'Knocked Up'"..
Got it? Good.
Anyway, I was thumbin around the nets this morning and came across the trailer for one of his new movies coming out in 2009.
"Observe and Report":
Tell me that trailer doesn't do at least 2 of the following 3 things:
1) It made you realize that Anna Fariss is whorishly hot and has a ridiculous chest plate.
2) You realized that Paul Blart: Mall Cop was unfairly pushed onto unsuspecting American's prematurely in an effort to claim originality and steal the thunder from Seth Rogen's masterpiece.
3) It made you wish that you had one tenth of the comedic timing and stage presence that Seth has.
This guy is great. I think that if I was in any way famous and had my choice of people/celebrities to hang out with, Seth Rogen, Paul Rudd, Jason Segal, and the rest of that crew of folks would be on top of the list, except for Jonah Hill...
Yeah the fat kid from Superbad. I feel like he's a real fuckin prick on some "I'm famous, you're not" bullshit. I want to give that kid a black eye.
And to take a step back here, I want to discuss Anna Fariss a little further. She realllllllllllllly fucking annoys me. I mean, like, BAD. She's loud, she blatantly overacts (yeah I know, it's all part of her schtick), her eyes are really wierd, she has made nothing but bad movies, but for some reason, this movie trailer made her seem very tolerable and downright sexy to me...
What the hell is going on with me? Am I really praising a skinny white blonde chick with no ass?? Somebody please run that photo to remind me of what really counts in this world...
Ahhhh yes. Now were back.
-Ollie
Maybe I got ahead of myself. Maybe, some of you don't know him by name, just by characters he has played. This should sum it up... "The curly haired chubby guy from 'Knocked Up'"..
Got it? Good.
Anyway, I was thumbin around the nets this morning and came across the trailer for one of his new movies coming out in 2009.
"Observe and Report":
Tell me that trailer doesn't do at least 2 of the following 3 things:
1) It made you realize that Anna Fariss is whorishly hot and has a ridiculous chest plate.
2) You realized that Paul Blart: Mall Cop was unfairly pushed onto unsuspecting American's prematurely in an effort to claim originality and steal the thunder from Seth Rogen's masterpiece.
3) It made you wish that you had one tenth of the comedic timing and stage presence that Seth has.
This guy is great. I think that if I was in any way famous and had my choice of people/celebrities to hang out with, Seth Rogen, Paul Rudd, Jason Segal, and the rest of that crew of folks would be on top of the list, except for Jonah Hill...
Yeah the fat kid from Superbad. I feel like he's a real fuckin prick on some "I'm famous, you're not" bullshit. I want to give that kid a black eye.
And to take a step back here, I want to discuss Anna Fariss a little further. She realllllllllllllly fucking annoys me. I mean, like, BAD. She's loud, she blatantly overacts (yeah I know, it's all part of her schtick), her eyes are really wierd, she has made nothing but bad movies, but for some reason, this movie trailer made her seem very tolerable and downright sexy to me...
What the hell is going on with me? Am I really praising a skinny white blonde chick with no ass?? Somebody please run that photo to remind me of what really counts in this world...
Ahhhh yes. Now were back.
-Ollie
Monday, February 9, 2009
50 Cent vs. Retarded White Guy??
Oh boy. Everyone wants in on the beef these days. Since "Fiddy" has basically given up on the idea of releasing classic rap albums, and has since decided to just start beefs with every rapper catchin any shine at a particular time in fiddy's world, it is only fair that the slow, dim-witted south park watching Rick Ross stans out there take it to Fiddy on behalf of their beloved favorite rapper(s).
This guy steps it up too. The rhetoric he's kickin is top shelf. Goin' after Fif for hittin the female followers with a fuckin dildo. A FUCKIN DILDO!?!?
For the most part I hate 50's music. But I give this guy uber props for pimpin the entire world for money while he basically does nothin' but create quasi-beefs with half-assed rappers. Take it how you want but know this, 50 doesn't go after the big dogs in the game. He tried to test Jigga, got shut down with one line, left that one alone.
50 seems to pride himself on his ability to "end rapper's careers". i think it's funny that even with all the tomfoolery and corporate thuggin, companies still look to 50 as "that guy" when they want something marketed. It is completely mind-blowing.
I can't call it.
2009 Grammy Review: RANT!
This just in, the grammy's fuckin suck. I could care less about which media darling takes home any award from any genre of music.
That said, I didn't watch the grammys. Call me crazy, but I recently acquired the first 3 seasons of LOST and I am flat out hooked. The shit is like crack, no games, no jokes.
There will be no pictures in this post.
Some things I guess are worth mentioning:
- Lil Wayne wins 3 grammy's this year (he had 8 nominations?).
- Kanye wins one grammy as a guest feature on that hideous "American Boy" joint.
- Robert Plant (Led Zeppelin) comes back from the dead (Mickey Rourke style) and cleans house. The guy did a duet with the queen of duets herself (Alison Kraus, whose voice I enjoy, but only when it is paired with a make counterpart) and together they won like 6 grammy's or something. Outrageous.
- Coldplay still sucks and is the most over-rated musical group since Blink-182.
- Blink-182 is back together?? Who the fuck cares?
- Al Green (the last surviving ultra smoove player from his era) showed up and let Mr. Funky white boy himself, Justin Timberlake get on a track with him.
BUT, OF ALL THE THINGS THAT HAPPENED AT THIS YEARS GRAMMY'S, THE BIGGEST STORY GOES TO:
Chris Brown and Rihanna didn't show up to the grammy's because word on the street is that:
Chris Brown slapped the shit of out Princess Rihanna!
YES!!!!!
That is the best headline I've read in months.
In general, I am a fan of pimp-like behavior, and while 80% of the time I do not condone slappin these hoes, if there is any one bitch on this planet that needed a reality check, it was, you guessed it, Rihanna.
Straight the fuck up. Homegirl has been gettin out of pocket for months gettin wreckless tryna run Breezy's life.
Lets get this straight right now, I am not a fan of Chris Brown. AT ALL. But, the boy showed me somethin over the weekend when he decided that he has had enough of Rihanna playin that superstar role, frontin like her shit don't stink.
This sounds wrong, and the 2 female readers of this blog are prolly gonna get extra pissed, but sometimes a dumb female needs to be taken down a peg, and that is exactly what Mr. Brown did for Rihanna.
Yes I said "did FOR her". You already know what is going to come from this. The power couple are going to get more publicity (like they really need it), Rihanna is going to fall even harder for Chris Brown, who, in turn, will start really goin Ike Turner, lyin, cheatin, sneakin, and beatin all on the lows.
The female support for Rihanna will result in increased album sales, while the once pussified Chris Brown now all of a sudden has street cred.
Gentlemen, take my advice, if your hoe's gettin out of pocket, check her. That doesn't neccessarily mean you gotta hit the bitch niether. In fact, you can put a chick in her place by simply givin her a time out...
It works on children, why not the grown up version of a child, a.k.a. Females?
I'm just sayin...
Oh, and I heard the performances were mediocre at best. All the more reason I am glad that I didn't care enough to even set the DVR.
Get it right for 2009, prediction from Ollie...
Chris Brown/Rihanna blow up even bigger than before...
-Oliver Wrist
That said, I didn't watch the grammys. Call me crazy, but I recently acquired the first 3 seasons of LOST and I am flat out hooked. The shit is like crack, no games, no jokes.
There will be no pictures in this post.
Some things I guess are worth mentioning:
- Lil Wayne wins 3 grammy's this year (he had 8 nominations?).
- Kanye wins one grammy as a guest feature on that hideous "American Boy" joint.
- Robert Plant (Led Zeppelin) comes back from the dead (Mickey Rourke style) and cleans house. The guy did a duet with the queen of duets herself (Alison Kraus, whose voice I enjoy, but only when it is paired with a make counterpart) and together they won like 6 grammy's or something. Outrageous.
- Coldplay still sucks and is the most over-rated musical group since Blink-182.
- Blink-182 is back together?? Who the fuck cares?
- Al Green (the last surviving ultra smoove player from his era) showed up and let Mr. Funky white boy himself, Justin Timberlake get on a track with him.
BUT, OF ALL THE THINGS THAT HAPPENED AT THIS YEARS GRAMMY'S, THE BIGGEST STORY GOES TO:
Chris Brown and Rihanna didn't show up to the grammy's because word on the street is that:
Chris Brown slapped the shit of out Princess Rihanna!
YES!!!!!
That is the best headline I've read in months.
In general, I am a fan of pimp-like behavior, and while 80% of the time I do not condone slappin these hoes, if there is any one bitch on this planet that needed a reality check, it was, you guessed it, Rihanna.
Straight the fuck up. Homegirl has been gettin out of pocket for months gettin wreckless tryna run Breezy's life.
Lets get this straight right now, I am not a fan of Chris Brown. AT ALL. But, the boy showed me somethin over the weekend when he decided that he has had enough of Rihanna playin that superstar role, frontin like her shit don't stink.
This sounds wrong, and the 2 female readers of this blog are prolly gonna get extra pissed, but sometimes a dumb female needs to be taken down a peg, and that is exactly what Mr. Brown did for Rihanna.
Yes I said "did FOR her". You already know what is going to come from this. The power couple are going to get more publicity (like they really need it), Rihanna is going to fall even harder for Chris Brown, who, in turn, will start really goin Ike Turner, lyin, cheatin, sneakin, and beatin all on the lows.
The female support for Rihanna will result in increased album sales, while the once pussified Chris Brown now all of a sudden has street cred.
Gentlemen, take my advice, if your hoe's gettin out of pocket, check her. That doesn't neccessarily mean you gotta hit the bitch niether. In fact, you can put a chick in her place by simply givin her a time out...
It works on children, why not the grown up version of a child, a.k.a. Females?
I'm just sayin...
Oh, and I heard the performances were mediocre at best. All the more reason I am glad that I didn't care enough to even set the DVR.
Get it right for 2009, prediction from Ollie...
Chris Brown/Rihanna blow up even bigger than before...
-Oliver Wrist
Friday, February 6, 2009
Billy Mays Gets Dubbed:
By now everyone has to be familiar with the obnoxious infomercial star Billy Mays. Some dude took the time to dub over a bunch of his infomercials and I can't stop laughing. Its sad I know, because it is such juvenile humor, but I honestly can't stop.
The slider burger pan:
Mighty Putty:
"Fuckin Optimus Prime can't pull it apart".
Kaboom:
"Oh, somebody shit is the bathtub again? KABOOM! Clean that shit right up!"
This cat is great.
-Ollie
The slider burger pan:
Mighty Putty:
"Fuckin Optimus Prime can't pull it apart".
Kaboom:
"Oh, somebody shit is the bathtub again? KABOOM! Clean that shit right up!"
This cat is great.
-Ollie
Things That Kill Me: Part 2
Most newcomers to this blog are not familiar with my hatred for Joe Rogan. In fact, my first ever post was dedicated to the slandering of that useless fucking cokehead. So in a sense, I guess you could say this blog started out as an anti Joe Rogan site and blossomed into this sensational grouping of words you have all come to know and love. I spend more time than is neccessary or reasonable bitching about the shit that people say/do that pisses me off. I made a preliminary LIST a couple months back, and at this time, I plan to add several other things that kill me to that list.
In case you missed that hotlink above, you can CLICK HERE for the first posting of "things that kill me".
I'm just gonna get right into it.
1. I fucking hate other people's children:
Yeah, I said it. I really hate other people's kids. Shit, I don't even have any of my own (technically) but the ones I am involved with on a daily basis drive me nuts. More importantly, I hate the way other people choose to discipline their children. When I see 2 year old little brats calling the shots and the parents defending the child's behavior rather than slappin the shit out of them, it drives me up the fucking wall. I feel like I need to get in there and set the kid straight for the parent's sake. Here this now, if and when I do actually have children of my own, they will, if nothing else, be respectful. My kid gets out of line, they will get one warning, cross me again, SMMAACCCCK! and a time out. Unless my kid turns out to be one of those real "bebe's kids" type a muhfucka. You know, the kid that runs over and kicks over other kid's sand castles on the beach, pees on the sleeping old lady, throws his ice cream in the toilet rather than share it with his siblings type of brats. Yeah, That kid. I would prolly have to encourage that kind of behavior. That shit can't be taught, it just comes naturally. HAHA.
2. Dave Matthews/Jason Mraz/John Mayer/Gavin Degraw/Every other white folky pop rip off artist.
I hate these whiny little bitches. They all sound the same. They all have terribly annoying voices. They are all minor talents that somehow got some shine on college radio and adopted a legion of female fans. Fuck you.
3. Headaches.
4. Running out of pills. I have a pretty steady habit of consuming xanax and hydrocodone, and when I run out and can't find anymore I get really on edge.
5. Jack In The Box terryaki bowls. Why? Seriously Jack, why do you need to include a terryaki bowl on your menu? You don't see the chinese joint in the mall slangin hamburgers and fries do you? Thats just stupid.
6. The fags that run Cardboard Robot.
7. People that talk while I'm tryin to watch a movie. Not you TBC. The occasional question is ok, but to blatantly just start spewing excrement from the lips in the form of verbal diarrhea in the middle of a movie, and then not get the point when I stare into your eyes with the look of pure disgust, you people should all be thrown from airplanes without parachutes.
8. Slow Computers.
9. Insomnia.
10. Gabriel Iglesias/Carlos Mencia/George Lopez/Mexican comedians in general.
On the contrary, you are quite fat. You're not funny. I dont care about how big your family is. I don't care about your ties to Mexico. I dont care about your references to selling/picking oranges. I just dont care about you at all. Please. Stop. Now.
11. Organized Religion. I really hate pushy christian/mormon/jehova's witness church people. Listen, if I was interested in hearing your views on the world I would kill myself. I have no use for people that insist on pushing their beliefs onto me like I need saving. I am quite aware that I am going to hell, it doesn't really bother me. Thanks for your concern, now go heal a wounded seal while I laugh hysterically at retarded people and fat girls.
12. Cats and Cat People.
I fucking hate cats. I hate cat owners. Well, not all of them, but anyone who has more than 3 cats I can all but guarantee 2 things: 1) They live alone and 2) Their house smells awful, which in turn means they smell awful, and if you remember on the previous list, body odor really irks me.
13. Steelers fans.
Yeah, we all saw the Steelers win the super bowl. So what, you didn't win the super bowl so quit saying "we" as if you had something to do with that teams success.
14. Dane Cook/Dane Cook Stand Up/Dane Cook Movies/Dane Cook's acne. Enough said.
Thats it for now. More as they come.
-Ollie the hated
In case you missed that hotlink above, you can CLICK HERE for the first posting of "things that kill me".
I'm just gonna get right into it.
1. I fucking hate other people's children:
Yeah, I said it. I really hate other people's kids. Shit, I don't even have any of my own (technically) but the ones I am involved with on a daily basis drive me nuts. More importantly, I hate the way other people choose to discipline their children. When I see 2 year old little brats calling the shots and the parents defending the child's behavior rather than slappin the shit out of them, it drives me up the fucking wall. I feel like I need to get in there and set the kid straight for the parent's sake. Here this now, if and when I do actually have children of my own, they will, if nothing else, be respectful. My kid gets out of line, they will get one warning, cross me again, SMMAACCCCK! and a time out. Unless my kid turns out to be one of those real "bebe's kids" type a muhfucka. You know, the kid that runs over and kicks over other kid's sand castles on the beach, pees on the sleeping old lady, throws his ice cream in the toilet rather than share it with his siblings type of brats. Yeah, That kid. I would prolly have to encourage that kind of behavior. That shit can't be taught, it just comes naturally. HAHA.
2. Dave Matthews/Jason Mraz/John Mayer/Gavin Degraw/Every other white folky pop rip off artist.
I hate these whiny little bitches. They all sound the same. They all have terribly annoying voices. They are all minor talents that somehow got some shine on college radio and adopted a legion of female fans. Fuck you.
3. Headaches.
4. Running out of pills. I have a pretty steady habit of consuming xanax and hydrocodone, and when I run out and can't find anymore I get really on edge.
5. Jack In The Box terryaki bowls. Why? Seriously Jack, why do you need to include a terryaki bowl on your menu? You don't see the chinese joint in the mall slangin hamburgers and fries do you? Thats just stupid.
6. The fags that run Cardboard Robot.
7. People that talk while I'm tryin to watch a movie. Not you TBC. The occasional question is ok, but to blatantly just start spewing excrement from the lips in the form of verbal diarrhea in the middle of a movie, and then not get the point when I stare into your eyes with the look of pure disgust, you people should all be thrown from airplanes without parachutes.
8. Slow Computers.
9. Insomnia.
10. Gabriel Iglesias/Carlos Mencia/George Lopez/Mexican comedians in general.
On the contrary, you are quite fat. You're not funny. I dont care about how big your family is. I don't care about your ties to Mexico. I dont care about your references to selling/picking oranges. I just dont care about you at all. Please. Stop. Now.
11. Organized Religion. I really hate pushy christian/mormon/jehova's witness church people. Listen, if I was interested in hearing your views on the world I would kill myself. I have no use for people that insist on pushing their beliefs onto me like I need saving. I am quite aware that I am going to hell, it doesn't really bother me. Thanks for your concern, now go heal a wounded seal while I laugh hysterically at retarded people and fat girls.
12. Cats and Cat People.
I fucking hate cats. I hate cat owners. Well, not all of them, but anyone who has more than 3 cats I can all but guarantee 2 things: 1) They live alone and 2) Their house smells awful, which in turn means they smell awful, and if you remember on the previous list, body odor really irks me.
13. Steelers fans.
Yeah, we all saw the Steelers win the super bowl. So what, you didn't win the super bowl so quit saying "we" as if you had something to do with that teams success.
14. Dane Cook/Dane Cook Stand Up/Dane Cook Movies/Dane Cook's acne. Enough said.
Thats it for now. More as they come.
-Ollie the hated
Thursday, February 5, 2009
That Just Happened:
Press play.
Two things:
1) That noise he makes is priceless. He knows, as soon as he departs the roof that this is going to end badly for him.
2) Do you think he was planning on throwing a front flip the whole time? That looks adlibbed to me. Prolly not the smartest decision.
-Ollie
Two things:
1) That noise he makes is priceless. He knows, as soon as he departs the roof that this is going to end badly for him.
2) Do you think he was planning on throwing a front flip the whole time? That looks adlibbed to me. Prolly not the smartest decision.
-Ollie
Throwback Thursday: Captain Planet
Of all the cartoons I used to watch, Captain Planet seemed to be the only one concerned with worldly issues, such as polution, destroying the rainforests, etc. Do you remember the premis for this show?
Yes, every single episode started with that intro. I always wondered why the one homie got stuck with the "heart" ring. The shit seems forced. Like, they needed 5 elements and couldnt come up with anything outside of the earth, wind, water, fire, so they just went ahead and threw out random ideas in the pitch meeting and somehow "heart" was the power they settled on. Whatever though, this show had one of the best theme songs of all time...
"Captain Planet, hes our hero, gonna take polution down to zero"...
I hope, in the off chance that I ever reproduce, that cartoons like this make their way back into the world to help sculpt the young peoples minds.
Oh yeah, Warner Brothers, Fox, Lions Gate, and all the rest of you awful movie producers out there, this idea is free. The next one will cost you.
This would make an excellent movie. With the influx of turning cartoons to live action and remaking every film under the sun, why wouldn't you fuck with Captain Planet, and for Pete's sake, give Thundercats some burn. I'm tired of waiting.
-Ollie
Yes, every single episode started with that intro. I always wondered why the one homie got stuck with the "heart" ring. The shit seems forced. Like, they needed 5 elements and couldnt come up with anything outside of the earth, wind, water, fire, so they just went ahead and threw out random ideas in the pitch meeting and somehow "heart" was the power they settled on. Whatever though, this show had one of the best theme songs of all time...
"Captain Planet, hes our hero, gonna take polution down to zero"...
I hope, in the off chance that I ever reproduce, that cartoons like this make their way back into the world to help sculpt the young peoples minds.
Oh yeah, Warner Brothers, Fox, Lions Gate, and all the rest of you awful movie producers out there, this idea is free. The next one will cost you.
This would make an excellent movie. With the influx of turning cartoons to live action and remaking every film under the sun, why wouldn't you fuck with Captain Planet, and for Pete's sake, give Thundercats some burn. I'm tired of waiting.
-Ollie
Throwback Thursday: Gangster Of Love
Tuesday morning I was listening to the shade45 sirius satelite radio station and this cut came on. I was straight bugged out. I forgot how ridiculously ign'ant the Geto Boys really were. This is some 1990 shit, and is definitely out of the norm for my typical throwback thursday posts which, more often than not, feature some mid '90's New York "Timberland boots and hoodies" tales of crack sales and stick ups. Not this week. I'm taking it back, waaaaaay back. This shit pre-dates my "career" in hip hop by at least 4 years, so, in all actuality, I had to go back and learn about the Geto Boys after their hay-day. Does that make me a phony? I don't think so. I just know that Texas in 1990/1991 was the most ign'ant pimperish time in hip hop history. And next to my undying affection for that New York swag from 1993-1997, Texas in this era was my favorite movement in hip hop...
Why do I like outlandishly filthy icey bravado so much?
I can't call it. It might have to do with all the gangster movies I watched as a young buck. Maybe it's because I always root for the villain in a movie. Maybe it's because "backpack rap" bores me. Whatever it is, you all get to benefit from my upbringing via these classics I drop on you every Thursday.
"I've neva been played by a hoe/ if the bitch is actin stupid... she gotta go"...
The first line of this joint lets you know out the gate what you are dealing with.
Willie D is freezin these hoes with every breath of dry ice he exhales.
I fuckin heart this shit.
How can you not get down with a joint that sampled Steve Miller's classic? I remember I saw Steve Miller perform live when I was like 11. It was that fateful day that I would remember for the rest of my life. On this day, way back in 1994, I was introduced to Pat Benatar for the first time. An instant love affair began, and since then, every microphone I've touched in every karaoke bar, in every city I've ever performed, the crowd gets treated to face-melting air guitars and leg kicks courtesy of the soothing sounds of Pat Benatar's biggest hit of all time, "Hit Me With Your Best Shot". Man, she shined on stage. I could spend days writing about my first love Pat Benatar, but I gotta get back to the lecture at hand...
AMG, UGK, Geto Boys, etc. were killin the dirty rap game in the early 90's. The only other person that was really on these cats level at the time was my uncle Todd. Who is uncle Todd you ask? Todd Shaw, a.k.a. Too Short. Man, he was beastin on these tricks from the very beginning, matter of fact, he still is. Homie is pushin 50 years of age, no joke, and he's still kickin that slow flow "bitch betta have my money" ultra tight rhetoric to these punk ass birds. Get that paper Short.
P.S. Where the hell is Willie D.?
-Ollie
Why do I like outlandishly filthy icey bravado so much?
I can't call it. It might have to do with all the gangster movies I watched as a young buck. Maybe it's because I always root for the villain in a movie. Maybe it's because "backpack rap" bores me. Whatever it is, you all get to benefit from my upbringing via these classics I drop on you every Thursday.
"I've neva been played by a hoe/ if the bitch is actin stupid... she gotta go"...
The first line of this joint lets you know out the gate what you are dealing with.
Willie D is freezin these hoes with every breath of dry ice he exhales.
I fuckin heart this shit.
How can you not get down with a joint that sampled Steve Miller's classic? I remember I saw Steve Miller perform live when I was like 11. It was that fateful day that I would remember for the rest of my life. On this day, way back in 1994, I was introduced to Pat Benatar for the first time. An instant love affair began, and since then, every microphone I've touched in every karaoke bar, in every city I've ever performed, the crowd gets treated to face-melting air guitars and leg kicks courtesy of the soothing sounds of Pat Benatar's biggest hit of all time, "Hit Me With Your Best Shot". Man, she shined on stage. I could spend days writing about my first love Pat Benatar, but I gotta get back to the lecture at hand...
AMG, UGK, Geto Boys, etc. were killin the dirty rap game in the early 90's. The only other person that was really on these cats level at the time was my uncle Todd. Who is uncle Todd you ask? Todd Shaw, a.k.a. Too Short. Man, he was beastin on these tricks from the very beginning, matter of fact, he still is. Homie is pushin 50 years of age, no joke, and he's still kickin that slow flow "bitch betta have my money" ultra tight rhetoric to these punk ass birds. Get that paper Short.
P.S. Where the hell is Willie D.?
-Ollie
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Myspace Of The Day
"I dont date, I fuck."
Thats a direct quote from Julie's myspace page.
That shit is priceless, and she looks pretty good, and she lives in Mexico, and she likes to party. I can work with that.
MEET JULIE HERE.
-Ollie
Thats a direct quote from Julie's myspace page.
That shit is priceless, and she looks pretty good, and she lives in Mexico, and she likes to party. I can work with that.
MEET JULIE HERE.
-Ollie
Christian Bale Goes "Bat"-Shit:
By now I imagine you have all seen or heard about the utter meltdown of Christian Bale on the set of the new Terminator movie. For those still in the dark (lots of FUCK bombs)...
Standard premadonna tirade from a self-entitled actor. I actually like Christian Bale, he's a fuckin maniac and every time he gets wild on someone there just happens to be some sort of recording device handy to catch him in all his glory.
Another great explosion on camera comes from my man Bill O'reilly...
Well, it was inevitable. Some internet whiz kid put this little mash-up together and the shit is pure comedy...
I dont think either one of these guys really let it fly. I imagine they are both capable of much wilder behavior. As soon as someone catches it on tape, we'll see it, trust in that.
-Ollie
Standard premadonna tirade from a self-entitled actor. I actually like Christian Bale, he's a fuckin maniac and every time he gets wild on someone there just happens to be some sort of recording device handy to catch him in all his glory.
Another great explosion on camera comes from my man Bill O'reilly...
Well, it was inevitable. Some internet whiz kid put this little mash-up together and the shit is pure comedy...
I dont think either one of these guys really let it fly. I imagine they are both capable of much wilder behavior. As soon as someone catches it on tape, we'll see it, trust in that.
-Ollie
Because You Had A Bad Day:
I wasn't feelin up to par yesterday so I opted to go M.I.A. Still not feeling right today, think it may be the flu. Plus my back hurts more than it ever has before. I am in need of some serious doses of morphine.
So I'm sick, I've decided. Oh well, I'll get through it. I've been throwing up, no biggie, but then I heard this:
And the projectile vomit hit the screen.
Smalls, you are the defender of Weezy's honor in all scenarios, can you still stand behind your man (no homo)?
This is just awful. I hate sangin-ass rappers. More than that I hate auto-tuned sangin ass rappers. More than that I hate Lil Wayne's auto-tuned sangin ass bullshit.
Fuck.
-Ollie
So I'm sick, I've decided. Oh well, I'll get through it. I've been throwing up, no biggie, but then I heard this:
And the projectile vomit hit the screen.
Smalls, you are the defender of Weezy's honor in all scenarios, can you still stand behind your man (no homo)?
This is just awful. I hate sangin-ass rappers. More than that I hate auto-tuned sangin ass rappers. More than that I hate Lil Wayne's auto-tuned sangin ass bullshit.
Fuck.
-Ollie
Monday, February 2, 2009
BASTARD!
This is basically the reaction of any girl who has ever crossed paths with Ollie off that Vodka or 'Tron.
HAHA. annnnnnnnnnndd SCENE!
-Ollie
HAHA. annnnnnnnnnndd SCENE!
-Ollie
Michael Phelps: Drugs Dont Make You Any Cooler
The internets have been buzzing with controversy since this photo of Michael Phelps doin' work on a bong surfaced over the weekend...
Big Fucking Deal. The guy won 8 medals for this country, I'd say he's entitled to a little R&R from time to time.
I'm not gonna go to much into this because basically every other blog in the world is going ape-shit about it. What I will say is this, Michael Phelps is a turbo dork. I mean, right up there with Mark Zuckerberg and staff. Have you ever seen this fools oaphish ass face?
Fuck Michael Phelps. He means nothing to me. If he wants to roast some trees, let the kid be. In the grand scheme of things, this kid is a nobody. I can't name one child that looks up to this nerd as a role model. Lets get it straight, he is a 20 somethin year old kid with 8 gold medals, a little bit of fame (seriously, if you saw him in the streets would you recognize him? I doubt it), a stripper girlfriend, and a healthy curiousity for drug consumption. I'm more concerned with the photos of this fools snaggle-toothed grill that get published regularly that allow people to think that having a busted ass tooth game is acceptable. Its not, just for the record.
Go do some blow and act like a man Phelps.
-Ollie the Kingpin
Big Fucking Deal. The guy won 8 medals for this country, I'd say he's entitled to a little R&R from time to time.
I'm not gonna go to much into this because basically every other blog in the world is going ape-shit about it. What I will say is this, Michael Phelps is a turbo dork. I mean, right up there with Mark Zuckerberg and staff. Have you ever seen this fools oaphish ass face?
Fuck Michael Phelps. He means nothing to me. If he wants to roast some trees, let the kid be. In the grand scheme of things, this kid is a nobody. I can't name one child that looks up to this nerd as a role model. Lets get it straight, he is a 20 somethin year old kid with 8 gold medals, a little bit of fame (seriously, if you saw him in the streets would you recognize him? I doubt it), a stripper girlfriend, and a healthy curiousity for drug consumption. I'm more concerned with the photos of this fools snaggle-toothed grill that get published regularly that allow people to think that having a busted ass tooth game is acceptable. Its not, just for the record.
Go do some blow and act like a man Phelps.
-Ollie the Kingpin
Stuper Bowl Sunday
DUDE, seriously I want to fucking throw my computer out the window right now. I just typed up a huge write up of the festivities from Sunday, and blogger conveniently "encountered an error while posting".
I'm not going to type it again.
Moral of this story, always, ALWAYS save your work.
A little recap:
Fuck the steelers.
I lost the game but still won the money.
Cornhole. (Google It).
No more football means 2 things:
1. March madness begins in less than 30 days.
2. Baseball season, and more importantly the Cubs start spring training very soon.
P.S. FUCK BLOGGER.
-Oliver the Coldhearted
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